My fiancee just left me

[Findog]

We began talking marriage about 3-4 months into the relationship. Level of passion was pretty even; some relationships are in trouble long-term if one person is way more into the other person and that is not recipocrated.

Her behavior had not changed recently, there was no pulling away. There was nothing to indicate that the relationship was in trouble. She told me repeatedly throughout the course of the rel'ship that it was the best rel'ship she had ever been in, I was everything she ever wanted in another man, she sat her parents down and told them she wanted to marry me and explained to them how I was different from all the other guys she'd been with, and her parents wanted to meet my parents for dinner. She was raised by her mom and stepfather, and I became the first guy she ever dated that she introduced to her biological father, who she has a very arms-length relationship with.

I've got an email from her two weeks before she broke it off where she says she had a great time with me over the weekend (it was pretty mundane by our standards) and I am an amazing man. I've got another email three days before where says "I was just thinking about you. Love u " etc. Two weeks before the breakup she tells me that one of her friends from her wild partying days that had met me told her that she had seen some of the losers she used to date, she was lucky to have me, and she told me that she agreed. She was not behaving like somebody who had mentally checked out and was looking for the exits.

Last Saturday morning she texts me and asks to come over. We had a wedding for a friend of hers to go to that night and I texted her back since it was 10 am in the morning and pointed out that we would have several hours to kill and wanted to know how she wanted to fill that time. She texts back that she'll be over soon and then we can talk. That got my radar up. I called her four times and she refuses to answer the phone.

She comes over, sits down on the couch and the first thing she says is that she can't love me the way she thinks I need to be loved and want to be loved. I tell her that I've always felt loved by her and I've never felt like I wasn't getting what I wanted or needed from her. She says she woke up this week with a funny feeling that something didn't feel quite right and I tell her that it sounds like jitters and cold feet, those are normal feelings, the thought of marriage is scary to me as well at times, and it doesn't necessarily mean our relationship is doomed.

She says she's never been in a relationship longer than a year, that this is what she does, she can't be in a relationship right now, she needs to be single. I point out that she has told me repeatedly that before she met me, she was lonely and single, and after we became a couple, she felt incredibly happy and loved. I asked her what had changed and if she still loved me. She said she still loves me, I'm everything she ever wanted in a man, but she can't get married, she can't be in a relationship, she has to be alone. She tells me she doesn't want to waste any more of my time, she doesn't want me to go to weddings I don't have to go to and don't want to go. (By way of background, we had four weddings for friends of hers this fall. We'd already been to one, Saturday was supposed to be the second, and I had never expressed resentment over having to go to the weddings. I told her that I loved just being with her and I didn't care what we were doing). The whole thing lasted about 15 minutes and then she says she can't stay any longer and she has to leave. That was last Saturday. We've both maintained radio silence since then.

I don't know if I should have done this or not, but there will be a bouquet of Gerber daises (her favorite) arriving at her apartment tomorrow with the message "I love you. I miss you. My heart aches for you. You're my Rushmore." When I woke up today I was overcome with feelings of powerlessness and helplessness, along with missing her terribly. I'm not going to call, text or email her, that's all I'm going to do for now. I figure if I have any shot at getting her back, I need to give her some space to figure out what she really wants and if she actually misses me. If I bombard her with texts, emails and calls, she'll just retreat even further. Plus I'm a real mess right now and need to gather myself before I interact with her at all.

So, as to the accusations of cheating, when you're in a relationship with the woman that you think you're going to marry, and everything seems to be going great, and then you get blindsided with a breakup that does not include a satisfactory explanation, yeah, your mind races and you consider every possible angle, including cheating. I can't rule it out. It's inconsistent with the person I've known her to be. And if that turned out to be the case, then that would be even more painful than this thing already is, and I'd have to walk away, since how can I expect her to be faithful in a marriage when she can't be faithful at this point of our rel'ship? I suspect cold feet and jitters (we hadn't set a date but we both kinda assumed anywhere from late 2011 to early 2013), but who knows? Nothing about what she did makes any sense.

