How the Lakers Got Pau Gasol

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

How the Lakers Got Pau Gasol
By Michael Montgomery | June 7th, 2008

This off-season, after a hugely popular and successful NBA Finals that the Lakers will win David Stern will state that the Western Conference is so strong that the Eastern Conference is at a compe ive disadvantage. So he announces that in a massive reshuffling of the NBA’s divisions, that New Orleans, Minnesota, and Memphis will all be moved to the Eastern Conference to help balance out the compe ive disadvantage.But you must be wondering, New Orleans makes sense, but Minnesota and Memphis are two horrible teams, how will they help make the Eastern Conference stronger?

The answer is that this is the reward that David Stern had promised to Minnesota and Memphis in order for their part in his fiendish plan to arrange an NBA Finals that would actually draw TV viewers.

The plan began, as Stern sat watching the San Antonio Spurs hoist the trophy again after last season over the Cleveland LeBrons from his lair inside Mount Rainier. Stern saw that even Lebron James and a publicity stunt to set up one of the Spurs with a Desperate Housewife couldn’t draw the NBA Finals any TV ratings at all as long as the Spurs were in the Finals.

Stern now realized he must find a way to get the Spurs out of the NBA finals, and just as he was about to give up, he began flipping through channels and stopped on ESPN Classic, when he saw the 1987 NBA Finals featuring Magic Johnson’s Lakers against Larry Bird’s Celtics.

Stern then had a magical idea: a Celtics-Lakers final, a renewal of a classic rivalry..”It’s perfect!” Stern shouted from his the desk of his lair while petting his white cat.

But then he remembered the Celtics were run by Danny Ainge, and thus sucked, so he must interfere, which is where the Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett trades came in. The Allen trade was easy, simply agree with Sonics owner Clay Bennett that the team will be moved from Seattle to Oklahoma City following this season. The Minnesota deal was also easy, at first, simply rig the draft lottery so the Timberwolves won it this season.

But then there were the Lakers, and even after Stern put Andrew Bynum through through rigorous off-season training program it didn’t seem like enough to put the Lakers over the top. Them Bynum got hurt and Stern knew he must meddle again, so he approached Grizzlies owner Heisley, who also wanted to have the draft lottery rigged in their favor this season.

But Stern had already promised this to Minnesota for their gracious trade of Kevin Garnett to the Celtics. Stern, seeing his dream slip away agreed to also rig the draft so that the Grizzlies would win.

Knowing his conundrum, Stern summoned Heisley and Minnesota owner Glen Taylor up to his Mount Rainer lair to discuss a deal that would satisfy both parties. They both complained about how even with winning the draft lottery they still wouldn’t be able to compete in the Western Conference, so Stern then suggested that instead of rigging the draft lottery he would move both teams to the Eastern Conference in his massive effort to make the Eastern Conference as compe ive as the Western Conference.

That is why the following will be the arrangement of teams starting next season:

Eastern Conference

Atlantic: Boston, New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Washington

Central: Chicago, Cleveland, Detroit, Indiana, Milwaukee, Minnesota, Toronto

Southwest: Atlanta, Charlotte, Memphis, Miami, New Orleans, Orlando

Western Conference:

Pacific: Golden State, LA Lakers, LA Clippers, Phoenix, Portland, Sacramento

Southwest: Dallas, Denver, Houston, Oklahoma City, San Antonio, Utah

http://mvn.com/nba-grizzlies/2008/06...west-division/

[timvp]

Huh? ROFL. The Grizzlies?









Shhhhhhhh. Watch this.










ROFL.

[Mister Sinister]

Huh? ROFL. The Grizzlies?









Shhhhhhhh. Watch this.










ROFL.

At first, I was like . But then, I 'd!

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

[monosylab1k]

I'm all for conspiracy talk, but that realignment might be the single dumbest thing I've ever read in my life.

Here's how it went down - Stern forced the Gasol trade in exchange for the 1st pick in the draft. When the draft goes down and Memphis loses big, they complain to Stern. David stern presses his voice box and replies with "I have altered the deal, pray I don't alter it any further" and everyone goes on with their lives.

[monosylab1k]

Huh? ROFL. The Grizzlies?









Shhhhhhhh. Watch this.










ROFL.

lol

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

I didn't know timvp had such a sense of humor. He seemed to me more as of a straight down to business guy.

[Red Hawk #21]

Lol the Grizzlies got owned by Jerry West

[LocosPorJuana]

I can't remember which owner said this, but the quote will forever stay in my memory....." If Jerry West calls, you have to hang up on him."

[Chris]

Here's how it went down - Stern forced the Gasol trade in exchange for the 1st pick in the draft. When the draft goes down and Memphis loses big, they complain to Stern. David stern presses his voice box and replies with "I have altered the deal, pray I don't alter it any further" and everyone goes on with their lives.

ROFLMAO

[Lakers08Champs]

West is a die-hard. Now, only if we can get Elgin Baylor to start kicking in from the Clippers.

Lol it'd be sick if we can rob Al Throton from the clipps. our team would be so complete 1 thru 5.