My best friend is visiting me from Alabama until Sunday so she helped me with a Teacher Appreciation Luncheon today at SVHS and then we headed out for a fun day shopping. We hit Rustic imports and Soma Intimates for some sexy bras and then on to Vickie's Secret for more sexy bras. We had our arms piled high and went to the front to ask for dressing rooms when my phone rang. It was a number I didn't know. I answered to find my beautiful daughter crying on the other end and saying "Mom, I just had a really back wreck."
She was driving west on Borgfeld Rd. and about 1 1/2 miles west of 281 she got distracted for a second and with the slick roads from the rain the two passenger-side tires of her car slid of the road into the gravel. She jerks back on to the road and between overcompensating and the wet roads her car slid across into the east bound lane. she was left front end facing south and got T-Boned by a poor lady and her 4 year old daughter. Both cars were totaled and she and the other passengers were all transported to the hospital.
I am thanking God tonight that everyone survived the accident. The little girl walked away without a scratch, the Mom had some pain from the front airbag but should be fine and my daughter has some neck problems ( some that were from an earlier injury and some from this one that are going to require a visit to a neurosurgeon ( with the possibility of surgery down the road) and extensive Physical rehabilitation for her neck. She had some bumps, bruises and abrasions and a bad case of total body whiplash but she and everyone else are all going to be fine.
It will be a while before we buy her a another car. First she has to pay a 1,000 deductible and then we are not going to get a new car for a while until we are sure she gets the gravity of the devastation she could have/did cause by looking away from the road for 1 second. She is going to hate going back to being shuttled around by me & my husband but at least she's alive to be shuttled around.
What are your thoughts? How do think you would feel if it were your child driving. I'm NOT looking for advice, my husband and I have that totally covered. I'm just curious what you might do if the person you were responsible/cared for created such a large scale potentially deadly situation for her/himself through what I consider negligence. Obviously our first thoughts were for her safety, making sure we got to her quickly (threw the bras at the Victoria's Secret girl and ran out of store), supporting her, getting the proper medical attention. and thanking GOD for not taking away my baby.
What would your's be???
Not answering your question there. I hope your duaghter will recovery very quickly. I almost made that call with the FD but I had to stay back at the FD. I hope "my boys" took very good care of your daughter and of course the other 2 person in the other vehicle...Let me know if you need anything.
so where do i sign up for this teacher/student relationship thingy? i make you famous
Glad to hear everyone seems to be OK. I lost a friend in a very similar type of accident years ago.
I'm sure she appreciates the gravity of it all. And it's honestly something that could happen to anyone. All it takes is that one second of distraction. But I couldn't even begin to imagine how it would feel to have a child in such a situation where their life was at risk, or to think they had put someone elses life at risk. I'm sure it'd be a bit of a wakeup call for me though. Just one of those reminders at how short our time together could be.
Depends on how she was distracted. If she was texting/dialing then i would be very piss and not get her a car for a good while.
Hope everything goes well for both families.
nevermind
2 Blonde~
I went through a similar situation, 7 years ago. Only I had the Sheriff 's office cal me at work. They said, "mrs. SRE$#" your daughter has been in a wreck, and is being air lifted to University Hospital. She miraculously recovered. But it has been a battle for me, to to not worry every time she leaves the house. Seven years, and 8 car wrecks later, I've finally accepted her fate is not in my control.
Good luck, it's not going to be easy for the next few years.
Last edited by marini martini; 08-23-2008 at 09:08 AM.
Is that some weird woman code???
Buy her another car? I wish my parents would buy me one car. Heck, I'll take a bicycle.
Anyways if it was my kid I'd blast them into last week for not paying attention, especially with wet roads. One or two slight differences in speed or location could of easily made this a triple fatality or worse.
Thank God everyone is okay! I can't see where I'd feel much differently from you in this case. I'd also be sticking to my guns making sure my kid learned a good lesson. My son, age 14, had his first and last I hope, brush with the law a few months ago; he and his best friend snuck out after midnight to go out joyriding with another neighborhood genius and ran their truck into a ditch (also on Borgfield Rd!!) That dreaded 3 am phone call was so horrible my instinct was to hold him and cry and baby him; but because he was totally unscathed, and scared less, I just couldn't let the life lesson slip away. The other 2 kids were out the next day without consequences while my son endured 2 weeks of hard labor and loss of electronics for a month. I think he learned a good lesson and I am just thankful he was not hurt, so i could give it to him!!
Are you high?
What a scary thing to go through 2Blonde. I'm glad everyone will be okay. A call like that from your child will stop your heart.
As for your question, I agree with Slydragon. My reaction would depend on how she got distracted. Was she doing something she shouldn't have been, like texting or talking on the phone? Or did she change the radio station? There's a range of acceptable and unacceptable behavior, I would try to match my reaction to the behavior.
