duncan228
09-15-2009, 01:05 PM
Never too early to talk Lakers: Lakers, Bryant champs again!!! (http://www.ocregister.com/articles/lakers-know-bryant-2566805-win-right)
The Lakers will win the 2009-10 NBA title and Kobe Bryant will be named regular season MVP. How do we know this? The reasons abound.
Columnist Jeff Miller goes out on a limb, may have jinxed entire season.
By Jeff Miller
The Orange County Register
We just finished the opening weekend of the NFL, USC and UCLA just won their first big games of the season and Servite High's football team was just ranked No. 1 in the county.
So you know what that means, right?
Time to talk Lakers!
Why? Because it's always time to talk Lakers! Based on fan reaction, there is roughly as much interest in Pau Gasol's injured finger as there is in the entire healthy body that is the Angels.
Besides, there's never a bad time to predict that the Lakers will win another championship and Kobe Bryant again will be named MVP.
There it is, folks! Weeks before the opening of training camp and a month and a half before the first game, the news is being broken here! And with exclamation points!!!
The Orange County Register has learned that the Lakers will beat the Celtics in the 2009-10 NBA Finals and Bryant will receive the league's highest individual honor.
How do we know this? Well, we just do.
Why do we know this? Well, here's why…
* The Ron Artest acquisition/crazy gamble will work. The Lakers, unlike his previous employers, won't need Artest to score a bunch of points. For anyone who witnessed Artest's awkward parade of bricks in last year's playoffs, this is good news.
* Without the burden of scoring – seriously, at times last spring he appeared to be launching live trout at the basket – Artest will be free to do what he does best, specifically rebound, defend and be a human hemorrhoid.
* Besides all that, Artest now can concentrate even more on shaving messages into his hair and wearing his tight shorts. During some games last season, his bottoms were as snug as the white on a Titleist.
* Gasol's injured finger will be just fine. He's playing in the European championships and performing well, despite constant double-teams, added defensive responsibilities and the fact everyone around him – including the basketball – chain smokes.
* Lamar Odom will not allow his new main squeeze, Khloe Kardashian, to become a distraction. But we have to say, Lamar, Khloe Kardashian?! Honestly? Have you seen her trashy TV show? Howard Stern thinks she should be censored.
* Kardashian will not be to the Lakers what Jessica Simpson was to the Cowboys. Simpson dated Dallas quarterback Tony Romo until July. During the relationship, the Cowboys came closer to winning the AL Central than the Super Bowl.
* OK, we can't let this one go just yet, Lamar. Khloe Kardashian?! Dennis Rodman thinks that's wrong. Alex Rodriguez is shaking his head. Couldn't you have picked someone a little more mature, like Dora the Explorer?
* According to Artest, Bryant has been beginning his workouts at 5:30 a.m. Think the guy's a little fired up to open training camp? For one thing, once practice starts, he'll finally be able to sleep in.
OK, 5:30? A.M.? That's insane. If Bryant still was searching for his first MVP award, would he report to the gym at 4:30 a.m.? There's only one thing we would get up that early to do, and they don't hand out trophies for it.
* Andrew Bynum is having a fine offseason, by which we mean he hasn't been photographed carrying any Playboy bunnies yet. Now, Bynum with Khloe Kardashian, we'd understand. She could teach him about acting and he could teach her about going to the potty all by herself.
* Derek Fisher spent part of his offseason writing a book on character, which he is quite qualified to do. He did not, however, write about attempting to separate Luis Scola from his Luis Soul-a, which he also is qualified to do. Still, Fisher remains a steadying influence, despite his moment of WWE instability.
* Sasha Vujacic will rebound to be more effective than he was late last season and throughout the playoffs. How can we guarantee this? Because he can't be that bad again, can he? The poor guy was as invisible as gravity. As big a downer, too.
* The Shaquille O'Neal acquisition/crazy gamble won't work in Cleveland. Oh, he'll have an impact early, and there will be some highlight moments. But, ultimately, we're talking here about an old, rundown Shaq. Even Joan Rivers thinks O'Neal is carrying too much mileage.
* The Spurs will be improved, particularly with the addition of Richard Jefferson. But they won't be improved enough. And the Nuggets aren't ready to win a title, either. The Western Conference will be chasing all season, running up a mountain of Jell-O and into a stiff breeze of Phil Jackson hot air.
So there you have it, folks. Granite-solid proof of an impending Laker repeat and Bryant triumph.
And it comes just two days after a survey revealed that nearly two-thirds of Americans think the news stories they read in papers and on the Internet frequently contain errors.
