Parents, your kids aren't that special

[easjer]

Drachen - traditional punishments are unlikely to work, as you've discovered, because she doesn't think the same way another child without her issues might think. Most children get the reward/consequences thing, but she doesn't seem to have that attention span.

The best advice I can give (and I am a non-parent) is to talk with her psychiatrist and a child behavior specialist to give you better insight into what the best parenting (and therefore punishment) strategies would be and why they think that would work.

[Kriz-Maxima]

I was never hit as a child, one stare from my mother was enough to keep me in line. Although I always knew that the threat of me getting hit was there, it was never necessary. My brother and sisters did get hit, but very rarely. My mother was really intimidating.

[RandomGuy]

Hmm.

Not really. If this is some kind of genuinely biological malfunction, then I don't know if there is anything that would work.

I have learned a great deal from watching the Nanny 9-11 and Supernanny shows. The nannies there tend to have advanced degrees in child development, so they know a thing or two.

You could try giving them a call for some real professional help. I think the answers you need are probably within the realm of specialists.

[Blake]

Ok, so I have to ask yall, since we are on the subject. Maybe you have some ideas to help me out. I have never met anyone like my fiance's daughter. She is 11 and she is diagnosed with a whole host of letters (OCD, ADHD, ODD, etc). I have NO, literally ZERO ideas left on how to make her behave. It is literally a daily battle. She is fine unless you ask her to do something, ANYTHING. She doesn't care about anything but herself. Take her toys away, and she will cry and complain at the moment they are taken, but that really only lasts about 10 minutes, after that, she doesn't care. Threaten to take more, same deal. She literally has no attachment to anything. Try to put her in her room able to do nothing, and it doesn't affect her. I have literally taken EVERYTHING, all the way down to her sheets away from her (trying to make it like jail because I caught her stealing), and it didn't matter after the first 10 minutes. Yes, I have tried spanking and the threat works about 3% of the time, and yes, I follow through. I was raised much like yall were, if you acted up, it progressed from the look all the way through the butt-whoopin (I actually got ringworm when I was 6 and couldn't go to the doctory because my mom had whooped my butt a day earlier and I had the thigh bruises). I have tried everything that was done to me as a child, even if my parents did it only once (kneel up on the brick in front of the fireplace for 1.5 hours, etc). Yes she is in therapy, meds, all that. The worst part about all this is that she doesn't think right. I am of the analytical/logical persuation in my thought process, and she is the exact opposite (irrational/tripping?). when she gets punished (after warnings times infinity) she always asks "why are you doing this?" then as we explain AGAIN, she says "why are you doing this?" I get very frustrated because she can't think right. I am a very patient person and always thought that I would be the laid back type parent, but I cannot be. It is frustrating because I know there are a lot of you out there that ask eachother "why won't these people discipline their child" when you see her in a store, but the point of the matter is that we do, there is just nothing that works.

So there is my rant, any ideas?

just curious,

why are you the one dishing out punishment to her daughter and how long have you been doing this?

[Blake]

Hmm.

Not really. If this is some kind of genuinely biological malfunction, then I don't know if there is anything that would work.

I have learned a great deal from watching the Nanny 9-11 and Supernanny shows. The nannies there tend to have advanced degrees in child development, so they know a thing or two.

You could try giving them a call for some real professional help. I think the answers you need are probably within the realm of specialists.

you watch supernanny?

[Extra Stout]

1. Society works hard and becomes prosperous.
2. There is so much prosperity that it becomes possible to be comfortable without working hard.
3. The kids of these prosperous hard workers don't work as hard because they don't have to.
4. They are prosperous anyway.
5. Their kids work even less hard.
6. They are still pretty prosperous.
7. Society stops thinking there is a connection between working hard and prospering. Prosperity is taken as a given.
8. Society becomes so committed to not working hard that it finds new ways not to work, such as not committing to families, and not raising its children.
9. Children become undisciplined and stupid.
10. Society blames somebody else for its undisciplined, stupid children.
11. The undisciplined, stupid children grow to become undisciplined, stupid adults.
12. Prosperity fades.
13. Society blames someone else for the fading prosperity.
14. The undisciplined, stupid adults have children they don't raise, who become even more undisciplined and stupid.
15. Cycle repeates for several generations.
16. Prosperity disappears.
17. Society becomes feral and ceases to be society.
18. Collapse.

