Mensa Invitational

[ShoogarBear]

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipa is: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

[ShoogarBear]

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rec ude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. cir vent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

[AlamoSpursFan]

I took the Mensa test in 9th or 10th grade (I forget which), and apparently I passed, because my dumb-ass was accepted.

As the late great Grouch Marx once said: "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

[AlamoSpursFan]

Oh yeah, did I mention I'm a chip-delivering truck driver for a living?



Mensa: Pshaw!!!

[ShoogarBear]

I took the Mensa test in 9th or 10th grade (I forget which), and apparently I passed, because my dumb-ass was accepted.

Probably a reflection of that superlative high-school education you got.

[CuckingFunt]

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

I lol'd.

Especially at "reintarnation."

[balli]

Ignoranus is pretty good.

[AlamoSpursFan]

Probably a reflection of that superlative high-school education you got.

Shoog's talking smack about your high school edge-a-ma-cashion, SpursWoman!

[ShoogarBear]

I knew before posting that ignoranus would be the overwhelming winner on this board, since that's how everyone views everyone else.

[ShoogarBear]

Shoog's talking smack about your high school edge-a-ma-cashion, SpursWoman!

Hey, you know I went there, too.

[CuckingFunt]

My IQ would qualify me for MENSA, but I've never taken any membership test.

I never understood what they actually did. Sit around and enjoy how smart they are? Sounds pretty ing boring.

[E20]

LMAO @ Mensa.

[AlamoSpursFan]

Hey, you know I went there, too.

[JohnnyCarson]I DID not know that...[/JohnnyCarson]

[marini martini]

Yeah, my I.Q. qualifies me also! But I can't leave my space capsule to participate!

Sons of es!

[E20]

My IQ would qualify me for MENSA, but I've never taken any membership test.

I never understood what they actually did. Sit around and enjoy how smart they are? Sounds pretty ing boring.

Exactly. Mensa is ing useless.

[ShoogarBear]

I never understood what they actually did.

Apparently they post in this thread.

[balli]

Anybody ever check out TED?

http://www.ted.com/

It isn't useless.

[AlamoSpursFan]

EUREKA!!! Finally I know what that "Someday you will be able to post in SpursTalk threads" line meant in the "Welcome to Mensa" letter I got...

[AlamoSpursFan]

Anybody ever check out TED?

http://www.ted.com/

It isn't useless.

This is true.

If you suffer from chronic insomnia, click the link.

You will never need drugs again...

[E20]

Anybody ever check out TED?

http://www.ted.com/

It isn't useless.

That's all moot.

[balli]

This is true.

If you suffer from chronic insomnia, click the link.

You will never need drugs again...

What? Booooooo. Where else can you hear lectures on The intelligence of crows, the worldwide telescope or the myth of violence? And how could you be bored by things like that? TED's awesome.

[Sunshine]

First we have the RICHER thread and now we got a bunch of SMARTERS....sheesh

[Spurminator]

High-brow humorer!

[remingtonbo2001]

Anybody ever check out TED?

http://www.ted.com/

It isn't useless.

Cool site.

[ShoogarBear]

First we have the RICHER thread and now we got a bunch of SMARTERS....sheesh

Did you not see the word "Invitational" in the topic? May I see yours?