Please, if that's the case, then my name is Jeff Millen.
The Lakers will win the 2009-10 NBA title and Kobe Bryant will be named regular season MVP. How do we know this? The reasons abound.
Columnist Jeff Miller goes out on a limb, may have jinxed entire season.
By Jeff Miller
The Orange County Register
We just finished the opening weekend of the NFL, USC and UCLA just won their first big games of the season and Servite High's football team was just ranked No. 1 in the county.
So you know what that means, right?
Time to talk Lakers!
Why? Because it's always time to talk Lakers! Based on fan reaction, there is roughly as much interest in Pau Gasol's injured finger as there is in the entire healthy body that is the Angels.
Besides, there's never a bad time to predict that the Lakers will win another championship and Kobe Bryant again will be named MVP.
There it is, folks! Weeks before the opening of training camp and a month and a half before the first game, the news is being broken here! And with exclamation points!!!
The Orange County Register has learned that the Lakers will beat the Celtics in the 2009-10 NBA Finals and Bryant will receive the league's highest individual honor.
How do we know this? Well, we just do.
Why do we know this? Well, here's why…
* The Ron Artest acquisition/crazy gamble will work. The Lakers, unlike his previous employers, won't need Artest to score a bunch of points. For anyone who witnessed Artest's awkward parade of bricks in last year's playoffs, this is good news.
* Without the burden of scoring – seriously, at times last spring he appeared to be launching live trout at the basket – Artest will be free to do what he does best, specifically rebound, defend and be a human hemorrhoid.
* Besides all that, Artest now can concentrate even more on shaving messages into his hair and wearing his tight shorts. During some games last season, his bottoms were as snug as the white on a Titleist.
* Gasol's injured finger will be just fine. He's playing in the European championships and performing well, despite constant double-teams, added defensive responsibilities and the fact everyone around him – including the basketball – chain smokes.
* Lamar Odom will not allow his new main squeeze, Khloe Kardashian, to become a distraction. But we have to say, Lamar, Khloe Kardashian?! Honestly? Have you seen her trashy TV show? Howard Stern thinks she should be censored.
* Kardashian will not be to the Lakers what Jessica Simpson was to the Cowboys. Simpson dated Dallas quarterback Tony Romo until July. During the relationship, the Cowboys came closer to winning the AL Central than the Super Bowl.
* OK, we can't let this one go just yet, Lamar. Khloe Kardashian?! Dennis Rodman thinks that's wrong. Alex Rodriguez is shaking his head. Couldn't you have picked someone a little more mature, like Dora the Explorer?
* According to Artest, Bryant has been beginning his workouts at 5:30 a.m. Think the guy's a little fired up to open training camp? For one thing, once practice starts, he'll finally be able to sleep in.
OK, 5:30? A.M.? That's insane. If Bryant still was searching for his first MVP award, would he report to the gym at 4:30 a.m.? There's only one thing we would get up that early to do, and they don't hand out trophies for it.
* Andrew Bynum is having a fine offseason, by which we mean he hasn't been photographed carrying any Playboy bunnies yet. Now, Bynum with Khloe Kardashian, we'd understand. She could teach him about acting and he could teach her about going to the potty all by herself.
* Derek Fisher spent part of his offseason writing a book on character, which he is quite qualified to do. He did not, however, write about attempting to separate Luis Scola from his Luis Soul-a, which he also is qualified to do. Still, Fisher remains a steadying influence, despite his moment of WWE instability.
* Sasha Vujacic will rebound to be more effective than he was late last season and throughout the playoffs. How can we guarantee this? Because he can't be that bad again, can he? The poor guy was as invisible as gravity. As big a downer, too.
* The Shaquille O'Neal acquisition/crazy gamble won't work in Cleveland. Oh, he'll have an impact early, and there will be some highlight moments. But, ultimately, we're talking here about an old, rundown Shaq. Even Joan Rivers thinks O'Neal is carrying too much mileage.
* The Spurs will be improved, particularly with the addition of Richard Jefferson. But they won't be improved enough. And the Nuggets aren't ready to win a title, either. The Western Conference will be chasing all season, running up a mountain of Jell-O and into a stiff breeze of Phil Jackson hot air.
So there you have it, folks. Granite-solid proof of an impending Laker repeat and Bryant triumph.
And it comes just two days after a survey revealed that nearly two-thirds of Americans think the news stories they read in papers and on the Internet frequently contain errors.
Please, if that's the case, then my name is Jeff Millen.