Probably the only reason I haven't completely turned into a basketcase is that a small part of me harbors hope that we can reconcile, but I'm trying to stay grounded and prepare for the worst-case scenario that she won't come around.

[DUNCANownsKOBE2]

What is that. You need to try this punch:

Vodka or Everclear +

My jungle juice recipe:

1 gallon of sunnyD
1 gallon of Hawaiian Punch
4 liters of sprite
2 pineapples
1 bottle of manischewitz wine
2 fifths of everclear


EDIT: didn't realize you were asking what manischewitz wine was:

[Albert Haynesworth]

DPG gonna have to talk to the ollllllll ball coach efter det one!

[Findog]

Oh, and as to the pickup games, I can't make it tomorrow out to UTD mono, but I absolutely can do it starting probably a week or two from now. Last Thursday night, two days before she broke up with me, my dad drove home drunk and wrecked both my parent's cars. I just bought a car myself and am loaning that car to my mom while hers gets fixed so she can avoid having to s out for a rental car. My dad's in a 30-day rehab place. So it will probably be a couple of weeks until everything returns to what you might call "normalcy" but I absolutely NEED a regular pickup game. I'm in crisis mode on two fronts right now.

[Koolaid_Man]

So with that in mind, how much of a diversion will the Mavericks offer me this year? I see 47-52 wins and another first-round exit.

Imma keep it real wit ya Fin....I can tell ya why she left...

either 1.) you not laying the pipe properly...if you ing her face 2 face you lose...they like to be hit from the back or long and deep stroked...you cant be no square either...lick that ass if you need to...choke her ass...

or 2.) you outta shape...the reason i work out so much and eat egg whites and oatmeal for breakfast is simple...abs...if you don't have em your girl will you but she dont really want to ...don't matter how much you earn...or what kinda exciting bull you got going on...if either of you outta shape it wont last...period...

3.) she ran into a Koolaid type ...if you dont hang long enough she ain't sticking around...you gotta have at least 2 of the 3 sixes... (take notes Vulva)

• either 6 figures
• 6 feet tall or
• 6 inches

5 , 5 , 5 and you're ed....

[Giuseppe]

She'll regret it years from now, Fin, but, I just don't know if you could convince her of that in real time. She sounds decided.

[DPG21920]

1) If this is an elaborate Bump Classic, I will be astonished at your dedication.

2) If this is real, the only advice I can give is that nothing anyone will say will make a difference. There is a time period where you will feel terrible, because this is a terrible thing. Eventually, just like all things, it will pass.

My advice is don't use this as an excuse to shut down. Sure you are upset and sad, but the worst thing you can do is use the things that happen to you in life to become a colder person. Just keep the mindset that your goal is to find true love and that although somethings are going to hurt along the way, when you find it, none of this will matter.

[Albert Haynesworth]

Imma keep it real wit ya Fin....I can tell ya why she left...

either 1.) you not laying the pipe properly...if you ing her face 2 face you lose...they like to be hit from the back or long and deep stroked...you cant be no square either...lick that ass if you need to...choke her ass...

or 2.) you outta shape...the reason i work out so much and eat egg whites and oatmeal for breakfast is simple...abs...if you don't have em your girl will you but she dont really want to ...don't matter how much you earn...or what kinda exciting bull you got going on...if either of you outta shape it wont last...period...

3.) she ran into a Koolaid type ...if you dont hang long enough she ain't sticking around...you gotta have at least 2 of the 3 sixes... (take notes Vulva)

• either 6 figures
• 6 feet tall or
• 6 inches

5 , 5 , 5 and you're ed....

Does it hurt being so dumb?

[DeadlyDynasty]

We began talking marriage about 3-4 months into the relationship. Level of passion was pretty even; some relationships are in trouble long-term if one person is way more into the other person and that is not recipocrated.

Her behavior had not changed recently, there was no pulling away. There was nothing to indicate that the relationship was in trouble. She told me repeatedly throughout the course of the rel'ship that it was the best rel'ship she had ever been in, I was everything she ever wanted in another man, she sat her parents down and told them she wanted to marry me and explained to them how I was different from all the other guys she'd been with, and her parents wanted to meet my parents for dinner. She was raised by her mom and stepfather, and I became the first guy she ever dated that she introduced to her biological father, who she has a very arms-length relationship with.