I would think that the accident itself will serve as a big lesson on how deadly it can be to lose focus behind the wheel even for a second. It sounds like it was severe enough to keep her shaking for days while she absorbs what happened. It does give you a prime "teaching" moment, I'm sure you'll have her complete attention. She must be frightened from the accident.
I didn't see any negligence in the story you wrote, maybe you left it out, or maybe I define it differently.
Accidents happen, that's why they are called accidents.
First of all, I'm happy to hear your daughter is okay.
Now, onto your question.
Yes, it does depend on her behavior that caused the wreck, but I must ask you all: Have you, always, 100% of the time, paid attention behind the wheel? I know I haven't. I consider myself a VERY good driver -- I haven't been in a single wreck since I was 17 (a tractor was taking up an entire road in the country on the bottom of a hill and it was all I could do to miss it), I don't talk on the phone (I have a bluetooth for emergencies), don't listen to my iPod, I always check my mirrors before I change lanes, always use my signals... you get the idea.
However, to say there has never been a moment when I was floating on the grace of God would be a gross overstatement. I even fell asleep behind the wheel once -- I woke up doing 25 miles per hour, 2 tires barely on the road, 2 nearly in the ditch... in the opposite lane. I am so thankful that it was 4:30 am and there were no cars around for miles (no, I hadn't been drinking, I went to a Christian rock all-night lock-in).
I am certain that no human being on this Earth stays focused 100% of the time while driving. To say that she should be punished for something that we ALL do is a bit of a reach, in my opinion.
That said, I think in no way should she have another car handed to her. However... she just went through a life or death experience. She's probably really shaken and needs you to be compassionate now and firm later.
I guess this really comes down to a test of parenting. If you've done your job, you shouldn't need to impress upon her how incredibly dangerous a car is (when I was learning to drive, my dad said I was steering a 3000 pound bullet... that helped things sink in a lot), she should know by now. If the accident near-death experience doesn't teach her to be careful when driving... nothing will.
You are blessed to have your daughter still walking this Earth. Never forget that.
Just read the origional post... didnt read replies so excuse me if its been said...
I know you said you dont want advice... but why post about it if you didnt? you know someone is going to post their opinion.... so here it is...
First of all, Im glad everyone is OK...
Second of all, dont you DARE buy her another car.... make her pay for it herself. Im not trying to sound mean, thats what happened to me... Make her pay for her own car and she will be super carefull not to it up.
If you buy her a car she knows thats not on her dime and if she s up again she knows its not going too hurt her to much.... Make her think about her actions.... start now and make her pay for her own stuff and suffer the consiquences if she s up.
Even if she pays for it, your still the parent as long as she is living with you... you have the power to say no when she wants to drive it. Dont forget that.
Sounds to me like it wass an accident and not so much negligence. The same thing happened to me on an icy road in a split second. I'm just glad everyone is okay.
If you dont want advice and just want to know what I would do.... I'd ground the out of her (and thats all Im willing to say I would do publicly) for wasting my money on a car and not buy her another one. she would have to buy her own. Regardless if its her fault or not. If insurance pays for it, fine. After that she gets her own insurance if she wants a vehicle to drive.
I'm not going to say any names, but let's just hope some people here don't have kids...
That's such a stupid ing post.
2Blonde, thank God everyone is okay. I too am curious what distracted her. If it was something that was actually negligent on her part - that's one thing but sometimes accidents just happen.
Maybe it's none of our business (but what the , it's on the forum) so I am just curious as to what the distraction was because you say that you felt it was negligence.
For example, I know someone who hit the car in front of them because she was looking at a guy on the corner - that's negligent
But I also know someone who was driving and was distracted for split second by something a passenger in the car did. She slightly went into the next lane and, like your daughter, overcompensated to get back. Her car started spinning in the middle off the freeway - spun several times across multiple lanes ... somehow no one hit her and she hit no one on the freeway. However, she spun out into the easement on the side of the freeway where an oil tank truck was broken down and she smashed into the side of it. Forunately it didn't explode and everyone in the car just had minor injuries (broken bones and whiplash, etc.) To me that wasn't negligence ... just an accident.
Are you high?You're right, it was most certainly a reminder and I have been seeing her in a different light this evening. Just thinking about how much I love her.I hope so to. As far as the distraction, she looked away for a second because she was messing with some thing in her car. NOT her cell. She isn't even allowed to use it while driving until October first. It was laying on a seat in her car and went projectile. They couldn't even find the battery or the back cover in what was left of her car.
Is that some weird woman code???WTF??? Someone's been having Happy Evening instead of Happy Hour.
