The Lakaluva library is proud to announce the publication of lakaluva's new book, "Lakaluva's Guide to Getting Fat Chicks." It's hot off the presses and will officially go on sale December 21 at a price of 19.99. It will be available at all retail book outlets, online retailers, and our gift shop. And don't forget to visit us on the 21st! Lakaluva will be in person to sign copies and read a chapter from his book!
Until then, here's some excerpts to tide you over:
...this book is for those of you, like me, who weren't necessarily blessed with the best looks or body odor. , I've been told I got the face of a Boston Terrier with the smell to match. But let me tell you, I get more pussy than all them pretty boy DiCaprio looking mother ers that are all over LA. How do I do this? Well, you're about to find out.
Lesson 1: Have a strong back. I can't emphasize this enough. all that cardio , or having a balanced weight training regimen, but do work on your back. See, in they minds, fat chicks think they skinny, so there will be a time when the will try to jump in your arms, or want you to carry her to the bed all romantically and , or want to cowgirl. The muscles in your back need to be strong like a mother ing ox if you want to play the fat chick game. So before you hit the town, build up that back.
Lesson 2: You need to have the right scent. Now scientists have discovered one of the key components that attracts people together is pheromones or some . Research has shown that females are indeed attracted to the scent of male sweat. Well that. Maybe skinny chicks, but from my experience, being a sweaty mother er ain't gonna bring the herd your way. This is because if you sweaty it means you're an active individual and fat chicks want nothing to do with activity.
What you gonna wanna do before you hit up a fat chick hot spot is cook up a package of bacon and take the grease drippings and rub them all over your clothes and body. You do that, you gonna find yourself in the middle of a stampede, and that's a good in' place to be. And don't forget to bring the bacon. It's a good ice breaker, asking a fat chick if she'd like a piece of bacon like skinny people ask each other if they'd like a piece of gum.
Lesson 3: Smoke your . And I don't mean to suck your own , pervert. What I mean is you're gonna want to smoke your like a pit-master smokes some bar-b-que. Head over the grocery store and get yourself some mesquite, applewood, or whatever, drain your toilet of its water, put them chips in there, light it up, grab your favorite fat chick porno mag, and sit on there. I recommend an hour. After that, your and balls be smelling like some finely cooked brisket, and if you're lucky enough to find yourself in a position where a fat chick's about to go down on you (which you should if you followed lessons 1 and 2), you'll get a blow job that'll make you in' weep.
Last edited by TheLakaluvaLibrary; 06-06-2014 at 11:20 PM.
..
This so funny I cant even read it all.
11/10
Number 3 was EPIC!!!
I'm glad to see the positive response. We really hope this will the biggest self-help release of the new year.
Regards,
The Lakaluva Library
lmao
20/10
One quick question oh wise one,
What if you have calf tatoos? Do the rules still apply?
Thanks in advance...
Well done. Second-best troll ever.
This is a classic and best seller book, how many can we buy? I want to give it as a christmas gift to my co-workers
Nice.
Good .
Two words
ing Gay
Whatever you know that was funny
Sounds like a very intriguing book. I hope I can pick it up on the 21st. Looks like a good read.
Yes we know, you didn't have to come out it was obvious.
I barely post in this site but damn I must say this ish is funny!!! Amazing trolling
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
