I never said it was impossible, I said it was very difficult, which it is. It isn't easier just because you're a Christian. I would hope your child(ren) were your first priority, as mine is. Personally, I think she should seek other employment immediately and save what they can. That way when and if they do have a child, they'll have something to fall back on if necessary.
Thx again Crookshanks.
If I am going to make my life a matter of public record, I ought to be prepared for people to form an opinion about it.
I have come a long way in being concerned about what people think, but I still think I care a little too much at times. Otherwise, I would never feel insecure or get defensive.
Will do.
She has no children right now.
I surely understand the priority of family and children. I quit work as soon as I got pregnant and was strictly a mom for years. Even when my child started school, I stayed home because I wanted to be the one to take him to school and pick him up everyday. I wanted summers off with him. I volunteered at his school and was even more involved in church, but I also used my time wisely to complete a Master's Degree. Even though he is in high school, I still consider myself a mom first and foremost. I am still the one who takes him to school and picks him up. I work only part-time so that I can do that. I have a boss who understands my priorities and who supports them. The week after next is Spring break, and I will take the entire week off to be with my child. If you want to start a family, you save up in a responsible way-- save up for a house. I waited 6 years to have a child so that the finances could be in the best order and I could stay home.
She also stated yet another pie-in-the-sky idea of being in show business- whether a model, or in a rap video, or now in the movies. I am sorry, but it shows to me a lack of serious direction, not one of Christian priorities.
It seems to me that what is really going on is that she is tired of working so much. She is now married and can afford to quit her one job that she does not like. It would be more sincere just to say that than to turn it into being about having higher and better priorities than other people.
Angel - Congrats on your decision to move on from the mall. I know that working both jobs was putting a strain on you because you/Bo were not having enough quality time together. If you can afford to do it, more power to you. You can use the extra time to care for your home, enjoy your husband, learn to cook, volunteer, take some parenting classes, do some writing, etc. (and also do a little extra work for the fun of it and a little cash). There's nothing wrong with giving yourself the extra time you need to enjoy your marriage and take care of your husband. I think you should really put in the effort about cooking. It's fun and it's something that your husband and future children will really appreciate.
When LJ and I got married, the situation was (sort of) similar. I had always worked a 40+ hour work week in an office. We agreed that I would try to just write part-time and see how it went. I ended up writing more full-time after a few years (but from home) allowing us to spend nearly 24/7 together. It has worked out great for us and we really have enjoyed our marriage.
Recently, I cut back on work a bit again because of the baby. However, I still write part-time and help LJ with his work (as I have since we got married).
You need to do whatever you need to do to make your partnership with Bo work. If you think that working less will allow you to devote more time to your husband and grow as a couple (and you can afford to do it), then that's awesome. Good luck.
Wait, what.... you are a woman?
The biggest Rasho fan ever just makes more sence to me
ploto - you did what you thought was best for your family, and angel_luv is doing what she thinks is best for her family. Neither way is right or wrong - and all that matters is that Bo and angel_luv are happy with the decision.
I think it's great that she's now married and can afford to quit one of her jobs - that's one of the perks of being married! And I never got the impression that angel_luv thought she had higher or better priorities - I think you're projecting.
I've been reading this book...it's a super girl power trip book by the founder and owner of a fashion PR firm Kelly Cutrone called "If You Have To Cry Go Outside."
Kelly's been around the world more than once in many different ways and has been on TV knows tons of people and knows what she's about. In the book she said that she could have never thought of having a family or children until she knew herself. And I agree with that. Knowing yourself and what is best for you (and who is involved in your life) is what is the most important.
For me, it's kind of an independent woman type of journey. Ploto's journey was different and Angel_Luv's journey is a ton different than anyone else's journey here.
Sometimes the journey works like girls have always been indoctrinated with, "first comes love then comes marriage then comes baby in a baby carriage." For others it's more of a "Go to school, be successful, find the one, and then have babies and family." Or they get mixed up.
So, I'm trying my best not to criticize anyone's journey from now on. I have friends who are married and now have kids and are my age. I have friends that are in grad school, who have graduated from grad school and are living an independent woman life like me and then there are a handful that are as lost as I am. But, whatever the journey is I love my friends and will support them through it...because we all have different journeys.
So way to go Angel! I'm glad. And everyone should read that book. It kept me from literally punching holes in the wall on Friday morning.
Congrats Angel !!!!
Last edited by lefty; 03-06-2010 at 10:16 PM.
