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  1. #51
    needs a margarita
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    hmmm....maybe he should be your date?

  2. #52
    Mrs.Useruser666 SpursWoman's Avatar
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    Sounds extremely tempting...if anything but to find out WTF extra-terrestrials dream about.


    No way I could pass up the date I've got, though....even if the extra-terrestrials had mo.....n/m.

  3. #53
    needs a margarita
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  4. #54
    Don't stop believin' Dex's Avatar
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    Everything's bigger on Jupiter. Respectively.


  5. #55
    Mrs.Useruser666 SpursWoman's Avatar
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    oh, damn........and many more moons, too.



    Only I hear there's a lot of gas.

  6. #56
    Moss is Da Sauce! mouse's Avatar
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    SPURS FREAKS
    By mouse


    (The following short story, Spurs by Mouse, is the work which Freaks is based upon. Mouse used another story of Pooh for the basis of The Unholy Three [1999], which also featured Sequ Spur the midget in Freaks, along with Joe Chalupa., JohnnyBlaze and BigZax25. See "SPUR FREAKS: Re-evaluating a Film Classic" for a synopsis of Spurs and comparison of the short story to Freaks.) All in the name of winning spurs tickets.



    Sequ Spur was a romanticist. He measured only twenty-eight inches from the soles of his diminutive feet to the crown of his head; but there were times, as he rode into the arena on his gallant charger, SpursWoman when he felt himself a doughty knight of old about to do battle for his lady.

    What matter that Pooh was not a gallant charger except in his master’s imagination—not even a pony, indeed, but a large dog of a nondescript breed, with the long snout and upstanding aura of a wolf? What matter that Sequ Spur entrance was invariably greeted with shouts of derisive laughter and bombardments of banana skins and orange peel? What matter that he had no lady, and that his daring deeds were severely curtailed to a mimicry of the bareback riders who preceded him? What mattered all these things to the tiny man who lived in dreams, and who resolutely closed his shoe-button eyes to the drab realities of life?

    The dwarf had no friends among the other freaks in Copo’s Circus. They considered him ill-tempered and egotistical, and he loathed them for their acceptance of things as they were. Imagination was the armour that protected him from the curious glances of a cruel, gaping world, from the stinging lash of ridicule, from the bombardments of banana skins and orange peel. Without it, he must have shriveled up and died. But those others? Ah, they had no armour except their own thick hides! The door that opened on the kingdom of imagination was closed and locked to them; and although they did not wish to open this door, although they did not miss what lay beyond it, they resented and mistrusted any one who possessed the key.

    Now it came about, after many humiliating performances in the arena, made palatable only by dreams, that love entered the circus tent and beckoned commandingly to Sequ Spur. In an instant the dwarf was engulfed in a sea of wild, tumultuous passion.

    SpursWoamn was a daring bareback rider. It made Sequ Spur's tiny heart stand still to see her that first night of her appearance in the arena, performing brilliantly on the broad back of her aged mare, Sappho. A tall, blonde woman of the amazon type, she had round eyes of baby blue which held no spark of her avaricious peasant’s soul, carmine lips and cheeks, large white teeth which flashed continually in a smile, and hands which, when doubled up, were nearly the size of the dwarf’s head.

    Her partner in the act was TimVp, the Romeo of the circus tent—a swarthy, hurculean young man with bold black eyes and hair that glistened with grease, like the back of Solon, the trained seal.

    From the first performance, Sequ Spur loved SpursWoman All his tiny body was shaken with longing for her. Her buxom charms, so generously revealed in tights and spangles, made him flush and cast down his eyes. The familiarities allowed to Simon Lafleur, the bodily acrobatic contacts of the two performers, made the dwarf’s blood boil. Mounted on Johhny Blaze awaiting his turn at the entrance, he would grind his teeth in impotent rage to see Simon circling round and round the ring, standing proudly on the back of Sappho and holding Pooh in an ecstatic embrace, while she kicked one shapely, bespangled leg skyward.

    “Ah, the dog!” Sequ Spur would mutter. “Some day I shall teach this hulking stable boy his place! Ma foi, I will clip his ears for him!”

    Pooh did not share his master’s admiration for mouse From the first he evinced his hearty detestation of her by low growls and a ferocious display of long, sharp fangs. It was little consolation for the dwarf to know that SpursWoman showed still more marked signs of rage when Pooh approached him. It pined Sequ Spur to think that his gallant charger, his sole companion, his bedfellow, should not also love and admire the splendid giantess who each night risked life and limb before the awed populace. Often, when they were alone together, he would chide Sequ Spur on his churlishness.

    “Ah, you devil of a dog!” the dwarf would cry. “Why must you always growl and show your ugly teeth when the lovely Stacie condescends to notice you? Have you no feelings under your tough hide? Cur, she is an angel, and you snarl at her! Do you not remember how I found you, starving puppy in a Paris gutter? And now you must threaten the hand of my princess! So this is you gra ude, great hairy pig!”

