Need relationship advice

[resistanze]

We know she likes to warm up pizza. Maybe he should get her one of these.

[MiamiHeat]

Double post

No. Although, I don't do anything for her to complain about. If she wants something, I get it. Neither of us are materialistic anyway.

If she asks me to do something, I do it. Done. I care about her. I LISTEN to her. I have always realized and we have talked to each other about how important communication is.

I have even asked her, is there anything you are unhappy about in the relationship? and she says "no, I am happy. The only thing is maybe the trust issue, but I know I have to deal with it until you trust me again"

I think she just broke finally and cannot deal with it anymore. This has given me a wake-up call to fix it and END the trust issue right now.

But I need her to be happy again so I can show her. In my opinion, this is not a deal breaker, this can be fixed. but why after 14 days she is still unhappy? this is horrible

[katyon6th]

Let her go!

[katyon6th]

But I need her to be happy again so I can show her. In my opinion, this is not a deal breaker, this can be fixed. but why after 14 days she is still unhappy? this is horrible

Because you CAN'T make her happy. If you loved her as much as you say you do, you would realize this.

[MiamiHeat]

Let her go!

When I wanted to break up (about 2 times), she held on to me. She cried and said she will do anything to fix it. She said she cannot picture herself with anyone else and that our relationship is beautiful. She just made a mistake but she loves me and everything can be ok.

So, I saw that she loved me that much to hang on so tight that it inspired me to try again and I always gave her a chance.

So, now the tables are reversed and SHE is feeling sad and I want to hang on.

We were happy, isn't this a stupid problem? It got to her, ok and she snapped and got depressed, but I can fix it. Relationships are tough sometimes, but you have to work through it.

When -I- was depressed, she hung on to me and I made it through. I want to do the same for her, I know how much she loved/loves me and how badly she wanted a life with me. I want it too.

[angel_luv]

I apologize for that, I am just not even close to being normal right now. I am anxious, jittery, feeling like crap and worried about her and our relationship. I cannot function correctly right now.

I just spoke to her and she is still sleeping. She gave me kisses and told me she loved me. I asked her if she feels any better, even a little bit? and she said she feels 'just ok' and not really any better. I asked her if she still wants to be together and try, she said yes.

I am thinking this is just a depression and I have to give her time to heal because it affected her so badly. Her own words were that, she just 'snapped' and it affected her deeply.

If she is simply blue, as we all get some times- you being kind and also taking her out for some fun outings should really help her.

If the depression persists, I recommend her visiting with a pastor and if that does not solve the issue, take her to consult a medical professional.

I hate the thought of anyone staying depressed.

[LnGrrrR]

She never gets upset at me, never. She never insults me, nope.... She does take it all in. I am 100% she still loves me and wants to be with me, that doesn't die overnight, man. What I am worried about is why is she still sad after 14 days.... maybe I need to back up and let her think about things on her own. It's just so hard for me, she is the light of my life, I love her so much, it makes me feel horrible to see her like this and I worry if I am going to lose the most beautiful person/thing that will ever happen to me.

I don't insult her either though, and the only time I ever get upset is when she caused it.

Look, I realize the pizza thing sounds weird, but you don't know the history. There was a time we were going to meet and spend time together, and she DISAPPEARED for 4 hours. Not just once, that's ok. BUT MANY TIMES. Other times she said she fell asleep and disappeared for 3 hours AFTER the time we set to meet up and spend time, or she said her phone broke so when I tried to find out where she is, I couldn't. Ok, so sometimes I took this as she didn't want to be with me, right? but when I tried to break up with her, she cries her eyes out and hangs on to me tight. She doesn't want anyone else, she said she doesn't even want to THINK about it. So I stay with her because ALL I WANT is a loving happy relationship with her, to raise a family and travel together, to do our "To-Do" list, to love her and share life together.

I realize now that she cannot take the 'trust' problems anymore, and I WANT TO FIX IT. But she is still sad. If the trust issue was fixed, we DO NOT HAVE problems. EVER.

And if I made a million dollars, I'd have a porsche.