Sounds far-fetched but good things come to good people, and a independent woman will never understand your decision, but whatever makes you and your hubby happy is what matters....however, don't completely rule out a higher education...even if its just to make you a more well-rounded parent..
Might I suggest this on your radio the day you leave?
Good luck.
I love how you Christians are so concerned about judging other people's lives.
------
Good for you angel_luv, everyone needs a change every now and then.
I stand corrected- that was you.
i'm glad you quit your job at the mall. i would always read your complaints about it as out of character.
so congrats on steps forward.
any step away from something that brings us down is a step in the right direction.
The first thing I wrote was that if Angel wanted to quit her job and spend more time with her husband then that was nice for her. I specifically pointed out two things she wrote that raised red flags.
I think my response speaks as much to the larger society as it does to anyone specifically. I am truly concerned about all the women I meet in their 20's. Some are relatives; some are friends; some are here. I wonder what we have been telling them or teachng them. So many think that everything will be handed to them. They seem to have no notion of sacrifice or paying their dues to get what they want. They have unrealistic ideas of how the world works. Sometimes, you have to do things you do not enjoy because you have responsibilities. You have to sacrifice to reach goals and it can be hard work and tiresome.
I said DIFFERENT, not higher or better - again, you're projecting. For some unknown reason, you just seem to be annoyed with angel_luv's decision. It's HER life, and HER decision - and she will have to live with it - good or bad.
No- I gave input into a post that she made on a public message board about what her plans are. Some make sense, and others are very inconsistent.
How do you spend more time with your husband and go to Austin to be in movies at the same time?
How do you save up for the big house she has repeatedly says she wants to buy while quitting your job?
You have to make choices. If she wants to be around Bo more, she can't be in Austin.
If she wants to quit work, then she is going to have to settle for a small house in a subdivision.
It is an injection of reality into all that she wrote that does not fit together, and an attempt to have her be aware of the pitfalls of what she has proposed.
I will not just read what she wrote and say-- Yeah!! you can do it! Be a movie star!! Austin is full of talented young people with training, degrees, and years of experience. She can not just walk in there and have an agent set up all these jobs for her. I am not going to give her that false hope.
If she wants no responses, then she shouldn't post it in the first place. I couldn't care less what she does, as long as she finds a way to support all those kids she wants to have. If she is confident in her choice, then what I say will mean nothing to her. I don't care what anyone here thinks about the decisions I make.
I wish I could quit my job and be a stay-at-home wife & mom ... but my kids are 13 & 14 and don't really need me around all of the time, and I like being able to buy stuff that I need and stuff that I want, so, no can do.
Good luck!
That's the age where the kids need you around more than ever. That's the age when they're really beginning to make real choices - have sex or not? Drink and party or not? Try drugs or not? Now's the time they need you more than ever.I wish I could quit my job and be a stay-at-home wife & mom ... but my kids are 13 & 14 and don't really need me around all of the time, and I like being able to buy stuff that I need and stuff that I want, so, no can do.
Good luck!
My mom was a stay at home mom, and I think I turned out great. ha! She was always there at school functions and just always involved. She also taught me how important it was to make something of myself and be successful. She didn't like relying on my dad all the time for money. I plan on being a career woman, and I sometimes wonder how I can be there for my kids the way my mom was there for me. It's like no matter what, you have to give up something.
lol ... It's not all or nothing.
I just hope when this all goes wrong you have the guts to come back and tell us.
Good luck in this new phase in your life, angel.
This is pretty much the long and short of it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a homemaker, but there will be new limitations financially.I wish I could quit my job and be a stay-at-home wife & mom ... but my kids are 13 & 14 and don't really need me around all of the time, and I like being able to buy stuff that I need and stuff that I want, so, no can do.
Good luck!
My wife and I both work full time and always have...but that allows us to do things like come to SA for Spurs games a couple of times a year and take vacations in the summer. We can also go shopping, go out to eat and go to the movies pretty much whenever we want to. We both have fairly new vehicles we can afford to pay for.
If one of us stopped working or dropped to part time we could probably get by but a lot of the things we enjoy would go out the window. It would actually strain our relationship more for one of us to quit working...as the things we do to break away from the monotony of life and have quality time with each other usually requires money.
It's a two edged sword. Money is the number one problem that fuels marital issues today. My advice for you would be to be honest and objective about the new limitations you guys might face financially and to not make any unrealistic commitments. If you are content with this, then I wish you the best.
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