the 12 step guide to knowing that you're stupid

[Loose Cannon]

1. If you've ever gotten upset and called Holt a cheap ass. Do you realize, relative to the rest of the NBA, what market we're in? Look at the dynasties: Los Angeles. Boston. Chicago. San ing Antonio. Really? You're going to at the owner of a team that barely sells out playoff games for being cheap? With his 4 rings? Stupid. We've won 4 rings and about 1,000 games since the last time Boston sniffed the Finals. Take your "cheap" tag and blow it out of your ass.

2. If you've ever thought that Duncan has lost a step. Stupid. It's Tim ing Duncan.

3. If you've ever actually engaged princess pimp and/or whoever that trailblazers fan is, in a debate where you actually get emotionally invested. Just ignore it. The Suns fan is clearly fake. The Blazers fan is probably real, but he's a Blazers fan. The only people that give a about the Blazers are people on this board and Clyde Drexler, who could never do anything in his career but play second fiddle to the current best guy in the league, and not win les. For comparison, see Steve Nash.

4. If you've actually thought the Spurs would/will ever sign a 1st or 2nd tier player in the offseason as long as Tim "the best big man ever to play basketball" Duncan is on the team. Bonus points if you actually god mad that we didn't.

5. If you're under 5'8.

6. If you exist only on this board for Argentina. That's great. You guys have some good basketball players. They have some medals in a compe ion that does not match the premier league on the planet. That's cute. Too bad Scola is down 0-2 and his team is about to get the beat out of them by the quintessential American point guard, the quintessential American power forward, and the quintessential American coach. Really all we need is Hulk Hogan and/or Dwight Eisenhower to come out and DDT Scola onto onto a sharp rock. Then the Hulkster will throw a 5 dollar bill at him, and buy his house, car, kids, and wife. Then rip his shirt off while singing the national anthem. Then maybe you idiots will shut the up about Scola.

7. If you question Pop's game plan. I'm not going in to this one. But it's just stupid. 4 rings. Lots of wine. Best ratio of acne scars to les. Ever.

8. If you have an unhealthy obsession with an ex-Spurs player that you clearly put above the team. Rasho, Jax, Scola, and Beno are the obvious examples. For contrast, see Sean Elliott, the most kick ass announcer ever. Why? Because he's not a giant pussy like anyone who fits reasons 1-8. I guarantee you that Sean thinks Scola sucks . And he's right. Why? Because he's Sean ing Elliott. I'm pretty sure that Luis Scola would not have hit the Memorial Day Miracle. One, because the dude isn't even American, and he probably doesn't even know what Memorial Day is. Nobody in South America ever gave their life for country. Unless by "country" you mean "an eight ball of coke and a 1982 Trans Am". And two, because he's from South America, and they're all probably too coked up to realize what day it even is. Except for Ginobili. His weekly calendar is all the same thing. It starts with "kicking the out of people day", and ends with "kicking the of people day", and the rest is just splitting the difference between the two.

9. If you give a what the media thinks. For 's sake. we have 4 rings. Who cares. Crying about disrespectful media articles is about as fun as Stan Van Gundy trying to get laid. For the slow and sequ amongst us... I'll clarify. It's just a waste of time. The Spurs have 4 rings. The more you cry, the more you let them get to you.

10. If you give "props" to opposing team's fans on a message board. Timmy gives Dirk props after a series win. They played each other. There's really no reason for "dip 210" to give "DIRKGOATTEE9111!!!" any sort of respect after a series. We don't play. We don't need sportsmanship. We just beat the out of them. F Respect.

11. Sober people

12. Parker fans who are anti Manu. And Manu fans who are anti Parker. Seriously. This is the stupidest thing ever. First of all - if you took both of them, gave them space age super hormones, and combined their DNA, a molecule of Tim Duncan would fly over and swat the out of their DNA ball, and then punch it in the head with his 4 rings. Second of all, both of them are bad ass players who are incomparable. Third of all, anyone who is a true Spurs fan would spend less time comparing/arguing the two, and more time enjoying the _FOUR ING RINGS THAT WE HAVE_. It really must be a miserable existence to have "your team" win a le and be pissed that so and so won the -and-ass award or that joe blow got more respect in the morning-after article. It's almost like you're not fans of the team.........

Okay, that was a little obvious.

But really. I bet Tony and Manu sit around, smoke a joint, and laugh at most of you guys.

Good times.

[Kori Ellis]

Thanks. That was super funny.

[Kori Ellis]

Oh .. and I'm glad I'm 5'8.

