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Kori, you've never had an argument with LJ? Wow
First year is easy and fun. It gets harder from there on out because the initial excitment fades and it just becomes your life.
Never let an argument continue to the next day. Resolve it, even if it means swallowing your pride and taking a hit to your ego.
Kori, you've never had an argument with LJ? Wow
Money is going to be the biggest thing when it comes to arguments (unless either one of you is a very jealous person) so you need to have full disclosure to each others spending habits.
Don't have kids! At least not right now. Take time to get to know each other. I can tell you that kids are a big reason for arguments in a marriage. Whether it's disagreements on discipline (and no matter if you have the same beliefs right now it WILL come up), scheduling conflicts (day care, school, sports, activities, etc.), why you always get stuck with the kids while the other does their own thing, etc. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love my baby and unborn baby but I would have liked to have a little bit more one on one time with my wife. You guys are young and don't need to rush anything. You don't really know someone until you are married, regardless if you have been with or lived with them for years, so these first few years you really need to just get to know each other.
if I ever get the moxey, I'm going to install an extra shower head on the other side. It sucks being on the cold side.
We had one argument once.. it was about fantasy football. We were sharing a team and he changed the starters without telling me. Then he told me when we were already at church... so I didn't have any input on it. I'm not sure why it even pissed me off so much, but that was the only time we had an argument.Kori, you've never had an argument with LJ? Wow
I knew it was going to be about sports.We had one argument once.. it was about fantasy football. We were sharing a team and he changed the starters without telling me. Then he told me when we were already at church... so I didn't have any input on it. I'm not sure why it even pissed me off so much, but that was the only time we had an argument.
Word, my wife gets pissed because I will make her talk about it and squash it before bed.
You are right. And I am working on it. And Bo is very patient, which is a blessing.
My issue is that I have a hard time letting someone take care of me because for a lenghty period of my life, no one did- at least not consistently.
So Bo doesn't get enough of opportunities to be good to be and deepen my level of trust in him, because I've already handled everything on my own.
I am great at taking care of people, and I love to do it. But I am very very wary of depending on anyone else for anything.
it is not a matter of my not consulting Bo regarding my plans.
As a matter of fact, I purposefully plan my schedule so I will be home when Bo is.
I consult him before I do stuff, from small like meeting up with a gal pal to big things switching jobs.
I would not quit or take a job without first consulting, Bo. It's just not in me.
The trouble I am having is more of an emotional one. It's a vicious cycle of me wanting closeness and equally not wanting to risk needing anyone, due to my history of being let down.
Bo is very complimentary and is never critical of me. In fact, I really think Bo believes I am a much better person than I truly am.
I feel stressed because what worked for me so well in the past ( taking care of myself; not asking for favors; bearing all my own burdens; not asking for anything), is not working at all for me in my marriage.
So I am trying to stop that, which will be good in the long run but currently has me in a personality crisis.
I really don't know how I am supposed to behave anymore.
Does that make sense?
yah.
sometimes it's better just to say fudge it and say "I'm sorry I was wrong, I'll try to work on it" even when you know you are right.
It sucks for about 30 seconds and a week later you'll even forget why you lied about being wrong.
Was all of your first year of marriage easy?
I will be honest, based on my experience " honeymoon period" is an urban legend.
For me, marriage has been one adjustment after another.
I am grateful God gave me Bo. And I really, really, really (x infiniti spelling intentional; inside joke) love Bo.
I believe Bo and I have a lot of promise both individually and corporately
( especially Bo. He is amazingly gifted as a musician, is a born leader, and makes me laugh so hard I can't breathe.)
But even so, the first six months of marriage- though aspects have been fun- has felt an awful lot like boot camp to me.
I really thought marriage and being a great wife would come more naturally to me than it has.
It makes a lot of sense. I was on my own from the time I was 15. I got my first apartment at 17 and took care of everything myself. Since you go to church you should sit down and have a counseling session with your Pastor, Along with Bo of course. You need to break that because even though it seems like it is harmless it is something that could effect your marriage very negatively.
Start off small. Let him plan a few things and stay completely out of it. One of the things I had a problem with was wanting control. It might not be that big but giving up some control even if it is just what you are going to do on an off day helps. Also when yuo know you are feeling that "let me take care of it" at ude ask him for help. Nobody is going to break that spirit but you. What will happen is he will try to hard to break that and you will have that slight resentment for it. Start off small and just work your way up.
damn al, forget the past...and don't play that "come here Bo" and "get away Bo" .
don't drag your personal demons on him.
