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What would you do with an infinite amount a free time to waste and no discernible talent or humor? This is what midnightpulp does.
so sad.
Mid-morning on the Vegas strip. Culburn and I were stuck in traffic, on our way to the Stratosphere for their daily breakfast special that promised a full continental platter for 2.99. Big spender, my husband.
As we inched along, I looked out the window. The sidewalks were jammed with tourists. There was a small crowd gathered around a street performer doing a juggling act with knives, entertaining kids and adults alike. The hotels looked much different at this hour. Less alive, skeletal, waiting to be brought to life in a neon blaze as soon as the sun sets.
Culburn turned on the radio and tuned it to sports talk. The issue being discussed was the Lakers’ new coach and how he’d fare in the upcoming season. Culburn clenched his teeth, not in favor of his beloved franchise’s most recent personnel decision.
“If this don’t beat it all,” he said. “Shoulda been Shaw. All this Brown fella gonna do is play grab ass with Bryant and cater to his every whim, tippin’ the tam, bowing at the waist and saying ‘yes sir’ with a smile. Mind you, I love Bryant and would never forsake him, especially after he rang sans Daddy and went one up on the tired ol’ bag, but the kid needs structure, discipline, a presence of authority that even Bryant’s ego can’t overpower. Jackson was that man. Stern and paternal, always a threat to spank yer ass into two Jap flags. Now sometimes Bryant would stray outside the confines of Jackson’s design, but Jackson always could reel him back in and make him abide.”
Culburn paused for a moment and caught his breath. He wiped a trail of sweat from his brow and continued.
“Shaw was being groomed just for that purpose. He’s played with Bryant since he was a kid and knows the ins-and-outs of what makes Bryant tick, that psychotic determination of his that, if correctly channeled, produces miracles, but it takes a fine touch, one that’s not learned overnight, and I suspect this Brown fella take a heavy-handed approach of the amateur and let Pandora out of the box, and what’s gonna happen is things are likely to end up topsy-turvy, Bryant topsy, us turvy.” Culburn sighed.
“Gee whiz, the ’s been slidin’ off the shingle ever since Sasha center-cut those freethrows to deliver us 16.”
I tried to ignore Culburn’s words, but of course, I was forced to listen. How could I not? Culburn’s obsession with the Lakers is borderline clinical and completely fanatical, and when he talks about them, like now, his words become charged with an evangelical fury that a television preacher would envy.
“Goddamn it. This decision pisses me off more than when that gook did a number on my balloon knot with them bamboo shoots.”
In Vietnam, Culburn was a P.O.W. for a month and tortured by the Viet Cong. I can’t imagine what he had to go through, and it’s definitely one of the things, maybe the only thing, I respect about my husband, that he had the courage to face such frightening cir stances and never let his will to live weaken. But do I feel sorry for him? No. I have no sympathy for him, because along with enduring the horrors of war, Culburn also endured, while we were married (we eloped just before he deployed), his fair share of pros utes, one of whom, he continued to write letters to well into his 30s.
Her name was Lien Linh. She was a 14-year-old Southern Vietnamese girl whose parents forced her into pros ution after they had their rice paddy field commandeered by the NVA. Culburn had many s before her, but I guess there was something special about her, which I suspect was because of her inclination to shave her pubic area, unheard of in 1970, and a fetish Culburn has to this day. Every time he says, “Just like shaved pussy,” it stings a little, because I know his mind is back in Da Nang, thinking about Lien Linh.
One day, her letters stopped. It was suspected she accidentally crashed her bicycle into an un-detonated napalm canister. Culburn wept for a month.
Because Culburn had no shame about traveling outside the boundaries defined by our marriage, neither would I. Somewhere, a black man waited for me, beyond the boundary, in the forbidden zone, and I would find him.
Culburn continued his tirade. “If that gook and Kupchak were standing in front of me right now and I was holding a gun with one bullet in the chamber, I’d not think twice and put one right between Kupchak’s eyes.”
Thinking about Lien Linh and Culburn’s shameless honesty about her, about how when he got home from Vietnam, the first thing he said to me was not “I love you” or “I’m so glad to see you,” but “I have something to tell you,” about the hundreds of letters he exchanged with this girl over 15 years, about his preoccupation with hairless vaginas, I got an idea.
I turned to Culburn and said, “I changed my mind.”
Confused, he replied, “About what?”
“Koolaid Man. I think I’d like to meet him.”
Culburn’s face lit up with a big smile, ear to ear. “You got it, Katie-girl.”
