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Thank goodness those aren't the types of weak minded women I get involved with.
You can't be direct at all, you have to indirectly guide her to doing more stuff and eating better stuff by actually taking her by the hand and doing it. 99.8% or more of women do not understand language in the way we speak it. To us saying "I really love you but I'm just worried about a few extra pounds being unhealthy to you" sounds reasonable and logical, but once it gets filtered through her female brain it turns into "I hate you and how fat you've become so I'm going to another woman". I don't know how it gets there, but it gets there. You can't communicate with language, you have to with action and body language. That's what women understand.
Here's the sad reality - with 99% of women you are going to have to lead. If you want something done you'll have to either do it or guide her in a way that it will happen. If you up and say something that gets misinterpreted by her female brain to be anything like above she will nag you and completely go into mode and harbor a grudge for months if not years. She will bring it up every so often even long after you forgot. You will have to deal with it ongoing with no end in sight.
Do not, ever, ever, ever try to communicate on a logical or rational level with a woman. Her brain will filter it to mean you had no intention of meaning and she will never forget it. You almost have to treat adult American women like little children - humor them, guide them, shelter them, and never argue with them. Let them think they're right or justified and just put it out of mind and move on. It's like if a 12 yr old gets all huffy believing they know everything - you don't argue you just nod and think "you have a lot to learn".
Last point - Dont ever let her get under your skin and get a negative emotion rise or outburst out of you. Once she see's she can get attention like this she will keep doing to piss you off to get the attention. Just rationally disect her actions and filter every attempt she makes to piss you off as cute. It's a ing hard thing to master, but the closer you get the happier you will be as a man, guaranteed.
Thank goodness those aren't the types of weak minded women I get involved with.
Maybe her weight just doesn't weigh as heavily on her mind as it does his.
your skinny...she is oval and together you all make a 10!
although an 11 is better
show us the pics and we can judge
BRAHHHHH!
Every time I see this happen to RL people, I am dissapointed that YOU (the boyfriend) don't man the up and say "Listen, woman, I notice you're concerned about your attractiveness and I ain't gonna lie to you, I love/like you the way you are...but I'm bringing you to the gym with me and we're gonna work on this. If you don't feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, what good is it to tell you that you're beautiful if you don't believe it for yourself? Whatever you need for YOU, baby, I need for ME. Let's do this thing, girl."
Do it and see what she says, and if she gets defense, go find someone else to turn your crank of whatever.
No .....
Forget all this beating around the bush bs... Honestly is the best policy my brotha, for you, and for her.
I really do appreciate all the comments everyone has posted... you guys are helping alot
I just text her to see if she wanted to go to the GYM with me just now, and she said she was sleepy and tired... (shes a legal assistant)
My reply was " ok babe, C U in a bit then "
When I get home, should I bring this up? or.... should I wait a little longer?
thanks
Last edited by FalleNxWiZarDx; 02-08-2010 at 06:33 PM. Reason: typo
Well, there sure are plenty of weak minded women in America.
Hmmm using "C" and "U" in the body of the text denotes someone of a younger age. However, I don't know if there is ever a correct way of telling someone they need to lost a little weight, nor should it really be your job to actually be the instigator for the life change. If you really like this girl and have a sense of humility, you can suggest, like you're doing, her to join you in physical activities like going to the gym, running, or bike riding. Don't make it seem like its a necessity for the relationship to work because that is entirely not a good way to approach things. This, amongst other things, needs to come from within her.
Not gonna lie. If I were a legal assistant the last thing I would want to do right after work is go to the gym (but I'm not your girlfriend either). Plan on this kind of stuff on a weekend or day off)...if you go to the gym on the weekend (day off) when it's not messing with her 'I'm lazy/I just got home from work schedule." Or say "Hey let's go to the gym and then grab something to eat (and then make in healthy)." You'll kill two birds with one stoneI really do appreciate all the comments everyone has posted... you guys are helping alot
I just text her to see if she wanted to go to the GYM with me just now, and she said she was sleepy and tired... (shes a legal assistant)
My reply was " ok babe, C U in a bit then "
When I get home, should I bring this up? or.... should I wait a little longer?
thanks
It's a hard decision man, you know her best, you know how she'll react, or if you'll ever be able to convince her to get active or go to the gym without breaking her down first.... but if she's gained 40lbs in 6 months, if you don't think you can convince her to do those things the easy way, you've gotta do something man. If you care about her at least... that's so unhealthy. It should be more about her health than her attractiveness. Make sure she knows that, maybe it will ease the blow. Probably not tho, cause she doesn't seem to have much self-worth to begin with (no offense).
