NBA Chumps? Oh hell no.

[MannyIsGod]

I couldn't find this guys email, but I know people here will have fun with this one way or another.

Spurs are NBA chumps
The champs proved one thing: they're the worst of the best
By Eliav Applebaum/Sports Writer

Sound the trumpets, open the drawbridge, unleash the catapults and let the ranting begin. The greatest game on this planet has been tainted by the San Antonio Spurs.

I kept my cool as the news media from 206 countries tried, unsuccessfully, to hype a mediocre NBA Finals series. It felt more like a six-year old's birthday party caught on home video instead of "Clash of the Titans" at the multiplex.

The Spurs aren't great. They're not even that good. They're passable. Adequate. Marginal. Boring. Insufferable. The Chicago Bulls of Michael Jordan's reign would toss San Antonio into a vat of boiling water and dance in circles around the chumps before closely examining the wine list.

These San Antonio Spurs are the worst NBA champions of all time.

They're your 2005 NBA chumps. There. I said it.

Not only were they plodding, they had less intrigue than a Ricky Williams' journal entry from a wild weekend in Miami Beach.

Give me meerkats on Animal Planet. Give me horse flies mating. Give me paint drying. But don't give me the Spurs winning anything.

And before I go any further into the rant, let me make this much clear: I have nothing against any of the individual Spurs personally.

I enjoying taking unnecessary jabs at athletes making oodles of money for putting a little orange ball in a hoop, running up and down a 90-foot slab of wood and treating the rest of the world like a case of the bubonic plague. Cough. Latrell Sprewell. Cough.

The rant is all in the name of fun.

Tim Duncan has less sex appeal than Ozzy Osbourne performing his metal rendition of "Let's Get It On."

Manu Ginobli reminds me of a sniveling Andy Garcia in "Oceans Eleven." I couldn't like the guy, even if he was handing me a roll of $20 bills for checking his luggage at curbside check-in. There were about 347 times during the playoffs that I felt like flicking Ginobli's ears.

Tony Parker is French and he's dating Eva Longoria, two reasons to dislike him. It's freedom fries, right?

Rasho Nesterovic looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy was hit with an ugly stick. Playing next to Duncan, he still couldn't keep his starting gig from ... Nazr Mohammed? All "Rash" needed to do was stand on his tippy-toes and stick his hands high in the air.

The rest of the bunch? They're less distinctive than the wallpaper in the Chevron can off the I-5 in Santa Clarita. You think anybody's going to recite haiku about Beno Udrih in 20 years? Me neither.

The worst part of the whole deal? Robert "Big Shot Blob" Horry now has as many championship rings - six - as Jordan. What a shame. He's a schlub fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time. He's played with Hakeem Olajuwon, David Robinson, Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant and Tim Duncan in their prime.

These Spurs barely defeated an exhausted Detroit Pistons squad that waddled through the regular season before wheezing and stumbling through the playoffs like geriatric gymnasts. The Spurs couldn't finish Detroit at home in Game 6, a game they should have won with their eyes closed, hands tied behind their back and Bob Knight screaming obscenities in their ears.

Is that the sign of a champion? That's the sign of a reluctant, weak, undeserving champion. The San Antonio Spurs deserve the 2005 NBA championship banner like Mike Tyson deserves another chance boxing on Pay-Per-View.

I like the NBA. Really, I do. And I love basketball. But I want to see more teams employ the Run-'N'-Gun offense. I want attitudes, big hair, intense personal rivalries and nasty tomahawk dunks that reinvent the word "posterize."

I want Kevin Garnett, after posting a triple-double on the Lakers - because nobody outside of L.A. likes the Lakers - complimenting TNT sideline reporter Craig Sager for his hideous canary-yellow suit.

I want less talk, more rock.

I want the NBA that I grew up watching. But what I really want for 2005-06 season... the Bulls to win it all.

Hey, a man can dream. And insult the Spurs.

The author is a sports writer for The Reporter.


http://www.thereporter.com/extrapoints

[MannyIsGod]

Here's a few email addresses:

[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]

[ChumpDumper]

Eliav?