    Sequ Spur had one living relative—not a dwarf, like himself, but a fine figure of a man, a prosperous farmer living just outside the town of Austin Tx. The elder Sequ had never married; and so one day, when he was found dead from heart failure, his tiny nephew—for whom, it must be conversion—fell heir to a comfortable property. When the tidings were brought to him, the dwarf threw both arms about the shaggy neck of mouse and cried out:

    “Ah, now we can retire, marry and settle down, old friend! I am worth many times my weight in gold!”

    That evening as Kori was changing her gaudy costume after the performance, a light tap sounded on the door.

    “Enter!” she called, believing it to be Pooh, who had promised to take her that evening to the Sign of the Wild Boar for a glass of wine to wash the sawdust out of her throat. “Enter, mon Cheri!”

    The door swung slowly open; and in stepped Sequ Spur very proud and upright, in the silks and laces of a courtier, with a tiny gold-hilted sword swinging at his hip. Up he came, his shoe-button eyes all a-glitter to see the more than partially revealed charms of his robust lady. Up he came to within a yard of where she sat; and down on one knee he went and pressed his lips to her red-slippered foot.

    “Oh, most beautiful and daring lady,” he cried, in a voice as shrill as a pin scratching on a window pane, “will you not take mercy on the unfortunate SpursWoman He is hungry for your smiles, he is starving for you lips! All night long he tosses on his couch and dreams of Pooh”

    “What play acting is this, my brave little fellow?” she asked, bending down with the smile of an ogress. “Has Dusty Garza sent you to tease me?”

    “May the black plague have Simon!” the dwarf cried, his eyes seeming to flash blue sparks. “I am not play acting. It is only too true that I love you, mademoiselle; that I wish to make you my lady. And now that I have a fortune, not that—” He broke off suddenly, and his face resembled a withered apple, “What is this, mademoiselle?” he said, in the low, droning tone of a hornet about to sting. “Do you laugh at my love? I warn you, mademoiselle—do not laugh at DizzG
    Sequ Spur large, florid face had turned purple from suppressed merriment. Her lips twitched at the corners. It was all she could do not to burst out into a roar of laughter.

    Why, this ridiculous little manikin was serious in his love-making! This pocket-sized edition of a courtier was proposing marriage to her! He, this splinter of a fellow, wished to make her his wife! Why, she could carry him about on her shoulder like a trained marmoset!

    What a joke this was—what a colossal, corset-creaking joke! Wait till she told Simon MannyIsGod She could fairly see him throw back his sleek head, open his mouth to its widest dimensions, and shake with silent laughter. But she must not laugh—not now. First she must listen to everything the dwarf had to say; draw all the sweetness of this bonbon of humour before she crushed it under the heel of ridicule.

    “I am not laughing,” she managed to say. “You have taken me by surprise. I never thought, I never even guessed—”

    “That is well, mademoiselle,” the dwarf broke in. “I do not tolerate laughter. In the arena I am paid to make laughter; but these others pay to laugh at me. I always make people pay to laugh at me!”

    “But do I understand you aright, SpursWoman? Are you proposing an honourable marriage?”

    The dwarf rested his hand on his heart and bowed. “Yes, mademoiselle, and honourable, and the wherewithal to keep the wolf from the door. A week ago my uncle died and left me a large estate. We shall have a servant to wait on our wants, a horse and carriage, food and wine of the best, and leisure to amuse ourselves. And you? Why, you will be a fine lady! I will clothe that beautiful big body of yours with silks and laces! You will be as happy, mademoiselle, as a cherry tree in June!”


    Pooh accepts SequSpurs proposal. This concept from the story is reflected in this Freaks publicity still, although it was not used in the script or the film.

    The dark blood slowly receded from ImInlakerland's full cheeks, her lips no longer twitched at the corners, her eyes had narrowed slightly. She had been a bareback rider for years, and she was weary of it. The life of the circus tent had lost its tinsel. She loved the dashing DizzG but she knew well enough that this Romeo in tights would never espouse a dowerless girl.

    The dwarf’s words had woven themselves into a rich mental tapestry. She saw herself a proud lady, ruling over a country estate, and later welcoming BigZax25 with all the luxuries that were so near his heart. Pooh would be overjoyed to marry into a country estate. These pygmies were a puny lot. They died young! She would do nothing to hasten the end of mouse. No, she would be kindness itself to the poor little fellow; but, on the other hand, she would not lose her beauty mourning for him.

    “Nothing that you wish shall be withheld from you as long as you love me, mademoiselle,” the dwarf continued. “Your answer?”

    Kori bent forward, and with a single movement of her powerful arms, raised Sequ Spur and placed him on her knee. For an ecstatic instant she held him thus, as if he were a large French doll, with his tiny sword ed coquettishly out behind. Then she planted on his cheek a huge kiss that covered his entire face from chin to brow.

    “I am yours!” she murmured, pressing him to her ample bosom. “From the first I loved you, SpursWoman


    The wedding of Pooh was celebrated in the town of Boys ville where Copo’s Circus had taken up its temporary quarters. Following the ceremony, a feast was served in one of the tents, which was attended by a whole galaxy of celebrities.