[desflood]

1. Society works hard and becomes prosperous.
2. There is so much prosperity that it becomes possible to be comfortable without working hard.
3. The kids of these prosperous hard workers don't work as hard because they don't have to.
4. They are prosperous anyway.
5. Their kids work even less hard.
6. They are still pretty prosperous.
7. Society stops thinking there is a connection between working hard and prospering. Prosperity is taken as a given.
8. Society becomes so committed to not working hard that it finds new ways not to work, such as not committing to families, and not raising its children.
9. Children become undisciplined and stupid.
10. Society blames somebody else for its undisciplined, stupid children.
11. The undisciplined, stupid children grow to become undisciplined, stupid adults.
12. Prosperity fades.
13. Society blames someone else for the fading prosperity.
14. The undisciplined, stupid adults have children they don't raise, who become even more undisciplined and stupid.
15. Cycle repeates for several generations.
16. Prosperity disappears.
17. Society becomes feral and ceases to be society.
18. Collapse.

I tried to sig this the first time you put it up, but unfortunately it's too long.

[MiamiHeat]

Hmm....I wonder what landmark decision about our public school system was made about 40 years ago?

desegregating schools?

[Blake]

1. Society works hard and becomes prosperous.
2. There is so much prosperity that it becomes possible to be comfortable without working hard.
3. The kids of these prosperous hard workers don't work as hard because they don't have to.
4. They are prosperous anyway.
5. Their kids work even less hard.
6. They are still pretty prosperous.
7. Society stops thinking there is a connection between working hard and prospering. Prosperity is taken as a given.
8. Society becomes so committed to not working hard that it finds new ways not to work, such as not committing to families, and not raising its children.
9. Children become undisciplined and stupid.
10. Society blames somebody else for its undisciplined, stupid children.
11. The undisciplined, stupid children grow to become undisciplined, stupid adults.
12. Prosperity fades.
13. Society blames someone else for the fading prosperity.
14. The undisciplined, stupid adults have children they don't raise, who become even more undisciplined and stupid.
15. Cycle repeates for several generations.
16. Prosperity disappears.
17. Society becomes feral and ceases to be society.
18. Collapse.

I like it, but it's got too many underlying assumptions that aren't realistic.

[desflood]

Hmm....I wonder what landmark decision about our public school system was made about 40 years ago?

There was this one...

http://www.scrollpublishing.com/stor...-District.html

[I Love Me Some Me]

There was this one...

http://www.scrollpublishing.com/stor...-District.html

Winner winner, chicken dinner.

[RandomGuy]

you watch supernanny?

I am guessing that you are being a bit sarcastic/joking, but on the off chance it isn't:

Every once in a while. Once you watch a few episodes, they kinda all are pretty much the same.

99% of the time, it isn't really the kids' fault, it is ty parents who never follow through or provide real consequences for mishavior.

For me it is kinda like watching a trainwreck or some similar tragedy.

I will say that I have learned a few very useful techniques from the shows, and they really do work.

[Drachen]

just curious,

why are you the one dishing out punishment to her daughter and how long have you been doing this?

Sorry, I should clarify this. We dish out the punishment, it is just that I am the one with (formerly) fresh ideas. We have been together for about 3 years and I have been a part of the discipline cycle for about 2.

[Strike]

good article.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/03/03...t.2/index.html

So glad I don't have kids.

[Blake]

Sorry, I should clarify this. We dish out the punishment, it is just that I am the one with (formerly) fresh ideas. We have been together for about 3 years and I have been a part of the discipline cycle for about 2.

Ive got a brother in law in the same boat.

His wife's kid is a freakin tasmanian devil that he has no chance of controlling. He met her when the kid was about 6....

By this age it's almost too late. The kid has gotten used to doing things and getting away with things for a few years already. Now all of a sudden the rules are getting stricter and the kid is confused and is retaliating.

I don't know you or your fiancee obviously, but I can't help but think she was too easy going on her when she was younger and now it's made it tough on you when you try to bring the hammer down.

[Vinnie_Johnson]

If that was one of my boys I would have just said stop at once or no Wii when you get home. That does it every time they know I mean it and they don't push me. Now when they turn into teens I am screwed this won't work I will have to come up with a new one.