I've got an email from her two weeks before she broke it off where she says she had a great time with me over the weekend (it was pretty mundane by our standards) and I am an amazing man. I've got another email three days before where says "I was just thinking about you. Love u " etc. Two weeks before the breakup she tells me that one of her friends from her wild partying days that had met me told her that she had seen some of the losers she used to date, she was lucky to have me, and she told me that she agreed. She was not behaving like somebody who had mentally checked out and was looking for the exits.

Last Saturday morning she texts me and asks to come over. We had a wedding for a friend of hers to go to that night and I texted her back since it was 10 am in the morning and pointed out that we would have several hours to kill and wanted to know how she wanted to fill that time. She texts back that she'll be over soon and then we can talk. That got my radar up. I called her four times and she refuses to answer the phone.

She comes over, sits down on the couch and the first thing she says is that she can't love me the way she thinks I need to be loved and want to be loved. I tell her that I've always felt loved by her and I've never felt like I was getting what I wanted or needed from her. She says she woke up this week with a funny feeling that something didn't feel quite right and I tell her that it sounds like jitters and cold feet, those are normal feelings, the thought of marriage is scary to me as well at times, and it doesn't necessarily mean our relationship is doomed.

She says she's never been in a relationship longer than a year, that this is what she does, she can't be in a relationship right now, she needs to be single. I point out that she has told me repeatedly that before she met me, she was lonely and single, and after we became a couple, she felt incredibly happy and loved. I asked her what had changed and if she still loved me. She said she still loves me, I'm everything she ever wanted in a man, but she can't get married, she can't be in a relationship, she has to be alone. She tells me she doesn't want to waste any more of my time, she doesn't want me to go to weddings I don't have to go to and don't want to go. (By way of background, we had four weddings for friends of hers this fall. We'd already been to one, Saturday was supposed to be the second, and I had never expressed resentment over having to go to the weddings. I told her that I loved just being with her and I didn't care what we were doing).

The whole thing lasted about 15 minutes and then she says she can't stay any longer and she has to leave. That was last Saturday. We've both maintained radio silence since then.

I don't know if I should have done this or not, but there will be a bouquet of Gerber daises (her favorite) arriving at her apartment tomorrow with the message "I love you. I miss you. My heart aches for you. You're my Rushmore." When I woke up today I was overcome with feelings of powerlessness and helplessness, along with missing her terribly. I'm not going to call, text or email her, that's all I'm going to do for now. I figure if I have any shot at getting her back, I need to give her some space to figure out what she really wants and if she actually misses me. If I bombard her with texts, emails and calls, she'll just retreat even further. Plus I'm a real mess right now and need to gather myself before I interact with her at all.

So, as to the accusations of cheating, when you're in a relationship with the woman that you think you're going to marry, and everything seems to be going great, and then you get blindsided with a breakup that does not include a satisfactory explanation, yeah, your mind races and you consider every possible angle, including cheating. I can't rule it out. It's inconsistent with the person I've known her to be. And if that turned out to be the case, then that would be even more painful than this thing already is, and I'd have to walk away, since how can I expect her to be faithful in a marriage when she can't be faithful at this point of our rel'ship?

I suspect cold feet and jitters (we hadn't set a date but we both kinda assumed anywhere from late 2011 to early 2013, but who knows?

Probably the only reason I haven't completely turned into a basketcase is that a small part of me harbors hope that we can reconcile, but I'm trying to stay grounded and prepare for the worst-case scenario that she won't come around.

I love that, great movie, good use. I hope it works out Fin

[Koolaid_Man]

that's the thing, i don't know the meaning of the word restraint and i don't care to. i'm balls to the wall when it comes to anything and i always speak my mind and say what i gotta say and do what i gotta do. sorry fin but like i said feel free to decline comment if you dont want to

see that's your problem...throw dem tiny lil family jewelz you possess at some real pussy instead of the wall...

[HarlemHeat37]

One of my boys was actually in your exact situation, Fin, based on the post you just made..

