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Awesome work L.J. !
You are quite the story teller. I was captivated from start to finish.
Yesterday, the wife was preparing to make dinner but instead of smelling the aroma of food in the midst of preparation, I heard the clang of pots and pans. The wife re-entered the room and inquired about the location of the frying pan. I feigned cluelessness despite knowing that during our recent move, I had thrown it away.
The pan wasn't in poor condition. However, when moving the kitchen items, the frying pan was still on the stove. I could have cleaned it and boxed it. Instead, I decided to throw it away. Less work sounded like a good alternative at the time. Now? I wanted my food.
Playing the role of conquering hero, I told the wife to rest for a few minutes while I undertook the mission of venturing into the night to return with what she wanted. This, I surmised, would be worth my effort because it would bring forth a tasty dinner followed by a sultry dessert.
The local grocery store didn't have much of a selection -- although one frying pan did catch my eye. I'm not much of a culinary expert but the price tag of $3.99 screamed out to me. Sure, it didn't look as sturdy as the other options, but, as my wisdom explained to me, a frying pan is a frying pan.
I returned to the abode with my hunting trophy in hand and was greeted with a hero's welcome. Sitting back in my plush couch, I looked forward to the meal to come.
After scarfing down the last of my dinner, the wife headed back to the kitchen. As it turns out, that was an unfortunate turn of events. As she scrubbed the newly acquired frying pan, she soon called me into the kitchen to witness flakes of the pan washing down the drain. How could such a great pan survive only a single battle?
With a tear in my eye, I decided the time was right to bury it. I invited the wife to the boneyard to witness a distinguished burial. The offer was declined.
Following that turn of events I had more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. I gazed out the window and saw something laying in our driveway. What was it? It had the appearance of a dead rabbit covered in some sort of plastic substance. With the moon as my only source of light, I walked barefoot out to the intersection of the driveway and the street.
Even when I first reached my destination, I wasn't too sure what I had stumbled upon. I picked it up, removed the plastic and -- ah, yes -- I remember this prehistoric daily updated record of human activity. A "newspaper" I believed it is called.
Having canceled my subscription years prior, I had forgotten of its existence. Nowadays, news is at my finger tips. No longer do I need to wait for the next morning to learn what is happening right now.
With about an hour of time still left unaccounted, I began to ponder the future of print media. Being in the online advertising business, I know firsthand the destruction the industry has laid upon newspapers and other forms of print media.
I hop on the internet to research the latest stats. (As I do, I realize the irony of using new media to research the the demise of print media. That's akin to ordering "The Death of Blockbuster" on NetFlix.) The stats are worse than I had previously seen. Compared to a decade ago, newspaper ad units have lost about 75% of their value. Over the last few years, the month-by-month deterioration has been staggering.
At this point, the death of the newspaper industry as we know it is inevitable. We've already seen some newspapers fold forever but that is just the tip of the iceberg. Virtually all of the major newspapers around the country fattened up when the getting was good and now when their lifeblood is becoming more and more scarce, the immobility of their business model has become painfully obvious.
The latest hope that is moving throughout the newspaper industry like the whisper of an underground railroad to salvation is the thinking that they can use the internet to get back to their once lofty standing. However, their thinking is extremely flawed. They believe that they can switch to a pay-per-view model on the internet to recoup the money lost due to the world's attention shifting to the online world. But what they don't account for is the cheapness and persistence of the average internet user. If someone wants to read a pay-per-view story, they will jump through as many hoops as necessary not to s out cash.
Any pay-per-view format would simply hasten the arrival of hyperlocal news websites. By keeping overhead low and being able to focus solely on local stories, hyperlocal news websites can remain free and give readers what they want to know in the timeliest of manners. While journalistic integrity won't be as pristine as traditional media, it's arguably whether or not that is even a flaw in the eye of the average consumer.
I don't think every newspaper will die, mind you. I think the ones most likely to survive will be the national newspapers with quality name recognition that also have thriving online properties (think USA Today and The Wall Street Journal). The other types of newspapers that could survive are smaller newspapers that serve a niche community. These newspapers have a number of advantages including lower costs, loyal readership and the ability to offer advertising opportunities to a well-defined segment of population.
