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How long has his wife been cheating on him?
So a buddy (okay, pretty much best friend) just called me this afternoon about halfway through the workday. He took the day off, said he had some personal to attend to. Anyway, calls me at work, which I thought was weird...
Turns out his wife of 2 years served him papers for a divorce this morning. They've been on the rocks for a while, but it was still a pretty huge blow for him. I met him up after work and he's a ing wreck. Seriously, run over by a bus type wreck.
We went out and pounded a load of alcohol tonight, but how the do I deal with this? He's passed out on my couch right now (lives about half an hour away and was way too blitzed to go home), how the do I deal with this tomorrow?
H&B ain't going to cut it...
How long has his wife been cheating on him?
It really wasn't that. We both work at a company that is blowing up right now (it's been the U.S. up until about 3 months ago, now we're negotiating a couple of international deals).
Anyway, we're both in management positions dealing with our implementations, and we're on the road a lot. Last year I was on the road 181 days, and he had me beat by 24 days. Yeah, do the math. Him being on the road so much is really what put them on the rocks as she wanted to have a baby and start a family but he wasn't ready for that with being on the road so much.
She gave him an ultimatum about 2 months ago, but we just signed 3 more states to contracts with our company as well as one Caribbean country, and basically both of us are going to be on the road about 75% of 2009.
I know that wasn't all there was to what was going on, but that had a lot to do with it. She had even dragged me into it asking me to take on some of his work so he could spend more time at home (which sucked, as it was kind of a move IMO to drag me into it for one thing, for another I was on the road the whole ing year as well).
Anyway, situation sucks, he's passed out but destroyed, and I have to try and figure out how to help pick up the pieces this weekend.
Does he have a place to stay? You might want to help him find a place or let him stay with you if he can.
Yeah, he's pretty much crashing at my place indefinitely. She's already said he can have the house, which is weird, but she wants a clean break, so whatever.
This might take a few buddies but it's pretty cool.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081010/...unique_divorce
Don't let him stay with you for an extended period of time! I had a friend who was going thru a divorce stay with me for a period of 6 weeks. He was down about the whole situation and became angry at women in general...so angry that he began experimenting with sexuality and now he is a Bi-Sexual male....but leans mainly towards sex and relations with other men...there were a few times when he was living with me that he confessed of how he was becoming attracted to me in a sexual way and thats when I had to cut the friendship off for a little while and arrange different living situations..DONT DO IT...DONT LET HIM STAY WITH YOU!
Sorry to hear that Aggie and I feel his and your pain about being on the road. I'm on the road for about 240 days of the year and know whats it like.
I would just say, tell him in the morning your there for him, and whatever he needs to just ask. Just be a good friend and be there for him. Honestly, thats all you can do I think. Getting any deeper and I think it would be a mistake honestly.
I've helped friends through a lot of break ups, and there's no getting around the mandatory grieving period. When a relationship this long and/or involved ends, prepare for the 7 stages of grief, because they are coming. Prepare for lots of moping, and I would suggest getting the name of a counselor or something for when you can't stand to hear any more re-hashing on the same stuff or if he stalls too long in one of the stages.
I'm sure your instincts will serve you well - be available for him, but not at the expense of your well-being or his progress in getting through it.
And staying with you won't turn him gay. I don't know what he's talking about in post #7
Spot on.I've helped friends through a lot of break ups, and there's no getting around the mandatory grieving period. When a relationship this long and/or involved ends, prepare for the 7 stages of grief, because they are coming. Prepare for lots of moping, and I would suggest getting the name of a counselor or something for when you can't stand to hear any more re-hashing on the same stuff or if he stalls too long in one of the stages.
I'm sure your instincts will serve you well - be available for him, but not at the expense of your well-being or his progress in getting through it.
And staying with you won't turn him gay. I don't know what he's talking about in post #7
Agreed about the therapist as well, but I wouldn't just go and hire a guy talk about it with him first.
Which is what Jekka meant I'm sure. Sorry.
you have to draw the line somewhere. cant be roomies forever; right?
all i know is that my friend is now bisexual and a woman hater(for the most part). dont breast feed your friend(hypothetically speaking). make him stand on his own and he will have stronger legs.
write that down.