[Mr. Body]

The 'freedom fries' crack automatically disqualifies him. I say we send him to the nearest recruiters. There's no reason we're losing some of the best of a generation and this twit is back home with his computer.

[ShoogarBear]

Once again, another idiot who can't even get his basic facts straight:


The worst part of the whole deal? Robert "Big Shot Blob" Horry now has as many championship rings - six - as Jordan. What a shame. He's a schlub fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time. He's played with Hakeem Olajuwon, David Robinson, Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant and Tim Duncan in their prime.

I missed those games where Horry played with D-Rob.

[TheTruth]

I missed those games where Horry played with D-Rob.

Yeah, it was at about that point that I stopped reading.

[MannyIsGod]

Yeah, you have to love it when the fact checkers for a paper get their shit straight. JohnnyBlaze will prorbably have a good deal to say about that.

[Timoha]

This dude is still stuck in the past when Jordan and the bulls were on a roll

[lil'mo]

The Spurs aren't great. They're not even that good. They're passable. Adequate. Marginal. Boring. Insufferable.

The Spurs couldn't finish Detroit at home in Game 6, a game they should have won with their eyes closed, hands tied behind their back and Bob Knight screaming obscenities in their ears.

Sooooo, we suck??? or we are so good that we should have beat the defending champs with our hands tied behind our backs???

:rolleyes what a fool

[AI-square]

There are 2 reasons why a basketball fan would not like this year's Spurs as NBA champs.

1. Plain jealousy and prejudice
2. He likes controversy and flashy play and does not appreciate the intricate details that make the game so enjoyable (what has Duncan's sex appeal got to do with how good NBA Champs the Spurs are?)

I laughed hard at the quote he made about how the Spurs should have won game 6 easily, "with their eyes closed, hands tied behind their back". This was virtually the same Detroit team that whipped Shaq, Kobe and co.'s asses just 12 months ago. Even the Bulls at their best (97?) would not have been able to beat the Pistons that easily.

This guy is probably one of those who put a big fat wager on the fat man and Miami winning the NBA Championship and is trying to justify his choice by saying the Spurs aren't worthy champions.

[lil'mo]

seriosuly, i think this writer should consider covering a different sport during the offseason, because he apparently is struggling for material

[1Parker1]

T-Park, did you write this article? :)

[spurschick]

I suppose that anyone writing a commentary has a right to have it printed, but I would not call this "reporting".

[boutons]

It's not reporting. It's an asshole's "fun" opinion, trying to be famous, and read, for being a whiny, vicious asshole, just like attention whore T_Park.

[bigzak25]

i used to have a burning hatred for the lakers...
but now? you can't help but point and laugh...
they are a pretty boring team to watch...http://extremeskins.com/forums/images/smilies/yawnee.gif

[Guru of Nothing]

Well, maybe this guy has been hanging out with Phil Jackson in Montana (http://bozemandailychronicle.com/articles/2004/04/09/sports/01basketballbzsprts.txt)

[trevcourt]

Vacaville?

Wow.

[Marcus Bryant]

Uno

http://www.uthscsa.edu/opa/issues/coyote250x381.jpg


Dos

http://www.detnews.com/pix/2003/06/19/spospurs.jpg


Tres

http://www.spursteam.com/photos/spurs/050625/050625_8.jpg


Suck it.

Sincerely,
San Antonio

[Spurologist]

The article has absolutely no substance. This idiot wants to ramble about why he thinks the spurs are nba chumps, but is directing his premise on race and appeal. Give me a break. What does being french or having appeal have to do with the actual game of bball. Outside of bball you can have whatever opinion you want about a player(s). This guy (Eliav???) wants a Run-Gun offense. Where was he in the pheonix series? Spurs are built on defense and the end result of some games are seen as "boring.". Not to me. It's called championship basketball. If this dude is still writing articles on the nba next year, he'll eat major crow. SPURS CHAMPS 06. A bit premature, but media idiots need to eat crow.

[SpursWoman]

That was God-awful. :lmao

[bigzak25]

RACK MB. Sweet! :smokin

[Jdspur20]

Here's a few email addresses:

[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]

which one is his?