    The bridegroom, his dark little face flushed with happiness and wine, sat at the head of the board. His chin was just above the tablecloth, so that his head looked like a large orange that had rolled off the fruit dish. Immediately beneath his dangling feet, pooh, who had more than once evinced by deep growls his disapproval of the proceedings, now worried a bone with quick, sly glances from time to time at the plump legs of his new mistress. NbaDan was on the dwarf’s right, his large round face as red and benevolent as a harvest moon. Next to his sat Griffo, the giraffe boy, who was covered with spots and whose neck was so long that he looked down on all the rest, including BigZax the giant. The rest of the company included mouse, who had sharp white teeth of a incredible length and who growled when she tried to talk; the tiresome spursWoman, who insisted on juggling fruit, plates and knives, although the whole company was heartily sick of his tricks; Ducks, with her trained boa constrictors coiled about her neck and peeping out timidly, one above each ear; TimVp and a score of others.

    The bareback rider had laughed silently and almost continually ever since SpursWoman had told him of her engagenent. Now he sat next to her in his crimson tights. His black hair was brushed back from his forehead and so glistened with grease that it reflected the lights overhead, like a burnished helmet. From time to time, he tossed off a brimming goblet of burgundy, nudged the bride in the ribs with his elbow, and threw back his sleek head in another silent outburst of laughter.

    “And you are sure you will not forget me, Sequ?” she whispered. “It may be some time before I can get the little ape’s money.”

    ”Forget you, Pooh?” he muttered. “By all the dancing devils in champagne, never! I will wait as patiently as Job till you have fed that mouse some poisoned cheese. But what will you do with him in the meantime, Kori? You must allow him some liberties. I grind my teeth to think of you in his arms!”

    The bride smiled, and regarded her diminutive husband with an appraising glance. What an atom of a man! And yet life might linger in his bones for a long time to come. Cyber Bob had allowed himself only one glass of wine, and yet he was far gone in intoxication. His tiny face was suffused with blood, and he stared at Johnny Blaze belligerently. Did he suspect the truth?

    “Your husband is flushed with wine!” the bareback rider whispered. “Ma foi, madame, later he may knock you about! Possibly he is a dangerous fellow in his cups. Should he maltreat you, Pooh, do no forget that you have a protector in mouse.”

    “You clown!” SpursWoman rolled her large eyes roguishly, and laid her hand for an instant on the bareback rider’s knee. Zstomp, I could crack his skull between my finger and thumb, like a hickory nut!” She paused to illustrate her example, and then added reflectively: “And, perhaps, I shall do that very thing, if he attempts any familiarities. Ugh! The little ape turns my stomach!”

    By now the wedding guests were beginning to show the effects of their potations. This was especially marked in the case of Dusty Garza's associates in the side-show.

    Patrick Davis, the giraffe boy, had closed his large brown eyes, and was swaying his small head languidly above the assembly, while a slightly supercilious expression drew his lips down at the corners. Taco, swollen out by his libations to even more colossal proportions, was repeating over and over: “I tell you I am not like other men. When I walk, the earth trembles!” Kori, her hairy upper lip lifted above her long white teeth, was gnawing at a bone, growling unintelligible phrases to herself and shooting savage, su ious glances at her companions. mouse's hands had grown unsteady, and as he insisted on juggling the knives and plates of each new course, broken bits of crockery littered the floor. TimVp, uncoiling her necklace of baby boa constrictors, was feeding them lumps of sugar soaked in rum. JohnnyBlaze had finished his second glass of wine, and was surveying the whispering Cyber Bob through narrowed eyes.

    There can be no genial companionship among great egotists who have drunk too much. Each one of these human oddities thought that he or she was responsible for the crowds that daily gathered at Copo’s Circus; so now, heated with the good Burgundy, they were not slow in asserting themselves. Their separate egos rattled angrily together, like so many pebbles in a bag . Here was gunpowder which needed only a spark.

    “I am a big—a very big man!” BigZax said sleepily. “Women love me. The pretty little creatures leave their pygmy husbands, so that they may come and stare at BigZax's of Copo’s Circus. Ha, and when they return home, they laugh at other men always! ‘You may kiss me again when you grow up,’ they tell their sweethearts.”

    “Fat bullock, here is one woman who has no love for you!” cried Kori, glaring sidewise at the giant over her bone. “That great carcass of yours is only so much food gone to waste. You have cheated the butcher, my friend. Fool, women do not come to see you! As well might they stare at the cattle being let through the street. Ah, no, they come from far and near to see one of their own sex who is not a cat!”

    “Quite right,” cried Pooh in a conciliatory tone, smiling and rubbing his hands together. “Not a cat, mademoiselle, but a wolf. Ah, you have a sense of humor! How droll!”

    “I have a sense of humor,” S y agreed, returning to her bone, “and also sharp teeth. Let the erring hand not stray too near!”

    “You, Mouse and pooh. are both wrong,” said a voice which seemed to come from the roof. “Surely it is none other than me whom the people come to stare at!”

    All raised their eyes to the supercilious face of Patrick Davis, the giraffe boy, which swayed slowly from side to side on its long, pipe stem neck. It was he who had spoken, although his eyes were still closed.

