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I'm better
Everything still sucks for me, how about you?
I'm better
Hmmm. A year ago today, I was in the process of having a missed miscarriage induced via misoprostol (that sucked ass, btw, and took three days).
In the year since, I got pregnant again, but it was a cervical ectopic. After that was treated, I got pregnant again and gave birth prematurely to my son, who died about half an hour later. I found out people react to the loss of a child in some bizarre and sometimes inappropriate ways and I've subsequently lost friends who didn't know what to say or do and so they just sort of let go (including people I thought I was very close to).
I'd say it was a pretty year.
On the other hand, I have an amazing marriage to a man who is stronger and kinder and gentler than I ever realized. I am in pretty good health, considering three pregnancies in the span of a year. I am employed and despite a rough patch, my employers are pretty pleased with me and I am pleased with my job performance and comfortable in my job. My family is well, and the tragedy we've suffered has pulled us closer together. I got to spend time with my sister and nephew (had not seen her in four years). I got a new car that is pretty sweet. My husband and I have life insurance. Our house is still standing. Our pets are doing ok. I found out that while I have some friends who aren't as close as I thought, I also have friends are amazing bedrocks of support and love. I have a doctor who thinks we'll be able to children yet and who is working with me and not demeaning me. Oh, and the Spurs look like they are going to be a lot of fun to watch and root for this year.
So . . . I guess my life is pretty good, despite the year. Call it even?
A little better.
The past year has been a complete and utter circle.
Last year at this time I was interviewing to find a fill time job because funding had been cut at ACORN (because of the voter fraud stuff). Didn't find anything serious until February after I was brought back to full time during tax season when ACORN Housing came calling and gave me some hope. Everything was fine, great perfect. I even felt that ifI stuck it out a bit longer I could come up with something more permanent at ACORN Housing. Then here comes more trouble in late August/September. This time I lost my full time job. And now I'm back where I started in November 2008...in November 2009.
This year has had it's ups and downs. here's hoping for some more ups than downs now.
How can you possibly react inappropriately. (you don't have to answer that if you don't want to). People are disgusting.
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I'm about the same. Many ups and downs. Had testicle surgery. Some tough times as well as some bright spots. Overall I'm in a better place. Our business is good. My job is steady again. I've ac ulated more stuff while downsizing in other areas. More than anything its been a productive second half of the year.
im still fat
so pretty good
about even maybe? im no longer in new jersey and im back in texas, im not employed anymore, but i finished my masters degree...ive gained weight tho since moving home and eating that good ole home cooking
life could be easier and more extravagant but hey it is what it is and tomorrow is another day. this past yr hasn't been all that bad.
I'm better but still in the "wade through " phase. End game goals are still far away.
I am a load better than last year.
Oh, a variety of ways - ass-y statements and pla udes (you're young! you can have more kids! - especially since we sort of don't know that to be true- it's all god's plan!), people who make your grief about them (you won't let me help you! I'm trying to save you! I will cut off contact with you because I'm sure it hurts when I talk about my kids and I am not the kind of person to hurt people intentionally!), people who try to tell you that you are grieving wrong or inappropriately (too slowly, too sad, too depressed, need help, too fast, etc), people who totally avoid you and don't mention the pregnancy or child at all (trust me - I LOVE hearing my son acknowledged as a human being who was named, loved, born and died, and I'm always thinking about him so I can't be 'reminded of him' unpleasantly) and completely avoid me.
I try to accept most people have good intentions and just really don't know what to say, so they open wide and shove both feet in, but it's hard to grit your teeth sometimes. I don't think most people intend to be hurtful or rude. As a society, we don't deal with loss well at all, and this is the type of loss that people are really confused by because it doesn't really happen, does it? And if it does, well . . . it wasn't really a person, was it? And if it was, well . . . what do you say about that?
I'm lucky in that no one was completely awful outside the hospital staff, but I've heard some pretty horrible stories from other dead baby parents.
It certainly would be hard to determine whether it would be appropriate to discuss the loss or not. I know I would have a hard time deciding if I should just observe the pink elephant in the room or go in to hug it.
However people having any opinion, at all, about your process of grieving or how it should be done is pretty terrible. Every one is different. We lost a pregnancy early on. She grieved hard for a long time. I found comfort in moving forward almost immediately. Everyone deals differently. Its not something that should be judged. I consider it off the table. Anyways I hope you guys are getting along well.
People and there reactions will never cease to amaze us.
I think that was the hardest thing - our process of grieving being judged. I remember finally yelling at a friend who was telling me how badly I was doing and how upset she was that I wouldn't get professional help that the fact that I was getting out of bed every day, showering regularly, eating, not taking drugs or drinking myself into a stupor was pretty ing good, thanks. Because it was less than a month after and all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry.