[EasilyAmused]

:wtf :rolleyes

I wouldn't bother e-mailing him- he is not worth it.

[TNT21]

I have done my part and sent this douchebag an email claiming that these Spurs would kill the 72 win Bulls!

[Momma_monkey]

Must have been a slow news day and didn't and couldn't get any even if you paid for it.

The Spurs are laughing all the way to the bank and enjoying their summer vacations at locations we could only dream of going.
Here's to you a-hole go watch WWF and jack off there's your excitement. Whatever dude.

[samikeyp]

You can call the Spurs boring.
You can call the Spurs dull.
You can call the Spurs no fun.



But you also can call them Champions.

[SpurYank]

I sent his paper the following message:

"Re Eliav Applebaum/Sports Writer:

Waaa, Waaa, I don't like the Spurs. They beat the team I wanted to win. Waaaa, Waaaa. I want Michael back, and Scottie, and Phil. Please!!! Huh? Please! Waaaa, Waaaa."

SpurYank

[1Parker1]

I sent his paper the following message:

"Re Eliav Applebaum/Sports Writer:

Waaa, Waaa, I don't like the Spurs. They beat the team I wanted to win. Waaaa, Waaaa. I want Michael back, and Scottie, and Phil. Please!!! Huh? Please! Waaaa, Waaaa."

SpurYank

Enlightning.

[td4mvp3]

The 'freedom fries' crack automatically disqualifies him. I say we send him to the nearest recruiters. There's no reason we're losing some of the best of a generation and this twit is back home with his computer.
^ that's beautiful. and this story is trash.

[Spurminator]

I'd no sooner email this person than I'd PM wolves009.

[GrandeDavid]

The Spurs aren't great. They're not even that good. They're passable. Adequate. Marginal. Boring. Insufferable. The Chicago Bulls of Michael Jordan's reign would toss San Antonio into a vat of boiling water and dance in circles around the chumps before closely examining the wine list.

1. If the Spurs aren't great, not even that good, passable, adequate etc., then the rest of the NBA sucks.

2. Regarding the Bulls reference this idiot makes, yeah, yeah, and if my mother had a penis she'd by my father.

Give me a break! What a complete and total waste of space this creep is. I'm definitely gonna give that scumbag a piece of my mind.

[Johnny_Blaze_47]

Yeah, you have to love it when the fact checkers for a paper get their shit straight. JohnnyBlaze will prorbably have a good deal to say about that.

Let's see...exactly HOW many seasons were Shaq/Kobe with the Lakers as the same time DRob was with the Spurs.

Okay, NOW let's see which years Robert Horry won championships.

NOW, let's compare those years.

Fucking fact-checkers.

How hard was it for me (let's just say I was a writer/copy editor and not a Spurs fan) to go to NBA.com, click "Players", click "H", click "Robert Horry" and scroll down to see his transaction list.

Signed as a free agent by the San Anotonio Spurs on 7/24/03. (BTW, it's misspelled on NBA.com, not by me)

Now, just to make things even funnier. Do a search for David Robinson on NBA.com and you'll come across his historical bio.

http://www.nba.com/history/players/robinson_bio.html



Robinson's final season, however, was full of rewards as the Spurs defeated their nemesis, the three-time defending champion Lakers, en route to the NBA title. During that Western Conference Semifinals matchup against Los Angeles, the Spurs held onto win a crucial Game 5, 96-94, when Robert Horry's three-point shot rimmed out and Robinson snared the rebound.


If you're going to try and be controversial, you better have your shit straight before you do.

Thank you, come again.

[GrandeDavid]

What a f-ing dckhead a-hole! What a fcking blind, idiotic moron. He must've gotten terrible service at a San Antonio restaurant once and this is his petty way of revenge.

This bumbling dweeb doesn't even mention Duncan's destroyed ankles and his and Duncan's hardcore representation of their countries, having played competitive ball practically without rest for over two years.

[GrandeDavid]

And did this piece of sh!t not watch the Spurs post 110+ several times against Phoenix?

