Bulls: Defecating on the Cuck? ( A deep dive )

[Fat Brandon Bass]

Any other bulls do this as part of humiliation? I'm talking about eating a mean plateful of Beanie Weenies to get that gas flowing right before going to town on the hotwife. I've used the cuck as human toilet paper whenever he failed to restock the inventory or just outright used him as a human toilet when I've been too lazy to go to the bathroom. Anybody else into this kink?

[jeebus]

Now hear me out. When masturbating you're essentially both giving AND receiving a handjob at the same time from a guy. That’s pretty ing gay if you ask me. Now say you see a cute guy, his ass is so ing nice and slappable, his juicy feminine lips look like they were made to be wrapped around your , and his hands are soft and slender, maybe even more so than your own (thereby making it even less gay). You make your move and he agrees to give you a handy. In this case, you’re simply receiving a handjob, you aren’t giving one as well. That’s half the gay, guys. Stop masturbating, it’s gay as . Get yourself a man that’ll give you a hand.


P.S. if you do decide to give him one back in return because his beautiful, glistening, throbbing is just sitting there asking to be stroked, just make sure he’s somewhat more feminine than yourself because technically, giving and receiving a handjob from someone more feminine is less gay than someone who is more masculine (yourself).

EDIT: Would giving AND receiving a handjob from a male be equivalently/less gay than just receiving OR giving a blowjob?? Please let me know because I’m no gayer than the average straight man who indulges in masturbation but I really, really want to suck my friend’s .

[DMC]

Why Do All These sexuals Keep Sucking My ?



Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything–I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these sexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my .

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too–big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my , that is.

Where does this get the nerve to suck my ? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my " entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You sexuals, Suck My ."

I've got nothing against sexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my , then I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my !

What is it with these s? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay s out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my sucked by some . But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other s who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my , and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a sexual is sucking your , a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my . I've even started to visualize these repulsive -sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife–even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my , which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these sexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those gots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my , but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these sexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures–like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

[Mark Celibate]

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