Reply With Quote
Good to see you back Fin, where have you been?
oh man, you're missing out on the spurs forum.
Good to see you back Fin, where have you been?
+1 I know exactly what you mean when you talk about seeing her facebook pageAfter a while, you'll look back on it and wonder how easy it was to get over it
Good to hear, brosef. You back in the game or are you still sitting a few more plays out?
yeah, shoulda never checked it out in the first place. was like a swift kick in the nuts+1 I know exactly what you mean when you talk about seeing her facebook page
My birthday is early February. I'm working on getting myself emotionally ready to date again around that time. Nobody is going to want to get involved with somebody a month removed from an engagement. I've had a lot of time to think about this and intellectually I understand it and what happened, but emotionally I'm not even close to being over her and being over this. Emotionally it's still incomprehensible to me.
She basically has trust, intimacy and commitment issues when it comes to being in a long-term committed relationship. Her biological father abandoned her mom when she was pregnant, her mom has been married three times, her older sister told her that she married her brother in law for security and not love. By being the breaker-upper, she avoids potentially being hurt and gets to be in complete control. Leaving me is not the issue, but the way she did it. Everybody I've talked to, including my therapist, believes she is a perfect example of emotional instability. She's useless to me in a relationship anyways if she can't overcome and address those issues.
There is a window open for her to come to her senses and for us to work through this in counseling, but I have to assume the breakup is permanent and I'll never hear from her again. I've got to own and live my life, have goals and achievements to work towards. If she comes back, I have her and my achievements. If she doesn't, I have my achievements and eventually somebody else more deserving of me. When it comes down to it, do I really want to be with somebody who would rather take the easy way out and hurt me than deal with her problems? I would never have done to her what she did to me.
On a macro level, I understand she has an emotional complex when it comes to fear of abandonment, intimacy and commitment, but on a micro level I don't understand this and never will.
<---February 4th
From what you've just said it's unquestionably abandonment issues. The girl I was telling you about earlier--she's similar in that she's always been the one to break off relationships--including ours. She's older than me too, but it never felt like there was a big age gap. When she was 15 she chose to live with her father when her parents got divorced, and the Dad ended up shooting himself 2 years later for reasons still unknown. Since then she's been able to have long term relationships (including ours), but she broke all of them off either right before engagement or marriage. She told me about a guy she was engaged to 3-4 years ago and how they were vacationing in Jamaica as a hurricane was about to hit. While they were on the beach she said something to him like "If this is it, am I the last face you wanna see." She hinted that they both agreed "no," and that was that. That's a pretty cold question to ask somebody and I should've been warned when she told me that story. Either way, she's got serious abandonment/daddy issues.
Sorry for the diatribe man, but it sounds like you're maintaining a level head through all this which is a feat unto itself--seriously, this kinda heartbreak can you up for months. The saddest situation though lies with her, b/c unless she faces her demons she's ultimately gonna end up alone.
It's smart to assume the break-up is permanent, that will only help you move on faster--but believe me bro--you will definitely hear from her again. Might not be for months, perhaps years, but she will pop up again. Good luck
son let me guess ... she left you for a brotha?
did she left you for tony parker?
Where's mommy been the last few days? Is she still hanging out with that Tyson Chandler guy?
You can't fix other people, only they can help themselves. I can't drag her to a therapist, or a doctor to check for a chemical imbalance. It hurts to see somebody you care and love about in pain and there is nothing you can do to help them. I thought about going to her mom, but her mom knows her better than anybody and can no more tell her what to do than I can.<---February 4th
From what you've just said it's unquestionably abandonment issues. The girl I was telling you about earlier--she's similar in that she's always been the one to break off relationships--including ours. She's older than me too, but it never felt like there was a big age gap. When she was 15 she chose to live with her father when her parents got divorced, and the Dad ended up shooting himself 2 years later for reasons still unknown. Since then she's been able to have long term relationships (including ours), but she broke all of them off either right before engagement or marriage. She told me about a guy she was engaged to 3-4 years ago and how they were vacationing in Jamaica as a hurricane was about to hit. While they were on the beach she said something to him like "If this is it, am I the last face you wanna see." She hinted that they both agreed "no," and that was that. That's a pretty cold question to ask somebody and I should've been warned when she told me that story. Either way, she's got serious abandonment/daddy issues.
Sorry for the diatribe man, but it sounds like you're maintaining a level head through all this which is a feat unto itself--seriously, this kinda heartbreak can you up for months. The saddest situation though lies with her, b/c unless she faces her demons she's ultimately gonna end up alone.
It's smart to assume the break-up is permanent, that will only help you move on faster--but believe me bro--you will definitely hear from her again. Might not be for months, perhaps years, but she will pop up again. Good luck
And you're not the first person to tell me that I will hear from her again someday under the guise of being regretful about how things ended. In the meantime I've got to get on with my life.
Doesn't help that the movie studios try to feed us this bull image where the male is supposed to desperately pine over the girl after being dumped by her. Lot of these films cater to the warped fantasies of women. My Sassy Girl(Korean version-haven't seen the remake) for example. The BF is so damned whipped in that movie-he's slapped, humiliated, forced to walk in her high heels, dumped by her and STILL worships the ground she walks on. Ridiculous.
Man I really don't know Findog but reading one of his last post I admire the maturity (despite still being hurt obviously) that you describe the whole situation. I hope you can bounce back man.
I just heard from a mutual friend up in Pittsburgh that my ex is getting married a day after my birthday (Feb. 5th)...I don't even know what to think of that
Who gets married in February?
people trying to get into that wedding dress before the baby bump shows up and everybody knows they're about to give birth to a bas .I just heard from a mutual friend up in Pittsburgh that my ex is getting married a day after my birthday (Feb. 5th)...I don't even know what to think of that
Who gets married in February?
Yeah I thought about that but I just don't see it (not this soon anyways). But nothing really surprises me anymore, that would be the icing on the cake.
Venue rental prices and plane tickets/honeymoon packages are notoriously low in winter. That and what mono said.I just heard from a mutual friend up in Pittsburgh that my ex is getting married a day after my birthday (Feb. 5th)...I don't even know what to think of that
Who gets married in February?
man, what a sad thread... but it makes me laugh my ass off every time i visit it.
She broke radio silence today after 92 days to email asking for her bike back. I feel sick.
Also my grandfather died last Thursday, funeral is Tuesday. She is coming by Wednesday night to get the bike. She left me two days after we put my dad in a rehab facility for alcoholism. When he got out he was as bad as ever. This has been the worst three months of my life. That email tonight was the final nail in the coffin.
dude... move on and stop airing your out here on ST.
not trying to be a but it's time to do both of what i just suggested.
good luck to you man!
btw, her bike! i'd ask for storage money... if she doesn't have any, then sell that or throw it out. that cold .
Sorry about your grandfather and your father.
As for the girl, you have to know you are better off without her. When you give the bike back, really try to let go. I know it's rough but things are going to get better. Sometimes, life goes through cycles where you stay in a down/bad period for what seems like forever. You'll rebound from it and be fine.
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