Overall, we're doing pretty well. We have moments and even days that are hard, and I think the holidays will be tough, but overall, ok. I started taking anti-depressants to help me over the hump about 5 weeks ago, and that made a huge difference - I just wasn't physically coping well (no appe e, not sleeping well, having a LOT of trouble focusing/concentrating) and that made everything harder. Now that I physically feel better, I've been able to process a lot more and feel more peaceful about some things. We miss him, but we can look forward, I'd guess you say.
I won't lie though, even on meds, I'm anxious about another pregnancy, and I think I'll probably have to be medicated through the next one. But we're just taking it one step at a time and the next step is some testing that the new doc and I will discuss at my next appointment on Friday.
I'm definitely better now than I was a year ago. At this time last year, I was in a bad marriage, behind on my bills, broke, depressed, angry, nearly cut off from my friends, and the heaviest I'd ever been. Now the wife is gone, my bills are not only caught up, I'm ahead of them thanks to a promotion and a nice pay raise. I neither feel depressed nor angry with the wife gone. My performance at work has improved, my overall mood is better, and I've even lost around 35 pounds in the past 6 months.
I'm doing better now compared to not only last year, but the previous 6 years as well. Right now, life is good.
Last year at this time i was rounding up a ho hum year with no prospects for the future, still living with my buddy from high school looking forward to getting home to more nights with him and the guys and not much else. Then on New Year's Eve I met the love of my life, and in three weeks from tonight, I'm going to propose to her on our vacation. You always hear about guys that are nervous or worried about engagement or whatever, I don't feel anything but excitement and happiness.
Best year of my life by far and away
Glad to hear man, from what I can tell on here you seem like good people
Sounds to me like you are doing what's right for you. Good for you.
And if I'm overstepping, I apologize, but have you considered adopting?
I rub some people the wrong way but I think I'm a decent dude. My friends and (some of my) family would agree.Glad to hear man, from what I can tell on here you seem like good people
Last year at this time i was rounding up a ho hum year with no prospects for the future, still living with my buddy from high school looking forward to getting home to more nights with him and the guys and not much else. Then on New Year's Eve I met the love of my life, and in three weeks from tonight, I'm going to propose to her on our vacation. You always hear about guys that are nervous or worried about engagement or whatever, I don't feel anything but excitement and happiness.
Best year of my life by far and away
Worse off, but better looking.
About the same, which could be better, but could be worse. I have a good job, family is healthy, roof over our heads and food to eat.
Not overstepping at all. It's something that is under consideration and that we have definitely looked into (along with surrogacy). Adoption is not an easy or inexpensive route though; I think a lot of people don't know what a process adoption is or how much it costs. Our preference would be for an infant domestic adoption (no preferences to sex or race), though if enough time passed we would certainly consider adopting an older child. It seems counter-intuitive that adoption is a difficult process, given how many kids seem to be unwanted, but there it is.
Before we could even consider it, we'd have to clean up our finances more (pay off the credit card, ac ulate far more in savings, have repairs done to our house) and I would likely need to lose a fair amount of weight to get with a really good agency. The homestudy and financial approval process can take months, even a year or more, and then the time after that for matching. And matches can fall through, because the bio-parent chooses to parent after all, or other issues arise. It can be really heartbreaking, and I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that rollercoaster.
Additionally, the new doc thinks that there isn't a specific issue with me being able to have children and carry to term. The four pregnancies have all been really different in terms of their ending, and there is no common thread between them. This last pregnancy - Gabe was healthy throughout, and there were warning signs that something was wrong with the placenta that another doctor dismissed. She thinks there is likely nothing that could have been done (except to try and stop labor, which the hospital did not do, and it may have been too late by the time I got there, and it may not have worked anyway). We're going to do some testing just to be sure there is nothing that is potentially contributing to placental malformation (which would likely be fixable by surgery if there is something, but she doesn't think there is), but mostly . . . it's been pretty luck, in her words (too bad these odds couldn't help me out with the lottery, huh?).
Given that, and given the monitoring that I'll have for the next one and given that we have no difficulty getting pregnant, we're going to continue to try for biological children for now. If we go through a late loss like this again, we'll consider adoption more closely and working more towards that goal.
About the same for me, though as a full-time student with no job it's not as if there's much that could have changed. The summer was kind of boring -- I learned that, despite how fun my social life was for those months, I really do thrive on having something to do -- but it wasn't so boring that it had any impact on my overall sense of happiness or contentment.
As I'm applying to grad schools and facing the idea of living outside of California for the first time since I was a toddler, however, I'm certainly curious as to how I will answer this question a year from now. I hope it will still be positive, but I'd be lying if I claimed not to be nervous about the upcoming change.
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