Sorry if I missed it before, how long had you been with the female?..

This story was very, very similar to what happened with my man..his girl at the time wasn't used to long-term relationships, it was new to her..she had the same comments about being "lonely" and whatever before she found him, and how her life was so much better with him..they were also pretty close to marriage as well..I really don't think she was cheating on him, she's a stand-up girl, he didn't believe she was either, even though every guy thinks of that scenario many times..

It turned out that she wanted to experience single life again, just to "wild out" and be free before making a decision..while that seems cliche in some cases, it was true here..they just separated for a little while, they both did their thing, and they actually ended up back together, and now they're married..

[Findog]

1) If this is an elaborate Bump Classic, I will be astonished at your dedication.

2) If this is real, the only advice I can give is that nothing anyone will say will make a difference. There is a time period where you will feel terrible, because this is a terrible thing. Eventually, just like all things, it will pass.

My advice is don't use this as an excuse to shut down. Sure you are upset and sad, but the worst thing you can do is use the things that happen to you in life to become a colder person. Just keep the mindset that your goal is to find true love and that although somethings are going to hurt along the way, when you find it, none of this will matter.

It's real. And that's my goal, to not become hardened in the heart by this, but to move on after grieving in a constructive way.

[DPG21920]

My jungle juice recipe:

1 gallon of sunnyD
1 gallon of Hawaiian Punch
4 liters of sprite
2 pineapples
1 bottle of manischewitz wine
2 fifths of everclear


EDIT: didn't realize you were asking what manischewitz wine was:

I know yours is probably a hit. Just make a little side one with what I told you. Those are the only two ingredients. Tell me what you think.

[Venti Quattro]

Sorry to read about it brah. Wishing you all the best.

[DUNCANownsKOBE2]

I know yours is probably a hit. Just make a little side one with what I told you. Those are the only two ingredients. Tell me what you think.

How much everclear should I mix with one carton of that stuff?

[DPG21920]

It's real. And that's my goal, to not become hardened in the heart by this, but to move on after grieving in a constructive way.

That's all you can do.

[Findog]

Sorry if I missed it before, how long had you been with the female?..

One year.

[Venti Quattro]

When were you getting married?

[DPG21920]

How much everclear should I mix with one carton of that stuff?

We just flavor it to taste. I don't have an exact measurement. Usually like 4 cartons to one bottle or something like that.

[Findog]

When were you getting married?

No date was set, but we both had talked a lot about venue, and the thinking was late 2011 at the earliest, early 2013 at the latest.

[NRHector]

keep yourself and mind busy and like you say don't call her or text her, if she comes back fine if not you'll be fine and there's always someone out there for you. Look at culby even him found someone

[BUMP]

Like someone said earlier, go out and be with friends and remember that everyone goes through humbling times in their life that bring you to your knees. I've had moments like that.

Surprisingly just going out and playing sports has gotten me through A LOT in life.

[Koolaid_Man]

Oh, and as to the pickup games, I can't make it tomorrow out to UTD mono, but I absolutely can do it starting probably a week or two from now. Last Thursday night, two days before she broke up with me, my dad drove home drunk and wrecked both my parent's cars. I just bought a car myself and am loaning that car to my mom while hers gets fixed so she can avoid having to s out for a rental car. My dad's in a 30-day rehab place. So it will probably be a couple of weeks until everything returns to what you might call "normalcy" but I absolutely NEED a regular pickup game. I'm in crisis mode on two fronts right now.

findog...go to her and beg her to take you back...get on your ing knees and cry..tell her how miserable you'll be without her...cry your ing eyes out...shake uncontrollably and throw yourself to the ground...spit a slob at the mouth...tell her you no longer want to live...curl yourself up into a big ole ball and drink a bottle of Mad dog 20/20...

[Venti Quattro]

Think about it as it could've been the best thing for you. You don't want these things to happen during marriage. It's going to be a bigger pile of if you're wed-locked and she acts like what she did.

[Giuseppe]

and drink a bottle of Mad dog 20/20

Definitely do that, Fin.

tee, hee.