My fiancee just left me

[HarlemHeat37]

While I agree with the point that "looking stupid" shouldn't matter here and that love does require risk, I don't agree with sending the letter..I actually did something similar when I was 16, and it didn't work at all, and I felt like a complete ..ever since that, I've hardened a lot in my relationships with females..

Luckily, I learned this at a young age..that failed relationship got me arrested and facing charges..I even became friends with her a few years later, but I learned to give up and accept when the relationship is over..I have learned the signs and when to get out..a lot of these girls turn out to be gaping, even though we're scared to look at the depth of the hole, past the puddles..

Another important point is that even if you guys do get back together, there's a good chance that things will never be the same..you'll always wonder why she left you, and she probably won't want to talk about it, which in itself, will cause fights..you'll always wonder whether another guy was involved..it'll never leave your head IMO, even if you think it might..you would have to be a really, really mature man to forget it..

Sometimes, you really just have to accept that something is over, it's essential..

[Jose Canseco]

If Fin wants to "make it work" he'll do everything he can to ignore this chick. Writing her, calling her, acknowledging her in any way is completely counter-productive. I know this from hard experience.

Each situation is different. Ignoring her can just be just as counter-productive even if she still cares. Because different people respond differently to something like that. One girl might start missing a guy who is ignoring her. With another girl, ignoring her might be the perfect thing for her to get him out of her head and make it easier for her to move on.

All depends on her. Overdose almost always is a bad thing. But doing little things to remind her you're thinking of her, as long as it's not over the top or too much, isn't always a bad thing.

[JoeTait75]

Each situation is different. Ignoring her can just be just as counter-productive even if she still cares. Because different people respond differently to something like that. One girl might start missing a guy who is ignoring her. With another girl, ignoring her might be the perfect thing for her to get him out of her head and make it easier for her to move on.

All depends on her. Overdose almost always is a bad thing. But doing little things to remind her you're thinking of her, as long as it's not over the top or too much, isn't always a bad thing.

I don't necessarily disagree with this. But it's a really, really fine line. One thing I believe most women have in common is that they are very uncomfortable with anything they see as weakness and vulnerability in men. They might say they want men to show emotion and express their feelings, but for the most part that's bull .

[Killakobe81]

While I agree with the point that "looking stupid" shouldn't matter here and that love does require risk, I don't agree with sending the letter..I actually did something similar when I was 16, and it didn't work at all, and I felt like a complete ..ever since that, I've hardened a lot in my relationships with females..

Luckily, I learned this at a young age..that failed relationship got me arrested and facing charges..I even became friends with her a few years later, but I learned to give up and accept when the relationship is over..I have learned the signs and when to get out..a lot of these girls turn out to be gaping, even though we're scared to look at the depth of the hole, past the puddles..

Another important point is that even if you guys do get back together, there's a good chance that things will never be the same..you'll always wonder why she left you, and she probably won't want to talk about it, which in itself, will cause fights..you'll always wonder whether another guy was involved..it'll never leave your head IMO, even if you think it might..you would have to be a really, really mature man to forget it..

Sometimes, you really just have to accept that something is over, it's essential..

I only have had one similar experience, with my HS girl. I stayed faithful (for the most part in college) when I got out I realized i needed a break, she granted it. And she waited around for me, but it was never the same after. In fact, near the end she wanted a "break" ..so we started to see other people. We were not engaged at the time, but had started to talk about it. She told me she never wanted to have kids (deal breaker for me) but the truth was she had feelings for another guy, didnt want to cheat and didnt have the heart to tell me the truth. Now, at the time we had a place together in Northridge and were moving to Granda hills when it finally ended (thank God i didnt sign the lease for that TownHouse).
After a few months, (like many said on here) once i started dating, she broke things off with her new guy and tried to get me back. We went on a few "dates" and fell back in to a intimate relationship for a while ...but she wanted a second chance (which I was not completely opposed to because I still had love for her) but she insisted that for it to work, we had to become exclusive again which I refused.

I felt we had both realized something was not right even though we loved each other. And that is why we both stopped things at different times BEFORE we got engaged. She was hurt because she had finally figured things out and what she wanted ...but it was too late i had figured things out too I still lover but I was ready to move on.

The point of me sharing is:
1. yes it hurts to have someone you care for cut things off especially if they found someone else.
2. Because she broke it off and I ultimately resisted complete reconciliation, I found my wife ... so there maybe something better out there.
3. She just recently got married and has a son. No we are not "friends" but we interact on Facebook once in a while. She seems happy, good for her.
4. even though i spent part of the best years of my life in that relationship and we did not get married ...i have no regrets. We went to Hawaii, Vegas and had some fun times ..it was life experiences that helped shape me as man.

Don't live with regrets. If you want to still give it a go, do so. If not, chalk it up to a life experience, that will help you with your next relationship. But it doesnt have to make you cold but be cautious. Don't punish the next chick because of what this one did. Many young men do that, punish great women for anothers misdeeds and lose the good ones that follow (women sometimes do the same but they are more romantic and hopeful) and in the end finally settle for something less when they are able to let go.

Good luck man, love sucks sometimes ...but it's worth it.

[DeadlyDynasty]

I took her off my facebook, because I don't need to be looking at her profile and I don't want her to know what I'm up to. And other than the letter, I haven't called, texted, emailed, whatever.

