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My husband would rather lose a leg than have me lose my trust in him. Although in truth, he would probably lose another appendage if I caught him cheating.You are so great! That's awesome.
no lie,it's wicked
My husband would rather lose a leg than have me lose my trust in him. Although in truth, he would probably lose another appendage if I caught him cheating.
so where the pics yo of friend
what happens if cheat with the same sex?
Nothing productive can come out of telling her as of right now. You might be spoiling the rest of your life with this women over a mistake you shouldn't have made. Obviously she deserves better but if it truly was a one time up and you're committed for the long run and she is as well I'd just leave it alone.
There is no sense in ruining her life over something you know was wrong and would never ever ever consider doing again. You ed up...don't up again. Make up for it by treating her like a goddess and allow her the privilege of spending the rest of her life happy.
Honesty is wonderful, expected and demanded but I don't understand why so many of you guys are bent on potentially wrecking this poor girls life over an isolated up that won't happen again.
My stance changes if you become a second offender. Its punishment enough to live with the mistake for the rest of your life. Don't make it worse by forcing her to live with it as well. You may destroy her ability to ever trust anyone again. Doesn't seem fair or righteous to do that to someone when you know it was just a one time lack of better judgment. Now if you're a chronic cheater thats a different story.
Last edited by BacktoBasics; 03-21-2009 at 01:18 PM.
But what if the girl somehow finds out about the affair at a later date.
Then what?
From the story, I do not see this as the case- especially if he is justifying it because they were having problems. What happnes the next time there are some problems (because there always will be)?
Then you go from there. Every single one of us at one point or another in our lives have made poor choices. Some worse than others. What matters is that the mistake doesn't happen again, you're remorseful and are willing to live with the guilt to spare her heartache. No sense in one mans error in judgment sinking an entire ship if the mistake can be righted from that point forward. It can be dealt with personally.
If it truly will never happen again I feel that she deserves the right to fully trust people. If you love her and you truly made a one time mistake you'll protect her from a far worse situation.
Obviously if the dude was a chronic cheater she should be made aware but c'mon it just doesn't make any sense at all to destroy her trust or life over an isolated incident. It could ruin her ability to trust anyone....boyfriend, husband, peers and family members. These things can be permanently devastating. I don't think the isolated one time incident warrants the potential damage it could cause.
Just do right by it from the point forward. Accept your mistake and be a better man for it.
Perhaps he's learned his lesson. Perhaps the next time there are problems he'll remember the damage his actions could cause and he'll make a more sound adult decision.
Like I said if he's a chronic cheater then they need counseling and he should come clean regardless of the potential damage it could cause her.
If its a one time deal. Let it go and move on. People do "grow up".
I certain won't say that I feel my opinion is 100% right or without flaw in reason but its the path of least resistance and the path that will lead to the least amount of damage for now and possibly the future.
This is, of course, assuming that the guy used protection when cheating, and that the woman does not receive any "fun surprises" at her next routine gyno exam. Even with protection there are things that can be passed on that a guy may never show symptoms for, and for health reasons I think she deserves to know.
I thought about that argument. Its what really makes it a tough call. I'd still leave well enough alone. Like I said my opinion isn't without flaw.
To me doing it right from the point forward, would be immediately confessing to having cheated.
By keeping the secret the cheater is denying the girl her right to respond.
Also, the cheater puts the girl in the uncomfortable position of learning the truth from some means other than straight from the cheater, which at the very least she is en led to.
As was pointed out earlier, the woman is also en led to know that she has been cheated on and to decide how she wants to handle that.
By keeping silent, the cheater is basically tricking the girl into staying with him, since the cheater is withholding from the girl the full reality of their relationship- facts she needs in order to make an informed decision regarding their future.
Not only that, every day the cheater's intial infedility is complicated by however many days of deception ac ulate from the time he cheated until the day the girl finally finds out.
That is a lot for any person and relationship to recover from.
Yeah, and I'm not saying for sure that her health might be at risk, but if he's given her something like chlamydia, she may not have symptoms and wind up infertile if she doesn't get it checked out. Also, they aren't married, and I think she deserves to know about something like this before letting the relationship get to the point of considering marriage - if it ever does.
I don't think the cheater is in any position to be deciding what is best for a relationship.
I mean honestly, when did he start caring about his relationship? Was it immediately after he cheated or did it take a few days?
The girl has a right to know and to decide.
Forgivness is only genuine if it is offered, not assumed.
His one lapse in judgment might end up cheating her out of lifetime of happiness within the relationship. It might end up cheating her out of the ability to trust again. Lots of additional unnecessary damage could be done.
30 years from now if they're still together, happy, with kids and he never cheats again it would have been worth sparing the additional heartache over a young mans isolated incident of poor judgment.
Agree to disagree then.
Not all mistakes should be punished to the fullest with the most possible collateral damage there could be.
On paper it sounds like the right thing to do but I'm not so sure if he's genuinely remorseful and realizes what a horrible decision he made.
Yes and no. I don't totally disagree with you. Take note. Its rare.Agree to disagree then.
So noted!
Rare? I'd say it's almost miraculous.
the only way to solve this problem is to have the involved parties in a orgy
so orgy is a universal answer....got it
One strike your out is my motto.
I can understand B2B's point of view put to me it is a cop out. Of course telling someone that you've cheated on them is not going to be taken lightly and it could ruin a relationship/marriage that very well could last a lifetime if you keep your mouth shut unless of course they are cheating as well.
I just wouldn't want to be carrying that weight around and it also would lead me to think that "hey, I got away with it once..." the next time I have a chance to get some strange.
B2B: It seems to me that you are saying that a false sense of security is better than the truth, but I can not agree.
Now he is a cheater AND a liar.
And I actually do not agree with one strike and you are out. I do not condone cheating, but I am not self-righteous and think that I am somehow above it all. That is a very dangerous high horse upon which to sit.
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