You are not the father! - Maury

[DMX7]

This show is epic.

ZD78-CCPhAQ

[iilluzioN]

:lol

nice dance moves

[holcs50]

LMFAO-that dude is hilarious.

[ploto]

From what I can tell, they are always going after the men on these shows, but if these women were not sleeping around having unprotected sex with multiple guys, then they would know who the baby's father is.

[DMX7]

From what I can tell, they are always going after the men on these shows, but if these women were not sleeping around having unprotected sex with multiple guys, then they would know who the baby's father is.

No, this show goes after the women too. Look for more Maury clips on youtue and you'll find some.

[Trainwreck2100]

the only good parts of this show are the not the father moments

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

:lmao

[DMX7]

I genuinly feel bad for the child but not enough to lose this moment of hilarity.

[Trainwreck2100]

it takes a village to raise a child. so don't worry he'll be on welfair soon enough
`

[Leetonidas]

Maury is actually one of the few shows I watch regularly, it's pretty awesome. The wild teen ones are my favorite, but I likes me a good paternity test episode. I agree with ploto though. Generally the male is always made out to be the bad guy. I remember an episode I saw recently where a dude was not fully denying, but doubting whether or not he was the father of the child because the mother had cheated on him with two guys before she got pregnant and of course the stupid bitch is in tears, crying and saying how she made a mistake blah blah and OMG HOW CAN HE DENY THIS CHILD IT LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM!!! (How the fuck can a baby look just like a grown man anyway?) So the dude tells his story, nothing too bad, and as soon as he comes out he's getting booed while the fat slut that cheated on him in the first place is getting all the sympathy.

It's pretty ridiculous. The audience almost always sides with the female. And a good portion of the time the bitch is wrong and he ain't the father. It just goes to show that some crying fat bitch will garner more sympathy and be seen as a "strong woman" for taking care of the kid that she illegitimately conceived rather than the guy who denies the baby because he actually knows the chick and knows for a fact that she's a slut and is taking on massive amounts of cock.

/rant

[Leetonidas]

This is just hilarious.

okQsrwMhFjU

[Trainwreck2100]

they actually have hype people to direct the audience on what they want them to do

[Leetonidas]

they actually have hype people to direct the audience on what they want them to do

...shut up. :depressed

[Strike]

Maury is actually one of the few shows I watch regularly, it's pretty awesome. The wild teen ones are my favorite, but I likes me a good paternity test episode. I agree with ploto though. Generally the male is always made out to be the bad guy. I remember an episode I saw recently where a dude was not fully denying, but doubting whether or not he was the father of the child because the mother had cheated on him with two guys before she got pregnant and of course the stupid bitch is in tears, crying and saying how she made a mistake blah blah and OMG HOW CAN HE DENY THIS CHILD IT LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM!!! (How the fuck can a baby look just like a grown man anyway?) So the dude tells his story, nothing too bad, and as soon as he comes out he's getting booed while the fat slut that cheated on him in the first place is getting all the sympathy.

It's pretty ridiculous. The audience almost always sides with the female. And a good portion of the time the bitch is wrong and he ain't the father. It just goes to show that some crying fat bitch will garner more sympathy and be seen as a "strong woman" for taking care of the kid that she illegitimately conceived rather than the guy who denies the baby because he actually knows the chick and knows for a fact that she's a slut and is taking on massive amounts of cock.

/rant

I totally agree. That's why I love it when the result is "you are NOT the father". Before the result, the man gets booed and heckled while the woman gets all the sympathy. After the result shows the dude isn't the father, complete 180. The guy gets cheered as he dances around.

I was in a similar situation when I was 19. A chick I banged one time, with a condom that didn't break, told me I knocked her up. Like an idiot I just believed her. During her pregnancy I gave her money, took her to doctor appointments, etc. After the kid was born, my mom and my sister both went to see the kid at the hospital. They both took one look at the kid and believed 100% that the kid wasn't mine. I took their word for it and asked for a DNA test. Turns out they were right, the kid wasn't mine. Bullet dodged.

If I had been on Maury with that story I know I would have been booed simply because I'm the one with the cock and balls. When the results proved I wasn't the father, I would have told everyone in the audience to fuck themselves.

[Trainwreck2100]

This is just hilarious.

okQsrwMhFjU


lmao @that old white guy
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[mrsmaalox]

From what I can tell, they are always going after the men on these shows, but if these women were not sleeping around having unprotected sex with multiple guys, then they would know who the baby's father is.

