Reply With Quote
I'm going to stay out of these threads from now on.
Okay, I need some advice. First of all, I am a regular poster here. I just got a new name because I didnt want my friends in real life who know my name on this board to see this. Anyways, I have a situation. I feel really stupid about it too because I have heard people tell similar stories and I have thought it was weird. Anyways, I am in love. She is an amazing woman. We have known eachother for a long time. We basically grew up together. We have been really good friends for the longest time. We spend a lot of time together. Anyways, for the past year or so, I have "fallen" in love with her. I really didnt think it was possible. I would hear stories about people falling in love and I would just laugh about it. Well now I am eating crow about that!
The problem is, there is no way we can be in a relationship because of many cir stances that I dont have time to go into right now. Anyways, I am so in love with her. I know it sounds stupid but its true. I literally think about her all the time. Cant get her out of my head. Every song I listen to, movie I watch, etc etc reminds me about her. I find stupid reasons to call her just to hear her voice. I know ITS CRAZY! I never thought it could happen to me!
Anyways, I need some help/advice with somethings:
Number 1. I dont think she feels the same way about me, but it may be possible. So, do I tell her? If so how?
Number 2. How the heck to I get her out of my head? It cant be healthy to constantly be thinking about her!!
Number 3. I know this may be a stupid question but is there anyway to make these feelings go away?! I dont want to have these feelings for her. I cant help it though. I wish they would go away!!!
Well if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. I know we are in the middle of the playoffs, but this has been eating away at me for months.
Thanks!!!
I'm going to stay out of these threads from now on.
that pretty well answers question #1 right? You don't say anything.The problem is, there is no way we can be in a relationship because of many cir stances that I dont have time to go into right now.
#2) find someone you can have a relationship with.
#3) see #2 above
Married?The problem is, there is no way we can be in a relationship because of many cir stances that I dont have time to go into right now.
I thought this was you, CC.
this is your old name, remember?
Before this happened I would have told the same thing to somone who asked me somthing like that. But actually being in it, changes my whole perception.
Love kind of sucks! It can be great, but it can suck too. The worst thing about this, is I feel like I have no control over my feelings for her!
No not married, but she is with someone else. He happens to be a really good friend of mine. Thats just one of the things that prevents us from having a relationship.
Just watch Friends, Joey will show you what to do!
man...good luck with all of that...
remember this,
if you love her, than having her in your life is a blessing in itself.
and if you love her, than her happiness is more important than yours.
you might be in the brother/sister zone.
a girl usually knows pretty quickly if she wants to be with someone as more
than friends, but it can take a while sometimes. and sometimes, it takes them
being hurt by another to see what they had in front of them the whole time.
i'm sure she knows how you feel. and it seems you know how she feels.
but what the ...when you two are hanging out, watching a flick or something, just give her a neck massage and if she gets into it, your home free...make your move...a kiss, whatever. but if she tenses up, then you'll know she's uncomfortable and that should be your black and white sign right there....
if it's crash and burn, then you'll hurt, but time heals all wounds.
whoa. this is your boys chic?
man, you are an asshole. you'll burn for that. i'd drop it and find your own chic, man. your just lusting after what you can't have when there are millions of fish in the sea...
and a girl that would drop one friend for the other? not exactly the trustworthy type...
duh...like I would ask you bozos for advise?...I thought this was you, CC.
this is your old name, remember?
...and even if I did and I was trying to be unrecognized I sure wouldn't use an old screen name...
Yeah, go find another babe and just fogitabou .
There are plenty of women out there that can still make you feel the same way, believe me.
I know man....But I was hoping for some juicy details about some married babe you were doing.duh...like I would ask you bozos for advise?...
No Im not an asshole. I said that I dont want to have these feelings! I want them to go away but they wont.
Oh well. What can I do?
You either tell her your feelings or you need to be like Tonto's companion.
"I never got a chance to thank him"
how long has she been dating your friend?
you just fell in love with her the past year? why now? you seem to have had a whole lotta time to make your move or have they been together for a long long while?
the only way to forget one girl is to move onto the next one...and even then, it can take a while if you can't hate the 1st one for any reason...
The thing is, if I tell her, Im worried that I will ruin my friendship with her and with him. They both are like my best friends. Its just crazy!!!
