College App Essay

[Gutter92]

Sooo...applying to the University of Illinois, need to write an application essay, 1000 words or so.

What should I include here? Personal experiences, what I plan on studying, etc.?

So far I have:


Deer Whom it may concern,

Throughout my life, I have made many choices. None of them are as important as the one I am considering now. This choice, its pretty big. No, not what car I plan on buying, but what education I plan on getting, at your university. While for some people, this choice is an easy one to make. For me it is not.

-------------------------------

What should I add to this? Should I write about a personal story, etc.? One that shows character, and how I'll be a good addition to the university?

[Jekka]

Are you serious? First of all, your spelling/grammar is awful. Second, don't address it "To Whom It May Concern" when you know to whom you are sending it (presumably the University of Illinois admissions counselors).

If you know what you plan on studying, then yes, you should talk about it. You should also include why you want to study that subject(s).

You should also probably talk about why you think you are ready for college and why the University of Illinois specifically is the right school for you.

Personal anecdotes can be good in an essay if they add something significant. Make sure to tie it in throughout the essay, though, so it doesn't look like you're just telling a story to entertain the admissions committee member who is reading it.

[ashbeeigh]

Does the application have any guidlines? Follow the guidelines. Going overunder a few words or lines won't kill you. But going over/under by a ton will. Ask your counselor for some sample admissions essays.

Ask your classmates/friends/relatives if they've written these types of essays and see what they've done.

Google "College Admissions essay." Don't copy one from a search result, but using google for a little inspiration is never a bad thing. I use it all the time for a jumnping off point.

And yes, like Jekka said..your grammar was pretty horrible. Check that, often. And you're not writting a "letter" you're writing and essay. Have you ever seen an essay started with "To Whom it may concern"? Also, as you get older you'll find out "To Whom It May Concern" is a go to "I don't know who tio address this to" label. Don't use it enldess you've searched high and low and cann't find who to address something to. It makes you look like a slacker (not that I haven't done it in the past though...).

[ploto]

Are you sure about 1000 words?

From website: Essays. Two essays of no more than 300 words each are required in the application

http://www.admissions.illinois.edu/a..._freshman.html

Definitely, have someone check your grammar. In the short passage above, you have a problem with subject-verb agreement, a fragment, and a misuse of the word its.

[Jekka]

Are you sure about 1000 words?

From website: Essays. Two essays of no more than 300 words each are required in the application

http://www.admissions.illinois.edu/a..._freshman.html

Definitely, have someone check your grammar. In the short passage above, you have a problem with subject-verb agreement, a fragment, and a misuse of the word its.

He also spelled "dear" as "deer" and insinuated that the person reading the essay thought that the big decision he was making was about buying a car. le sigh.

[coyotes_geek]

On top of what others have already said, leave out stuff like "no not what kind of car I'm buying" and other phrases that don't have anything to do with your point. Phrases like that aren't adding any value to your essay and just make you look like someone without anything substantive to say who is just looking for filler material to meet a word count.

[Gutter92]

Are you sure about 1000 words?

From website: Essays. Two essays of no more than 300 words each are required in the application

http://www.admissions.illinois.edu/a..._freshman.html

Definitely, have someone check your grammar. In the short passage above, you have a problem with subject-verb agreement, a fragment, and a misuse of the word its.

I talked to the lady about applying as an English major, and she said that they dont REQUIRE 1000 words, but its a good sign of a student who wants to stand out.

[ashbeeigh]

He also spelled "dear" as "deer" and insinuated that the person reading the essay thought that the big decision he was making was about buying a car. le sigh.

"dear" lord. I didn't catch that one. And he thinks he can get into UI? Is this UI Champlaign? You'd be lucky to get into an ACCD school with that type of essay.

[Jekka]

I talked to the lady about applying as an English major, and she said that they dont REQUIRE 1000 words, but its a good sign of a student who wants to stand out.

[Gutter92]

Are you sure about 1000 words?

From website: Essays. Two essays of no more than 300 words each are required in the application

http://www.admissions.illinois.edu/a..._freshman.html

Definitely, have someone check your grammar. In the short passage above, you have a problem with subject-verb agreement, a fragment, and a misuse of the word its.

"dear" lord. I didn't catch that one. And he thinks he can get into UI? Is this UI Champlaign? You'd be lucky to get into an ACCD school with that type of essay.

U of I in Champaign, yes.

