Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 42
  1. #1
    faggy opinion + certainty Mark Celibate's Avatar
    Post Count
    3,586
    NBA Team
    Dallas Mavericks
    College
    Texas Tech Red Raiders
    What are some of the more common marketing buzzwords on job applications that are scoff-worthy? I'm talking letting out a peak-2006 era mookie2001 CFB forum scooooffffffffffff

    FYI this thread is just for humour, this is not a Jacob1983 viability-of-suicide type thread. I've been happy in my career for several years, but did get suckered into a sweatshop environment once when I was younger by falling for these catchphrases

    1) "We're a family environment" - really means we expect you to show undying loyalty to the company and work 12 hour days just because Shaniqua, the front desk lady, brought in chocolate cake that one time. Also will probably guilt you over taking PTO or working from home on occasion
    2) "Fast paced, exciting environment" - really means that the company is run by inept, emotional tamons (usually women) who can't plan for sh!t and want you to cover for their poor logistics by adjusting your schedule last minute
    3) "Work hard, play hard" - we do a generic happy hour once in awhile to pretend like it balances out our sweatshop environment. Ironically, places I've worked that have this mantra usually end up with some of the least fun and lamest co-workers I've been around
    4) "Expecting to hit the ground running with little to no training" - Obviously this applies to more entry level roles, but really means that we are inept, understaffed, and/or too lazy to invest time in training
    5) "We're looking for a <insert name of field> rockstar!" - Anybody with an IQ over 90 should run at the first sight of seeing this on a job app. If not, you deserve every bit of abuse that comes your way

  2. #2
    Enemy of the System Millennial_Messiah's Avatar
    Name
    Andrew
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Post Count
    21,206
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    North Texas Mean Green
    anything that isn't work from home is completely out. I've worked from home for 27 months and counting & will never "go back the office" and be subject to smelling filthy stinking curry-breath indians and their disgusting armpit smelling curry. Plus gas prices are too expensive for commuting. ( Biden)

  3. #3
    Spur-taaaa TDMVPDPOY's Avatar
    Post Count
    41,134
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    anything that isn't work from home is completely out. I've worked from home for 27 months and counting & will never "go back the office" and be subject to smelling filthy stinking curry-breath indians and their disgusting armpit smelling curry. Plus gas prices are too expensive for commuting. ( Biden)
    u notice these chimps eat their curry paste bull is always the same clowns taking a ting up the toilet rooms

  4. #4
    Veteran Xevious's Avatar
    Post Count
    4,722
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    I really hate that "family environment", "home away from home", "team oriented" bull companies try to sell. They ingrain you with that language to make you feel guilty for questioning whether you're really getting treated adequately or receiving adequate compensation.

    Hospitals have been doing this to healthcare workers forever. "This is your calling." :cry "You're changing lives." :cry "You're heroes." :cry We just can't afford to pay you... and you'll need to to work OT and be on call.
    Last edited by Xevious; 06-03-2022 at 07:16 AM.

  5. #5
    Still Hates Small Ball Spurminator's Avatar
    Location
    Mav Country
    Post Count
    36,160
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    2) "Fast paced, exciting environment"
    3) "Work hard, play hard"
    4) "Expecting to hit the ground running with little to no training"
    5) "We're looking for a <insert name of field> rockstar!"
    Yeah these are cringy but honestly in most cases they're just filters to dissuade lazy or unconfident people from applying. Every company describes themselves as "fast paced," even the ones where you show up and do an hour of real work a day between unnecessary meetings and ing around on the internet.

  6. #6
    Still Hates Small Ball Spurminator's Avatar
    Location
    Mav Country
    Post Count
    36,160
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    This dynamic Associate Account Director role requires a person with a do-what-it takes at ude who can wear various hats from concepting, brainstorming, evaluating creative ideas, providing strategic planning, and being the liaison between creative team and the Frito Lay team at HQ. In this role, you will be the face of the in-house creative agency who is driving the brand strategy in this super fast-paced environment. It is imperative that you are detailed-oriented, can anticipate and solve problems, build client trust, and meet stringent deadlines.


  7. #7

  8. #8
    Enemy of the System Millennial_Messiah's Avatar
    Name
    Andrew
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Post Count
    21,206
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    North Texas Mean Green
    u notice these chimps eat their curry paste bull is always the same clowns taking a ting up the toilet rooms
    Yep. They're not hesitant to take dumps in public, it's part of their filthy culture. And the worst part about it is the way I stay hydrated (after my May 2016 kidney stone) I usually had to go pee about 10-12 times per 8 hour shift in the office back in the day, so I had to in' smell their about 60 times per week. All very clear and copious amounts of pee on my part, by the way. I definitely don't miss the office at all.