[ObiwanGinobili]

Spurs are NBA chumps
The champs proved one thing: they're the worst of the best
ByEliavApplebaum/SportsWriter (Illegal AssBlower / SportsHater) Sound the trumpets, open the drawbridge, unleash the catapults and let the ranting begin. The greatest game on this planet has been tainted by the San Antonio Spurs.

I kept my cool (Oh thank god! Cause worried about you blowing up and throwing one of your huge "tirades" - wait, who the fuck are you??)as the news media from 206 countries tried, unsuccessfully, to hype a mediocre NBA Finals series.(hmmmm... and yet there were 206 countries watching ... hmmmmmm... and they kept watching......) It felt more like a six-year old's birthday party caught on home video instead of "Clash of the Titans" at the multiplex. (Your 2nd job is a clown for 6yr old's B-day parties... isn't it???)
The Spurs aren't great.(yes they are) They're not even that good.(sure, we paid off Stern to get our 2nd seed in the WC.) They're passable. Adequate. Marginal. Boring. Insufferable. (and yet NBA champs 3 times in 7 years..... wow they really suck.) The Chicago Bulls of Michael Jordan's reign would toss San Antonio into a vat of boiling water and dance in circles around the chumps before closely examining the wine list. ( do you have a patent on that time machine yet?)

These San Antonio Spurs are the worst NBA champions of all time.
(really?? With the best home record in the NBA? 2 Allstars? An Olympic gold medal winner? NBA All-Defensive team members? really?? THE worst?? shit. the rest of the league must be GODS. They all handed us this ring on a silver platter to show thier rightous greatness)

They're your 2005 NBA chumps. There. I said it. (well then it must be true)

Not only were they plodding, they had less intrigue than a Ricky Williams' journal entry from a wild weekend in Miami Beach.

Give me meerkats on Animal Planet. Give me horse flies mating. Give me paint drying. But don't give me the Spurs winning anything. (give me your tarred and feathered body being carted around the SBC by the Coyote for fan photo opps.)

And before I go any further into the rant, let me make this much clear: I have nothing against any of the individual Spurs personally. (ie.; this isn't SAS , you should take MY article seriously)

I enjoying taking unnecessary jabs at athletes making oodles of money for putting a little orange ball in a hoop, running up and down a 90-foot slab of wood and treating the rest of the world like a case of the bubonic plague. Cough. Latrell Sprewell. Cough. (well.... Spree is a joke. What does that have to do with the Spurs?)

The rant is all in the name of fun. (well that one comment right there makes it all ok. we forgive you for all the shit you've spewed thus far. :rolleyes )

Tim Duncan has less sex appeal than Ozzy Osbourne performing his metal rendition of "Let's Get It On." (now your full of shit. NOONE has less sex appeal then Ozzy)

Manu Ginobli reminds me of a sniveling Andy Garcia in "Oceans Eleven." I couldn't like the guy, even if he was handing me a roll of $20 bills for checking his luggage at curbside check-in. (yes you would, you get down on your knees and lick his balls right there) There were about 347 times during the playoffs that I felt like flicking Ginobli's ears. (what?? no shots at his nose??)

Tony Parker is French and he's dating Eva Longoria, two reasons to dislike him. (a. I bet your french somewhere back there - this is america. b. jealous???) It's freedom fries, right? (omg. no comment.)

Rasho Nesterovic looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy was hit with an ugly stick. (Rashofan has your home address......) Playing next to Duncan, he still couldn't keep his starting gig from ... Nazr Mohammed? All "Rash" needed to do was stand on his tippy-toes and stick his hands high in the air. (so not only does Rasho suck but Nazr's worse?? and yet we won... and the two of them clebrated by taking out your wife)

The rest of the bunch? They're less distinctive than the wallpaper in the Chevron can off the I-5 in Santa Clarita. You think anybody's going to recite haiku about Beno Udrih in 20 years? Me neither. (at this point you had to look up the roster on NBA.com and it was too much work for you huh?? did you even watch the finals?)