[phyzik]

Ok, so I have to ask yall, since we are on the subject. Maybe you have some ideas to help me out. I have never met anyone like my fiance's daughter. She is 11 and she is diagnosed with a whole host of letters (OCD, ADHD, ODD, etc). I have NO, literally ZERO ideas left on how to make her behave. It is literally a daily battle. She is fine unless you ask her to do something, ANYTHING. She doesn't care about anything but herself. Take her toys away, and she will cry and complain at the moment they are taken, but that really only lasts about 10 minutes, after that, she doesn't care. Threaten to take more, same deal. She literally has no attachment to anything. Try to put her in her room able to do nothing, and it doesn't affect her. I have literally taken EVERYTHING, all the way down to her sheets away from her (trying to make it like jail because I caught her stealing), and it didn't matter after the first 10 minutes. Yes, I have tried spanking and the threat works about 3% of the time, and yes, I follow through. I was raised much like yall were, if you acted up, it progressed from the look all the way through the butt-whoopin (I actually got ringworm when I was 6 and couldn't go to the doctory because my mom had whooped my butt a day earlier and I had the thigh bruises). I have tried everything that was done to me as a child, even if my parents did it only once (kneel up on the brick in front of the fireplace for 1.5 hours, etc). Yes she is in therapy, meds, all that. The worst part about all this is that she doesn't think right. I am of the analytical/logical persuation in my thought process, and she is the exact opposite (irrational/tripping?). when she gets punished (after warnings times infinity) she always asks "why are you doing this?" then as we explain AGAIN, she says "why are you doing this?" I get very frustrated because she can't think right. I am a very patient person and always thought that I would be the laid back type parent, but I cannot be. It is frustrating because I know there are a lot of you out there that ask eachother "why won't these people discipline their child" when you see her in a store, but the point of the matter is that we do, there is just nothing that works.

So there is my rant, any ideas?

Take it to the next level. Enrole her ass in boot camp. If you cant control her short of abuse, put her unruely ass in a boot camp. Trust me. Your significant other might not like it, but its the best thing.

If you have gone to counseling and tried everything else besides duct taping her ass and leaving her in a corner, send her to boot camp.

SEND HER TO BOOT CAMP!

If that doesnt do it... SEND HER AGAIN!

You, and her mother, have to be prepared though. She will say they are beating her and torturing her. she will say ANYTHING to get out of there. Tell her she should have thought about that before it came to this point.... AND SEND HER ASS AGAIN!!!

Oh yes, she will learn.... You will see. You cant beat her.... but IF its necessary... they can.

It may sound cruel but if she is that bad, then she deserves an old fashioned ass kicking.

I talked a friend of mine and his new chic and had them send her daughter to boot camp because she was the same way.... now she is practically an angel when they ask her to do something.

Boot camp isnt all about beating them until they listen though, thats probably only 5% of it. They teach them discipline, self respect and, above all, respect for others. If you know anyone in the military, ask them how boot camp changed them.

At the very least, she will realize how easy she has it with you and her mother.

Im sorry, but Im tired of the ADD excuse... that . I had the same problems when I was a kid and didnt have to take any medication. I just got my ass beat the out of me. I turned out all right.

I had a counselor as well. My parents where told I would be dead by 18 because I was so crazy. Im 29 now. I have 2 vehicles of my own and a project vehicle with a friend of mine, not to mention my own house thats paid off. Im not singling you out but parents as a whole need to stop being such ing pussies, its a misconception that cops are going to take you in for spanking your kid. For the most part, if its warranted, cops will agree with the parents.

(I keep adding to this post )

If anything, if the kid threatens to call in on child abuse, you go ahead and call the police (make sure its the non-emergency number) and call the kids bluff, ask to speak to an officer and calmly explain what happened and then hand the phone to your kid and have them explain to the officer why they got spanked. They will break down and wont talk, and if they do, the cop will take your side. Guaranteed.

[Spur-Addict]

[Blake]

Take it to the next level. Enrole her ass in boot camp. If you cant control her short of abuse, put her unruely ass in a boot camp. Trust me. Your significant other might not like it, but its the best thing.

If you have gone to counseling and tried everything else besides duct taping her ass and leaving her in a corner, send her to boot camp.

