Lakers face NBA's top diva in Paul Pierce
By Jeff Miller
The Orange County Register
He is nicknamed “The Truth,” ironic for a player whose on-court reactions so often are lies.
The Lakers will face plenty against Boston in these upcoming NBA Finals. The will of Kevin Garnett. The guile of Ray Allen . The speed of Rajon Rondo.
And the fraudulence of Paul Pierce.
Oh, Pierce is a wonderful player, every aspect of his game genuinely legitimate. But one.
And the Oscar goes to…
The player who, during an Eastern Conference finals game in Orlando, was identified on a fan’s sign as “RuPaul Pierce.”
The biggest diva in the NBA, that’s Pierce. He sells fouls like 7-Eleven sells Slurpees – constantly. He is as dramatic as an Elvis sighting. He is a soap opera in shorts.
The prediction here is it will take Pierce less than one quarter of Game 1 Thursday to be so wronged by a Laker defender that he’ll appear to have been hit by an ice cream truck.
On Monday, an unscientific survey of the Lakers determined that none of them would touch the subject of Pierce being the NBA player most likely to receive an endorsement for diapers.
Luckily, the Celtics played the Heat in the opening round of these playoffs, Miami’s Quentin Richardson speaking where the Lakers wouldn’t, calling Pierce and Garnett “actresses.”
This was after a play that left Pierce, in the words of Richardson, “on the ground crying.” Naturally, Pierce wasn’t hurt, amazingly recovering in an instant and returning to action.
“Sometimes he falls like he’s about to be out for the season,” Richardson said, “and then he gets right up.”
The Lakers weren’t willing to discuss the topic, but you know – just absolutely know – they watch replays of Pierce and laugh at his absurd antics.
Then they probably compare him to their Sasha Vujacic, a sub who, when it comes to accentuating contact, is a superstar. We’re only guessing but Vujacic, out of instinct, probably recoils when he walks through the X-ray machine at an airport.
Sorry to be so negative, but we just call them like we see them, which is why we had to laugh at the shameless money grab the NBA conducted following both conference finals clinchers.
In an attempt to sell bad souvenir caps and T-shirts, the league forced the Lakers and Celtics to participate in awkward ceremonies honoring their achievements of winning something the players could not possibly care less about.
Here were the two franchises that have claimed 32 of the NBA’s 63 league les being presented trophies marking half-championships. We’re sure the players would have preferred something more modern and useful, like Watchman TVs.
Anyway, back to Pierce. Oddly, he is one resilient dude. His toughness was cemented in 2000 when he recovered from being stabbed 11 times in an attack at a nightclub to be the only Celtic to play in all 82 games the next season.
And yet, his drives to the basket end in ridiculous fits of overacting. His fights through screens feature flailing arms and whiplashing head snaps. His contested jumpers leave people shrieking, “Oh, my Lord, has Paul been pierced?!”
In a sense, Pierce is one of the great prop comics in NBA history. There’s his headband, which flies off or ends up crooked during one of his limb-risking, world-ending collisions at the basket.
He already has had several of those in the playoffs, particularly last series against Orlando and Dwight Howard.
To his credit, Pierce rarely whines afterward. Following one game against the Magic, he called one of Howard’s hard fouls “just playoff basketball.” He also said, “You’ve got to expect it.”
Admirable, refreshing even. But we have a question, Paul: If you got to expect it, why do you still react to those types of fouls as if you were hit with a falling bank safe?
Of course, Pierce’s most famous prop was the wheelchair that rolled him out of Game 1 of the 2008 Finals against the Lakers. Somehow, that debilitating knee injury fixed itself in about 10 minutes.
(It later was learned that the Celtics team physician on call that night was, conveniently enough, Dr. Jesus Christ. This news came to light when our savior Tweeted about it, LOL.)
Although he still insists the injury was legitimate, Pierce strangely even mocked himself. Following the ’08 Finals, he agreed to be wheeled by a nurse onto the set of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” while holding the championship trophy.
It has to make you wonder a little bit, right? It makes us wonder a whole lot, wonder why he hasn’t been awarded a golden statue for his acting efforts.
Have to be careful handing it to Pierce, though. Even though he’s barely a foot tall and weighs only 8½ pounds, the Oscar is plenty big enough to send Pierce reeling.
I've never seen such a thing as the trauma that the 2008 finals caused on the Lakers fans. Two years later they still can't stop complaining about it.
Sore, bitter, losers isn't enough to define them.
The injury didn't heal magically, Pierce played on a torn meniscus the rest of the finals. Had Kobe done the same thing, they'd built a statue to him.
I'm not sure how an LA newspaper can call Pierce the league's biggest diva when they see Kobe all the time.
Wait, the "Orange County Register" has another basketball writer besides the Vietnamese guy?
No. That's Kevin Ding's American name...same guy, Caucasian name.
he probably lied about being stabbed 11 times also, he just wanted the incident to be more dramatic
When I saw the source of the article I was thinking the exact same thing. I chide Pierce for his flopping quite a bit but Kobe and Gasol's volume flailing and verbal flopping are right on par with Pierce's antics. And don't get me started on Derek Fisher who always tries to put on a performance when someone sets a pick on him. I have no doubt we're going to see constant theatrics from both sides in this series. I hope the refs know what's coming and turn a blind eye to all of it. Make these es play like men.
What's this "We" ?
Fans often say "we" when talking about their teams. What's the problem here, chumpster?
ok, that's enough of this
duncan228, you don't even seem like a spur fan.
you support the lakers, you post the most Laker biased, california based articles ever on the internet, and you hate on the Laker opposition
for every single time you post a ty Laker article, I'm going to post a Boston one.
I believe you missed the earlier thread about this.
Laka is the Lakers' no. 1 Paki fan...duh! That's why he gets to say "we" as a collective, and not any other Laker fan...
Duncan doesn't seem like a spurfan? He knob slobs Duncan harder than almost anyone.
Plus he just post articles. Not sure what your upset about.
Wow, that'll show her!
*she
yeah she's a spur fan, but the only articles she EVER posts are all the most Laker biased re ed articles you can ever read
I think that may be precisely why she posts them.
Hey Duncan did you have a sex change and did tell us?
KG and paul pierce= pussies
My bad. Didn't know, probably because all she does is post articles.
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