    “Of all the colossal impedance!” cried the matronly Mme. Samson. “As if my little dears had nothing to say on the subject!” She picked up the two baby boa constrictors, which lay in drunken slumber on her lap, and shook them like whips at the wedding guests. “Pooh knows only too well that it is on account of these little charmers, Mouse and Sequ Spur, that the side-show is so well-attended!”

    The circus owner, thus directly appealed to, frowned in perplexity. He felt himself in a quandary. These freaks of his were difficult to handle. Why had he been fool enough to come to Kori's wedding feast? Whatever he said would be used against him.

    As Manny Is God hesitated, his round, red face wreathed in ingratiating smiles, the long deferred spark suddenly alighted in the powder. It all came about on account of the carelessness of TimVp, who had become engrossed in the conversation and wished to put in a word for himself. Absent-mindedly juggling two heavy plates and a spoon, he said in a petulant tone:

    “You all appear to forget me!”

    Scarcely were the words out of his mouth, when one of the heavy plates descended with a crash on the thick skull of DizzG; and LadySpur was instantly remembered. Indeed he was more than remembered; for the giant, already irritated to the boiling point by Pooh's insults, at the new affront struck out savagely past her and knocked the juggler head-over-heels under the table.

    SpursWoman, always quick-tempered and especially so when her attention was focused on a juicy chicken bone, evidently considered her dinner companion’s conduct far from decorous, and promptly inserted her sharp teeth in the offending hand that had administered the blow. DizzG squealing from rage and pain like a wounded elephant, bounded to this feet, overturning the table.

    Pandemonium followed. Every freak’s hands, teeth, feet, were turned against the others. Above the shouts, screams, growls, and hisses of the combat, mouse's voice could be heard bellowing for peace.

    “Ah, my children, my children! This is no way to behave! Calm yourselves, I pray you! Sequ, remember that you are a lady as well as a wolf!”

    There is no doubt that Kori would have suffered most in this undignified fracas, had it not been for Dusty garza, who had stationed himself over his tiny master and who now drove off all would be assailants. As it was, Patrick Davis the unfortunate giraffe boy, was the most defenseless and therefore became the victim. His small, round head swayed back and forth to blows like a punching bag. He was bitten by Pooh buffeted by BigZax, kicked by mouse clawed by Mme. SpursWoman, and nearly strangled by both of the baby boa constrictors which had wound themselves about his neck like hangmen’s nooses. Undoubtedly be would have fallen a victim to cir stances, had it not been for Simon MannyIsGod, the bride and half a dozen of her acrobatic friends, whom Pooh had implored to restore peace. Roaring with laughter, they sprang forward and tore the combatants apart.

    Joe Chalupa was found sitting grimly under a fold of tablecloth. He held a broken bottle of wine in one hand. The dwarf was very drunk, and in a towering rage. As SequSpur approached with one of his silent laughs, DizzG hurled the bottle at his bead.

    “Ah, the little wasp!” the bareback rider cried, picking up the dwarf by his waistband. “Here is your fine husband, Jeanne! Take him away before he does me some mischief. Parbleu, he is a bloodthirsty fellow in his cups!”

    The bride approached, her blonde face crimson from wine and laughter. Now that she was safely married to a country estate, she took no more pains to conceal her true feelings.

    “Oh, la, la!” she cried, seizing the struggling dwarf and holding him forcibly on her shoulder. “What a temper the little ape has! Well, we shall spank it out of him before long!”

    “Let me down!” SequSpur screamed in a paroxysm of fury. “You will regret this, madame! Let me down, I say!”


    The horsey-back ride appears in Freaks, but as a much more minor event than it is to become in Spurs.

    But the stalwart bride shook her head. “No, no, my little one!” she laughed. “You cannot escape your wife so easily! What, you would fly from my arms before the honeymoon!”

    “Let me down!” he cried again. “Can’t you see that they are laughing at me!”

    “And why should they not laugh, my little ape? Let them laugh, if they will; but I will not put you down. No, I will carry you thus, perched on my shoulder, to the farm. It will set a precedent which brides of the future may find a certain difficulty in following!”

    “But the farm is quite a distance from here, my Pooh,” said mouse . “You are strong as an ox, and he is only a marmoset; still I will wager a bottle of Burgundy that you set him down by the roadside.”

    “Done, Kori!” the bride cried, which a flash of her strong white teeth. “You shall lose your wager, for I swear that I could carry my little ape from one end of France to the other!”

    Pooh no longer struggled. He now sat bolt upright on his brides broad shoulder. From the flaming peaks of blind passion, he had fallen into an abyss of cold fury. His love was dead, but some quite alien emotion was rearing an evil head from its ashes.

    “Come!” cried the bride suddenly. “I am off. Do you and the others, BigZax follow to see me win my wager.”

    They all trooped out of the tent. A full moon rode the heavens and showed the road, lying as white and straight through the meadows as the parting in TimVp's black, oily hair. The bride, still holding the diminutive bridegroom on her shoulder, burst out into song as she strode forward. The wedding guests followed. Some walked none too steadily. Patrick Davis, the giraffe boy, staggered pitifully on his long, thin legs. Pooh alone remained behind.