The way things are going is not good at all for either of you.... so forget all the, 'no easy way about it', 'no correct way to say it', 'don't ever tell a girl about her weight' comments... FUUUUUUCK all that... that's a disservice to both of you. Sometimes things aren't easy, but they still have to be done.
If she has any brains she'll realize you are trying to help her, and it's because you care... instead of getting mad and acting like a whiny (age will have a lot to do with this I think)... you may have to go through that initially, but she should come around. If she doesn't, you're probably wasting your time anyway.
Also, walking around the mall, or going to the gym once/twice a week is not gonna get the job done.... DO NOT listen to these women if you want to actually make a real change. All those things will do is prevent it from getting worse.
That's a tough one, Fallen. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I think there were some really good ideas on here, though. AL hit the nail on the head.
Also, Chalupa's idea of having a Wii is a great idea for 2 reasons.
When you're overweight, going to a gym that's most likely a "meat market" is the last place you want to be. That might make her want to give up faster than anything.
And two, the Wii would be fun, you can do it together, and you don't have to leave the house. As Ash said, perhaps leaving the house isn't an appealing idea to her after working a long, hard day.
Now I want a Wii!
I really do appreciate all the comments everyone has posted... you guys are helping alot
I just text her to see if she wanted to go to the GYM with me just now, and she said she was sleepy and tired... (shes a legal assistant)
My reply was " ok babe, C U in a bit then "
When I get home, should I bring this up? or.... should I wait a little longer?
thanks
Do something about it, you can't just let the situation fester like it has. You can't keep telling her an extra 40 Lbs is no big deal.
I don't know your girlfriend's temperament. In my experience If you value your penis, testicles, and that general region of your body don't bring it up in a harsh way. If she's gained this much weight she is very aware of it and is not pleased about it.
Perhaps when eating you could model healthy eating habits and maybe start to enjoy that together in your relationship. Of course this is providing the weight gain is due to diet. If she has a thyroid issue she may not be able to control it. If this is a person you care for tread carefully and approach this in a way that shows you care about her well-being more than your physical attraction.
I say the opposite... it's such a disservice to people to lie to them and try to make them think something is ok, or they're doing good when they're not. And it's even worse when it comes from somebody close (friend/family), cause they're more likely to believe you than anybody else in the world.
If you care about somebody, then tell them the truth... help them with it. Don't lie, and don't be a pussy about it, or it's only gonna get worse.
I'm sure she's well aware that she's gained a few. I doubt she needs you to remind her of the fact. Believe me, if you do say something to her and the more you bug her about it, the more she'll be likely to resist.
But if she likes video games, I would suggest Wii active and do it with her so it's more like a game. My sister has it and says it's a great workout! Suggest going for walks, hikes, or whatever...something you both can do together without her feeling pressured into doing.
She knows that she has gained weight. She does not need you to tell her of that fact. She will do something about it when she decides to do it. Or not. Maybe she doesn't care. Maybe, she thinks you are in love with who she is not how she looks.
And yes, if you tell her, be prepared to learn just how small your penis is.
I think man will figure out dark energy, dark matter, and a unified field theory before he'll ever solve this problem.
"Let's go to the gym" is not a good plan of action, especially if she is already uncomfortable with her weight gain.
I think you have to tell her, if she's smart she'll get your little hints and you'll still annoy her, don't beat around the bush with this . 40 pounds is wayyyy to much weight to gain unless she was anorexic to begin with.
Like I said before, whatever you do... don't listen to the women.
I'd dump her immediately. 40 lbs in 6 months??? You gotta be freakin kidding me! If you don't ditch this chick you'll soon find yourself living with the Goodyear Blimp.
who wants to a chick that's 40+ pounds overweight? I don't like your solution of basically just "deal with it."Also, the sexercise diet is a great one
Good luck, whatever you decide to do. I really don't see that conversation ending well regardless, but then again I have no clue how sensitive she might be about it.
I'd recommend wearing a cup to the conversation, and to be prepared to fly solo for a while.
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