You know what the SECOND MOST important part about marriage is? Trust, JUST underneath love. You can't have a successful marriage without it.

If you really care her, you know what you should do? Forget about her past infidelities. Don't bring them up. Don't think about them. Don't remind yourself. If you're going to forgive her, forgive her completely; a clean slate.

And again, ask her specifically about her feelings.

[mrsmaalox]

You should consider couples' therapy. It couldn't hurt to get a professional opinion.

[MiamiHeat]

If she is simply blue, as we all get some times- you being kind and also taking her out for some fun outings should really help her.

If the depression persists, I recommend her visiting with a pastor and if that does not solve the issue, take her to consult a medical professional.

I hate the thought of anyone staying depressed.

That is a good idea. See the sky, get out and about, forget about the problem. I will do that.

I mean, her whole life she has hung on to me so tight, she hasn't wanted anything else. I have asked her many times, are you sure you want this relationship? Are you sure you want me for life, to build a life with me? She always LOVINGLY and HAPPILLY said "YES! YES love, you are my life, I don't want anyone but you, you are what makes me happy"

I just don't believe that it's over because of that. She said it's not the pizza problem only, but the weight of all the little trust pizza problems.

My family says she just needs time.

[MiamiHeat]

And if I made a million dollars, I'd have a porsche.

You know what the SECOND MOST important part about marriage is? Trust, JUST underneath love. You can't have a successful marriage without it.

If you really care her, you know what you should do? Forget about her past infidelities. Don't bring them up. Don't think about them. Don't remind yourself. If you're going to forgive her, forgive her completely; a clean slate.

And again, ask her specifically about her feelings.

Exactly,! That's what I want, a clean slate, let me fix it. I love her too much to be upset at her. I don't want to be unhappy about the trust problem anymore, I am DONE with it. If she is happy again, I WILL DO MY BEST TO PRESERVE IT.

but she is depressed!

[MiamiHeat]

And again, ask her specifically about her feelings.

I am going to do that again, too.

[LnGrrrR]

No. Although, I don't do anything for her to complain about. If she wants something, I get it. Neither of us are materialistic anyway.

If she asks me to do something, I do it. Done. I care about her. I LISTEN to her. I have always realized and we have talked to each other about how important communication is.

I have even asked her, is there anything you are unhappy about in the relationship? and she says "no, I am happy. The only thing is maybe the trust issue, but I know I have to deal with it until you trust me again"

I think she just broke finally and cannot deal with it anymore. This has given me a wake-up call to fix it and END the trust issue right now.

But I need her to be happy again so I can show her. In my opinion, this is not a deal breaker, this can be fixed. but why after 14 days she is still unhappy? this is horrible

This may sound strange, but you should 'force' her to tell you what she doesn't like about you. At least one thing. Even if she says 'nothing'. Everyone has dislikes about their partner, and to say otherwise means you're lying to the board or lying to yourself.

As far as the trust thing... might be too late. That comment might've been the straw that broke the camel's back. Hard to tell for sure.

Have a good meal somewhere nice, and then explain what a miserable bag you've been, and how you were wrong to hold it over her head all these years. Make sure she realizes it was YOUR fault, not hers. And from that point on, never bring it up again. NEVER.

Don't expect her to believe you right away though. After all, you'll have to earn her trust.

[CavsSuperFan]

Sometimes Mother gets into those moods where nothing seems to cheer her up…

You are over 40 years old, when are you going to move out…
Why do I always have to do the grocery shopping when you eat all the food…
Where is my gas card, you are always taking my gas card….
Why don’t you ever ask some nice girl out instead of watching TV every night…

I really gets annoying; I think that she maybe suffering from depression as well….

[mrsmaalox]

This may sound strange, but you should 'force' her to tell you what she doesn't like about you. At least one thing. Even if she says 'nothing'. Everyone has dislikes about their partner, and to say otherwise means you're lying to the board or lying to yourself.

As far as the trust thing... might be too late. That comment might've been the straw that broke the camel's back. Hard to tell for sure.

Have a good meal somewhere nice, and then explain what a miserable bag you've been, and how you were wrong to hold it over her head all these years. Make sure she realizes it was YOUR fault, not hers. And from that point on, never bring it up again. NEVER.