[Kori Ellis]

I wouldn't write a 1000-word essay if they are asking for two essays of NO MORE than 300 words each. They'll discard your 1000-word essay without reading it for not being able to follow directions.

[ashbeeigh]

U of I in Champaign, yes.

Alright. Then you need to really work on your essay if you aren't trying to troll everyone. That's a very big DI school. Have you checked their acceptance rates? Specific to your department? SAT/ACT scores? All that stuff? Is this just one of the few schools you're applying to? I hate to turn this into a "are you sure this is where you want to go?" thread...but someone would eventually.

[Gutter92]

Alright. Then you need to really work on your essay if you aren't trying to troll everyone. That's a very big DI school. Have you checked their acceptance rates? Specific to your department? SAT/ACT scores? All that stuff? Is this just one of the few schools you're applying to? I hate to turn this into a "are you sure this is where you want to go?" thread...but someone would eventually.

I don't remember my SAT score, but my ACT was 29 and I'm fairly sure that's at least in the middle 50% of the U of I.

[CuckingFunt]

Yeah... tighten up grammar and writing style. A lot. It's likely worth investing in some sort of writing manual (not a style guide, but something with the basics of structure), which will undoubtedly prove useful as an English major, and really familiarize yourself with the mechanics of writing. For a quick source, this book has been hugely valuable to me -- it's packed with the kind of information that, even as a fairly decent writer, I don't always have ready off the top of my head (complex/obscure comma rules, for example).

I, personally, am always of the opinion that personality is a good thing in essay writing, and can help you stand out to a panel of people reading a ton of application essays. I would think this especially true for a prospective English major. But you really, REALLY have to know the rules backwards and forwards before you can ever hope to break and/or manipulate them thoughtfully. And, frankly, you're not there yet. A fragment or two, for deliberate effect, within an otherwise grammatically flawless essay will likely stand out as intentional, but if your grammar is generally flawed all of those little asides that you might intend to be playful or humorous are just going to come across as not knowing what you're doing.

As an English major especially, I would think it important to focus as much on how your essay is written, as on what it says.

[MannyIsGod]

You should apply there if you want to go. However, you should also apply to other schools and have a safety school you know will accept you just in case.

To be quite blunt, what you posted above is not the beginnings of an essay. If you really want to get into this school then put the work required to do so. Make it sound excellent. 300 words isn't much time to make an impact and really be a deciding factor but concentrate on having an essay that comes across as though someone who is intelligent wrote it.

If you remember one thing, remember this: No matter what this essay won't get you into the university but it can definitely stop you from getting in. Make it as error free as possible (and really in 300 words there should be zero errors).

Good luck.

[MannyIsGod]

BTW, reading my posts here will show you that I suck at both grammar and spelling. That being said, every paper I've ever turned in has had very few mistakes if any on either front. I'm not great at either of these things naturally but that doesn't mean I can't proofread and make sure the final product has the kinks worked out.

[baseline bum]

I don't know how to start it, but make sure the essay ends with you insulting the cabbie when arriving at your mansion in Bel Air.

[TDMVPDPOY]

tell them u pay cash!!!

[Dr. Gonzo]

I think you are doing well. Just keep on doing what you were doing and you will end up right where you belong.

[MannyIsGod]

I think you are doing well. Just keep on doing what you were doing and you will end up right where you belong.

At UTSA?

[BadOdor]

At UTSA?

[Ignignokt]

I heard the college admission essay at UTSA just requires a flow with a beat. You get extra consideration if you use autotune.

[cornbread]

First of all, don't sweat the hate you're getting. Forget about that garbage.

Is there a teacher at your school who can give you some coaching on your paper? See if you can schedule some time with that person. Be sure to have your ideas ready so you can present them and get feedback. That person will be more willing to help you along the way if you show initiative and don't come across like you're trying to get them to come up with the ideas for you.

The outline should come together before you start writing. This will help keep your ideas clear and your writing tight. 300-1,000 words isn't all that much to make a case for yourself and you're competing against talented writers. You'll really want to have a nicely polished paper.

See if that teacher or somebody else who is good with grammar can proof your paper. An English teacher would be ideal because they'll give you feedback that goes beyond grammar and spelling.

Good luck.

[The Reckoning]

nice troll job


btw UTSA didnt require an essay and all you needed was a 24 on your ACT to be in the honors program

[Gutter92]

nice troll job


btw UTSA didnt require an essay and all you needed was a 24 on your ACT to be in the honors program

I'm not applying to UTSA...