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Tell him to grow a pair.
..
Last edited by Ed Helicopter Jones; 04-03-2010 at 09:24 PM.
Tell him to grow a pair.
Done that many times over the years. It didn't seem to work. He's still ball-less.
Lend him one of yours.
Winner.
You can't say anything. It's up to your bro, not you.
Your bro is paying the price for being sackless and not dropping the hammer on his wife long ago.
I'm the youngest of six brothers so I've seen quite a few trainwrecks in my 33 years.
Dave is ed.
My brothers and I also have problems similar to this from time to time. There are three of us and whenever we make plans, inevitably, one of the wives tries to screw it up.
We have since fixed this problem by teaming up and talking sense into whichever wife is causing problems. I would seriously call his wife, explain to her that four brothers going on a golf trip is not only innocent, but it's something that isn't going to come along all that often for the rest of your lives. I can't imagine letting something or someone come between the relationship my brothers and I have so you really just have to put your foot down.
Have your bro plan something for his wife to do during that weekend too. She seems needy, wanty, and annoying, so with her being selfish, she'll need something to get over the fact that her husband likes doing things without her too.
This should have been PM'd to me.
I would have a knock down drag out fight with his wife. Since your brother isn't capable of calling her on her you'll have to. Since you guys don't see much of each other because of her you have nothing to lose. The situation is already ed up. Might as well clear the air.
Then privately tell her you can make her disappear if she continues to make your relationship with your brother a strain.
Oh, and which courses are you playing?
To with Dave's wife.
Just tell her that this trip is as important to you guys as her trips with her mother were important to her. If she gives you a "mom's dead now" type of thing, tell her that she should understand it that much more because your father passed and you're trying to spend more time with your brothers.
her. Don't stop visiting your brother because of her. If you can't go over there, invite him to your house. Or, just hang out with each other over the weekend.
Do your part. If your brother doesn't want to, well it's his loss.
I'm going throught the same thing with my older brother.
She sounds like a pleasure to be around.Janet has told him that if he goes on this trip without her that he's choosing other people over her, and that she doesn't want to become one of those couples that takes separate vacations.
I've often wondered what drives men to marry women with personalities like this.
Your brother should plan a vacation with her on top of this so she can shut the up. If I ever marry a person like that I might have to choke a !!
I can somewhat understand if it was his frat buddies, but his brothers?
You nailed it earlier; needy, selfish and annoying.
Things like this make me realize how good i have it.
I couldnt take it if my wife was like this. We have a great relationship but also know when to push and when to let go.
If you MUST talk to her... If you're antagonistic with her that will just make her hold her ground even more. Give her a call, let her explain her concerns, then talk to her about the trip so she'll understand that it's a harmless brothers trip and it wouldn't be as enjoyable if one of you couldn't be there.
She's being a stupid and unreasonable but the thing about stupid people is that they dig in even more when they are made to realize they are wrong about something. You have to make her think it's her decision to let him go. Make her think she's somehow being benevolent and generous, even though she's only doing what a reasonable, secure wife would do in this situation.
Failing that, invite her along and organize a mountain-side "accident" that will take her out of the picture.
Last edited by Spurminator; 07-18-2008 at 02:20 PM.
Ah the ole jealous wife wants to always know what's going on and be included thing.
What I would do is sit the guy down and explain to him you have to decide now how it's going to be.
1. Do not speak to his wife. That is not your job at all and what good could come from it? In the end it would only piss her off and she'd chew your brother out for it creating more problems.
2. Tell your brother that this trip is one of those 'we did that' type things. The boys hooking up one last time now would be easier to do than in the future. Have him tell his wife that you guys need this for reasons more than just hanging out. To commune with your family and have something to cherish long after it's over. That one of you may pass suddenly and it will be a burden on a heart that he had to miss the trip or something of that sort. Guilt trip her but in the right way.
3. If your brother won't do the above then explain to him his wife is not the boss. If she threatens their relationship or the foundation in which they root from, over spending time with your brothers that she is basically showing selfishness and not considering his thoughts, feelings, and where his heart is at. Tell your brother that hey, if she can't accept this trip then what's it going to be next? If she is that insecure about a trip with brothers, what do you think is going to happen in the future?