And if they are too slutty to not fuck around, jeeezus, at least fuck around with some better losers!! LOL

[Leetonidas]

:lmao

And who could forget this one.

ta-FGE7QELQ

[Trainwreck2100]

SflqPlSQElw

what a fucking tool that guy is

[mrsmaalox]

:lmao

And who could forget this one.

ta-FGE7QELQ

Oh man, now I've seen everything!

[holcs50]

I totally agree. That's why I love it when the result is "you are NOT the father". Before the result, the man gets booed and heckled while the woman gets all the sympathy. After the result shows the dude isn't the father, complete 180. The guy gets cheered as he dances around.

I was in a similar situation when I was 19. A chick I banged one time, with a condom that didn't break, told me I knocked her up. Like an idiot I just believed her. During her pregnancy I gave her money, took her to doctor appointments, etc. After the kid was born, my mom and my sister both went to see the kid at the hospital. They both took one look at the kid and believed 100% that the kid wasn't mine. I took their word for it and asked for a DNA test. Turns out they were right, the kid wasn't mine. Bullet dodged.

If I had been on Maury with that story I know I would have been booed simply because I'm the one with the cock and balls. When the results proved I wasn't the father, I would have told everyone in the audience to fuck themselves.

Dude that's intense. In college one of my buddies was dating a chick-who happened to be also one of my really good friends-and when he was kind of breaking up with her she pulled the im pregnant card even though she wasn't so they would stay together. I was like WTF you cant do that. Never asked her about it, but Id say my feelings changed a little towards her after that though she still remains a good friend.

I had a few mess ups where didn't take the necessary precautions and even though a chick will say you know they're on the pill and all this bs-i have spent a lot of time stressing because you just never know. Im very lucky because the last thing I want is a kid out of wed lock and with a girl I don't really have interest in beyond a random hook up. Plus my parents would kick my ass, ha.

[boutons_deux]

"Generally the male is always made out to be the bad guy."

The producers and advertisers know who their audience is for afternoon trash, dumbing-down TV, and it ain't stay-at-home men, and esp not white men.

[DMX7]

:lmao

And who could forget this one.

ta-FGE7QELQ

I seriously expected someone to jump out and say "Live from New York, It's Saturday Night!

[HoratioCain]

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y29/clintsquint/csimauryshow.jpg

[phyzik]

:lmao

And who could forget this one.

ta-FGE7QELQ

:lol

Queue a post from Pickle Girl in 3...2...

[sonic21]

:lmao

And who could forget this one.

ta-FGE7QELQ

wtf... i feel bad for this girl, what is this show?? they're basically asking for people to laugh at her...like seriously..lets talk about how she fears pickles and then CHASE HER AROUND WITH A PLATE OF THEM...

:wakeup

[sribb43]

:lmao at these videos

[SpursStalker]

People still actually watch this shit?

:sleep

[angel_luv]

Those DNA Maury shows are something I have a hard time watching. When I was 21, I took a home dna test trying to determine if that man I believed to be my birth father was.
Taking that test was the most disheartening humiliating thing I have ever had happen to me.
No person, whether infant or full grown, should ever have to wonder who their parents are. It is a terribly hurtful situation to be in.

[BadOdor]

Those DNA Maury shows are something I have a hard time watching. When I was 21, I took a home dna test trying to determine if that man I believed to be my birth father was.
Taking that test was the most disheartening humiliating thing I have ever had happen to me.
No person, whether infant or full grown, should ever have to wonder who their parents are. It is a terribly hurtful situation to be in.

Calm down bitch, it's all in good fun!!!

P.S you woulden't have had this problem if your mom wasn't a slut.

[Cry Havoc]

Calm down bitch, it's all in good fun!!!

P.S you woulden't have had this problem if your mom wasn't a slut.

I sense a lot of pink in your future.

[bus driver]

maury is classic!

[Leetonidas]

Calm down bitch, it's all in good fun!!!

P.S you woulden't have had this problem if your mom wasn't a slut.

:wow

Damn.

[easjer]

Calm down bitch, it's all in good fun!!!

P.S you woulden't have had this problem if your mom wasn't a slut.

Um, I believe angel_luv is adopted.

So, yeah.

[angel_luv]

Um, I believe angel_luv is adopted.



You are correct.

[DMX7]

wtf... i feel bad for this girl, what is this show?? they're basically asking for people to laugh at her...like seriously..lets talk about how she fears pickles and then CHASE HER AROUND WITH A PLATE OF THEM...

