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They've been doing it all morning on Mike and Mike in the Morning.
The 7 words you can't say on television.
A true pioneer against censorship.
A legend.
RIP, George.
They've been doing it all morning on Mike and Mike in the Morning.
This is why I hate you.
Noooooo
I will miss him. Very funny.
RIP GC.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=YphEUa5LPjM
baseball football george carlin
Bummer.
May Joe bless you and the Sun have mercy on your ing soul.
I'm tired of television announcers, hosts, newscaster, and commentators, nibbling away at the English language, making obvious and ignorant mistakes. If I were in charge of America's broadcast stations and networks, I would gather together all the people whose jobs include speaking to the public, and I would not let them out of the room until they had absorbed the following suggestions. I'm aware that media personalities are not selected on the basis of intelligence. I know that, and I try to make allowances for it. Believe me, I really try. But still ⦠There are some liberties taken with speech that I think require intervention, if only for my own sake. I won't feel right if this chance goes by, and I keep my silence.
The English word forte, meaning "specialty" or "strong point," is not pronounced "for-tay." Got that? It is pronounced "fort." The Italian word forte, used in music notation, is pronounced "for-tay," and it instructs the musician to play loud: "She plays the skin flute, and her forte [fort] is playing forte [for-tay]." Look it up. And don't give me that whiny , "For-tay is listed as the second preference." There's a reason it's second: because it's not first!
Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence. If two baseball palyers from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's it will not be ironic. It will be a coincidence. Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." For instance:
* If a diabetic, on his way to buy insulin, is killed by a runaway truck, he is the victim of an accident. If the truck was delivering sugar, he is the victim of an oddly poetic coincidence. But if the truck was delivering insulin, ah! Then he is the victim of an irony.
* If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein's army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large.
* Darryl Stingley, the pro football player, was paralyzed after a brutal hit by Jack Tatum. Now Darryl Stingley's son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. It will be coincidental. If Darryl Stingley's son paralyzes someone else, that will be closer to ironic. If he paralyzes Jack Tatum's son that will be precisely ironic.
I'm tired of hearing prodigal being used to mean "wandering, given to running away or leaving and returning." The parable in the Book of Luke tells of a son who squanders his father's money. Prodigal means "recklessly wasteful or extravagant." And if you say popular usage has changed that, I say, popular usage!
The phrase sour grapes does not refer to jealousy or envy. Nor is it related to being a sore loser. It deals with the rationalization of failure to attain a desired end. In the original fable by Aesop, "The Fox and the Grapes," when the fox realizes he cannot leap high enough to reach the grapes, he rationalizes that even if he had gotten them, they would probably have been sour anyway. Rationalization, that's all sour grapes means. It doesn't mean deal with jealousy or sore losing. Yeah, I know you say, "Well many people are using it that way, so the meaning is changing." And I say, "Well many people are really in' stupid too, shall we just adopt all their standards?"
Strictly speaking, celibate does not mean not having sex, it means not being married. No wedding. The practice of refraining from sex is called chas y or sexual abstinence. No ing. Priests don't take a vow of celibacy, they take a vow of chas y. Sometimes referred to as the "no-nookie clause."
And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was concieved in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
Proverbial is now being used to describe things that don't appear in proverbs. For instance, "the proverbial drop in the bucket" is incorrect because "a drop in the bucket" is not a proverb, it's a metaphor. You wouldn't say, "as welcome as a turd in the proverbial punchbowl," or "as cold as the proverbial nun's box," because neither refers to a proverb. The former is a metaphor, the latter is a simile.
Momentarily means for a moment, not in a moment. The word for "in a moment" is presently "I will be there presently, Dad, and then, after pausing momentarily, I will kick you in the nuts."
No other option and no other alternative are redundant. The words option and alternative already imply otherness. "I had no option, Mom, I got this huge erection because there was no alternative." This rule is not optional; the alternative is to be wrong.
You should not use criteria when you mean criterion for the same reason that you should not use criterion when you mean criteria. These is my only criterions.
A light-year is a measurement of distance, not time. "It will take light years for young basketball players to catch up with the number of women Wilt Chamberlain has ed, "is a scientific impossibility. Probably in more ways than one.
An acronym is not just any set of initials. It applies only to those that are pronounced as words. MADD, DARE, NATO, and UNICEF are acronyms. FBI, CIA, and KGB are not. They're just pricks.
I know I'm fighting a losing battle with this one, but I refuse to surrender: Collapsing a building with explosives is not an implosion. An implosion is a very specific scientific phenomenon. The collapsing of a building with explosives is the collapsing of a building with explosives. The explosives explode, and the building collapses inwardly. That is not an implosion. It is an inward collapsing of a building, following a series of smaller explosions designed to make it collapse inwardly. Period. you!
Here's another pointless, thankless objection I'd like to register. I say it that way, because I know you people and your goddamn "popular usage" slammed the door on this one a long time ago. But here goes anyway:
A cop out is not an excuse, not even a weak one; it is an admission of guilt. When someone "cops a plea," he admits guilt to some charge, in exchange for better treatment. He has "copped out." When a guy says, "I didn't get to her because I reminded her of her little brother," he is making an excuse. If he says, "I didn't get to her because I'm an unattractive schmuck," he is copping out. The trouble arises when an excuse contains a small amount of self-incriminating truth.
