Okay, an amendment to my earlier postings. If there was a mutual "pact" made between friends then yes, it should be respected but if not then I don't see how the friend could come back and accuse you of not respecting the friendship. Yeah, perhaps asking for their blessing would be appropriate but not necessary. But hey, that's just me.
Yeah its just you. There doesn't need to be a mutual pact it should be without saying. Part of being a good friend is allowing your friends to know that you can be trusted and rely'd upon without question. I should be able to trust my closest friends without stipulations and without worries.
Enormous violation of trust? Oh, please..spare me the drama. Life is a and love hurts sometimes and family, to me anyhow, is different than a friend. Unless of course that brother or sister is a total a-hole like I apparently would be if I went out with their ex.
I ALMOST fell in love with a girl my and my boys "passed" around.
She was like everyone's ex.....it happens.
Part of being a good friend is also not being selfish and wanting to keep your "EX, forever even though they are your "EX"..as in NO LONGER yours. Oh well, you are the life coach so sue me.
Asking isn't for blessing, it's just a courtesy.
And even if you get the go ahead, there still is a high probability that the friendship won't be as strong or last at all.
I see, maybe I should have asked permission for a "courtesy" hook up? I'm a bad man I tell ya.
They may no longer be yours, but the emotional ties that still linger sure are.
A good friend wouldn't knowingly put you through that.
A good friend would also understand that perhaps it is not my intent to put them through that but rather that we sometimes cannot control who we fall in lover..err..lust with.
But yeah, I do understand since I was very upset with Denise Richards when she banged Ritchie Sambora without asking for Heather's permission. What a biotch!!
I think I'm alone now.....
Joe, I can see your point. If I were that friend, I certainly hope I could put aside any petty jealousy and not stand in the way of my friend's happinness.
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
What if they are NOT lovers but just went out or something? Like old high school gf or something? Would that be ok?
You are a bad man!!....a very bad man!!
This is what we would hope for in a perfect world but the reality is that emotions will likely linger and if it was a long relationship those emotions are compounded.
Look JC if I dated some girl for a month and it didn't work out I'd probably have no issue with you jumping in but had I been seeing someone for 2 years 5, 8 a decade its likely that I'd never get over the emotion. People rarely let a long term relationship completely go forever. There is always residual emotion.
My point is based in reality not what should and shouldn't be in theory. The reality is that emotions linger and sometimes never leave and a good pal doesn't dip in the old loves and relationships of their friends.
There are lots of women out there. Millions of options why would anyone want to rip at the heart of someone who trusts you to have their back not work behind it.
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I had a 10 year relationship and a marriage with a girl my friend used to date. I'm not void of understanding. They dated for 3 months its was fling to them and definately not a serious one. Still before I did anything I ran it by him first and asked if minded or would be upset if I made a move. I also told him that if he had an issue with it or if it bothered him that I would have no problem skipping her over out of respect. Their relationship wasn't serious and they remained friends so I got his blessing.
P.S.
She ruined my life for a decade I wish he would have had a problem with it.
Insignificant hook ups and short dating periods usually don't harbor the same serious emotions as a long term relationship. Out of respect you should always ask. For all you know she was the one who got away or your friends greatest love lost. We all have had chics like that.
No matter how resonable a person you are if your greatest love was lost and you were a wreck about it the last thing you need is your buddy nailing it. It would kill you inside.
why would a dude do that unless he wanted to sex her
I have a chick like that but if I saw her with someone else I'll just say to myself "Well at least I got her in the butt first."
I see your point but my point is also based on the reality that life goes on...people's hearts get broken and friendships don't last forever. I know that we just can't swipe our emotional slate clean but I also don't think past relationships should keep others from starting their own.
the chick with the ex is MARRIED....meaning, she's supposedley moved on with her life......Either a.) she's a selfish, immature or b.)she's not truly happy in her marriage and somehow still clings to her past (relationships)
either way...the married chick is WRONG.........this isn't highschool anymore fellas....time to grow up...
Asking your friend, while out with the boys, if she still likes ATM is completely acceptable.
Well, at least you were able to leave your emotions behind. So to speak.
yeah I hear ya. I had a friend do that to me, but he didnt know that I dated that chick. I had strong feelings for her but like I said he didnt know. He could have stopped dating her but I wasnt going to ask him of that. She tried to make him a baby daddy though hahaha. Tried to have sex with him knowing she was a few weeks pregnany and didnt know who the baby daddy was and tried to trap him hahaha.
A buddy of mine went out with a girl I ed around with but didnt bang. When drunk I told him to finish the job I started hahaha, needless to say he got pissed hahaha.
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