    “What a strange world!” he muttered, standing in the tent door and following them with his round blue eyes. “Ah, there children of mine are difficult at times—very difficult!”


    A year had rolled by since the marriage of DizzG and Dusty garzas Circus had once more taken up its quarters in the town of Roubaix. For more than a week the country people for miles around had flocked to the side-show to get a peep at Patrick Davis the giraffe boy; BigZax, the giant; SpursStalker the wolf lady; SpursWoman, with her baby boa constrictors; and Johnny Blaze the famous juggler. Each was still firmly convinced that he or she alone was responsible for the popularity of the circus.

    Pooh sat in his lodgings at the Sign of the Wild Boar. He wore nothing but red tights. His powerful torso, stripped to the waist, glistened with oil. He was kneading his biceps tenderly with some strong-smelling fluid.

    Suddenly there came the sound of heavy, laborious footsteps on the stairs. Ghost Writer looked up. His rather gloomy expression lifted, giving place to the brilliant smile that had won for him the hearts of so many lady acrobats.

    “Ah, this is Mouse!” he told himself. “Or perhaps it is Tonto, the English girl; or, yet again, little SequSpur although she walks more lightly. Well no matter—whoever it is, I will welcome her!”

    By now, the lagging, heavy footfalls were in the hall; and, a moment later, they came to a halt outside the door. There was a timid knock.

    pooh’s brilliant smile broadened. “Perhaps some new admirer that needs encouragement,” he told himself. But aloud he said, “Enter, mademoiselle!”

    The door swung slowly open and revealed the visitor. She was a tall, gaunt woman dressed like a peasant. The wind had blown her hair into her eyes. Now she raised a large, toil-worn hand, brushed it back across her forehead and looked long and attentively at the bareback rider.

    “Do you not remember me?” she said at length.

    Two lines of perplexity appeared above CrazyOnes Roman nose; he slowly shook his head. He, who had known so many women in his time, and now at a loss. Was it a fair question to ask a man who was no longer a boy and who had lived? Women change so in a brief time! Now this bag of bones might at one time have appeared desirable to him.

    Parbleu! Fate was a conjurer! She waved her wand; and beautiful women were transformed into hogs, jewels into pebbles, silks and laces into hempen cords. The brave fellow, who danced to-night at the prince’s ball, might to-morrow dance more lightly on the gallows tree. The thing was to live and die with a full belly. To digest all that one could—that was life!

    “You do not remember me?” she said again.

    Simon Lafleur once more shook his sleek, black head. “I have a poor memory for faces, madame,” he said politely. “It is my misfortune, when there are such beautiful faces.”

    “Ah, but you should have remembered, Simon!” the woman cried, a sob rising in her throat. “We were very close together, you and I. Do you not remember SpursWoman?”

    “Kori” the bareback rider cried. “Pooh, who married a marmoset and a country estate? Don’t tell me. Madame, that you—”

    He broke off and stared at her, open-mouthed. His sharp black eyes wandered from the wisps of wet, straggling hair down her gaunt person till they rested at last on her thick cowhide boots incrusted with layer on layer of mud from the countryside.

    “It is impossible!” he said at last.

    “It is indeed DizzG,” the woman answered, “or what is left of her. Ah, SequSpur what a life he has led me! I have been merely a beast of burden! There are no ignominities which he has not made me suffer!”

    “To whom do you refer?” Duff demanded. “Surely you cannot mean that pocket edition husband of yours—that dwarf, mouse?”

    “Ah, but I do, Duff! Alas, he has broken me!”

    “He—that toothpick of a man?” the bareback rider cried, with one of his silent laughs. “Why, it is impossible! As you once said yourself, TimVp, you could crack his skull between finger and thumb like a hickory nut!”

    “So I thought once. Ah, but I did not know him then, BigZax! Because he was small, I thought I could do with him as I liked. It seemed to me that I was marrying a manikin. ‘I will play Punch and Judy with this little fellow,’ I said to myself. Kori, you imagine my surprise when he began playing Punch and Pooh with me!”

    “But I do not understand, TimVp Surely at any time you could have slapped him into obedience!”

    “Perhaps,” she assented wearily, “had it not been for Pooh From the first that wolf dog of his hated me. If I so much as answered his master back, he would show his teeth. Once, at the beginning when I raised my hand to cuff SequSpur, he sprang at my throat and would have torn me limb from limb, had the dwarf not called him off. I was a strong woman, but even then I was no match for a wolf!”

    “There was poison, was there not?” NbaDan suggested.

    “Ah, yes, I, too, thought of poison; but it was of no avail. YonnieVore would eat nothing that I gave him; and the dwarf forced me to taste first of all food that was placed before him and his dog. Unless I myself wished to die, there was no way of poisoning either of them.”

    “My poor girl!” the bareback rider said, pityingly. “I begin to understand; but sit down and tell me everything. This is a revelation to me, after seeing you stalking homeward so triumphantly with your bridegroom on you shoulder. You must begin at the beginning.”

