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What did the Joker say when he got in to the shower?
"Evening, Conditioner!"
What did the Joker say when he got in to the shower?
"Evening, Conditioner!"
This rich guy liked three different girls, but couldn't decide which one to marry, so he gives each 5000$ to see what happens.
The first one spends it all on a new wardrobe for herself including some pretty nice lingerie. While she shows off her new clothes, she explains that she's really doing it for him since she wants to be beautiful for him.
The second one goes out and buys him a new set of golf clubs, telling him that she loves him so much she only could spend the money on gifts for him.
The third one invest the money wisely in stocks, makes a huge profit. While she's giving him back the 5000$, she explains that the rest of the profit is on a joint account she opened so they can enjoy life together.
After some serious thinking, the guy goes and marries the one with the biggest boobs.
I love this thread.
Man goes to the docs for a extension. Doc suggests a baby elephant’s trunk s ched on for £3,000. Man agrees and 6 weeks later while having dinner with a new girlfriend, he feels the unusual stirring in his pants and thinks this is the night. While chatting over dinner his penis flies out and steals a bread bun off the table and goes back. "Wow" she says "can you do that again?" He says "my can but I don't think my arse can take another bun".
What do you call a cow without any legs.
ground beef!
She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the T shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment"
My eyes lit up and I thought,
"I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained,
"The egg timer's broken.."
what has four wheels and flies?
a garbage truck
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo Drizzle
3 men are waiting at the gates of heaven. God comes to the first man and asks: Have you led a good life? The first man says: yes God, I have. I have never cheated on my wife and been a good husband. God says: good, then you get to drive around heaven in a Lamborghini.
God ask the second man: Have you led a good life? the second man says: I only cheated on my wife once and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I apologized, asked for your forgiveness and was a great husband ever since. God says: ok, you get to drive a bmw around heaven.
God ask the third guy the same question and he replies that he has cheated several times, but other than that he was a good man. So God gives him a honda civic.
The guys with the Civic and BMW are driving around heaven and see the guy with the Lamborghini crying. They ask: whats the problem? You led a great life and now you get to drive around heaven in the coolest car. The guy replies: I know, but I just saw my wife riding around on a skateboard!
knock knock...
whos there?
i eat mop....
i eat mop who??
you eat ur poo?!?!
Little Eddie got his report card and received all A's, very excited he rushed home to show his mom and dad, he bust open his mom and dad's door to tell them the good news and finds his dad giving it to his mom doggy style. The little boy slams the door and runs out of the room, the dad says to the mom " I need to go check on my son and see if he is alright". the dad goes to little eddie's door, knocks and walks in only to see his son giving it to his grandmother doggy style, the dad yells "What the do you think you are doing?" Little Eddie responds "Its not so funny when its your mom now is it?"
fixed.The police sargent answers the phone;
caller: send a squad car over. There is a Democrat in my front yard
masterbating.
police: you have a what ?
caller: there is a Democrat in my front yard masterbating.
police: now how do you know it is a Democrat ?
caller: man, if it were a Repubican, he'd be ing another man in an airport bathroom !
I am posting in this thread only because Mark In Austin has appeared! Hail, fellow! Haven't seen you around these parts for ages.
How's things n stuff?
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
9/11!
9/11 Who?
I thought you said you'd never forget.
I am posting in this thread only because Mark In Austin has appeared! Hail, fellow! Haven't seen you around these parts for ages.
How's things n stuff?
Going well - still working the water conservation issue. I need to get to your end of the planet soon - there's a lot the Southwest US could learn from Australia about water conservation strategies. Also working on using natural systems for stormwater treatment. Good Stuff.
How's things down under?
Who invented the mini skirt?
Seymor Hinney.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one looks over at the other and says...
"Does this taste funny to you?"
According to the U.S. Census Bureau:
9,374 people are having sex right now,
2,130 are kissing.
234 are getting head, and
1 lonely er is reading this.
Who invented the toilet?
Sir Thomas Crapper
wait...thats a fact, nvm
Question: What does a gay horse eat?
Answer: Haaaaaaaaaayyyyy
Much better in person, but still pretty corny.
Elton John goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Elton, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS." Elton is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?" Doc says "Eat one sausage, one head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, ten Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts, 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a litre of prune juice." Elton asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?" Doc says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for."
At a senior citizen home an old lady comes up to an old man and says, "If you drop yer drawers, I can tell you how old you are." The old man says, "I bet you can't!" So he drops his pants down to his ankles. The old lady leans forward and gets a really good look and then says, "You're 87." The old man says, "That's right! How did you know?" The old lady says, "You told me yesterday."
Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
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