How about El semen?
all the spanish i know ... i learned from mexican bingo... you're testing my realm for comprehension of the language.
ask me what El Diablo or El Soldado mean.
How about El semen?
Oh !!!
Its that Rain?
So far there has been just enough to mat the dirt to my car and smear it all over the windshield.
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOR
Nora's husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, she squirted it all over the doorknobs and he couldn't get back in.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great.
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
8. Man: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
Doc: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
Man: "Is it common?"
Doc: "It's not unusual."
9. Two cows were standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.
10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive.."
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
15. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms".
17. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel.
18. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's... um...well... I have five penises" replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" The man answers, "Like a glove"
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
20. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow
^ Woah, that's kinda disturbing.
I am going to have nightmares about that baby. That is why Chucky's spawn would have looked like if he were still flesh and blood.
I would never play into your sick name calling like that.
$2,644.88 straight to The Man. Son of a .
not again.
San Dimas High School Football Rules!!
My beard is coming along nicely.
First I grow the beard and then I'll buy a flannel shirt. I'm closer than ever to my dream of looking like a lumberjack.
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oh
crap this is starting to look more and more like oh 3
I did that last year and went as a lumberjack for halloween!
speaking of lumberjacks, the lumberjack breakfast at dennys is great. tons of pork product like bacon, ham and sausage paired with eggs, pancakes, tons o butter and syrup. now thats good stuff
Dennys is the official sponsor of the PBA Tour
i ing hate those applebee commercials with the two singing s. its ing annoying
awesome. pba gets points for that
yes
I agree
I thought Melmart cornered the market on flannel shirts?
I've decided to eat nachos for breakfast.
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