    “It was just because I carried him thus on my shoulder that I have had to suffer so cruelly,” she said, seating herself on the only other chair the room afforded. “He has never forgiven me the insult which he says I put upon him. Do you remember how I boasted that I could carry him from one end of France to the other?”

    “I remember. Well, Jeanne?”

    “Well, pooh, the little demon has figured out the exact distance in leagues. Each morning, rain or shine, we sully out of the house—he on my back, and the wolf dog at my heels—and I tramp along the dusty roads till my knees tremble beneath me from fatigue. If I so much as slacken my pace, if I falter, he goads me with cruel little golden spurs; while, at the same time, mouse nips my ankles. When we return home, he strikes so many leagues of a score which he says is the number of leagues from one end of France to the other. Not half that distance has been covered, and I am no longer a strong woman, Kori. Look at these shoes!”

    She held up one of her feet for his inspection. The sole of the cowhide boot had been worn through; pooh caught a glimpse of bruised flesh caked with the mire of the highway.

    “This is the third pair that I have had,” she continued hoarsely. “Now he tells me that the price of shoe leather is too high, that I shall have to finish my pilgrimage barefooted.”

    “But why do you put up with all this, JohnnyBlaze?” Kori asked angrily. “You, who have a carriage and a servant, should not walk at all!”

    “At first there was a carriage and a servant,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand, “but they did not last a week. He sent the servant about his business and sold the carriage at a near-by fair. Now there is no one but me to wait on him and his dog.”

    “But the neighbours?” MannyIsGod persisted. “Surely you could appeal to them?”

    “We have no neighbours; the farm is quite isolated. I would have run away many months ago, if I could have escaped unnoticed; but they keep a continual watch on me. Once I tried, but I hadn’t traveled more than a league before the wolf dog was snapping at my ankles. He drove me back to the farm, and the following day I was compelled to carry the little fiend until I fell from sheer exhaustion.”

    “But to-night you got away?”

    “Yes,” she said, and with a quick, frightened glance at the door. “To-night I slipped out while they were both sleeping, and came here to you. I know that you would protect me, Simon, because of what we have been to each other. Get BigZax to take me back in the circus, and I will work my fingers to the bone! Save me, pooh!”

    SequSpur could longer suppress her sobs. They rose in her throat, choking her, making her incapable of further speech.

    “Calm yourself, Pooh [told her sooth]ingly. “I will do what I can for you. I shall [discuss the matter] with TimVp to-morrow. Of course, you are no l[onger the] woman that you were a year ago. You have aged sinc[e then, but] perhaps our good mouse could find you something to do.

    He broke off and eyed her intently. She had [sat up] in the chair; her face, even under its coat of grime, ha[d turned] a sickly white.

    “What troubles you, Kori?” he asked a trifle breathlessly.

    “Hush!” she said, with a finger to her lips. “Listen!”

    SequSpur could hear nothing but the tapping of the rain on the roof and the sighing of the wind through the tree. An unusual silence seemed to pervade the Sign of the Wild Boar.

    “Now don’t you hear it?” she cried with an in articulate gasp. “Simon, it is in the house—it is on the stairs!”

    At last the bareback rider’s less sensitive ears caught the sound his companion had heard a full minute before. It was a steady pit-pat, pit-pat, on the stairs, hard to dissociate from the drop of the rain from the eaves; but each instant it came nearer, grew more distinct.

    “Oh, save me, DizzG; save me!” TBNL cried, throwing herself at his feet and clasping him about his knees. “Save me! It is Dusty Garza!”

    “Nonsense, woman!” the bareback rider said angrily, but nevertheless he rose. “There are other dogs in the world. On the second landing, there is a blind fellow who owns a dog Perhaps that is what you hear.”

    “No, no—it is Yonnivore step! My God, if you had lived with him a year, you would know it, too! Close the door and lock it!”

    “That I will not,” Kori said contemptuously. “Do you think I am frightened so easily? If it is the wolf dog, so much the worse for him. He will not be the first cur I have choked to death with these two hands!”

    Pit-pat, pit-pat—it was on the second landing. Pit-pat, pit-pat—now it was in the corridor, and coming fast. Pit-pat—all at once it stopped.

    There was a moment’s breathless silence, and then into the room trotted BigZax sat astride the dog’s broad back, as he had so often done in the circus ring. He held a tiny drawn sword; his shoe-button eyes seemed to reflect its steely glitter.

    The dwarf brought the dog to a halt in the middle of the room, and took in, at a single glance, the prostrate figure of Pooh, too, seemed to take silent note of it. The stiff hair on his back rose up, he showed his long white fangs hungrily, and his eyes glowed like two live coals.

    “So I find you thus, madame!” SpursWoman said at last. “It is fortunate that I have a charger here who can scent out my enemies as well as hunt them down in the open. Without him, I might have had some difficulty in discovering you. Well, the little game is up. I find you with your lover!”

    “Pooh is not my lover!” she sobbed. “I have not seen him once since I married you until to-night! I swear it!”