    If I became POTUS I would deport all the immigrant visa workers from India, especially from all the "skilled" high paying white collar jobs. Those belong to U.S. Citizens (by birth) only. Stop giving our American money away, especially to hostile countries. If that causes a temporary "shortage" in such "skilled" STEM job labor, then well that's too damn bad. Force the big businesses to hire U.S. Citizen college graduates who might have a less than stellar major but they're willing to learn and be trained on the job. No more underemployment. Also, ban the in' pathetic private-sector vax and/or mask mandates. If an individual wishes to get 10 booster vaxxes or wear 3 masks it's their perogative, but employers should not be allowed to discriminate based on race, color, religion or vaccination status.
    Last edited by Millennial_Messiah; 06-03-2022 at 10:11 AM.

  9. #9
    Because I choose to. Neo.'s Avatar
    Post Count
    3,205
    NBA Team
    Milwaukee Bucks
    College
    Texas Longhorns
    Yep. They're not hesitant to take dumps in public, it's part of their filthy culture. And the worst part about it is the way I stay hydrated (after my May 2016 kidney stone) I usually had to go pee about 10-12 times per 8 hour shift in the office back in the day, so I had to in' smell their about 60 times per week. All very clear and copious amounts of pee on my part, by the way. I definitely don't miss the office at all.

    If I became POTUS I would deport all the immigrant visa workers from India, especially from all the "skilled" high paying white collar jobs. Those belong to U.S. Citizens (by birth) only. Stop giving our American money away, especially to hostile countries. If that causes a temporary "shortage" in such "skilled" STEM job labor, then well that's too damn bad. Force the big businesses to hire U.S. Citizen college graduates who might have a less than stellar major but they're willing to learn and be trained on the job. No more underemployment. Also, ban the in' pathetic private-sector vax and/or mask mandates. If an individual wishes to get 10 booster vaxxes or wear 3 masks it's their perogative, but employers should not be allowed to discriminate based on race, color, religion or vaccination status.
    andy crying about mask mandates and curry powder, after stooping so low that he abandoned his child

  10. #10
    Enemy of the System Millennial_Messiah's Avatar
    Name
    Andrew
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Post Count
    21,206
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    North Texas Mean Green
    andy crying about mask mandates and curry powder, after stooping so low that he abandoned his child
    I don't want a female nig nog for a child, tbh

  11. #11
    TheDrewShow is salty lefty's Avatar
    Location
    Montreal
    Post Count
    97,185
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    UCLA Bruins
    What are some of the more common marketing buzzwords on job applications that are scoff-worthy? I'm talking letting out a peak-2006 era mookie2001 CFB forum scooooffffffffffff

    FYI this thread is just for humour, this is not a Jacob1983 viability-of-suicide type thread. I've been happy in my career for several years, but did get suckered into a sweatshop environment once when I was younger by falling for these catchphrases

    1) "We're a family environment" - really means we expect you to show undying loyalty to the company and work 12 hour days just because Shaniqua, the front desk lady, brought in chocolate cake that one time. Also will probably guilt you over taking PTO or working from home on occasion
    2) "Fast paced, exciting environment" - really means that the company is run by inept, emotional tamons (usually women) who can't plan for sh!t and want you to cover for their poor logistics by adjusting your schedule last minute
    3) "Work hard, play hard" - we do a generic happy hour once in awhile to pretend like it balances out our sweatshop environment. Ironically, places I've worked that have this mantra usually end up with some of the least fun and lamest co-workers I've been around
    4) "Expecting to hit the ground running with little to no training" - Obviously this applies to more entry level roles, but really means that we are inept, understaffed, and/or too lazy to invest time in training
    5) "We're looking for a <insert name of field> rockstar!" - Anybody with an IQ over 90 should run at the first sight of seeing this on a job app. If not, you deserve every bit of abuse that comes your way
    Number 5 makes me puke

    WTF is that

  12. #12
    TheDrewShow is salty lefty's Avatar
    Location
    Montreal
    Post Count
    97,185
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    UCLA Bruins

  13. #13
    TheDrewShow is salty lefty's Avatar
    Location
    Montreal
    Post Count
    97,185
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    UCLA Bruins
    anything that isn't work from home is completely out. I've worked from home for 27 months and counting & will never "go back the office" and be subject to smelling filthy stinking curry-breath indians and their disgusting armpit smelling curry. Plus gas prices are too expensive for commuting. ( Biden)
    It's really sad that it took a pandemic for (not all) employers to finally allow remote work; we have had the technology to do it for years FFS

    Sure there are some jobs/roles that require working on site, due to their nature, but if all you need is your laptop and an internet connection to work 5 days a week, why force employees to show up?
    Plus. employers save money by allowing WFH

    I can WFH 5 days a week if I want to, but once in a while (like once every 2 weeks) I go to the office for a change of pace, it's quiet and it's a 15 minute walk from my condo

  14. #14
    Because I choose to. Neo.'s Avatar
    Post Count
    3,205
    NBA Team
    Milwaukee Bucks
    College
    Texas Longhorns
    I don't want a female nig nog for a child, tbh
    Kori Ellis timvp Deuce

  15. #15
    Enemy of the System Millennial_Messiah's Avatar
    Name
    Andrew
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Post Count
    21,206
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    North Texas Mean Green
    It's really sad that it took a pandemic for (not all) employers to finally allow remote work; we have had the technology to do it for years FFS

    Sure there are some jobs/roles that require working on site, due to their nature, but if all you need is your laptop and an internet connection to work 5 days a week, why force employees to show up?
    Plus. employers save money by allowing WFH

    I can WFH 5 days a week if I want to, but once in a while (like once every 2 weeks) I go to the office for a change of pace, it's quiet and it's a 15 minute walk from my condo
    100% agreed with this post. Also, Elon Musk for his bull shenanigans. If you're building a Tesla or whatever then yeah, you have to work in person, but for IT and business analysts? Seriously?