[Loose Cannon]

I forgot #13.

13. If you really give a what Mavs and Suns fans think. 4 rings versus 0. Why even respond to them? It almost makes me embarassed to see Spurs fans even giving those bags the time of day. But then I remember that I'm a Spurs fan, as opposed to a Suns/Mavs fan. And I feel better.

[Tigole Bitties]

HORRY !

This needs to be a sticky. ing hilarious.

[sprrs]

Sounds a bit like Introducing Liston's blog. Also happens to be a Spurs fan. Good stuff.

[jaffies]

5. If you're under 5'8.

I see what you did thar

[xcoriate]

Haha I laughed.

[Loose Cannon]

I see what you did thar

Yeah.. I got a little lazy on that one. But I'm about to fall asleep, and the 11 step guide just isn't as catchy...

[L.I.T]

Number 12 is brilliant enough to make me create a sig. I won't cuz I'm damn lazy, but it was that funny.

[MaNuMaNiAc]

8. If you have an unhealthy obsession with an ex-Spurs player that you clearly put above the team. Rasho, Jax, Scola, and Beno are the obvious examples. For contrast, see Sean Elliott, the most kick ass announcer ever. Why? Because he's not a giant pussy like anyone who fits reasons 1-8. I guarantee you that Sean thinks Scola sucks . And he's right. Why? Because he's Sean ing Elliott. I'm pretty sure that Luis Scola would not have hit the Memorial Day Miracle. One, because the dude isn't even American, and he probably doesn't even know what Memorial Day is. Nobody in South America ever gave their life for country. Unless by "country" you mean "an eight ball of coke and a 1982 Trans Am". And two, because he's from South America, and they're all probably too coked up to realize what day it even is. Except for Ginobili. His weekly calendar is all the same thing. It starts with "kicking the out of people day", and ends with "kicking the of people day", and the rest is just splitting the difference between the two.

I don't know why, but somehow, I feel like I'm going to have to apologize for not finding this part funny...

[ManuTim_best of Fwiendz]

Funny . My fav ones are 2,3,4 5 and 12

[Deimosfobos]

6... and specially 8 make you look as stupid as it gets. I guess Number 13 is making such ignorant/ofensive/re ed comments?

I specially liked "Nobody in South America ever gave their life for country", man, as Chandler Bing would say: "Can you BE any dumber?"

Is great that you love both Manu and Parker, and you think Tim and Pop are the ... but while trying to be funny you wrote some stupid sentences.

[Shaolin-Style]

5. If you're under 5'8.

11. Sober people

Well, at least I can still dunk, rarely hit my head in smaller doorways, and wake up in the morning headache free. Heres to stupidity... oh wait.

[Kori Ellis]

I don't know why, but somehow, I feel like I'm going to have to apologize for not finding this part funny...

The guy is obviously drunk. The whole post is funny because it's so freakin' obnoxious.

[ManuTim_best of Fwiendz]

6... and specially 8 make you look as stupid as it gets. I guess Number 13 is making such ignorant/ofensive/re ed comments?

I specially liked "Nobody in South America ever gave their life for country", man, as Chandler Bing would say: "Can you BE any dumber?"

Is great that you love both Manu and Parker, and you think Tim and Pop are the ... but while trying to be funny you wrote some stupid sentences.

just ignore it. I doubt anyone endorses that line, or takes it seriously, since it was a pretty inane part of his mad rant.

[Deimosfobos]

just ignore it. I doubt anyone endorses that line, or takes it seriously, since it was a pretty inane part of his mad rant.

You are probably right.

[jmard5]

I think some people would not enjoy numbers 6 and 8. I'll give your post 4 stars out of 5.

Now sleep it off. Then wish everyone "good times" again after you wake up. Cheers! =p

[nashzilla]

1. If you've ever gotten upset and called Holt a cheap ass. Do you realize, relative to the rest of the NBA, what market we're in? Look at the dynasties: Los Angeles. Boston. Chicago. San ing Antonio. Really? You're going to at the owner of a team that barely sells out playoff games for being cheap? With his 4 rings? Stupid. We've won 4 rings and about 1,000 games since the last time Boston sniffed the Finals. Take your "cheap" tag and blow it out of your ass.

2. If you've ever thought that Duncan has lost a step. Stupid. It's Tim ing Duncan.

3. If you've ever actually engaged princess pimp and/or whoever that trailblazers fan is, in a debate where you actually get emotionally invested. Just ignore it. The Suns fan is clearly fake. The Blazers fan is probably real, but he's a Blazers fan. The only people that give a about the Blazers are people on this board and Clyde Drexler, who could never do anything in his career but play second fiddle to the current best guy in the league, and not win les. For comparison, see Steve Nash.