Magazines won't have it as bad as newspapers, however there are definite changes coming to that industry as well. A shift to evergreen content will need to take place, since reporting the news in a weekly are monthly basis will definitely be antiquated. There will also need to be a downsizing movement -- both in terms of company size and magazine scope. But after the proverbial asteroid hits print media and the dust has settled, there will still be a number of magazines around inhabiting the earth. (Or, if your beliefs are different, the man upstairs will come down and create a few different species of magazine over the course of seven days.)
As the basketball game I was watching came to a close, I headed off to the shower with print media thoughts still circling my head. My mind wondered to books. While not exactly a part of print media, the future of books is also interesting to ponder.
While technology has slowly started to affect sales of hard copies, this transfer won't nearly be as sudden. It'll probably take a number of generations for a noticeable change in the book industry. A change to an all digital format will likely take place, but all who read this will be long dead and buried by the time that transformation is complete.
As I head to bed, I see the wife curled up in the blanket. Before I lift the sheet, she asked me what I did with the frying pan. I asked if I could bury it. She shook her head no and told me to go throw the pan in the trash.
Awesome work L.J. !
You are quite the story teller. I was captivated from start to finish.
not believable enough
Can anyone please you?
What, did L.J. take too long to write it and that's why you are disappointed in him?
False advertisement - no sex occurs.
i am sure you could please me, but we will have to check to make sure angel_luv.
;p when is good for you?
I almost read the whole thing.
I guess that's where the "lies" comes into play.
All that hunting and gathering only to have access denied.
Better luck next time friendo.
I'm particularly interested in this PPV idea. Seems as though that would certainly strike the end times harvest for these media outlets. Then again porn sells even though its essentially free. I have a hard time thinking that it would sustain enough revenue to compensate the expense of a quality staff. They'd have to survive off pop ups and adverts alone and with the limited number of subscribers I think it'd be tough to drum up enough advertisers.
Interesting dilemma.
The print media needs to figure out a way print their stuff on rolls of toilet paper. I'm dead serious. Sitting on the can is pretty much the only time and place left where people have a major inclination to read. Toilet paper is used by just about everyone and the industry is still years away from perfecting three seas technology. Getting it delivered to your house everyday spares the indignity of lugging around a 100 roll pack in your shopping cart. Next time the Lakers make the front of the sports page you can drop a deuce and make Kobe tell you how your ass taste.
This is brilliant!
There is way too much goodness in this thread already.
OMG...
Demolition Man.
Nice.
Are we that far away from Taco Bell taking over?
I haven't read a newspaper in forever... However, I still still subscribe to a few mags (motorcycle) and like to sit in my recliner and relax with one. I still read books too. I'm not going the "digital reader" route until I have no choice.
When that time comes, then I guess Big Brother will know everything you are reading. As long as I don't order something like How to Rip Off the IRS on my e-reader, I'll be ok.
I know they consolidated the Corpus Christi Caller Times about 6 months ago. Its a s of its former self. I really don't see how it'll last much longer. Especially since their rates to advertise are through the roof. Its less expensive to run a commercial in prime time.
I hadn't really seen or noticed a hard copy of the Express News in a long time and saw a Sunday paper recently and was absolutely shocked...They have downsized so much it looked like an old school copy of the Northside Recorder...
we still get the paper. i mainly read it for SA Life!
The Monday edition is worthless and for a while there, so were Tues and Wed, but they're starting to add more content now.
I still get magazines. But 95% of them, I get for free.
How do you get free magazines?
Hef hooks his centerfolds up with lifetime subscriptions.
I used to Coke Rewards, but if you join RewardsGold, they will email you free offers. Also, SlickDeals.net always posts freebies in their forums and you don't need to be a member.
I've gotten my husband Car & Driver, Autoweek, Road & Track, and Motor Trend all for free!
Your a good wife.
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