The idea for the letter came from here:

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...ule-46556.html

I chose Option 1.

Very smart, fb is almost unavoidable these days. I was madly in love w/ my ex (and still am to a certain extent), but I never "un-friended" her on facebook. Last weekend I saw her facebook page and she's engaged to some other guy now. I feel destroyed and haven't been myself since. I'm honestly considering therapy now. As others have said, just go on with your life like she never existed...it's a near-impossible task, but dwelling on the past will only create a sense of false-hope and inevitable crippling depression.

[Findog]

Very smart, fb is almost unavoidable these days. I was madly in love w/ my ex (and still am to a certain extent), but I never "un-friended" her on facebook. Last weekend I saw her facebook page and she's engaged to some other guy now. I feel destroyed and haven't been myself since. I'm honestly considering therapy now. As others have said, just go on with your life like she never existed...it's a near-impossible task, but dwelling on the past will only create a sense of false-hope and inevitable crippling depression.

She's still friends with my parents and one of my friends. I might ask them to delete her too. I'm staying off facebook for the time being, I don't need the temptation to look at her now limited profile.

[DeadlyDynasty]

She's still friends with my parents and one of my friends. I might ask them to delete her too. I'm staying off facebook for the time being, I don't need the temptation to look at her now limited profile.

Your family will do it w/o asking why. If he/she is a true friend, i'm sure they'd do it in a heartbeat if you asked. Just avoid contact altogether. It takes time bro, especially if you're attached. Sonya (my ex) and I officially broke up in March, and I didn't really start to get over it till August (when I moved). What made it impossible was the fact that I was a City of Pittsburgh paramedic and we would take most of our patients to UPMC Presby Hospital, where she was a nurse in the ER. It was indescribable how much it hurt running into her time and time again, which is the sole reason I uprooted my life there and moved back down to Miami (that, and the weather). Still, I never deleted her from FB, and when I saw her pics and "engaged" status just last week I became claustrophobic and all those "what if" thoughts came rushing back. I feel so ing stupid cause this hurts like .

Please bro, no more letters, emails, drunk-dials, texts, facebook, ANYTHING. If you both like to go to the same starbucks or movie theatre or whatever, find new ones. Turn the page, or else the pain stays.

[Giuseppe]

Nothing is more sickly sweet than heart break & ache. And for the guy it twinges in the sexual longings, almost to a medicinal level, driving one near mad with derision, desire & torment.

Poor Fin.

[HeatBurn305]

Kathy-girl tried to separate from 'ol Hubby, and I gave her the chloroform rag from behind;:::::then *POOF* I realized my pecker wasn't up to par like it used to be.

tee, hee

[midnightpulp]

Kathy-girl tried to separate from 'ol Hubby, and I gave her the chloroform rag from behind;:::::then *POOF* I realized my pecker wasn't up to par like it used to be.

tee, hee

[Giuseppe]

Oh, we've had some knock down dragouts in 40 years of love & hate. She's never understood the need for me to nut at the signing of the treaties.

tee, hee.

[midnightpulp]

Kathy-girl tried to separate from 'ol Hubby, and I gave her the chloroform rag from behind;:::::then *POOF* I realized my pecker wasn't up to par like it used to be.

tee, hee

[Giuseppe]

^ I wonder if she has panties on under there?

tee, hee.

[midnightpulp]

^ I wonder if she has panties on under there?

tee, hee.

It's your drawing.

Does she?

[Giuseppe]

Of course not.

[ploto]

Even though i spent part of the best years of my life in that relationship and we did not get married ...i have no regrets. We went to Hawaii, Vegas and had some fun times ..it was life experience that helped shape me as man.

Don't punish the next chick because of what this one did.

Two great comments.

First, do not act like it never happened. It did happen and it had an impact on who you are. Learn from it and remember it.

Secondly, do not make other people pay for what she did, including yourself.

[midnightpulp]

^ I wonder if she has panties on under there?

tee, hee.

Shaved? Or au natch?

[Giuseppe]

Just the tiniest of triangles at the top of the mons veneris.

[The Gemini Method]

What's left to be said that hasn't already been said? Most of us have been through a situation like this and it varies in how one should deal with it. There are some great pieces of advice and the most important one I have seen towards the end is the, 'don't treat the next chick like the previous one.' That is very important and it is easier to do when you're prepared to move on from the last one. Whoa, mons veneris used in a sports forum--that's why this site owns.

[La Mont]

She's still friends with my parents and one of my friends. I might ask them to delete her too. I'm staying off facebook for the time being, I don't need the temptation to look at her now limited profile.

there's no actual "friendship" in the virtual world, my friend. you can be friend with the mods of spurstalk but you may still get banned only if you manage to piss off someone of them.

RIP dok and m>s.

[Killakobe81]

Two great comments.

First, do not act like it never happened. It did happen and it had an impact on who you are. Learn from it and remember it.

Secondly, do not make other people pay for what she did, including yourself.

an even better summary ..short but sweet.

[Findog]

I feel better knowing I'm not Brent Barry

[Giuseppe]

Ugh, I thought it was a reconciliation announcement.

[Findog]

Ugh, I thought it was a reconciliation announcement.

Nope. I haven't heard from her. I'm getting on with my life. Can't worry about that which I don't control.

[YoungB]

I don't get the Brent Barry reference?