Reply With Quote
Wow, that's about as generic, and uninformed, an opinion can get.Manu Ginobili: Right Ankle: If defenders would make this guy go right once in a while, he might turn the left ankle while pushing off.
Who does this guy think he is...
Jim Rome?
Competing for a championship can be painful
by Randy Hill
On the physically demanding and entertainment intensive court-scape of the NBA, it's often impossible to distinguish between swagger and stagger.
What qualifies as a limp for one player or team might be interpreted as a strut for another. Now that aches and pains have jockeyed for prominence with scoreboard success, several teams are hustling toward the regular-season finish line in less-than-perfect health.
It's even worse for some teams. The Phoenix Suns are obliged to score 140 points per game and grab a playoff berth while Amare Stoudemire and his detached retina sit out this ambitious campaign. The Houston Rockets were informed that Tracy McGrady was moving on to microfracture surgery with his bum knee, leaving them to resume another winning streak without their highly paid star. The Orlando Magic must make do without little leader Jameer Nelson, who was done in by a torn labrum before he could play in his first All-Star game.
Several teams are scrapping for playoff spots with previously or still slightly infirm employees pulling full work shifts. What follows is a list of players and body-part predicaments facing teams we still consider relevant.
Western Conference
Los Angeles Lakers
Kobe Bryant, Fingers on Shooting Hand: As long as Kobe can squeeze off about 20 rounds per game, the Lakers have a solid chance of landing another bauble for Bryant's left hand.
Andrew Bynum, MCL of Right Knee: Lakers fans shouldn't mistake the current 12-1 without-Andrew run as evidence that their team will roll to a le without this 7-footer.
Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom, Medulla Collective: As long as this aggression-monitoring portion of the brain is stimulated in each player, the Lakers will be in excellent mental and physical health.
San Antonio Spurs
Tim Duncan, Right Quadriceps: Spurs fans are hoping Timmy has sufficient leg drive in case he needs to gather the strength to make a game-icing 3-pointer against, oh, the Phoenix Suns.
Manu Ginobili: Right Ankle: If defenders would make this guy go right once in a while, he might turn the left ankle while pushing off.
Denver Nuggets
Carmelo Anthony, Right Hand: While 'Melo's fracture seems healed, you never know when the opportunity to hit someone and run will present itself.
Houston Rockets
Yao Ming, Everything: All of his body parts are relatively healthy right now, but history reminds us that Yao could rupture or tear something at any moment.
Ron Artest, Frontal Lobe: Rocket fans are at the mercy of the lobe that affects Ron's personality and emotional traits.
Portland Trail Blazers
Greg Oden, Left Knee (Bone Chip): At least there's only one chip to worry about.
Steve Blake, Right Shoulder: His deltoids aren't nearly as strong as those that carry the Blazers and can be found on Brandon Roy.
New Orleans Hornets
Tyson Chandler, Left Ankle: Well, a toe kept him out of Oklahoma City, but his gimpy ankle might keep New Orleans out of the second round.
Chris Paul, Right Groin: We're pretty sure Paul tweaked his groin while quickly turning around after hearing someone mention Chandler had been traded.
Utah Jazz
Carlos Boozer, Left Knee: If healthy, this knee could help Utah march deep into the playoffs and propel free-agent-to-be Carlos to ... Detroit?
Andrei Kirilenko, Tear Ducts: A healthy right ankle and more clearly defined role should give Andrei nothing to cry about. For the record, all bets are off if Deron Williams turns his ankle again.
Dallas Mavericks
Jason Terry, Left Hand (Fractured Finger): If Terry went left a bit more often, this might be truly serious.
Phoenix Suns
Steve Nash, Right Ankle: The bad wheel severely limits his ability to pressure the ball on defense. Yes, I'm kidding.
Shaquille O'Neal, Ego (Spasms): While Shaq was auditioning for a return to the Lakers, the Suns reportedly considered trading him to Cleveland.
Eastern Conference
Cleveland Cavaliers
Ben Wallace, Right Leg (Broken): The initial report has Big Ben out for at least six weeks, or roughly the time that usually elapses between his made jump shots.
Sasha Pavlovic, Right Ankle: We're pretty sure there's no truth to the rumor that fellow Cavaliers shooting guard Wally Szczerbiak has a Sasha voodoo doll with a pin jabbed in its right ankle.
Wally Szczerbiak, Nose: The mask should protect Wally, but things could become tricky if he gets too close to the LeBron James chalk cloud. Only starters are affected.
LeBron James, Left Drama Ligament (Strain): No athlete has quickly recovered from as many seemingly tragic spills as LeBron.
Boston Celtics
Kevin Garnett, Right Knee (Strain): KG, who puts his entire body into every play, is rumored to be the first player in history to strain his knee during the act of talking trash.
Paul Pierce, Right Thumb (Sprain): When the team physician assured Pierce that an injured thumb did not require a ride to the locker room assisted by teammates, the Cs forward asked for a second opinion.
Stephon Marbury, Cerebral Cortex: This brain function will determine Steph's ability to analyze sensory data and make decisions. No other explanations seem necessary.
Orlando Magic
Dwight Howard, Knees (Potential Soreness): While some athletes suffer from what is referred to as Jumper's Knee, Orlando's vertically overwhelming superman may have to deal with an affliction we're calling Lander's Knee.
Wow, that's about as generic, and uninformed, an opinion can get.Manu Ginobili: Right Ankle: If defenders would make this guy go right once in a while, he might turn the left ankle while pushing off.
Who does this guy think he is...
Jim Rome?
What lazy, predictable journalism.Manu Ginobili: Right Ankle: If defenders would make this guy go right once in a while, he might turn the left ankle while pushing off.
Charlie Rosen, and David Thorpe, are about the only non-Spurs commentators who don't continuously repeat this mistake when discussing Ginobili. He goes left more often, but he's just as deadly going right.
I think y'all are failing to to account for the fact that the whole article is laced with tongue-in-cheek humor. If he states something about ginobili not being able to go right while in a serious article it would be one thing but lets not jump so far as to say he's uninformed, predictable, and lazy while he's writing a humorous article. I know nothing about this author, though, so if this is something he's written about before then maybe I'm wrong.
Funny article.
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