Don't expect her to believe you right away though. After all, you'll have to earn her trust.

But she may honestly not know how to put her feeelings into words. That's why I think a therapist could be helpful to them.

[LnGrrrR]

But she may honestly not know how to put her feeelings into words. That's why I think a therapist could be helpful to them.

Eh, a therapist will do the same thing that I mentioned. I should know... my mom is one

A therapist just finds lots of ways to ask the same question in different ways, until finally one of them unlocks the door to self-reflection and understanding.

The first thing to determine is to get out these words like "empty" and define what they really mean. Does it mean she feels like life is passing her by? Does she want to do more with her life? When doesn't she feel empty? etc etc

If he can't get answers from her, THEN they could go to a professional.

[LnGrrrR]

I mean, her whole life she has hung on to me so tight, she hasn't wanted anything else. I have asked her many times, are you sure you want this relationship? Are you sure you want me for life, to build a life with me? She always LOVINGLY and HAPPILLY said "YES! YES love, you are my life, I don't want anyone but you, you are what makes me happy"

You know, your constant asking may not be helping. She might take it as one of two things:

1) You're asking because YOU want out, but want her to make the first move.

2) You're asking because you don't believe her intentions/words towards you are true and you're insecure.

You may not mean to put off that impression, but she could be thinking either of those two things as well.

[mrsmaalox]

Eh, a therapist will do the same thing that I mentioned. I should know... my mom is one

A therapist just finds lots of ways to ask the same question in different ways, until finally one of them unlocks the door to self-reflection and understanding.

The first thing to determine is to get out these words like "empty" and define what they really mean. Does it mean she feels like life is passing her by? Does she want to do more with her life? When doesn't she feel empty? etc etc

If he can't get answers from her, THEN they could go to a professional.

But how can she just forget how he holds things against her and open up to him? She knows that if she says something that "hurts his heart" it just fuels the drama machine. A third party may be able to help her express something that she's not willing to say openly to him.

[PM5K]

I'm not even reading this any more, the whole thing is just too ing stupid.....

[I. Hustle]

I think you meant to type the chain HURTS her... you left out a word.

again, looks good to me. Still not following.

[Cupid]

I'll give it my best shot.

[LnGrrrR]

But how can she just forget how he holds things against her and open up to him? She knows that if she says something that "hurts his heart" it just fuels the drama machine. A third party may be able to help her express something that she's not willing to say openly to him.

This is why therapists ask questions different ways; in hopes that one of the questions will let something slip subconsciously. Lie detector tests do the same thing.

She won't say anything to a third party she wouldn't say to him, in all likelihood. She's already freaking out about his lack of trust... you think she's going to divulge information to a stranger, even with his blessing?

[angel_luv]

You know, your constant asking may not be helping. She might take it as one of two things:

1) You're asking because YOU want out, but want her to make the first move.

2) You're asking because you don't believe her intentions/words towards you are true and you're insecure.

You may not mean to put off that impression, but she could be thinking either of those two things as well.

I agree.

You need to be both confident and loving if you want to reassure her.

[LnGrrrR]

again, looks good to me. Still not following.

lol... I'm guessing you figured it out since you edited the post

[ploto]

She never gets upset at me, never. She never insults me, nope.... She does take it all in.

Some say that anger turned inward becomes depression.

[I. Hustle]

I don't know why I didn't think of this before. This is what you need to do. First put on something nice. I'm not talking about a freakin tux just something out of the norm that she would appreciate. Second go to "one of those shops" and get some nice massage oils. Don't skimp because it will hurt you in the end if you do. Then stop by a florist and have one of the clerks pick out a bouquet of flowers in her favorite colors. Then once you've gotten these things head home and drizzle the oil all over the flowers. I know it seems weird but do it. After all this is done and you have put enough of the oil on the flowers take them and shove them up your ass you freakin emo puss.
Why don't you go out and do some instead of playing video games. Maybe the both of you will lose some damn weight and she will feel better about herself and meet someone else that she won't fall asleep on because she will be in better shape.