Need relationship advice

[ploto]

She is suffering from depression because she has spent the last six years in a relationship with a controlling, emotionally abusive narcissist.

And his biggest fear is one of abandonment- that she will choose to leave him. Fits the profile.

[manufan10]

Someone mentioned it earlier, I think it was LnGrrrR, and he said that you need to talk to her about holding on to her past mistakes and owning up to that being YOUR mistake. I really think that's something you need to do if you haven't done so already. You royally screwed that one up. If you weren't willing to trust her after 6 years, then you should have broken up with her, no matter what she said.

You made a huge mistake by holding on to this for so long. You would have thought that since she never wants to leave your side that you could trust her again. Why do you think she never wants to leave your side? Every time she does you freak out. You hold grudges. I think you need to sit down with her and have a LONG discussion about it. Ask her for forgiveness for holding a grudge, for not really forgiving her for something that she did 6 years ago. As others have said, encourage her to do her hobby. Go out with friends, something. Encourage her to go out. Give her some cash and set up an appointment at a spa. Pamper her. Give her a full day all to herself. Don't settle for a response of, "I want to spend the time with you." Really encourage her to go out. Then, when she gets back, don't go CIA on her and ask her a billion questions of what she did, where did she go, who was she with. Just ask her if she enjoyed herself, and let her know you are glad she had a great time.

I've heard that the best thing for a relationship is to spend time AWAY from each other. It shows you and the other person how much you really mean to each other. So have her spend some time away from you. Once a week, at least. I would also add, don't push her away too much, because she might think you are trying to get rid of her. Explain to her that you want her to have a day to herself where she doesn't have to think about anything but herself.

[CosmicCowboy]

We have been together for 6 years and about 8 months.

Ever heard the expression "seven year itch?" ?

[Twisted_Dawg]

I wish Miami Heat's gf was a Poster here so I could hear her side of the story from her.

Ain't that the truth! Except this thread would explode to 50 pages overnight.

Something about relationship threads and going to heaven bring it out.

[timvp]

I don't really know how MiamiHeat thinks he can fool us into thinking that it's entirely her idea to spend all her time next to him, when he made it clear that if she spends 25 minutes away from him without accounting for it, she gets in trouble.

/thread

Add in that he specifically remember her being away for a couple hours at a time and it's pretty damn obvious what is happening. She's "free to do anything she wants" but god forbid she takes too long heating up a pizza. Or she's late showing up at her hearing or scheduled meeting or whatever he wants to call it.

She doesn't want to be with him every waking second. She just knows that being next to him is the only way she won't have to go through the pain of him bringing up ancient history to torture her.

He's suffocating her. She's trying to pull away so he reacts by suffocating her by passive aggressive means.

This will end ugly.

[jack sommerset]

MiamiHeat probably tells his girlfriend he will kill himself if she ever left.

[baseline bum]

Take her on a vacation or something. Show her you appreciate her and break up the monotony. Actions speak louder than words always. If she doesn't want to go on a vacation then you're really ed.

[I. Hustle]

I'd like to hear her side of the story if he ever took the locks off the doors and the boards off the windows.

[Trainwreck2100]

/thread


He's suffocating her. She's trying to pull away so he reacts by suffocating her by passive aggressive means.

This will end ugly.

exactly passive aggressive is for pussies, if he's going to suffocate someone he's got to be aggressive aggressive

[JoeChalupa]

Good luck.

[MaNuMaNiAc]

Anybody care to count how many times the words "I, me, my" appear in this er's posts?

Two things:

1) Get the over yourself
2) Let her go! (For her sake)

[4down]

Answers have been laid out ad nauseum, but here's how I see it.

MH is trying to fix the problem in this ruined relationship.

MH fails to see that HE is the problem.

Relationship is doomed unless MH realizes they both need space and he takes time to work on himself. (counterintuitive, because this guy's biggest problem is selfishness, but really goes with the tide. as she seems to be begging for space)

Trash the video games, hit the gym, and go make other friends. You're gonna need them whether she dumps your ass or not. Unfortuantely, that's probably not your forte. I bet you don't have many friends besides each other now. (ST and other forum posters dont count unless you spend time interacting in real time and more obviously, in person.)

My prediction:

MH continues to make lame excuses about how everyones advice doesn't apply and his woman is the problem. Misery ensues (well, continues). (You might be temporarily miserable without each other if you give her space - but at least there would be a purpose in it and really - you both need it. But if you don't take steps to become the man she should want to be with, it'll be a much more permanent and pointless type of misery)

[MiamiHeat]

MiamiHeat probably tells his girlfriend he will kill himself if she ever left.

Other way around. She used to always tell me that when I wanted to break up during the start of our relationship.

Anyway, I just gave her a lot of space and left. I told her I blame myself and that I cannot keep trying alone. I love her very much and still want to try, I always will, but if she doesn't feel it, I can't do anything anymore.

So, about 6 hours later (she went to sleep after I left), she calls me and gives me kisses and says I love you I love you, before I even say a word on the phone.

She is getting better now. She was just depressed. It took me leaving and not being around her trying to help her for her to finally snap out of it.

