Classic Quotes From Texas Politicians

[jochhejaam]

Some hilarious quotes from y'alls politicians.

"It just makes good sense to put all your eggs in one basket."
- Texas Rep. Joe Salem speaking on an amendment requiring all revenues
to go into the state treasury

"Lemme give ya' a hypothetic."
- Texas Rep. Renal Rosson

"Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead
armadillos."
- Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower

"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized?"
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis to a group of handicapped people in
wheelchairs
doh!

"Dallas salutes a person who can buy a piece of art, but not a person who
can create one."
- A. C. Greene

"No thanks, once was enough."
- Texas Governor Bill Clements, asked if he had been born again


"Oh good. Now he'll be bi-ignorant."
- Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower when told that Texas
Governor Bill Clements had been studying Spanish

"I'd just make a little bit of money, I wouldn't make a whole lot."
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis defending himself against the charge
that he would personally profit from a bill he had introduced.

"Well, there never was a Bible in the room."
- Texas Governor Bill Clements, asked about repeatedly lying about the
SMU football scandal.

"I am filled with humidity."
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that
man's head."
- Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower discussing President
George Bush's policies
May make Boutons sig

"If it's dangerous to talk to yourself, it's probably even dicier to
listen..."
- Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower

"I move we recess to go outside and throw up."
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis during a budget hearing

"This is a real compe ive business."
- A gas station owner, when asked to explain the rapid rise in gasoline
prices when Kuwait was invaded

"...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women..."
- Law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who could not vote

"It's the sediment of the House that we adjourn."
- Texas House Speaker Wayne Clayton

"Let's do this in one foul sweep."
- Texas House Speaker Wayne Clayton

"This is unparalyzed in the state's history."
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished
yourselves this session."
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"There's a lot of uncertainty that's not clear in my mind."
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis
Kerrianism

"I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you."
- Anon.
A true classic

"There are still places where people think that the function of the media
is to provide information."
- Don Rottenberg

"Which one is that?" "I just voted the way my wife told me to; she knew
what it was."
- Texas gubernatorial candidate Clayton Williams, when asked how he had
voted on the only proposition on the Texas ballot

[jochhejaam]

And here's a few quotes from our President:


"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

"Public speaking is very easy."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."

http://www.rawfoodinfo.com/articles/art_bushisms.html

[Mr. Ash]

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."

The actual quote is "More and more of our imports come from overseas," which made sense in the context of the speech.

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."

These are old ones from our friend Dan Quayle. The last one still cracks me up.

[Cant_Be_Faded]

The ruling elite are dumbasses, this is nothing new..

[j-6]

"Well, there never was a Bible in the room."
- Texas Governor Bill Clements, asked about repeatedly lying about the
SMU football scandal.

Still one of my all time favorites. After Mark White beat him after his first go-round as guv, Clements went on to chair the SMU Board of Regents (or Governors, I don't remember) and turned a blind eye to the payout shenanigans in the mid 80's that caused the Ponies to sit out the '87 season. Then they got caught, Clements resigned from the SMU Board of Governors, and was elected governor again in '86.

[jochhejaam]

The actual quote is "More and more of our imports come from overseas," which made sense in the context of the speech.

These are old ones from our friend Dan Quayle. The last one still cracks me up.

Thanks for the clarification, the link I posted them off of attributed them all to the President.

[SpursWoman]

Sounds like Gib Lewis was pretty much a moron.

[SWC Bonfire]

"Which one is that?" "I just voted the way my wife told me to; she knew
what it was."
- Texas gubernatorial candidate Clayton Williams, when asked how he had
voted on the only proposition on the Texas ballot

Clayton Williams could fill this entire thread with Claytisms. He's still pretty funny; he gave a speech to our entire class at Kyle Field one year.

[SWC Bonfire]

"Rape is like bad weather - as long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it."

Claytie