"God, what a father, brother!"

[Thread]

In rough draft form is my spoof of the Godfather movies. There will be editing, additions, etc...

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"God, what a father, brother!"

by Cully-Boy Castleberry

Godfather: "Bonersara, Bonersara, what do you want? This is the first time since I moved in here that you've visited me. I can't get rid of your wife, but I ain't seen hide nor hair of you since your business started booming. You don't even think to call me Godfather even though I stood Godfather to your only child. How is the little chickie, Bonersara?"

Boner: "Oh, Marlon, I mean Go...she is a no longer a beautiful. Her a face, it is all a beat up. Her a jaw is a broke. Her a taint is a broke. Her a starfish is a broke. I come to you, Mr. Brando, for vengeance."

Godfather: "You still won't address me as Godfather. SOB! Do you have a for a brain? Now I'm a talking a Italian like a you. God a damn it, that wasn't part of my a contract, a. What is it you want me to do to those a boys who took your wife, I mean your a daughter to the drive-in over on a Long a Island and a made her do a things that my a son Santino just a did with that a chubby Polish girl Lewinsky up-a-stairs? You know you can't a never be a good a father until you stop a knocking off a piece a here and a piece a there. Can somebody turn my chair so I can see the Caan?......Danka shein, a flunky."

Sonny: "Pops, I was a horny. I haven't had any strange a nookie since I crossed the Long Island Causeway a week ago next Thursday."

Godfather: "What have I told you about causing that Causeway?"

Sonny: "Never pay the toll, just keep a driving?"

Godfather: "And?"

Sonny: "Don't bite down on the squibs?"

Godfather: "That's-a-my-a-boy! Now bite your fist like you do before you head out to that Causeway for the last a time. I love that a part. Makes me a hungry."

Godfather: "Bonersara, Bonersara! Okay, Boner, I'll a take a care of a it. But your daughter is still alive. Those boys are White, WASPs from Central Park West. I could a get into a big a trouble Bogarting them. Oh, that Bogart, he was a SOB in the old a days. Let me a tell a you, right a Francis?"

FFC: "Christ, stay on que, Marlon, this is costing Paramount millions. Action!"

Godfather: "I'll take a fit, paisan. I ain't took one in a long time, like thirty minutes. That's a record for me. Under-a-stood?"

FFC: "Never again, they warned me that you'd be a difficult paisan, paison. And get your finger out of that pussys' pussy! The ASPCA is loitering the free food table. They'll see once they stuff their satchels with the caviar and those little weiners."

Godfather: "Oops, I miss my daughter Cheyenne, where will she be sleeping tonight, Cheyenne? Has she done the Dutch since last I asked 9 minutes ago?"

Voice off set: "No, Mr. Brando, she's still combing her hair and donning her make-up back on the Indian Reservation, Cheyenne, Wyoming, third tee pee over."

Godfather: "How?"

Voice off set: "'How' what, sir?"

Godfather: "Just a joke, kimosabe. Speaking of jokes, where's my son, Fredo?"

Voice off set: "He just got fired from the CNN. And went to Grand Central Station to wreck people's ."

Godfather: "Give me the envelope that's for my daughter Connie, she's marrying Troy Donahue today. I need to skim some offa the top to cover Fredo's unemployment. Hurry, Bonersara."

Boner: "What envelope? I came for the free eats and, what else? Oh, yeah, revenge for my dishonored daughter-daughter is out there drinking Muscatel thru a paper straw. Oy!"

Godfather: "You dirty Jew. My son Michael, who is over in Italy right now because he dined and dashed some veal, "best in the city" a while back. If he should slip on a banana peel, or bend over and somebody goose the greaser then somebody in this room, who is familiar with the art of autopsy will suffer his livelihood. 'I kid you not.' Where are those steel balls I stole off Bogart? I'm getting very nervous and my finger is covered in cat ."

Sonny: "Pop, look who's here, it's uncle Luca."

Godfather: "Luca and your Brassi, my most trusted friend. What up?"

Luca: "Godfather, I come today, I know you're busy and hate my guts because I have terrible flatulence...Godfather, I am nervous. Godfather, I need to lift my left leg. Godfather, please."

Godfather: "Stop, Luca, most trusted friend. Loosen your bullet proof vest. You'll need it soon to stop the knife from going into your back."