Ephesians 4:32… Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you…
Sportcamper 3:16… In-laws are evil…Don’t allow them to casually drop by…
1) If you could go back and give a piece of advice to yourself in the first year of your marriage, what would it be?
Your marriage is your own, and it doesn't have to live up to the standards of anything but your happiness together.
2) What is something you are positive you did right in your first year of marriage?
I kept all plugged in electrical appliances away from water.
3) What is something that is not worth worrying about in a marriage?
The past.
4) And finally, what winning characteristic do you feel you and your spouse bring to your marriage ( it can be something different for each of you.)
I can lift her up and she can keep me grounded.
aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhmen
I definitely have a control issue. I am always advising Bo.
Bo is so sweet and listens to my ideas and praises them more than they deserve
But it is ridiculous of how I am always giving him constant suggestions, and instructions, and vetoing or adjusting plans he's made.
I can look and see that Bo got promoted three times in six weeks without any help from me. Clearly he is very capable and trustworthy and yet still I constantly interfere and advise and correct.
So I know the issue lies within me; Bo's not the reason that I act the way I do.
Thanks so much for the advice!
I like your suggestion of letting Bo plans things and me keeping out of it entirely.
Sometimes I think I ought to wire my mouth shut for a couple of weeks and give everyone a break from my yakking.
I know I am tired of me!
Also everyone thinks that they have no idiosyncrasy’s…Then they live with someone & their oddities are pointed out….I thought everyone collected bread wrap ties & had all of their shirts hanging in the closet buttons pointing left….
Keep an open mind, some things you do might just be weird….
I have actually been trying to get my in-laws to stop by. I want to show off what a great job Bo and I did decorating our apartment.
No e. I was like no no no you are folding my shirts wrong and uuummmm my movies are in order of genre not just thrown in there together.
My first year was just like this too. And from that the most important thing I learned was about arguing. Keep it fair, one thing at a time, don't rehash the old stuff. The hurtful threats are very destructive----If you know inside that you love and don't want to leave, don't threaten to; that pain causes permanent damage.
And now all these years later, there have been so many triumphs and tragedies, so many lessons and realizations. The most important to me personally is that we grow and change so much throughout our lifetimes, that many years later you aren't married to that same person; and that's okay--it's not a problem with the marriage, it's just being human.
Having lived thru really good and really bad married times, I could just go on forever about it all, but your timing is bad Angel, I'm just not really in the mood to discuss "stuff"
My first year was just like this too. And from that the most important thing I learned was about arguing. Keep it fair, one thing at a time, don't rehash the old stuff. The hurtful threats are very destructive----If you know inside that you love and don't want to leave, don't threaten to; that pain causes permanent damage.
And now all these years later, there have been so many triumphs and tragedies, so many lessons and realizations. The most important to me personally is that we grow and change so much throughout our lifetimes, that many years later you aren't married to that same person; and that's okay--it's not a problem with the marriage, it's just being human.
Having lived thru really good and really bad married times, I could just go on forever about it all, but your timing is bad Angel, I'm just not really in the mood to discuss "stuff"
Your response was very comforting. I appreciate it.
If you ever have more wisdom to give, I am sure I will be all ears then too.
All ears and two left feet- I am a mess!
Like Kori said, don't nag.
I'll stop.Like Kori said, don't nag.
Whatever the question is the answer is more blow jobs.
1) If you could go back and give a piece of advice to yourself in the first year of your marriage, what would it be.
Never to allow another person to have that much control. In my attempt to make him happy, I made the mistake from the beginning of always being the one to sacrifice while he always took. Now, I know to watch the patterns that develop from the beginning because they can be hard to break.
I would say from what you have written that you need to realize that there is more than one acceptable way to do something. Bo can have different ideas, and different opinions, and different ways of doing things and that is OK. You two do not have to be clones who agree on everything and who do everything exactly the same way. I am thinking that you might have been raised with the notion that there is one right answer to every question and that everyone must do everything that one right way. It makes you insecure or uncomfortable if Bo does anything outside of that narrow view. You think that you are just trying to help him and tell him the right way (because his different way must be the wrong way). As he accomplishes things at work outside of your guidance, he could grow to resent your treating him like he can't do anything right without your telling him what to do.
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