In a nice brotherly way of course.
My ex girlfriend had some big deal about me going to a Razorbacks basketball game one Saturday with the boys, then after going camping that night and all day Saturday, then Sunday coming back. All because she felt left out. I told her basically if she can't let me do this and trust me, and understand we all need space from each other if not for time to just regroup but just time amongst your boys to have fun and relax away from the world and that it has nothing to do with my love for you or anything of that sort, that she is putting me in a position that makes me feel like I cannot be independent nor be allowed to make my own decisions even though they are pure and just. She thought it over and realized that very point and said her I'm sorry and I went and had a blast. And when I came back let me tell you- I missed her so much we had one wild night in the sack bud and she joking asked "are you sure you won't be going on any man time trips?" Obviously enjoying how I came back rejuvenated and you know, hungry for her.
Basically what this woman is showing is insecurity and not very much trust at all. Whether or not she is afraid he will cheat or you guys are going to some strip club without her knowing is something a lot of girls always have in the back of their mind regardless. To me it sounds like she just needs reassurance that everything is okay and that if he can't have time with his brothers it just shows bigger problems down the road.
As a last resort if nothing works, I would talk to her if I was you anyways. Tell her that you know, we need him and this trip. We might not ever get together like this again in our lives and I want us all to be able to have memories, pictures and just something in our hearts to take with his for the rest of our lives. That he will call you during the trip to let you know all is well and that he loves you. And if you truly love him you would let him go because he needs it, not because he wants it. Get all sensitive about it.
Hope that helps.
Women are bat crazy. It gets proven time and time again.
Last year, my SIL told my brother she would divorce him if he didn't agree to buy this particular house she wanted. She took their two kids and walked out on him and he stayed with me. He's 43 and was asking me for advice. I told him to take her up on her offer of the divorce. It will only get worse if you bow down and give in to her, I told him, and guess what? It has. Stupid er is miserable when she's around.
She's such a .
My wife has always been very cool about stuff like this. Part of it is probably that I have no game whatsoever so she's not really worried about anything happening, but still... hearing about stuff like this is baffling.
dude, THAT is ed up..
Women are possessive. After being together for a while some start treating you like you are an object in the purse. After me and my ex broke up, I vowed to never let that happen again.
So with my current gf, I told her at the get go when things got serious: "Fallon, I will not sacrifice my feelings for your well being. Meaning if I feel or think something I am saying it and you are either accepting it or walking the line." She understood I wasn't being some jackass, and knew I only meant don't ever treat me like you are the boss and I am at any time a key without a door. And we've been great ever since as the whole thing was mutual.
If you have to talk to her, I would suggest just repeating this part of your post ...
She really needs to understand that her husband isn't wanting to go on a strip club tour of America with three guys he's met a the local NUDE! NUDE! NUDE! club last weekend. He's wanting to spend time with three men that are very important in his life and will have little time to get together in the future. If the trip is as important to your brother as it is to you (I'm sure it is), then he needs to be the one drawing the line in the sand with his wife .. not the other way around.
More than you know. They've been married for 11 years and she still calls my mom and dad Mr. and Mrs.
My sister and brother used to live two doors down from each other. My sister had a birthday party for her son and my brother and his wife had a wedding to go to. Instead of just having her kids stay at my sister's with their grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc., she instead got a sitter and forbade her kids from coming over. She told the sitter she'd fire her if she found out that her kids went to their cousin's birthday party. Her son sat by the fence the entire time and just watched all of his family enjoy a kid's bday party without him.
I'll never forget the look on his face.
I wanted to punch her in the throat for doing that to her own child.
Sounds like my best friends wife. I don't understand when significant others can't realize that there is a need to do things with people OUTSIDE of your relationship too.
Anyway, I think John Smith laid out the best advice in this thread.
What's happens in a married couple is not anybody's ing business but theirs.
IMO insecurity has to a lot to do with it on both sides.
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