SEND HER TO BOOT CAMP!

If that doesnt do it... SEND HER AGAIN!

You, and her mother, have to be prepared though. She will say they are beating her and torturing her. she will say ANYTHING to get out of there. Tell her she should have thought about that before it came to this point.... AND SEND HER ASS AGAIN!!!

Oh yes, she will learn.... You will see. You cant beat her.... but IF its necessary... they can.

It may sound cruel but if she is that bad, then she deserves an old fashioned ass kicking.

I talked a friend of mine and his new chic and had them send her daughter to boot camp because she was the same way.... now she is practically an angel when they ask her to do something.

Boot camp isnt all about beating them until they listen though, thats probably only 5% of it. They teach them discipline, self respect and, above all, respect for others. If you know anyone in the military, ask them how boot camp changed them.

At the very least, she will realize how easy she has it with you and her mother.

Im sorry, but Im tired of the ADD excuse... that . I had the same problems when I was a kid and didnt have to take any medication. I just got my ass beat the out of me. I turned out all right.

I had a counselor as well. My parents where told I would be dead by 18 because I was so crazy. Im 29 now. I have 2 vehicles of my own and a project vehicle with a friend of mine, not to mention my own house thats paid off. Im not singling you out but parents as a whole need to stop being such ing pussies, its a misconception that cops are going to take you in for spanking your kid. For the most part, if its warranted, cops will agree with the parents.

(I keep adding to this post )

If anything, if the kid threatens to call in on child abuse, you go ahead and call the police (make sure its the non-emergency number) and call the kids bluff, ask to speak to an officer and calmly explain what happened and then hand the phone to your kid and have them explain to the officer why they got spanked. They will break down and wont talk, and if they do, the cop will take your side. Guaranteed.

so where exactly are you saying to send her? I'm not getting it.

[Drachen]

so where exactly are you saying to send her? I'm not getting it.

If you don't like ADD, I have to ask, do you know what ODD is? Look it up, it will blow you away what the classify as a mental health issue. I will wait until you look it up to discuss my thoughts on the matter. Just know that my jaw almost dropped to the floor.

[DarkReign]

If you don't like ADD, I have to ask, do you know what ODD is?

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_f...fiant_disorder

WTF?! Thats a mental disorder now?!

I hate this world, I really do. Humans are dangerously close to not really deserving to live anymore.

[Blake]

If you don't like ADD, I have to ask, do you know what ODD is? Look it up, it will blow you away what the classify as a mental health issue. I will wait until you look it up to discuss my thoughts on the matter. Just know that my jaw almost dropped to the floor.

oh wow.......I thought you made up "ODD"....

.....any excuse for doctors and pharms to make a few extra bucks

[phyzik]

so where exactly are you saying to send her? I'm not getting it.

http://www.boot-camp-boot-camps.com/

Lots of information there.

Boot Camp Overview
Started as an alternative to jail for juvenile adolescents, there are serveral types of teen boot camps from state run to privately run where the teen will be mentally and physically challenged. These facilities can be a starting place for getting your teen help. In both the state and private environment the camps goal is to scare kids straight generally only giving a good short-term solution. Parents often seek out boot camps with the assumption that a "wake up call" is all that is needed for their troubled teen.

Boot camps for troubled teens Boot Camps are often short-term, however, long-term boot camps have increased in popularity for their ability to help defiant adolescents improve their behavior at home and school. They are modeled after military-style, military exercises, and intense physical training focusing on reality, respect and responsibility. Many teens lack these qualities, yet they desperately need them in order to successfully transition into adulthood. This experience can help teens replace destructive at udes and behaviors with new perspectives and direction in their lives. The theology behind a short-term camp being that a "quick reality check" will turn a child around who has been acting out. These boot camp style programs are usually ineffective for teens that have developed bad habits over a long period of time and are in need of long term change.

[Drachen]

oh wow.......I thought you made up "ODD"....

.....any excuse for doctors and pharms to make a few extra bucks

When I was a little kid, ODD was called BAB. Being a Brat, and meds were not the cure. Anyway, just thought I would enlighten you.

[Blake]

http://www.boot-camp-boot-camps.com/

Lots of information there.

so......where exactly are you suggesting to send them?