They have just started dating. I have had feelings for her since before they started dating. Perhaps that is one of the reasons this is messing with me so much. Maybe I did ruin my chance.
then why'd you even come in here
I'm going to stay out of these threads from now on.
thats a tough situation. You don't know what you telling her will do to a number of people, including yourself. You don't want to ruin relationships and friendships. But I know how sometimes you feel you just have to take a chance cause you never know when it is true love.
Love definitely isn't all peachy all the time, thats for sure. I'm sure you feel like you love her and you can't just stop it, but you can, just takes time.
damn dude...i feel for you...you can't snooze on a good woman, always someone else ready to pounce...
ask yourself if she is happy. if they are happy. if the answer is yes, then walk away from the selfishness, and let it be. maybe they break up one day or maybe they get married...who knows?
until then, you gotta be a man, go get yours, and let your friends be. good luck to you.
ok.
I'm a chick, so don't know if you'll take my advice the same but her eI go.
if there is def. NO WAY u 2 can be together than you need to:
limit contact with her , get involved in other things w/other people untill these feeligns pass or you think they will stop tormenting you.
Having her around and talkign with her alot is 1. major slef mutilation, 2. destructive 3. just asking for a bad situation to develop.
if she figures out your avioding her then your doing it the wrong way.. it should seem like a gradual seperation.. ya'll are still friendly just into different thigns at the moment.get it?
you're not a little worried your friends are gonna figure out this is you?
and that is great advice from ObiwanGinobili. Especially the separating yourself. It does make things easier for a while. But don't let her feel like you are avoiding her, because she will sense it and be able to tell the difference.
I've been in a similar situation. Sorry to say, You should have told her how you felt a long time ago. Cause now you pretty much have your hands tied. Now that she's with someone else you wanna say something, and maybe she will feel the same but if not, you've just made things uglier. Maybe you can say something just to her and even if she doesn't feel the same you can remain friends. Its been known to happen. If your friendship is that strong and you can work through it. Lot of what "ifs" at this point.
didn't read the whole thread, not sure if this has been said yet... get drunk with her and either (a.) tell her your feelings or (b.) make a move... either way you can say you were drunk! hahaha
Having been in almost the exact situation... I can offer some advice.
Don't tell her. She's with your best friend. It's too late. Besides, it's very, very doubtful those feelings were reciprocal. If y'all were that close, and she had feelings for you like that, it would just happen. If you're in love, you can easily convince yourself there's a chance the feelings are reciprocal even when there's nothing there. But it's all in your head.
All you can do is betray trust and hurt people by speaking up now.
Where you go from here depends on what your priorities are. If you value your friendship with these two, then suck it up and be friends with them. It may not be pleasant all the time for you to be around her with your feelings, but hey being a friend isn't all about you. If you can be good to both of them without having any ulterior motives or deep down hoping for her to fall for you, then go for it. You'll earn blessing.
If you just want to get away from her, or can't handle keeping up the friendship, or keep drumming up ulterior motives or schemes where you can pry her away, then start backing out. Find something else to do with your time and to get your mind off things. No explanation is necessary.
When you're young, feelings come on strong but not so deep. It will suck for a while, but you'll move on. Be careful not just to hook up with some random chick as a rebound -- that can just screw you up more.
I also agree with ObiwanGinobili. You are way too into this chick & your extremely high interest in her is not reciprocated (or she would have asked you out or made it blatently obvious and helped you ask her out). There is nothing you can do right at this point because you are WAY to "in" to this girl and you will just screw it up. Period. In my experience, women like wondering how interested you are in them (a little mystery, at least initially). You are practically shouting how much you like this girl from the mountaintops.
Go find someone that maybe you're not so interested in but who is available. I know, it seems rude to a normal guy to lead a girl on with no expectations of a relationship, but guess what, girls do it all the time to guys. And get a paid evening out. Have fun (inexpensively), treat her decently for a few dates and break it off and find someone new. You will eventually find someone who will make you forget about this other girl, who sounds like she is leading you on just a bit to stroke her ego. Maybe she needs attention from every guy she comes in contact with (pure speculation on my part). If so, get as far as you can away from her.
Last edited by SWC Bonfire; 05-31-2005 at 04:27 PM. Reason: Spelling Police
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