Tell him to quit being such a and take his ass home. He chose his job over his wife, which is fine if his career is more important to him. I wouldn't marry a chick who'd be traveling 75% of the time, and she has an airtight reason to move on. Tell him to get a good lawyer so he doesn't get bent over the table by her in court.
EXACTLY
$ over pussy.
never fails.
Good thing they didn't make babies, cuz then he'd have her attached at his ankle from now on, so it's better now than later. She would find a different excuse even if he worked at home, so tell him not to fret.
Find a good attorney like BB said, and quickly.
That sucks, but think of all the money you both will be saving by sharing rent on an empty apartment.
want some advice? withdrawal all the money
drag this out the better, so payments dont become su ious, deposit the money into various accounts - trustworthy families, if the dude has kids, trust fund assessable by him at any time or kid till adulthood. Book a fukn trip to las vegas, dont gamble, come back telling wife he loss everything on the tables and hoes....file for bankruptcy or some make up excuse credit crises, move too some third world country live like a king.
alimony payments.
wife like DP?wat you waitin for
Man, if she got married to him and he was already working at this job then she doesn't have a legit right, IMO. And in any event, ending a marriage becuase your husband is working to put food on the table is ed up in my book to begin with. Those vows apparently mean .
And who the would want to switch jobs in this climate? I know I wouldn't. That either wasn't ready for marriage and is looking to get out or she's a for ending it just because her husband's not a deadbeat. And don't even get me started on the move she made asking AHF to pick up more work. I hope you answered her with a finger, AHF.
My dad was ALWAYS on the road when I was kid. You name the country, he's most likely been there. My mom was home alone most of the times with 3 kids. I'm sure she wasn't thrilled that he was gone all the time (we used to joke about his 'other' families all over the world), but she was never a needy type of person who had to have her man around all time.
They'll be celebrating their 49th wedding anniversary next month
And for us much as he was gone, we all have a close relationship with him.
Oh, and AHF, I wouldn't let him become a permanent roommate. I understand he's your buddy and all, but this is between him and his wife. Don't get in the middle of it and don't get too involved because it's only gonna drag you down.
You can still be a good friend and let him vent, but that's pretty much all you should be doing, IMO.
I disagree here. If both of you are going to be on the road 75% of the time next year, you can save some money by sharing a place. And regarding the wife, the papers are filed. It's over. If he's your best friend, he's going to lean on you anyway - whether he lives with you or not. Besides, it sounds like you both have high pressure jobs with the added bonus of lots of travel - perfect for someone going through a breakup. He can throw himself into his work and play the stranger in his off time globetrotting.
I bet he gets over this a lot faster than you expect.
She said he can have the house, so the roommate situation may not even be a factor.
I also don't think good friends should live together. I've seen plenty of friendships end because of this. YMMV
I am curious about the nature of the papers with which he was filed and why he is moving out of the house. If she told him that he can have the house and there was nothing that "forced" him to leave by the nature of the filing, then he needs to move back into his house ASAP and tell her to move out.
It also sounds to me from the little we know here that she was really all about having a baby. I have no idea how old they are or what her cir stance is, but if they were only married 2 years, then he is wise in saying they should wait a while to have a kid, if possible.
I would suggest that your support be in the nature of supporting him and encouraging him and not about bad mouthing her.
Are you ing kidding me? Leaving because your spouse is never home is one of the best reasons to end a marriage. She'd probably like to get ed more than once a week and be able to go out and have a social life. Even if she knew the deal before the marriage, it doesn't make her any less of a person just because she found out she couldn't handle something she thought she was prepared for. You're basically saying she should say to with her happiness because she signed on the dotted line. you wifey, I make the money and I own you.
are you blind? or just dumb?
how can you not see that the wife...the !, already was ing someone else. she already stepped out on this marriage. shes just now taking steps to get it done legally. she has already had at least 1 affair...possibly more
Yeah, maybe so. She needs to get from somewhere. I wasn't going to make that assumption though, so blow me. You can't call her a shady until you've got some proof.
ALL WOMEN.
ALL WOMEN ARE SHADY AND WHEN THEY ARNT GETTING ED PROPERLY REGULARLY, THEN THEY WILL TAKE THE FIRST CHANCE GIVEN TO GET DOUBLE TEAMED.
Real Talk.
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