[MiamiHeat]

Answers have been laid out ad nauseum, but here's how I see it.

I don't blame her. I don't see where you got that. We are happy, playful carefree happy, and never have any problems until I overreact by getting sad and saying something like "I lost faith in you" when she does something. Fixing that, we are perfect for each other. She knows it and willingly says it even during her depression.

And the relationship is not ruined. She's better now and is willingly wanting to be with me and be loving again. I stopped spending time with her the past 2 days, stopped trying to cheer her up. I just said I love her and will continue to try if she wants to, I told her she knows how happy we have always been, and that this problem was primarily my fault because I dragged it on for this long. I left and apparently, that snapped her out of it.

You guys are way too judgemental on me. I have been a very good man to her. This is the worst thing I have ever done, in 6 and a half years.

I think the problem is I really need to be careful of the things I say when I feel insecure. Just be loving, completely trust her again like I did when she met me, and that's that.

[I. Hustle]

Other way around. She used to always tell me that when I wanted to break up during the start of our relationship.

Anyway, I just gave her a lot of space and left. I told her I blame myself and that I cannot keep trying alone. I love her very much and still want to try, I always will, but if she doesn't feel it, I can't do anything anymore.

So, about 6 hours later (she went to sleep after I left), she calls me and gives me kisses and says I love you I love you, before I even say a word on the phone.

She is getting better now. She was just depressed. It took me leaving and not being around her trying to help her for her to finally snap out of it.

SIX HOURS?! That is it? F'n loser

[gatoloco]

this is about as real at Tparks girlfriends.

[MiamiHeat]

SIX HOURS?! That is it? F'n loser

wha? I don't get the joke right now

I left, she called me on her own will. She spammed my home line and then spammed my cell phone until I woke up.

[CosmicCowboy]

Other way around. She used to always tell me that when I wanted to break up during the start of our relationship.

Anyway, I just gave her a lot of space and left. I told her I blame myself and that I cannot keep trying alone. I love her very much and still want to try, I always will, but if she doesn't feel it, I can't do anything anymore.

So, about 6 hours later (she went to sleep after I left), she calls me and gives me kisses and says I love you I love you, before I even say a word on the phone.

She is getting better now. She was just depressed. It took me leaving and not being around her trying to help her for her to finally snap out of it.

Classic passive/aggressive bull . You suck.

[MiamiHeat]

Classic passive/aggressive bull . You suck.

Lol, so what did you want me to say?

"I don't want to be with you anymore, bye"

?

lol. funny guy. I told her the truth. I love her, and still want to try, but if she doesn't feel it, I can't do anything anymore. and then I left her.

what more should i have done then

Sometimes, problems arise in a relationship. No long-term relationship is free from it. Each person makes mistakes, the important thing is that each person loves each other, is dedicated to each other, that you are compatible, and does not/has not ever done anything to willingly hurt the other.

We both have always respected, loved, cared, and everything for each other. The fact that I let my hurt/insecure trust problem from a long time ago still carry over is MY fault.

Yes, she shouldn't leave me waiting for an hour, either. But that DOES NOT warrant me turning into the defensive/insecure guy. I fixed that.

We all make mistakes. I have always been unselfish to her, in every decision. When she was worried about a career in art, she wanted to be able to help us have even more money so we could fulfill all our dreams together. I told her no, do your passion. Don't allow your father to pressure you to be a doctor like him. If you like art, do it. I will be interested and always help you and enjoy it.

I have been a good man, I sincerely look back and know that if she were to look at our relationship, my biggest mistake was allowing my insecurity to drag on for this long. In -everything else-, I have always treated her above myself. However, she knows I am a cold turkey type of man. If I decide something, I do it. and she has proof of it over and over again. This problem is over.


Relationships take work, they are not easy sometimes. The only people who stay together and are happily married after 50 years are those who had to work at it. They will tell you themselves.

[TDMVPDPOY]

miamiheat guy should go out on his front lawn and scratch his face....


/thread

[MiamiHeat]

miamiheat guy should go out on his front lawn and scratch his face....


/thread

you are emo?

[marini martini]

miamiheat guy should go out on his front lawn and scratch his face....
while screaming " " as loud as he can over, and over, and over.


/thread

[ploto]

Re-read what you have written.

It took me leaving and not being around her trying to help her for her to finally snap out of it.

I left and apparently, that snapped her out of it.

You think it took something YOU did to "fix" her depression problem.

Fixing that, we are perfect for each other.

Not a realistic expectation.

I have always treated her above myself.

You have an image of what she is supposed to be and she can't live up to that. That is actually a facet of your narcissism.

I overreact by getting sad and saying something like "I lost faith in you" when she does something.

You are manipulative by telling her that you lose faith in her every time she does something that does not meet with your "approval."

[Bigzax]

miami heat and faith issues? whodathunk!

[I. Hustle]

wha? I don't get the joke right now

I left, she called me on her own will. She spammed my home line and then spammed my cell phone until I woke up.

Spammed your home line? Spammed your cell? Get a f'n life and get off the damn internet so much you loser.