    Also any company that requires everyone in the company, including fully work-from-home employees, to get vaxxed should have their entire executive leadership team drawn and quartered, seriously.

  16. #16
    Enemy of the System Millennial_Messiah's Avatar
    Name
    Andrew
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Post Count
    21,206
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    North Texas Mean Green
    what a ing joke. They don't give two s about that terminology, as people like Will Hunting have used that term for years.

  17. #17
    Enemy of the System Millennial_Messiah's Avatar
    Name
    Andrew
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Post Count
    21,206
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    North Texas Mean Green
    332,403,650 Americans sent their resumes
    Not everyone here is fat.

  18. #18
    Enemy of the System Millennial_Messiah's Avatar
    Name
    Andrew
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Post Count
    21,206
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    North Texas Mean Green
    Number 5 makes me puke

    WTF is that
    That tends to crop up only on the more entry and junior level, low paying jobs.

  19. #19
    Damns (Given): 0 Blake's Avatar
    Post Count
    72,529
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    Texas Tech Red Raiders
    Unlimited bonus potential

  20. #20
    Damns (Given): 0 Blake's Avatar
    Post Count
    72,529
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    Texas Tech Red Raiders
    Not everyone here is fat.
    You tell em, Frodo

  21. #21
    faggy opinion + certainty Mark Celibate's Avatar
    Post Count
    3,586
    NBA Team
    Dallas Mavericks
    College
    Texas Tech Red Raiders
    anything that isn't work from home is completely out. I've worked from home for 27 months and counting & will never "go back the office" and be subject to smelling filthy stinking curry-breath indians and their disgusting armpit smelling curry. Plus gas prices are too expensive for commuting. ( Biden)
    this tbh. I work much better at home imho. Don't have to waste my time 'syncing up" all the time with 'Jason Garrett' middle manager types who bring nothing to the table and were the first ones to panic when everyone starting working from home and the time spent in useless meetings went down. Also, it's harder for the bottom feeding leeches to get ahold of me. Don't get me wrong, I like training, knowledge sharing, and all that but when you're one of the more highly specialized/skilled guys in the office you're basically never left alone and I've worked with too many people who just need their hand held over and over. When I'm WFH, I can atleast slow roll them on Teams. I'm like a 50/50 introvert/extrovert who likes doing in-person presentations and productive Engineering type whiteboard meetings. I do miss all of that in the office, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons being at home

  22. #22
    Enemy of the System Millennial_Messiah's Avatar
    Name
    Andrew
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Post Count
    21,206
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    North Texas Mean Green
    this tbh. I work much better at home imho. Don't have to waste my time 'syncing up" all the time with 'Jason Garrett' middle manager types who bring nothing to the table and were the first ones to panic when everyone starting working from home and the time spent in useless meetings went down. Also, it's harder for the bottom feeding leeches to get ahold of me. Don't get me wrong, I like training, knowledge sharing, and all that but when you're one of the more highly specialized/skilled guys in the office you're basically never left alone and I've worked with too many people who just need their hand held over and over. When I'm WFH, I can atleast slow roll them on Teams. I'm like a 50/50 introvert/extrovert who likes doing in-person presentations and productive Engineering type whiteboard meetings. I do miss all of that in the office, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons being at home
    I am very extroverted but I have a deep loathing for immigrants from India / South Asia, their smell, their xenophobia, and their awful social skills.

  23. #23
    my unders, my frgn whites pgardn's Avatar
    Post Count
    34,912
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    Texas Longhorns
    332,403,650 Americans sent their resumes
    You wanna run a race Lefty?

    The longer we go the further you get beat.
    Get your Canadian ass down here.
    After I beat you I will still like you, I promise.

  24. #24
    my unders, my frgn whites pgardn's Avatar
    Post Count
    34,912
    NBA Team
    San Antonio Spurs
    College
    Texas Longhorns
    I don't want a female nig nog for a child, tbh
    I am very extroverted but I have a deep loathing for immigrants from India / South Asia, their smell, their xenophobia, and their awful social skills.
    When you are a ty human being...
    At least you own it.

  25. #25
    faggy opinion + certainty Mark Celibate's Avatar
    Post Count
    3,586
    NBA Team
    Dallas Mavericks
    College
    Texas Tech Red Raiders
    I am very extroverted but I have a deep loathing for immigrants from India / South Asia, their smell, their xenophobia, and their awful social skills.
    what was your specialty again? thought it was somewhat similar to mine imho (cloud devops)

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •