I need advice from the Spurstalk community

[MannyIsGod]

EHJ holds a 1% chance of winning a "fire vs. fire" technique if he calls her straight up. She'll be in her comfort zone because she'll know it's coming. She is already feeling like she is being attacked and him calling her would make her feel even more attacked. On her home turf, she is going to win that battle ... even if it means hanging up the phone and then cutting the husband's nvts off afterwards.

Even if the sappy email route doesn't work initially, at least when she calls her guard will be down and then EHJ can drop the hammer. If she calls thinking she'll be able to put a nice little ribbon on the top of her decision and EHJ will understand, she's not going to be ready for the fire. That's when EHJ can strike. That is the only way to hope to catch her with her defenses down.

The only other way is to show up unexpectedly on their doorstep and try to reason with her face to face. I'd do that way before I'd pick up the phone and try to beat her at her own game. EHJ has to get crafty to win this war.

I say Chopper sends her a mail bomb. #1 Great story for us here at Spurstalk - WIN. #2 Brother no longer is married to anal and lives happily ever after when he marries 22 year old hottie who cares for him in every way for ever - WIN #3 Chopper and the boys play extra golf and bro buys all the rounds with the life insurance money - WIN

Its Win Win Win!

[Brutalis]

When women act like that EHJ it makes me wonder if she in fact is the one doing something behind his back.

[baseline bum]

Cut the . If not that, at least give your brother that contact from your golf buddy that you posted about a few months ago, Chopper.

[Fillmoe]

ill straighten her out

[marini martini]

I wish I could give my 2 cents. But I'm a great wife, to my man & am very supportive of the ones in my family. I encourage everyone to follow their passion, and enjoy their good time, even if it doesn't include me
Because god knows, I'm enjoying my life, one day at a time

[The Franchise]

Here's the situation,

I am the oldest of four brothers, and the four of us have planned a 3 1/2 day golf trip to Denver for late August. Two of my brothers are in their 20's and the oldest of the three, Dave, is only a year younger than me. Only the baby of the group is single, and brother number three, Mike, has a baby due in October.

Anyway, we've got the trip completely planned, flights picked, hotel chosen, golf courses chosen, etc., when now Dave's wife, Janet, has told him that if he goes on this trip without her that he's choosing other people over her, and that she doesn't want to become one of those couples that takes separate vacations.

The ironic thing in this is that a few years back Janet's mom took Janet and her sisters on two trips to Europe that did not include my brother Dave. Janet's mom has since passed away, and for some reason, these trips without Dave are completely justifiable by Janet, but Dave's brothers weekend is somehow different according to her.

So Dave calls me and says to hold off on the reservations that he's not sure he is going. Needless to say I was disappointed and angry. He was looking to big brother to somehow make things better --- he asked me if I'd talk to his wife for him.

Basically I don't know what I'd say. A couple of years back she alienated herself from my wife by being pretty hateful, and so now I rarely see my brother, which is sad because he and I have always been close.

My baby brother is potentially taking a job in Chicago in the spring, and with Mike's wife's baby coming in October I know he'll be busy being a new dad for at least the next year and a half. My dad died suddenly, two years ago, and so I'm painfully aware that nothing in this life is a given, and so I was really looking forward to this trip. Dave's the one that the other three brothers see the least (due to his controlling wife) and so this trip was really being based upon him being there.

Dave is a former college football player. He is a superintendent for a large Arizona construction company and deals with some tough characters every single day on his job, but with his wife his balls shrivel up and disappear.

What should I do? What advice should I give? If I go off on Janet I'm sure she'll tighten the noose on Dave's nutsack even more.



The Chopper is stumped and looking for answers. I know the answers are here.


Help!

Kill him now. You'll be doing him a favor.

[ShoogarBear]

She really needs to understand that her husband isn't wanting to go on a strip club tour of America with three guys he's met a the local NUDE! NUDE! NUDE! club last weekend.

Crap, Chopper, you've been outed. Time for Plan B.

[Brodels]

I hope, for your brother's sake, that she's really, really sexy at least.

This is all great advice. I knew the Spurstalkers would come through!!

You all have certainly confirmed a lot of my own thoughts on this whole thing. I think my first move will be to re-affirm for my brother a lot of the points that you all have made regarding family, and the real purpose for this trip, and then advise him to discuss these items with her. As many of you have noted, staying out of their discussion would be best if possible...I think.

I also know they talked for "several hours" about this, according to Dave, already, so I have doubts he'll make much headway. So step two will be me talking to Janet...and I think JohnSmith's idea is a great one, if I make no headway alone, for step 3 I'll have brothers 3 and 4 talk to Dave as well. I think I'll print SFIE's script and distribute it to the three of us.

CC's comment about the bar being lowered is exactly what I've witnessed over the years. My brother has been married for 17 years now. As I mentioned, he's a former athlete and his wife was a psychology major. He doesn't usually say much, and she is a great manipulator. She could convince him that a blue sky is reallygreen...I've seen her in action. Over the years she's slowly separated him from his family, and has become more and more controlling. Easjer, from what I know about you I doubt you are anything like my sister-in-law. Doug Christie's wife might be better than Janet.

Some examples of her domineering ways...she keeps a two column notebook on the counter and when my brother comes home everyday she makes him write down what he spent money on...if he went to the ATM, etc. She reviews his daily spending, but he told me he hasn't seen one of her receipts, or even one of their bank statements in years....and he outearns her 3 to 1, but I've seen him ask her permission to take a little cash out of the ATM before like none of it is his. He keeps a little cash stash hidden from her that he uses to go have a beer with the fellas or buy a new golf club or whatever else she wouldn't approve of...like have a little fun without her. They've got plenty of money so it's just a control thing.

Another example...I was in Phoenix on a business trip a couple of weeks ago and I took an extra day there to be with him. I specifically planned it so I'd be at his house when she was normally teaching/working out/etc. When she heard I was coming she rearranged her schedule and spent the entire day with us. And when she's with us she dominates the conversation. I probably had 5 minutes of actual conversation with Dave.

Example three...my brother and his wife flew to NM when one of my cousins from Atlanta came to town specifically to go skiing with us about 5 years ago. They come into town and Janet was dealing with a sore knee and decided not to ski. She convinced Dave that he shouldn't ski either because she said she didn't want him injuring himself and not being able to work at his job (which at the time he was still working directly on jobsites quite a bit). All this after they flew out knowing we all were going skiing. My cousin was mystified, and hasn't been out to visit since. I don't blame him.

I told her one time that if she were my wife I'd of divorced and/or killed her by now. She laughed like I was joking. I wasn't joking. That's why I'm really hoping to be able to talk to her in a calm manner because my instinct is to pull out the pimp hand. This thread has given me a chance to simmer a bit...thankfully.

Anyway...all this affirms a lot for me, and I sincerely appreciate it. I think at this point I'm more disappointed in Dave than anything else, but he's essentially in an abusive relationship and I'm trying to remind myself of that.

I'll keep you posted.

[ShoogarBear]

I don't have anything more in the way of advice, since just about every possible angle has been given.

I will predict that your brother and Janet are going to end badly. Hopefully the kids won't be hurt.

[ploto]

I haven't posted much lately, but I had to respond to this thread. I spent about the same number of years as this brother in a relationship with someone who was a master manipulator. She will never be satisfied- no matter what he does-- EVER.

I feel for him- I really do. One of the key components is that manipulators have to isolate the person from others who could have any influence on that person. She seems to have already accomplished this in many ways.

Unfortunately only he can do anything about his relationship. Manipulators keep manipulating because it works. The only way to stop it is to make it quit working. A warning: If he makes the manipulation quit working, the marriage may end because she will no longer be in control of him.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

I don't have anything more in the way of advice, since just about every possible angle has been given.