4. If you've actually thought the Spurs would/will ever sign a 1st or 2nd tier player in the offseason as long as Tim "the best big man ever to play basketball" Duncan is on the team. Bonus points if you actually god mad that we didn't.

5. If you're under 5'8.

6. If you exist only on this board for Argentina. That's great. You guys have some good basketball players. They have some medals in a compe ion that does not match the premier league on the planet. That's cute. Too bad Scola is down 0-2 and his team is about to get the beat out of them by the quintessential American point guard, the quintessential American power forward, and the quintessential American coach. Really all we need is Hulk Hogan and/or Dwight Eisenhower to come out and DDT Scola onto onto a sharp rock. Then the Hulkster will throw a 5 dollar bill at him, and buy his house, car, kids, and wife. Then rip his shirt off while singing the national anthem. Then maybe you idiots will shut the up about Scola.

7. If you question Pop's game plan. I'm not going in to this one. But it's just stupid. 4 rings. Lots of wine. Best ratio of acne scars to les. Ever.

8. If you have an unhealthy obsession with an ex-Spurs player that you clearly put above the team. Rasho, Jax, Scola, and Beno are the obvious examples. For contrast, see Sean Elliott, the most kick ass announcer ever. Why? Because he's not a giant pussy like anyone who fits reasons 1-8. I guarantee you that Sean thinks Scola sucks . And he's right. Why? Because he's Sean ing Elliott. I'm pretty sure that Luis Scola would not have hit the Memorial Day Miracle. One, because the dude isn't even American, and he probably doesn't even know what Memorial Day is. Nobody in South America ever gave their life for country. Unless by "country" you mean "an eight ball of coke and a 1982 Trans Am". And two, because he's from South America, and they're all probably too coked up to realize what day it even is. Except for Ginobili. His weekly calendar is all the same thing. It starts with "kicking the out of people day", and ends with "kicking the of people day", and the rest is just splitting the difference between the two.

9. If you give a what the media thinks. For 's sake. we have 4 rings. Who cares. Crying about disrespectful media articles is about as fun as Stan Van Gundy trying to get laid. For the slow and sequ amongst us... I'll clarify. It's just a waste of time. The Spurs have 4 rings. The more you cry, the more you let them get to you.

10. If you give "props" to opposing team's fans on a message board. Timmy gives Dirk props after a series win. They played each other. There's really no reason for "dip 210" to give "DIRKGOATTEE9111!!!" any sort of respect after a series. We don't play. We don't need sportsmanship. We just beat the out of them. F Respect.

11. Sober people

12. Parker fans who are anti Manu. And Manu fans who are anti Parker. Seriously. This is the stupidest thing ever. First of all - if you took both of them, gave them space age super hormones, and combined their DNA, a molecule of Tim Duncan would fly over and swat the out of their DNA ball, and then punch it in the head with his 4 rings. Second of all, both of them are bad ass players who are incomparable. Third of all, anyone who is a true Spurs fan would spend less time comparing/arguing the two, and more time enjoying the _FOUR ING RINGS THAT WE HAVE_. It really must be a miserable existence to have "your team" win a le and be pissed that so and so won the -and-ass award or that joe blow got more respect in the morning-after article. It's almost like you're not fans of the team.........

Okay, that was a little obvious.

But really. I bet Tony and Manu sit around, smoke a joint, and laugh at most of you guys.

Good times.

You're a ing homer if you think THE PHOENIX SUNS are a easy win. This is the N-B- ing-A. if you repeat so be it. it is what is. until then suck a fat . beat your head against the wall for getting no respect. Now, on to game 3.

[JPB]

Thanks and props Loose Cannon.

Very funny material.

[nashzilla]

1. If you've ever gotten upset and called Holt a cheap ass. Do you realize, relative to the rest of the NBA, what market we're in? Look at the dynasties: Los Angeles. Boston. Chicago. San ing Antonio. Really? You're going to at the owner of a team that barely sells out playoff games for being cheap? With his 4 rings? Stupid. We've won 4 rings and about 1,000 games since the last time Boston sniffed the Finals. Take your "cheap" tag and blow it out of your ass.