We made an agreement with her years ago that she had to meet certain conditions in order for us to buy her a car. She had to save $1,000 for repairs/deductibles, maintain her grades, show responsible behavior, take driver's ed and a defensive driving course. We also put a GPS Tracker in her car that tells us where she is at all times and how fast she was going..( She wasn't speeding and in fact, rarely does). But after this accident, we will have a alot of work to do on her showing us how responsible she can be. She's been told not to mess with radio stations while driving, or to reach for things, etc... She broke one our safety rules. She signed a contract when she got the car that spelled out everything. She knew the deal & the consequences.
I agree with everything you said. I told her I wasn't mad, that my first concern was her health and that of anyone else involved. But I think she needs to understand consequences come from even"acceptable " distracting behaviors like looking at the radio station for a few seconds.
Taking her eyes off the road when she knew better. Especially when she was driving in the rain. She could have caused the death of a mother, a 4year old child & herself. IMO she didn't lose cotrol of the car because of the rain, she lost control of the car by being distracted and the rain made her recorrecting go awry and start sliding around on the road. The rain was definitely a contributing factor but not the main cause IMO. But I wasn't there to see it happen and the officer didn't issue any citations, so legally I supppose it is considered an accident. That still doesn't make her portion of responsibility just go away though.
First of all, I'm happy to hear your daughter is okay.
Now, onto your question.
Yes, it does depend on her behavior that caused the wreck, but I must ask you all: Have you, always, 100% of the time, paid attention behind the wheel? I know I haven't. I consider myself a VERY good driver -- I haven't been in a single wreck since I was 17 (a tractor was taking up an entire road in the country on the bottom of a hill and it was all I could do to miss it), I don't talk on the phone (I have a bluetooth for emergencies), don't listen to my iPod, I always check my mirrors before I change lanes, always use my signals... you get the idea.
However, to say there has never been a moment when I was floating on the grace of God would be a gross overstatement. I even fell asleep behind the wheel once -- I woke up doing 25 miles per hour, 2 tires barely on the road, 2 nearly in the ditch... in the opposite lane. I am so thankful that it was 4:30 am and there were no cars around for miles (no, I hadn't been drinking, I went to a Christian rock all-night lock-in).
I am certain that no human being on this Earth stays focused 100% of the time while driving. To say that she should be punished for something that we ALL do is a bit of a reach, in my opinion.
That said, I think in no way should she have another car handed to her. However... she just went through a life or death experience. She's probably really shaken and needs you to be compassionate now and firm later.
I guess this really comes down to a test of parenting. If you've done your job, you shouldn't need to impress upon her how incredibly dangerous a car is (when I was learning to drive, my dad said I was steering a 3000 pound bullet... that helped things sink in a lot), she should know by now. If the accident near-death experience doesn't teach her to be careful when driving... nothing will.
You are blessed to have your daughter still walking this Earth. Never forget that.She won't be handed another car any more than she was handed the first one as I explained earlier. She'll be lucky to get another car in 6 months to a year.
I know how blessed I am to have her still with me. I'll take a mad sullen teenager with no driving priveleges who is alive to see tomorrow anyday of the week.
2Blonde, I'm glad your daughter is OK and that nobody was seriously injured in the accident.
I pretty much agree with your stance and while I'm sure your first thoughts were for her, it speaks volume about your character that your second thoughts was about the others.
She made a mistake and she need to understand that. Of course you should also evaluate whether it was a stupid mistake (ie mobile phone) or a result of an inexperienced driver - and address the issue accordingly. How long has she been driving? I know that a substantial number of accidents in Europe are caused by drivers in the first year of getting a license and that everybody is thinking of solution to address this (I personally like the French solution).
Driving is a necessity in today's world and grounding her for life is not the solution. After a cool down period you must get her back behind the wheel. Whether or not you buy her a car or when that happens is entirely up to you. I'm not going to tell you how to manage your finances or how to raise your kids (specially since I pretty much agree with your methods). But whatever you do be sure she understand what she did wrong and you're reasonably confident she has learned her lesson.
Scaring her of driving is not the solution either - scared drivers are bad drivers and dangerous.
What was she messing with? You still have me wondering. Don't have to answer it tho.
How about because I can't sleep, people on this board are friends of mine, I had a very stressful evening and wanted to vent a little to people who know me. Is that good enough for you?
Maybe you should read the other post! We didn't before and won't be again just handing her the keys. She met a pretty stringent set of financial, physical, mental & ethical goals before she ever got her first car. Now she'll pay a thousand dollar deductible out of her own money and many other requirements we will have for her. Now may I DARE decide when & if to buy her another car?
She has been paying for 50% of every big ticket item she wants since she was about 8 or 9 years old. She has always paid at least half for her guitars, ipods, cell phone etc.. and if she damaged then or lost them, she footed the entire bill to get a new one. That's why I said I wasn't looking for advice. I knew people like you would get on their soapbox about a subject they know nothing about.
Thank you, I never thought of that!!
You may want to think about putting her through an advanced driver training course.
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