The worst part of the whole deal? Robert "Big Shot Blob" Horry now has as many championship rings - six - as Jordan. What a shame. He's a schlub fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time. He's played with Hakeem Olajuwon, David Robinson, Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant and Tim Duncan in their prime. (I missed those years where he played with DRob for the Spurs...... :pctoss idiot)

These Spurs barely defeated an exhausted Detroit Pistons squad that waddled through the regular season before wheezing and stumbling through the playoffs like geriatric gymnasts. The Spurs couldn't finish Detroit at home in Game 6, a game they should have won with their eyes closed, hands tied behind their back and Bob Knight screaming obscenities in their ears. (I think I can deduce at this point that you did NOT watch the finals. the Pistons where not tired the entire series, they were playing with all they had, they were a challange at we beat them at thier best)

Is that the sign of a champion? That's the sign of a reluctant, weak, undeserving champion. (:wtf reluctant? yeah, we didin't really want it .... we just didin't have anything better to do.) The San Antonio Spurs deserve the 2005 NBA championship banner like Mike Tyson deserves another chance boxing on Pay-Per-View. (or like you deserve a god public pantsing. thats happened to you alot huh?)

I like the NBA. (you don;t have to lie to make friends) Really, I do. (liar)And I love basketball. But I want to see more teams employ the Run-'N'-Gun offense. I want attitudes, big hair, intense personal rivalries and nasty tomahawk dunks that reinvent the word "posterize." (the latter has just disproved the former)

I want Kevin Garnett, after posting a triple-double on the Lakers - because nobody outside of L.A. likes the Lakers - complimenting TNT sideline reporter Craig Sager for his hideous canary-yellow suit. ( and I go to Baseball games casue the best part is the beer vendors yells to the crowd and the mascot doing flips down the foul line................. you fuckin 'tard :rolleyes )
I want less talk, more rock. (you have no idea what the commentators are talking about do you?)

I want the NBA that I grew up watching. (the '90's Bulls.... so that makes you 20??21??? please tell me your old enough to drink at least..) But what I really want for 2005-06 season... the Bulls to win it all. (:lmao I'd love to see that so you'll realize that Ben Gordan and the baby Bulls are not JORDAN ...a BUlls uniform does not a past recreate)

Hey, a man can dream. And insult the Spurs.

The author is a sports writer for The Reporter.
this author is a slime wiper for our anuses

http://www.thereporter.com/extrapoints

[bigzak25]

And did this piece of sh!t not watch the Spurs post 110+ several times against Phoenix?


Great Point.
:smokin

[cmc$purs]

now obiwon dont hold back ... how do you really feel :lol



this guy is a tool :jack :idiot

:stfu

[MannyIsGod]

lol, I knew you guys would eat it up.

[SpursWoman]

The absolute worst thing you can do when someone writes this kind of crap is to email them ... that's what these types of careers are built on -- attention, good or bad.

If you take your valuable time to let them know how you feel about it, they know they got your attention. Best possible *bad* thing you can do to them is ignore them.

:)



Although, he could stand to be corrected on the Horry-played-with-Robinson...just so he's aware that he made a really, really stupid mistake.

[1Parker1]

The absolute worst thing you can do when someone writes this kind of crap is to email them ... that's what these types of careers are built on -- attention, good or bad.

If you take your valuable time to let them know how you feel about it, they know they got your attention. Best possible *bad* thing you can do to them is ignore them.

:)



Although, he could stand to be corrected on the Horry-played-with-Robinson...just so he's aware that he made a really, really stupid mistake.


Exactly! Same goes for some of the trolls around here (i.e Lakergod, Wolves09)

[SWC Bonfire]

now obiwon dont hold back ... how do you really feel :lol


Hell hath no fury...:lol

[Jimcs50]

Most of this is all true. The Spurs are an average team, the Bulls would have beaten them 123-45 every game, in a 4 game sweep.

[WayDowntownBang]

Don't even waste the time getting all upset about this.

This is the print media's version of a shock jock. Just stupid commentary with buzzwords to get you all mad.. and in turn, sending his article to your friends to read and give him more 'hits'.

[foodie2]

I don't know, I get the feeling that this whole article was written tongue-in-cheek.