If Koolaid Man was anything like Culburn says he is, athletic, wealthy, something of a lady-killer, I was in for a treat. Although Culburn has never met Koolaid Man face-to-face, I’m sure there is some truth to this man’s vaunted reputation.
I was excited.
Last edited by midnightpulp; 07-14-2011 at 02:30 PM.
What would you do with an infinite amount a free time to waste and no discernible talent or humor? This is what midnightpulp does.
so sad.
Sup, thisoverbite?
seein things that aren't there? That's cool if you got nothin better to do, I guess...
Like I said before, pic speaks for itself. You also appear to have thinning hair up front.
Anyhow, the fact that you're scoffing my material tells me I'm doing something right, since you've demonstrated, time and time again, to have truly terrible taste (examples, Stevie Ray Vaughn and your idea that no film can be good if it's over 3 hours. Lol).
sup scrohan...i got those codones you asked for, hit me up lata
Lol pointing out perceived flaws of other men is a sure sign that your dissatisfied with the way you look yourself. Like I said before, if you losers ever want to have a chance at knocking me down a peg or two you're going to have to come up with another angle of attack because I am VERY satisfied with the way I look. That may be because I work VERY hard on the way I look (running, gym every day). The attention that I get from women these days matches the attention I got in highschool, so i must be doing something right. That picture from 4cc's page means nothing, it's funny that you edit out 4cc so that no on can tell it was a self shot close up from a high angle, otherwise yalls gay little story is blown
And yes, only gots enjoy sitting in one spot for 3 ing hours in theatre watching a movie, that is not debateble.
And I'm not scoffing your material so much, as lame as it is (really, I'm not joking, and I know funny), it's the fact that you obsess over other posters and spend so much time thinking about them and writing stories about them, lame unfunny stories, lol. It's that i feel bad for you that you waste your time in this manner hoping for approval from people that matter less than or equally as little as your pathetic ass.
labeling your first 'story' part 1?? Lol that is so ing lame. I probably wouldn't have even noticed or taken interest in your degree of loserness if you had left that out.
Get a in life is all I'm sayin.
Last edited by thispego; 07-14-2011 at 03:33 PM.
Yeah, running and going to the gym daily is laughable, I can see the humor...
...to an out of shape and or fat person
Yeah, running and going to the gym daily is laughable, I can see the humor
To an out of shape and or fat person
That pic, which a cell phone pic, is from 5 years ago and doesn't portray me in all my glory, tbh
There are other pics of me floating around this site, how come those never get posted fwiw tbh
Don't wantto poke holes in your theories, huh?
Sorry, dude, repeating Lee Corso phrases ad nauseam isn't funny.Lol pointing out perceived flaws of other men is a sure sign that your dissatisfied with the way you look yourself. Like I said before, if you losers ever want to have a chance at knocking me down a peg or two you're going to have to come up with another angle of attack because I am VERY satisfied with the way I look. That may be because I work VERY hard on the way I look (running, gym every day). The attention that I get from women these days matches the attention I got in highschool, so i must be doing something right. That picture from 4cc's page means nothing, it's funny that you edit out 4cc so that no on can tell it was a self shot close up from a high angle, otherwise yalls gay little story is blown
And yes, only gots enjoy sitting in one spot for 3 ing hours in theatre watching a movie, that is not debateble.
And I'm not scoffing your material so much, as lame as it is (really, I'm not joking, and I know funny), it's the fact that you obsess over other posters and spend so much time thinking about them and writing stories about them, lame unfunny stories, lol. It's that i feel bad for you that you waste your time in this manner hoping for approval from people that matter less than or equally as little as your pathetic ass.
labeling your first 'story' part 1?? Lol that is so ing lame. I probably wouldn't have even noticed or taken interest in your degree of loserness if you had left that out.
Get a in life is all I'm sayin.
That ain't me, howeva, it is funny.
Confirmed. You have terrible taste.That ain't me, howeva, it is funny.
That pic, which a cell phone pic, is from 5 years ago and doesn't portray me in all my glory, tbh
There are other pics of me floating around this site, how come those never get posted fwiw tbh
Don't wantto poke holes in your theories, huh?
the only evidence out there is that pic of your ghastly face with beaver-like chompers.
don't get mad brah, not everybody can be devilishly handsome like me. blame god.
let's see ya brah, show ya face
Corso was wildly popular around here scrah, whats your deal? You a chode or sumthin?
there are pics of me floating around this site
The other pic with you and the rest of the crew doesn't look too much better.There are other pics of me floating around this site, how come those never get posted fwiw tbh
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