I will predict that your brother and Janet are going to end badly. Hopefully the kids won't be hurt.

Luckily they have no kids.

After Chopper Jr. was born Janet started her string of hate on my wife until Mrs. Chopper had enough and finally excommunicated her.

They tried to have kids for a few years but gave up...Janet blamed Dave publicly, and he accepted that until she had Dave get a fertility test and he tested normal. For some reason she couldn't understand how a normal 35 year old woman who was drinking diet coke and taking ephedra for breakfast, going to the gym and doing extreme cardio workouts for two straight hours a day, tanning in a salon for over half an hour each day, eating a big lunch but then finishing her day with cigarettes and a bottle or two of wine couldn't get pregnant.

Actually, thinking about it, the only thing worse than being her husband would probably be being her child.

[Kriz-Maxima]

No kids?

She HAS to be a goddess in bed.

[ShoogarBear]

Luckily they have no kids.

God works in mysterious ways.

They tried to have kids for a few years but gave up...Janet blamed Dave publicly,

Hokey smokes, this woman needs to be disappeared.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

I haven't posted much lately, but I had to respond to this thread. I spent about the same number of years as this brother in a relationship with someone who was a master manipulator. She will never be satisfied- no matter what he does-- EVER.

I feel for him- I really do. One of the key components is that manipulators have to isolate the person from others who could have any influence on that person. She seems to have already accomplished this in many ways.

Unfortunately only he can do anything about his relationship. Manipulators keep manipulating because it works. The only way to stop it is to make it quit working. A warning: If he makes the manipulation quit working, the marriage may end because she will no longer be in control of him.

Something else I'd like to print out for my bro. Your point about separation is spot on. I'm beginning to think the dude needs an intervention.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

No kids?

She HAS to be a goddess in bed.

I can say, with all honesty, I have no desire to know the answer to this. But she has some sort of spell on the boy, that's for sure.

[MannyIsGod]

I wish I could give my 2 cents. But I'm the perfect wife, to my man & am very supportive of the ones in my family. I encourage everyone to follow their passion, and enjoy their good time, even if it doesn't include me
Because god knows, I'm enjoying my life, one day at a time

If you were my wife, I'd own a gun and it would be in my mouth.

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

You tell her he's going. And if she laughs, you punch her in the in head.

[mookie2001]

I'm the second of four brothers.

dam hasbrahs!
they all have ninja liter bikes too. and have hemegamboa like credentials

4ccs youngblood once sent six guys to the emergency room in a tussle. and hes not even the young and nubile one

[baseline bum]

This is what you do. You and your wife invite him and his to a nice restaurant. Midway through the meal, turn to your wife and say

"El junkie.... my brother, he got a junkie for a wife. Don't do nothing... sleeps all day with them black chades on... and who won't him cuz she's in a coma....

Do you know her womb is so polluted, he can't even have a kid with her?"

At this point she should jump up and yell "How dare you!" and storm out of your lives forever. Problem solved.

[marini martini]

If you were my wife, I'd own a gun and it would be in my mouth.

If you were my husband, I'd pull the trigger!

What the ? We own guns, no one in my family wants to put them in their mouth! Lighten up jerkwad! If you can't have fun in life by yourself, you damn sure won't have fun in a relationship, snowflake boi!

Be happy with yourself, then you can be happy with others!

[PakiDan]

I went on the trip... I am now divorced... I felt right for years, now I realize I took her for granted. Your bro should honor his wife and marriage... regardless if you feel she is right or not.

[Fillmoe]

lol... marini took a big fat on manolo

[J.T.]

I'd be happy to keep his wife preoccupied for that weekend. She can clean my apartment.

[mrsmaalox]

If you were my wife, I'd own a gun and it would be in my mouth.

Marini, I think someone has a crush on you!

[marini martini]

Marini, I think someone has a crush on you!

Not any more. I just edited