[ShoogarBear]

If it was tongue-in-cheek, then it should have been funnier, so he sucks at that, too.

[SWC Bonfire]

No, I'm just pretty sure this guy is an idiot.

[ObiwanGinobili]

now obiwon dont hold back ... how do you really feel :lol



this guy is a tool :jack :idiot

:stfu


Well I didin't want to let it all out. I try to maintain some sembalence of decorum. :lol

[caspian]

I like the NBA. Really, I do. And I love basketball. But I want to see more teams employ the Run-'N'-Gun offense. I want attitudes, big hair, intense personal rivalries and nasty tomahawk dunks that reinvent the word "posterize."


We beat the best 'run-n-gun' ever produced...and we'll do it again.

It's funny; he claims he loves basketball, but what he says he wants isn't basketball. Does he even mention defense? Tell him to go watch street ball.

[easjer]

I just have one question/comment.




Who the fuck is reciting haikus about ANY NBA players?

[ObiwanGinobili]

I just have one question/comment.




Who the fuck is reciting haikus about ANY NBA players?

fucking Ay. :fro

[ShoogarBear]

When Robert Horry
Steps behind the three-point line
NBA rings come

[ObiwanGinobili]

^:lmao

[ShoogarBear]

Manu Ginobli
Legs going this way and that
Dunks into your teeth

[ShoogarBear]

Boring Tim Duncan
Measures the backboard angle
Yawn another win

[ShoogarBear]

Whirling in the lane
Must get in front of Parker
Too late he's gone by

[ShoogarBear]

There is nothing worse
Than someone writing haiku
Over and over

[E20]

I want to kill this mother fucker and I don't like it when I have to kill people. :comeon

[Extra Stout]

I just have one question/comment.




Who the fuck is reciting haikus about ANY NBA players?Californians, apparently. Land of fruits and nuts, and so forth.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Bowen smothers all
Baskets become very rare
Spurs take the title

[ShoogarBear]

Damn, can't believe I forgot Bruce.

Anyone else agree that the Nike "breathe" commerical (in reverse, maybe) would have been more appropriate for Bowen?

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Yeah, something about not letting them breath would have better than comparing out back court to piranhas. Although you have to admit that it's pretty damn funny to compare Rasheed to burning grass. :smokin

[ShoogarBear]

Although you have to admit that it's pretty damn funny to compare Rasheed to burning grass. :smokin
:lmao

I hadn't even thought of that.

[samikeyp]

Although you have to admit that it's pretty damn funny to compare Rasheed to burning grass

:smokin

:lol :lol

[scott]

Is this just a recycled Sean Dunlevy (or whatever the fuck that guy's name was) article?

[Samr]

Proof that the mentally handicap, while they can be helped to become regular members of society, should never, ever dabble in sports journalism.

[Horry For 3!]

He talked shit about Horry too? That guy should die!

[ALVAREZ6]

Fuck this guy.

I hope he dies today.

[HB22inSA]

I thought it was pretty funny.

He has a point about Robert Horry being in the right place at the right time. You can't hit big shots if you're playing with the Clippers.

And he's right, MJ's Bulls would have toyed with these Spurs.

But they're still the Champs.

Don't take it so personally.

[exstatic]

Congratulations. You have all not only just read this article, you wrote to express your indignation, thereby letting them know that they have a readership.

This is pitbull, SAS journalism at it's worst. Don't encourage them. Don't feed the animals.

[IcemanCometh]

who cares, you people just validated his entire article.

[dcole50]

I like the NBA. Really, I do. And I love basketball. But I want to see more teams employ the Run-'N'-Gun offense. I want attitudes, big hair, intense personal rivalries and nasty tomahawk dunks that reinvent the word "posterize."

go watch some and1 tapes or something if you can't handle watching the two best teams in basketball.

the run-n-gun offense doesn't win championships. sorry, man.

[Dos]

just another loser sports writer with some kind of penis envy of the spurs.

[Nikos]

And he's right, MJ's Bulls would have toyed with these Spurs.
.

Those mid 90s Bulls teams would toy with probably any NBA team in history, including the Old Celtics and Lakers.

What is the big deal?