This one is directed to the sports people: You are destroying a perfectly good figure of speech: "Getting the monkey off one's back" does not mean breaking a losing streak. It refers only to ending a dependency. That's all. The monkey represents a strong yen. A loosing streak does not compare even remotely. Not in a literary sense and not in real life.
Here's one you hear from the truly dense: "The proof is in the pudding." Well, the proof is not in the pudding; the rice and raisins are in the pudding. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. In this case, proof means "test." The same is true of "the exception that proves (tests) the rule."
An eye for an eye is not a call for revenge, it is an argument for fairness. In the time of the Bible, it was standard to take a life in exchange for an eye. But the Bible said, No, the punishment should fit the crime. Only and eye for an ey, nothing more. It is not vindictive, it is mitigatory.
Don't make the same mistake twice seems to indicate three mistakes, doesn't it? First you make the mistake. Then you make the same mistake. Then you make the same mistake twice. If you simply say, "Don't make the same mistake, " you'll avoid the first mistake.
Unique needs no modifier. Very unique, quite unique, more unique, real unique, fairly unique, and extremely unique are wrong and they mark you as dumb, although certainly not unique.
Healthy does not mean "healthful." Healthy is a condition, healthful is a property. Vegetable aren't healthy, they're dead. No food is healthy. Unlesss you have an eggplant that's doing push-ups. Push-ups are healthful.
There is no such thing or word as kudo. Kudos is a singular noun meaning praise, and it is pronounced kyoo-dose. There is also a plural form, spelled the same, but pronounced kyoo-doze. Please stop telling me, "So-and-so picked up another kudo today."
Race, creed, or color is wrong. Race and color, as used in this phrase, describe the same property. And "creed" is a stilted, outmoded way of saying "religion." Leave this tired phrase alone; it has lost its usefulness. Besides, it reeks of insincerity no matter who uses it.
As of yet is simply stupid. As yet, I've seen no progress on this one, but of course I'm speaking as of now.
Here's one you can win money on in a bar if you're within reach of the right reference book: Chomping at the bit and old stomping ground are incorrect. Some Saturday afternoon when you're getting bombed on your old stamping ground, you'll be champing at the bit to use this one.
Sorry to sound so picky, folks, but I listen to a lot of radio and TV and these things have bothered me for a long time.
...excerpt from George Carlin's book, Brain Droppings.
RIP George.
Damn, heard about this on the way into work this morning. RIP George, you were one of the very best.
RIP George.
And another one bites the dust.
i couldnt stand this guy.
he was so anti-christ and an atheist.
That's why I liked him.
Well it's a sure bet he's not standing around "up there" looking down on us. More than likely he's "down there" looking up.
R.I.P. George, even if you did stiff me out of 3rd row center seats to see you back in the early '90s because Fox offered you a ty sit-com.
This is a sad day for comedy, and for me.
Kyle:
Do you need lessons in multi-quote???
Marini
RIP.... gonna miss that guy.
Coming soon: Carlos Mencia's new Siete Palabras Sucias routine.
Fuuuuck
Who was he ?
You forgot fart, turd, and .
The response to his death is quite amazing, considering how anti-establishment, anti-conventional he was, with a multiple arrest record. I think he had millions of secret admirers in the mainstream.
He left an amazing amount of work on video, thanks HBO. I never tire of watching it. Amazing, diverse talents.
June 24, 2008
Op-Ed Contributor
Dying Is Hard. Comedy Is Harder.
By JERRY SEINFELD
THE honest truth is, for a comedian, even death is just a premise to make jokes about. I know this because I was on the phone with George Carlin nine days ago and we were making some death jokes. We were talking about Tim Russert and Bo Diddley and George said: “I feel safe for a while. There will probably be a break before they come after the next one. I always like to fly on an airline right after they’ve had a crash. It improves your odds.”
I called him to compliment him on his most recent special on HBO. Seventy years old and he cranks out another hour of great new stuff. He was in a hotel room in Las Vegas getting ready for his show. He was a monster.
You could certainly say that George downright invented modern American stand-up comedy in many ways. Every comedian does a little George. I couldn’t even count the number of times I’ve been standing around with some comedians and someone talks about some idea for a joke and another comedian would say, “Carlin does it.” I’ve heard it my whole career: “Carlin does it,” “Carlin already did it,” “Carlin did it eight years ago.”
And he didn’t just “do” it. He worked over an idea like a diamond cutter with facets and angles and refractions of light. He made you sorry you ever thought you wanted to be a comedian. He was like a train hobo with a chicken bone. When he was done there was nothing left for anybody.
But his brilliance fathered dozens of great comedians. I personally never cared about “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television,” or “FM & AM.” To me, everything he did just had this gleaming wonderful precision and originality.
I became obsessed with him in the ’60s. As a kid it seemed like the whole world was funny because of George Carlin. His performing voice, even laced with profanity, always sounded as if he were trying to amuse a child. It was like the naughtiest, most fun grown-up you ever met was reading you a bedtime story.
I know George didn’t believe in heaven or . Like death, they were just more comedy premises. And it just makes me even sadder to think that when I reach my own end, whatever tumbling cataclysmic vortex of existence I’m spinning through, in that moment I will still have to think, “Carlin already did it.”
Jerry Seinfeld is a writer and a comedian.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/24/op...infeld.html?hp
I didn't know who he was but it is sad that he died.
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