BREAKING NEWS: 45% of Cars May Be Crushed By Dinosaur Rampages
A study just released yesterday showed that, if scientists were to enact the plot of Jurassic Park in real life, nearly 45% of cars might be destroyed by wandering dinosaurs. Asked for comment, scientist Gene Splicer said, "It's a serious issue, one that the American public isn't looking at closely enough. Look, if we were ever to pull something like this off, let's face it, these things weigh TONS. There's going to be lots of crushed cars trampled underfoot, and John Q Public is going to want some answers to big questions. Questions like, 'Why would you even bring dinosaurs back to life?' And the President is going to need to have some answers."
The poll, conducted by Rasmussen, asked participants, "If a 20 foot tall dinosaur were to step on your car while running across the street, do you think your car would be able to withstand the pressure unscathed?" 45% of respondents said they thought their car would be crushed, 15% said they thought their car could withstand the damage, and 40% wondered what the word unscathed meant, and argued whether it was a 'real' word or not. When assured it was a real word, 20% said it's probably just another fancy word used by elite liberals.
Back to you in the studio, Norm....