Luca: "What knife, Godfather? Here is a manila envelope with a stack of money for your daughter and Troy Donahue, wow, Godfather. She's outta there right now sitting on Johnny Fontaine's lap and he has wood. Should I make him an offer that he can't refuse; that either his brains, or, his wood will be on her Wedding Dress, uh, Godfather?"

Godfather: "Luca, and your Brassi, my most trusted friend thank for not detonating your backside on my daughter's wedding day. I take the envelop now, seal it in the back room and give it to my daughter Connie, on her wedding day provided I don't a forget."

Luca: "I will go now, Godfather, I know you are busy and Paramount is getting nervous. I can give them an offer they too can't refuse. Just let me know. I'm gonna go now, get some es and return to my dumpy apartment where Johnny Valentine is visiting and we're going to pile drive their round asses, uh, Godfather."

Godfather: "Good bye my trusted friend, I'll see you much sooner than you realize, trusted."

Luca: "What, Godfather, what did you say?"

Godfather: "I said we validate your parking ticket. Good bye."

Godfather: "What's this?"

Fish: "Sicilian message. It means Luca Brassi sleeps with the fishes."

Godfather: "But he was just here 10 minutes ago, Fish."

Fish: "They got him at the Y, 3 blocks down. Stuck him in the shallow end with the little kiddies when they was a napping."

Godfather: "What is it?"

Fish: "It's his starfish."

Godfather: "Give it to my wife, she'll make menudo for all us tomorrow morning."

Fish: But thats Mexican, Godfather!"

Godfather: Mexican, Italian, six of one half dozen of another. And Hopper, already straightened us out on our heritage. Let's not get into that today, Fish.

(to be continued)
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(continued)

Godfather: "Where's my son, Boo?"

Boo: "I'm just as much a son as Causeway Sonny is, pa, and twice the daughter that Adrian is. Harumpff."

GF: "I found you in the street, your parents, the Radleys had abandoned you in the street alongside a shif-a-row in the street next to a dead rabid dog, in the street."

Boo: "Best shot in the county. He certainly gave you, pa, a...wait for it, pa...a peck...of trouble."

GF: "Oh, that SOB was a big shot. Always lording it over everybody else. Thought he was better than me, the peck of the litter, I mean pick."

Sonny: "You're not a war time counsel nary, shif-a-row boy."

Boo: "I'm just as much a son as you are, and I'm not a dead man walking, or, walking dead."

Sonny: "Pa!, Boo just scared me, pa."

GF: "Where's Genco? Bonersara, Bonersara!"

Boner: "I used all my skill, all my know how, all my experience. I didn't want his 120-year-old mother to see him like that."

GF: "And, and..."

Boner: "That'll be 30 thousand cash, all in small bills, uh, Brandon."

Connie: "Pa, you can't refuse a request on your daughter's wedding day, right?"

GF: "Is it past noon?"

Connie: "Yes, pa."

GF: "Then it's debatable. See your ma."

Connie: "But, pa, my Bridle Purse is missing. Have you, pa, have you seen it, or, is this a bad time and another, wait it for it, pa...another peck...of trouble?"

GF: "Is it the Bridle Purse that has 30 thousand, in it, all in small bills?"

Connie: "Yes, pa."

GF: "See your uncle Bonersara there, I just gave it to him for Genco's autopsy. Bonasera, Bonasera!"

Santino: "Pa, a Jew congressman in another district is outside drinking Manashevitz and claiming you came over in a donkey's ass."

Boo: "No, you're wrong, dead man walking, that Jew from another district said your pa is a mule's ass."

Santino: He's just as much a father to you, Boo, as he is to me, Boo, you autistic Scout child sniffer, you."

Connie: "Please pa, help me recover my dowry. Uncle Luca said he had a fat wad for me, pa?"

GF: "That was his hernia. He got that rasslin' Bruno and his Sammartino."

Connie: "Pa, please!

Gf: "Fine. Sons, load up Boo's shif-a-row,,,that's your dowry, Bonnie. It's in the street."

Connie: "Connie, pa, Connie is my name, not Bonnie."

GF: "Bonnie, Connie, it doesn't matter. The marriage will last a year, six months if Carlo stops running numbers in the Village."

Connie: "I married Troy, not Carlo, pa!"

GF: "Carlo, Troy, six of a one, half a dozen of a another."

Sonny: "Pa, I had the garbage can lid galvanized so whenever we need it we're set.

GF: "That's a my a boy!"


(to be continued)

[Mitch]

Good stuff, Cub

[Brazil]

[Thread]

I've added to the spoof this morning.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Nice work!