2. If you've ever thought that Duncan has lost a step. Stupid. It's Tim ing Duncan.

3. If you've ever actually engaged princess pimp and/or whoever that trailblazers fan is, in a debate where you actually get emotionally invested. Just ignore it. The Suns fan is clearly fake. The Blazers fan is probably real, but he's a Blazers fan. The only people that give a about the Blazers are people on this board and Clyde Drexler, who could never do anything in his career but play second fiddle to the current best guy in the league, and not win les. For comparison, see Steve Nash.

4. If you've actually thought the Spurs would/will ever sign a 1st or 2nd tier player in the offseason as long as Tim "the best big man ever to play basketball" Duncan is on the team. Bonus points if you actually god mad that we didn't.

5. If you're under 5'8.

6. If you exist only on this board for Argentina. That's great. You guys have some good basketball players. They have some medals in a compe ion that does not match the premier league on the planet. That's cute. Too bad Scola is down 0-2 and his team is about to get the beat out of them by the quintessential American point guard, the quintessential American power forward, and the quintessential American coach. Really all we need is Hulk Hogan and/or Dwight Eisenhower to come out and DDT Scola onto onto a sharp rock. Then the Hulkster will throw a 5 dollar bill at him, and buy his house, car, kids, and wife. Then rip his shirt off while singing the national anthem. Then maybe you idiots will shut the up about Scola.

7. If you question Pop's game plan. I'm not going in to this one. But it's just stupid. 4 rings. Lots of wine. Best ratio of acne scars to les. Ever.

8. If you have an unhealthy obsession with an ex-Spurs player that you clearly put above the team. Rasho, Jax, Scola, and Beno are the obvious examples. For contrast, see Sean Elliott, the most kick ass announcer ever. Why? Because he's not a giant pussy like anyone who fits reasons 1-8. I guarantee you that Sean thinks Scola sucks . And he's right. Why? Because he's Sean ing Elliott. I'm pretty sure that Luis Scola would not have hit the Memorial Day Miracle. One, because the dude isn't even American, and he probably doesn't even know what Memorial Day is. Nobody in South America ever gave their life for country. Unless by "country" you mean "an eight ball of coke and a 1982 Trans Am". And two, because he's from South America, and they're all probably too coked up to realize what day it even is. Except for Ginobili. His weekly calendar is all the same thing. It starts with "kicking the out of people day", and ends with "kicking the of people day", and the rest is just splitting the difference between the two.

9. If you give a what the media thinks. For 's sake. we have 4 rings. Who cares. Crying about disrespectful media articles is about as fun as Stan Van Gundy trying to get laid. For the slow and sequ amongst us... I'll clarify. It's just a waste of time. The Spurs have 4 rings. The more you cry, the more you let them get to you.

10. If you give "props" to opposing team's fans on a message board. Timmy gives Dirk props after a series win. They played each other. There's really no reason for "dip 210" to give "DIRKGOATTEE9111!!!" any sort of respect after a series. We don't play. We don't need sportsmanship. We just beat the out of them. F Respect.

11. Sober people

12. Parker fans who are anti Manu. And Manu fans who are anti Parker. Seriously. This is the stupidest thing ever. First of all - if you took both of them, gave them space age super hormones, and combined their DNA, a molecule of Tim Duncan would fly over and swat the out of their DNA ball, and then punch it in the head with his 4 rings. Second of all, both of them are bad ass players who are incomparable. Third of all, anyone who is a true Spurs fan would spend less time comparing/arguing the two, and more time enjoying the _FOUR ING RINGS THAT WE HAVE_. It really must be a miserable existence to have "your team" win a le and be pissed that so and so won the -and-ass award or that joe blow got more respect in the morning-after article. It's almost like you're not fans of the team.........

Okay, that was a little obvious.

But really. I bet Tony and Manu sit around, smoke a joint, and laugh at most of you guys.

Good times.

you lost me on your piece of paragraph in number 1. mother er's a fan of the spurs and she/he thinks the people want to read his/her tired ass, too long, foul, better knock on wo0d , type ?? janque, janckey, jane-key!!!!

[ShoogarBear]

6 was funny because it was just an anti-Scola rant. 8 wasn't; ended up sounding like on of those talk-radio whackjobs.

[Mr. Body]

My penis is 5'8". This post sucked.

[Ariel]

Nobody in South America ever gave their life for country. Unless by "country" you mean "an eight ball of coke and a 1982 Trans Am". And two, because he's from South America, and they're all probably too coked up to realize what day it even is.

Wish the former were true, but unfortunately it's as bogus as the notion that the latter is any more likely to happen in this region of South America than it is up North.

[ATX Spur]

Haha enjoy your hangover headache this morning. I think you're going to be late for the short bus.