:wakeup

I feel like this quote belongs in my sig. I love the way Maury says "pickles" like he's enjoying taunting her so much.

[DMX7]

Lspi5sWaZFc

She says she's going to pay for her baby's crib with her Social Security check, she's 15 years old.

[DMX7]

Maury is so going straight to hell. I love how he pretends to care about them when he's so obviously exploiting them. I mean come'on, homie hopper, pickle girl, etc. lol

[pickle girl]

Pickle girl has to be a fake.

Must have more Maury clips...

What a sourpuss.

[DMX7]

What a sourpuss.

Like we didn't all see this coming.

[Cry Havoc]

In regards to the pickle phobia:

People are afraid of all kinds of things. While it's true that her fear is much more potent than the standard deviation of phobias, there is a strong possibility that she is not necessarily frightened of pickles but rather is associating them with something traumatic that happened during childhood. This is a fairly common occurrence in severe cases of phobia and/or trauma.

[Cry Havoc]

double post.

[Strike]

You are correct.

No shit? So am I.

Adopted people rock!

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

:lmao

And who could forget this one.

ta-FGE7QELQ

Ahhh...that footage of her in the pickle factory reminds me a lot of Mrs. Chopper on our wedding night!! Good times!

[Spurminator]

I just wish this didn't come on at the same time as "Ow My Balls."

[mrsmaalox]

In regards to the pickle phobia:

People are afraid of all kinds of things. While it's true that her fear is much more potent than the standard deviation of phobias, there is a strong possibility that she is not necessarily frightened of pickles but rather is associating them with something traumatic that happened during childhood. This is a fairly common occurrence in severe cases of phobia and/or trauma.

Yea. I used to have a fear of canned biscuits. My brother used to chase me around the house with them. But now I know it was that little "pop" of pressure when the can opened that scared me. Still don't allow those things in my house :)

[Leetonidas]

Yea. I used to have a fear of canned biscuits. My brother used to chase me around the house with them. But now I know it was that little "pop" of pressure when the can opened that scared me. Still don't allow those things in my house :)

I hate that too. I hate unexpected things like that, such as balloons popping. Not the popping itself...but knowing it could pop at any second. :lol

[IronMexican]

I guess we all hate weird things. I hate black people

[manufan10]

Calm down bitch, it's all in good fun!!!

P.S you woulden't have had this problem if your mom wasn't a slut.

http://www.funnyforumpics.com/forums/GTFO/2/gtfo_barker.jpg

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

SflqPlSQElw

what a fucking tool that guy is

:rollin

[MANGINA]

Making the deposit is the fun part....it is the withdrawal that sucks ass.

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

Lspi5sWaZFc

She says she's going to pay for her baby's crib with her Social Security check, she's 15 years old.

:lol

[Summers]

Calm down bitch, it's all in good fun!!!

P.S you woulden't have had this problem if your mom wasn't a slut.

That bad odor is your rotten soul. :td

[DMX7]

That bad odor is your rotten soul. :td

Oh Maury... You bring out the best in us. Is there anything you can't do?

[Kori Ellis]

People still actually watch this shit?

:sleep

We tape Maury on DVR every day and watch it before we go to sleep. :downspin:

We only watch the paternity/lie detector episodes. We skip the ones about teen bootcamp, makeovers or anything else.

[Leetonidas]

We tape Maury on DVR every day and watch it before we go to sleep. :downspin:

We only watch the paternity/lie detector episodes. We skip the ones about teen bootcamp, makeovers or anything else.

How can you skip those? They're definitely the most entertaining. But I guess I can understand. Usually those stupid whores make me wanna fly out there just to slap their stupid asses.

[spursfan1000]

From what I can tell, they are always going after the men on these shows, but if these women were not sleeping around having unprotected sex with multiple guys, then they would know who the baby's father is.

Agreed 100% , Damn I can't believe there is a Pistons fan here.:lol

[ploto]

Damn I can't believe there is a Pistons fan here.:lol

Pacers fan- but not anymore. Am waiting to change it hopefully this week.

[iggypop123]

i love these vids. i have found many favorites. enjoy

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for this one i just love #2. the rest you can skip mostly repeats
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[DMX7]

i love these vids. i have found many favorites. enjoy

rOpSErM03n4&


Oh god, this show is so epic. Where the hell can I get tickets to this shit?

By the way, I noticed some guy wearing a Tim Duncan jersey in the crowd. That's kinda gutsy because I thought this show was filmed in L.A.

[iggypop123]

Oh god, this show is so epic. Where the hell can I get tickets to this shit?

