"The Great Job Creation Machine"
a vignette in one act by RandomGuy.
Cast:
DarrinS as CEO
SuzyQ as Disgruntled Temp
Act 1:
Scene opens, CEO seated at his desk, with a pile of paperwork in front of him. He is dressed immaculately in a gray pin-stripe suit, tie and sharply shined wingtips.
CEO (sits back in chair and looks out the window).
CEO: "I have finally done it. I have gotten rid of all the useless admin people, now watch my business grow, as my productive workers and I will seize the world by the throat and remake the world according to my new Theory of Business, HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
CEO (turns back to pile of papers, and begins to read the top one. Frowning, he reaches for the intercom, and buzzes Disgruntled Temp).
CEO: "My new Theory of Business will allow me to hire many more productive people, I am thinking we will need to hire at least another hundred workers, now that all that deadweight is gone!"
Disgruntled Temp: "Yes, sir, I will clear your calendar for the next four months."
CEO: "I don't have that much time, have Rhonda from HR... oh, wait, I fired her last week. I guess I can handle that, being the super-productive job-creator that I am. Nevermind."
Disgruntled Temp: "Yes, sir. Anything else sir?"
CEO: "Yes, actually, I have a report here that we were unable to make the last shipment, because we were short some parts when one of our vendors didn't ship when they were supposed to. Get them on the phone immediately, so I can tell them how unacceptable that is, and if they can't get us our parts, we will take our super-productive business elsewhere."
Disgruntled Temp:"Yes sir" (pause) "Line 2 sir."
CEO: (presses button on phone) "Consolidated Widgets? Yes, I have a huge complaint, and... what? You never got paid for the last 4 parts shipments? That's impossible! Fred in accounts payable always took care of that. ... Oh, you called for him and found out he was fired a month ago? Surely someone else could handle his workload, and jumped right on it, who else did you talk to? Ralph? He's fixes the coffee machine sometimes, maybe he gave the authorization to my full-time secre... oh. I'm sorry.... No, I am not trying to scam you. ... What? "Breach of contract"?" (Hangs up phone, wipes forehead)
CEO then gets up from the desk and walks to the window. Gazing out with his hands folded behind his back, his face contorts into a pained, irritated grimace, and he returns to his desk, reaching for the intercom yet again.
CEO: "I think we will need to see if we can get some orders out without the parts from Consolidated Widgets, get me the line foreman, so I can ask about how we can accomplish that."
Disgruntled Temp: "Sir, he turned in his notice yesterday, something about not wanting to work for free, if I remember correctly. (paper rustles) Yes, here it is sir, his forwarding work address was that of our chief compe or."
CEO: "I can't beleive he did that, get me HR... um, get me the payroll clerk, I want his last check docked!"
Disgruntled Temp: "Um, sir...."
CEO: (sighs exasperatedly) "Don't say it. Is there anyone in accounting that can handle this?"
Disgruntled Temp: "I will let Skippy the intern know, but the letter from the forman says that he hasn't gotten paid since you fired the payroll staff, and that half of his staff was in the same situation. Skippy may be able to fit it in between getting his braces off and his prom."
CEO: "Ok, at least I can get a lot of value out of someone I don't pay."
Disgruntled Temp: "If you say so, sir. Also, our largest customer is on line 1."
CEO: "Alright, then." (Presses botton on phone) " o, Frank, how are you? ... Not good? What's wrong, still can't get that chip shot on the back nine? ... Our last shipment had the locking bolt screwed in backwards? Impossible! When we installed the new presses, I told our HR staff to get everybody trained on the new, more productive equipment..."
(fades to black)