    “Once is enough,” the dwarf said grimly. “The imprudent stable boy must be chastised!”

    “Oh, spare him!” Jeanne Marie implored. “Do not harm him, I beg of you! It is not his fault that I came! I—”

    But at this point SequSpur drowned her out in a roar of laughter.

    “Ha, ha!” he roared, putting his hands on his hips. “You would chastise me, eh? Nom d’un chien! Don’t try your circus tricks on me! Why, hope-o’-my-thumb, you who ride on a dog’s back like a flea, out of this room before I squash you. Begone, melt, fade away!” He paused, expanded his barrel-like chest, puffed out his cheeks, and blew a great breath at the dwarf. “Blow away, insect,” he bellowed, “lest I put my heel on you!”

    TimVp was unmoved by this torrent of abuse. He sat very upright on JonnyBlaze's back, his tiny sword resting on his tiny shoulder.

    “Are you done?” he said at last, when the bareback rider had run dry of invectives. “Very well, monsieur! Prepare to receive cavalry!” He paused for an instant, then added in a high clear voice: “Get him, BigZax”

    The dog crouched, and at almost the same moment, sprang at mouse. The bareback rider had no time to avoid him and his tiny rider. Almost instantaneously the three of them had come to death grips. It was a gory business.

    GhostWriter, strong man as he was, was bowled over by the dog’s unexpected leap. ladySpur's clashing jaws closed on his right arm and crushed it to the bone. A moment later the dwarf, still clinging to his dog’s back, thrust the point of his tiny sword into the body of the prostrate bareback rider.

    DizzG struggled valiantly, but to no purpose. Now he felt the fetid breath of the dog fanning his neck, and the wasp-like sting of the dwarf’s blade, which this time found a mortal spot. A convulsive tremor shook him and he rolled over on his back. The circus Romeo was dead.

    sequSpur cleansed his sword on a kerchief of lace, dismounted, and approached Kori. She was still crouching on the floor, her eyes closed, her head held tightly between both hands. The dwarf touched her imperiously on the broad shoulder which had so often carried him.

    “Madame,” he said, “we now can return home. You must be more careful hereafter. Ma foi, it is an ungentlemanly business cutting the throats of stable boys!”

    She rose to her feet, like a large trained animal at the word of command.

    “Do you wish to be carried?” she said between livid lips.

    “Ah, that is true, madame,” he murmured. “I was forgetting our little wager. Ah, yes! Well, you are to be congratulated, madame—you have covered nearly half the distance.”

    ”Nearly half the distance,” she repeated in a lifeless voice.

    “Yes, madame,” SequSpur continued. “I fancy that you will be quite a docile wife by the time you have done.” He paused, and then added reflectively: “It is truly remarkable how speedily one can ride the devil out of a woman—with spurs!”


    Pooh had been spending a convivial evening at the Sign of the Wild Boar. As he stepped out into the street, he saw three familiar figures preceeding him—a tall woman, a tiny man, and a large dog with upstanding ears. The woman carried the man on her shoulder; the dog trotted at her heels.

    The circus owner came to a halt and stared after them. His round eyes were full of childish astonishment.

    “Can it be?” he murmured. “Yes, it is! Three old friends! And so Mouse carries him! Ah, but she should not poke fun at Pooh He is so sensitive; but, alas, they are the kind that are always henpecked!”
    and a Spurs fan for life.



    THE END.

  7. #57
    Fantasy Football Guru Guru of Nothing's Avatar
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    Hey TIMVP am I eligible? Oh wait I can't be...I'm affiliated with WOAI and FSP at times!! lol

    Make sure the grammer checker is on folks...neatness probably counts to win those tix!

    Greg
    What?

    I'm not on the judging panel, but if I were, grammar would be low priority in my book.

    "Sorry Abuela, TPark turned his grammar check on; YOU LOSE!"

    EDIT TO ADD: You might want to turn on your spell-checker before "hammaring" people on their "grammer."

  8. #58
    Five Rings... Kori Ellis's Avatar
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    It's not about grammer ... or grammar for that matter.


  9. #59
    Seeking the quiet mind desflood's Avatar
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    Well, I am pregnant with my third child and due any day. I am afraid that if I don't win these tickets and go to this game, I may well never be able to leave the house again (have you ever tried going anywhere with three children under the age of five?). I would also like to be able to take my husband, who has lived in San Antonio all of his life (with the exception of serving the Air Force for two years in Germany and four years in California), but has yet to see a Spurs game. EVER.
    Last edited by desflood; 11-10-2004 at 12:01 AM.

  10. #60
    Free Throw Coach Aggie Hoopsfan's Avatar
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    Because I promise to root for Malik and heckle Pop to put him in, and heckle him when he takes him out.


