Initiated contact by the defender is a foul, unless he's using his forearm with your back to him, or he has his hands on the ball. Period. Grabbing an offensive player is always a foul, and if they call you a pansy for it, tell them to defend you like a man instead of trying to grab your hands.
But if you're in the act, you should call the foul as soon as possible. If the shot goes in, you can still call the bucket good, at least that's the way with all the pick-up I've played.

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