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shoot her.
My oldest will turn 17 on the 24th and was just wondering what other parents do. I like to have her in bed by 11pm and she says that none of her friends go to bed that early so she blew up last night saying my rules are outdated and suck major ass.
Am I am prude for a parent?
She wants her teenage freedom to be able to have facebook and talk to her friends late into the night like they can do. When I checked the cell phone records I see many calls late at night or early in the morning on school nights so I called her out on that and she says all her friends don't have cell phone curfews.
Am I being over protective?
Last night she said she wanted to live with my SIL since she doesn't have stupid rules like we do. I don't want that to happen so should I ease up and get with the times??
shoot her.
TBH Joe.. when I was that age, I slept around 1 or 2 am.. but it was all on me, because I was the one that had to get up at 7.
She's an "adult" and she should be responsible on her own.. if she wants to sleep late she better wake her ass up in the morning... if she doesn't... then have a curfew.
I'm no parent, but I work with a few parents with teenage age kids that say have their kids in bed between 11 and 11:30. They tell me at around 10:30 they start telling them to start wrapping up whatever they are doing and to start getting ready for bed. I think thats a reasonable time as well. I may let my kid stay up till 12 but definately no later than that.
That is pretty much the way we do it. Start telling her at 10:30 to wrap it up by 11. Last night I knocked on her door at 11:05 and she was still typing away on her laptop and yapping on the phone. So I told her to hang up and got the "in a few minutes" and I said "NOW!" which upset her since she couldn't say her proper buh-byes. And she also shut down a web page asap when I opened the door so I mentioned that too. She blew a gasket and went on and on about the rules and how all her friends have so much more freedom than she does and of course I came back with "I don't care about what your friends do" and it went back and forth then she said she wanted to leave and live with her aunt. My SIL works two jobs so she is not at home that much and her kids, IMO, are too loose with their mouths and actions.
She told me I need to trust her and that she is not having sex or doing drugs or drinking etc. so I should giver her more freedoms.
She is an A-B student and does good so after thinking it over I think I'm going to lighten up a bit because I sure don't want to push her out yet she knows I don't do the "friend" thing when it comes to parenting.
Oh the horrah!!!
now she'll get knocked up....to teach you a lesson.
she should be in the house no later than 11 or 12 on school nights but she can go to sleep whenever she wants. Like Sense said, it's on her to wake up and get to school the next morning. But bedtime, yeah, is stupid and out-dated for a 17-year-old.
I don't have kids that age, but 11pm to midnight during the week and 1am on the weekends seems reasonable to me.
I've turned into my parents. I just don't think there is anything so crucial to talk about that can't wait till tomorrow and have to talk about it that late at night.
start letting go now or when she turns 18 she will rebel and stick it to you in every way possible. Im sure you realize how little control you have over her now, think about how crazy you'll make yourself when you legally have no say in what she does in a few months. start loosening the reigns now joe.
That's how it was for me, but 2a on the weekends
She'll appreciate your rules you enforced when she is older. Plus when she goes away to college she can stay up as long as she wants. I am sometimes over my buddy's house the nights I am off which is often a Tuesday, and his kids give him a earful as well. But they are also straight A and B students. But on Fridays he lets them stay up until whenever messing around on the computer, X-Box, phone, whatever.
i'm just trying to avoid having a jersey shore, mean girl, foul mouthed, skanky dressed daughter. But perhaps I"m going about it all wrong. We do talk quite a bit and have lunch together at least once a month to hash things out but I think it is the rules that is causing havoc.
At 18 they are pretty much an adult anyway. It is up to them from that point on what they want to do with their life imo.
That is what we kind of agreed to last night. She's also working too.
I didn't have a bedtime when I was that age. I had a curfew, and it was understood that I couldn't/shouldn't stay up all hours of the night, but as long as I was in my room and in bed mode by a certain time my mom didn't really care about when I actually shut the lights and TV off and went to sleep. But, then, I was pretty self sufficient when I was that age because my mom had gone back to college and often didn't get home from work and night classes until well after midnight. Managing my time in the afternoons and evenings--and finding a way to squeeze socializing, homework, chores, and dinner into a relatively limited number of hours--was left up to me completely.
In general, though, everything you've posted about your oldest leads me to believe that she's a pretty good kid and fairly trustworthy. If she's gone this far without being a complete jackass or getting into trouble, but is still being treated like a kid, I can understand the frustration at that age. Being just a year away from leaving the nest and, in theory at least, being responsible for yourself, it's natural to want to believe your parents trust you to be able to do it. Especially if you have been careful to play by the rules and prove yourself worthy of their trust.
if she isn't already, then she wont be. she's almost 18 and you've done your job.
I've already got new locks to replace the day after her 18th birthday. We've also talked about how we will give her privacy if she still wants to live at home and go to school and she can have her own door etc. But I also told her not to expect to have total sexual freedom. I don't need to hear or see that. Yeah, there are some things that I don't have control over. Time to cut the cord. What sucks it that my 11 yr old is already going on 15.
She is turning 17 not 18 but yeah, I think she is a great kid who will make mistakes as I did. I've woken up and smelled the coffee.
these teengs happen but it's up to you to make your transition easy or unbearable. trust that you did a good job raising her and you can sit back and watch her become a woman with a smile on your face.
Alot of people I grew up with who had the freedom to do whatever most of the time wound up becoming dropouts, or would be the ones in class knocked out sleep and failing most of their classes.
Your daughter seems pretty normal…She is almost 18, cut her a little more Slack…Kids text & post on face book at all hours…But I think it is reasonable to ask her if she can stay on a better schedule Monday thru Thursday…The goal is to teach them to be responsible & to make smart decisions…
She sounds like a decent, responsible kid, Joe, which means you've probably done a pretty good job up to this point. If my kids behaved well enough at that age, I could definitely see doing away with a "bedtime" (but keeping a curfew).
Just don't become my mother - that woman was crazy overprotective. The night of my senior prom, my mother said, "You look very nice - be home by 10:30.". My dad just looked at her over his paper, then looked at me and said, "Be home by 1:30."
That's what we do with my 15 daughter ... and since she's never overslept, doesn't have at ude problems at school and is an honor roll student I have no problem with that.
My 14 year old son, however ... even though he's also an honor roll student, he is so hard to wake up and sleeps through his alarm already, it's lights out at 10:00 for him or I'd never be able to get him up on time.
She sounds like a decent, responsible kid, Joe, which means you've probably done a pretty good job up to this point. If my kids behaved well enough at that age, I could definitely see doing away with a "bedtime" (but keeping a curfew).
Just don't become my mother - that woman was crazy overprotective. The night of my senior prom, my mother said, "You look very nice - be home by 10:30.". My dad just looked at her over his paper, then looked at me and said, "Be home by 1:30."
Even on a school night? With FB and all these other message boards and things that could very well have her up till the wee hours of the morning I would probably keep the bedtime. I may move it up a hour or so, but still keep it.
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