  11. #61
    Coach T Coach Torres's Avatar
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    My Name is SGT Torres; I知 currently stationed with the 4th ID out in Fort Hood. I am originally from San Antonio. Between training and being sent to Iraq I have yet to see a game at the new SBC Center. With my wife still in San Antonio working and me having Thursday and Friday off due to the veterans day holiday this week we had made plans to take our son to see Sesame Street Thursday and try to see The Heat get burned in what looks to be an early finals preview. But tickets for two are pretty much gone. All I知 saying is that for a long time fan since the days of TC, Sean, Willie, David and from being a little kid with his older brother sneaking into the old Hemisphere to see the last of the 4th quarter of a spurs game it would be a great gift for a now soldier, a veteran who has never seen a Spurs game in the new Center it would be a great gift to give him and his wife tickets to see the Spurs VS Heat game, on veterans day none the less.

    Thank you

    Danny Torres

  12. #62
    sweet gravity blackbucket's Avatar
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    That one is tough to beat! Thank you for your service Coach Torres!

  13. #63
    Mrs.Useruser666 SpursWoman's Avatar
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    Did I mention that I'm glad I'm not judging this?














    *whew*

  14. #64
    Lottery Pick
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    I realy don't know what I'm doing, but this is for my husband who has never been to a live Spurs game. We just moved to San Antonio and he is trying to get our house in order and cant realy aford to buy tickets since he is the only one working. People say he looks like Duncan, and this is the team he always talks about he would realy enjoy going to see him play in person. Thank you.

  15. #65
    Spurs are Lottery Bound. SequSpur's Avatar
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    Coach T or SequSpur....

    Which one will it be?


  16. #66
    sweet gravity blackbucket's Avatar
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    Wow, alot of great stories. I think Kori is going to have to hit up WOAI for more tickets unless Spurswoman has an extra 10 sets

  17. #67
    Five Rings... Kori Ellis's Avatar
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    I have acquired more than one pair. There's no way that I could pick just one from these great posts.

  18. #68
    Just Call Me Mark
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    I would love the tickets, but I already have tickets my high school bball team is playing at the sbc center the same day of the game so we got compl. tickets! I wish I did not graduate last year but I did, I still get to shoot around on the floor though!!

  19. #69
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    Hi, I am Adriana I just joined this website a few minutes ago to try to win these tickets. My family moved to San Antonio in 1999 and we instantly became Spurs fans. I love to watch every single game and as the years go by I become more and more addicted, I couldn't wait for the basketball season to start. It would be great to be able to go to a game. My husband has been out of town for the past 2 weeks and will return on Friday, I have 3 boys and boy do I need a break!!! Please please grant me this wish.

  20. #70
    Moss is Da Sauce! mouse's Avatar
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    Hi, I am Adriana I just joined this website a few minutes ago to try to win these tickets. My family moved to San Antonio in 1999 and we instantly became Spurs fans. I love to watch every single game and as the years go by I become more and more addicted, I couldn't wait for the basketball season to start. It would be great to be able to go to a game. My husband has been out of town for the past 2 weeks and will return on Friday, I have 3 boys and boy do I need a break!!! Please please grant me this wish.
    You have any pictures of you in a G string? JK welcome to SpursTalk have fun.

  21. #71
    Seeking the quiet mind desflood's Avatar
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    Adriphan, if it were up to me, I'd give you the tickets. I know exactly what you mean about needing a break from the kids after two weeks!

  22. #72
    trust pale face pop Tonto's Avatar
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    Tonto have story also, Tonto warn you story sad, Tonto wait while you go get Kleenex for your tears,...........................Ok Tonto wait long enough...



    Tonto lose 12,000 acres of land to Peter Holt and only got an 18 pack of beer and two tickets to the upper level at SBC for away games only, Tonto get the chorizo, Tonto say You Not Nice stick dem tickets up your pale face arse....

    Tonto Maverick fan,

  23. #73
    Lottery Pick
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    The fanatic approach: If I win the tickets, I can guarantee you that my voice WILL be heard in the stadium. The reason it is called home-court advantage is due to your home fans cheering you on to give you the extra will to fight. After playing "soft" as pop says in Seattle, I will be ready to CHEER at the top of my lungs the entire game against the Heat.

    The Guilt approach: If I win the tickets, I will be taking another die hard spurs fan who just recently got out of a 6 year relationship. She has been depressed since the break up and each time I call to check on her, she is laying in bed sleeping or crying. I think their would be NO better way to cheer someone up then to see the spurs in person.

    GO SPURS GO!!

  24. #74
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    [QUOTE=crod2004]I have bled silver and black since the age of 5; it's been 30 years. Due to my wife and myself working full time and then going home to work fulltime with our two kids we have not been able to go to the games in the last two years. We would be greatful to be able to represent as a forum fan at the game. I remember the convention center arena like it was yesterday; another generation of my family is being raised to be proud win or lose of being a San Antonian which are my five year old daughter and my eleven year old son. If we won these tickets it would be hard to choose the one to go but one thing would be for sure; one of those would be ME. I have been following WOAI anytime I am on the road for not only my sorts but local news whenever I am in my truck. So I would like to say thanks win or lose for all the great information you'll put out on the air; by the time I get to wor I am up to date wheneve talk startsup around the water cooler.

  25. #75
    needs a margarita
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    at Mouse.

    I think I've read that Harlequin Romance before....

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