By the way, I noticed some guy wearing a Tim Duncan jersey in the crowd. That's kinda gutsy because I thought this show was filmed in L.A.

its not filmed here

[Kori Ellis]

Oh god, this show is so epic. Where the hell can I get tickets to this shit?

By the way, I noticed some guy wearing a Tim Duncan jersey in the crowd. That's kinda gutsy because I thought this show was filmed in L.A.

Maury used to be filmed in NYC. Now it's in Stamford, CT.

[cornbread]

I remember Maury was doing shows about primordial dwarfs back in like 2000, way before TLC and all those other channels jumped on the bandwagon.

[Stringer_Bell]

I think most folks just laugh at the show because of the extremes it exposes, but this is the most real shit on TV. We laugh at it because it's so true.

Especially those episodes where they make us, the viewers, guess about whether or not the Beauty Queens are men or women. That shit sends me for a trip every time. Every time.

And somebody get me a homie hopper!

[JudynTX]

We tape Maury on DVR every day and watch it before we go to sleep. :downspin:

We only watch the paternity/lie detector episodes. We skip the ones about teen bootcamp, makeovers or anything else.

In other words, they put you to sleep? :lol

[SpursStalker]

We tape Maury on DVR every day and watch it before we go to sleep. :downspin:

We only watch the paternity/lie detector episodes. We skip the ones about teen bootcamp, makeovers or anything else.

I have to admit I used to watch these shows until it started to become ridiculously stupid but they were always good for a laugh.

I remember Phil Donahue ...

:D

[Summers]

I remember Maury was doing shows about primordial dwarfs back in like 2000, way before TLC and all those other channels jumped on the bandwagon.

:lol When I was nursing my babies, living on 4 hours of sleep a night, I'd record all those freaky Discovery Health shows about horrible birth defects and watch them when I got up to nurse so that I could stay awake.

[DMX7]

There's an episode of South Park with Cartman goes on the Maury show, it's gold but I can't find a video to embed.

[JudynTX]

There's an episode of South Park with Cartman goes on the Maury show, it's gold but I can't find a video to embed.

:lol :lol :lol

http://www.noob.us/humor/south-park-cartman-on-maury/

[JoeChalupa]

They are entertaining in a sad, humorous way.

[Crookshanks]

Moral of the story: Keep your dick in your pants, unless it's your wife - problem solved!

[Strike]

Moral of the story: Keep your dick in your pants, unless it's your wife - problem solved!

Birth control works well when used properly. Abstinence is not the only option.

[DMX7]

:lol :lol :lol

http://www.noob.us/humor/south-park-cartman-on-maury/

LMFAO :lmao

"I don't go to school and I kill people. Whatever, I do what I want!"

"I run with 12 gangs, and we only commit hate crimes. Whatever, I do what I want!"

"Oh yeah, I ran for congress and won, then I had sex with an intern, killed her and hid her body. Whatever, I do what I want!"

[Gutter92]

sonsiekiddles? hahaha

[DMX7]

One of those quotes is about to make my sig.

[Custodial Engineer]

As much screwing around as I see here at Skank High I'm surprised any girl these days would know who the father is.

[DMX7]

As much screwing around as I see here at Skank High I'm surprised any girl these days would know who the father is.

Of course, if you live in Detriot.

[koriwhat]

SflqPlSQElw

are you kidding me? for real though... wtf? that dude is slow or totally retarded to think some little black kid is his. fuckin' retarded!

[koriwhat]

ta-FGE7QELQ

dumbest fuckin' chick & dumbest fuckin' thing i've ever seen in my life.

[koriwhat]

I just wish this didn't come on at the same time as "Ow My Balls."

haha!

shut up! you're ruining ow my balls! shut up!

[koriwhat]

I remember Phil Donahue ...

jenny jones takes the cake... not only were the people on her show dumbfucks but she was one of the dumbest fucks out there! same with fat bitch ricky lake!

[DMX7]

dumbest fuckin' chick & dumbest fuckin' thing i've ever seen in my life.

They did a good job of making it even funnier though.

[DMX7]

The Maury show on right now is crazy. Tune in.

[Chief]

I remember one guy was on there to see if he was the father or not, upon finding out he wasn't, he jumped up in joy and said "go texas", lmao

[Gutter92]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufUEx9vUyA0

LOL

[DMX7]

dumbest fuckin' chick & dumbest fuckin' thing i've ever seen in my life.

I thought it was one of television's greatest moments.