Lakaluva's Guide to Getting Fat Chicks. Just published!

[dbreiden83080]

Greetings everyone!

We here at the Lakaluva Library are proud to report that the 100,000th copy of "Lakaluva's Guide to Getting Fat Chicks" has just been sold!

Here's is Mr. Luva's official statement:

Damn, gotdamn, I just don't what to say. Right now, I feel like mutha ing Kobe after passing Jim Dunan in rings. Never expected to sell a thousand books, much less a hundred K. But I would be in' remiss if I didn't credit my s at the Naruto forums for inspiring me to undertake this project.

I remember the thread which gave me the idea like it was yesterday. It was a thread led "Girls Suck," and we was all in there complaining about how chicks are shallow and go only after dudes who have money and good hygiene, something us Naruto fanboys got none of. After exchanging many theories of what pussy must feel like, I logged off. As I sat there that night in my bed, all bitter, Asian, smelling like ass, and near suicidal, a gotdamn light bulb exploded in my head. Fat chicks need too, even if it is a small Asian one that looks like a tail sausage.
The next day, I got off the computer, off my ass, told my moms to wash and iron my Kobe Jersey and hit up all the donut shops and weight loss centers in LA. It didn't go smoothly at first. This one fat chick stomped my ass into the ground cause she thought I was scheming to steal the leg of lamb she was gnawing on, but after I got my bearings, I found the right one, a 400 pounder named Juanita, and finally got my first piece of pussy. I felt 26 years of frustration exit my in 30 seconds, and gotdamn did it feel good.

After Luva conquered his first hoe, the rest, as they say, is history.

Love you all.

Keep 'em hungry.

Lakaluva.

dying of laughter

epic..

[Axe Murderer]

I'm a lil disappointed in my #1 troll fan. With thread ratings this low, you should have pm'd me to get this at least up to 10 pages. You failed, you got.

I'm shakin' so fast that you could say I'm vibratin'
There's a sickness in my head a hunger escalatin'
There's no other ending to this so why the I'm waitin'
Hop into the darkness for my homicidal break-in
I thought it out for many weeks I even told a reverend
But he ain't even listenin' 'cause I'm over eleven
I told my girlfriend and she just said it was cute
Then asked me how she looked in her me boots and took off

[Bito Corleone]

Fat chicks need too, even if it is a small Asian one that looks like a tail sausage.

[4>0rings]

This is the Frank Lucas of fat chicks, the don. We could all learn so much from him.

[jjktkk]

Does Luva make all his fat girls dress up in Naruto costumes?

[Juggity]

The next day, I got off the computer, off my ass, told my moms to wash and iron my Kobe Jersey and hit up all the donut shops and weight loss centers in LA. It didn't go smoothly at first. This one fat chick stomped my ass into the ground cause she thought I was scheming to steal the leg of lamb she was gnawing on, but after I got my bearings, I found the right one, a 400 pounder named Juanita, and finally got my first piece of pussy. I felt 26 years of frustration exit my in 30 seconds, and gotdamn did it feel good.

I'll admit I was skeptical after the first post. I didn't think it was all that funny. But this follow up was genius.

Impressed by your nuance, TLL.

[Cessation]

Great troll job.

lol buthurt narutoluva

[LakaLuvaMentalAsylum]

I missed this one. Guess you needed me to get this cracking.

Dear Mr. Lakaluva,

Why don't you delve deeper into the reason why you missed it? The officials at the Mental Asylum thank you for your clinic and symposium you administered upon our patients today. You gave a fine power point presentation on how to be the biggest ing moron in the world. You then gave a exuberant lecture on how Mavs Shoot em up #41 likes to go down on you 18 times per day. Next you decided to give out the book "LakaLuva: The Guide to getting fat chicks" for free to our patients with an hour long book signing session. Finally, you gave the asylum this valiant and gracious gift.



Do not doubt yourself in such dire times Mr.Luva. Your acute potential and impressive ability to lead the way at the asylum and paving the way for ing morons is extremely impressive.

Best,

LakaLuvaMentalAsylum

[TheLakaluvaLibrary]

The Lakaluva Library is once again proud to report that sales of Lakaluva's Guide to Getting Fat Chicks have reached five hundred thousand!

Lakaluva was unavailable for comment at this time since he's currently in Corpus Christi, TX (the fattest city in America) personally calculating the BMI of the city's more rotund female residents with his penis, but once he returns--

Wait! Good news, Spurstalk. The phone just rang and none other than Lakaluva is on the line. Now we'll have to do a live interview, right here on Spurstalk!

ME: Yeah, you're on, right now.

Lakaluva: I got nothing to say to those gots.

ME: C'mon now. Be a sport.

Lakaluva: Lil' , when you ever know me to be a sport?

ME: Give me a few lines I can run with and I promise to treat you to some chulapas when you return.

Lakaluva: You gon' have to do better than that, .

ME: What do you want?

Lakaluva: I want you to go over to Milton's and get J'Shanda, then you gon' go over to Taco Bell, buy you six of them extra large steak chalupas, have the put nacho cheese on 'em, and not just a little like them Jew ers always do, tell 'em to drench those mother ers--

ME: Okay.

Lakaluva: Then you drive J'Shanda over to my place, the maid will let you in, take her to my bedroom and lay her bison sized ass out on the bed and dump the fillings of them chalupas into every roll of fat you can find. I'll be home by dinner time to do what I gotta do.

ME: Let me get this straight. You are going to consume the contents of a fast food item from in between this woman's folds of fat?

Lakaluva: Damn right, .

ME: That's disgusting.

Lakaluva: I ain't got time for this bull . Good--

ME: Wait, wait, wait, let me call Milton and make sure J'Shanda's there.

Lakaluva: 'Course she gon' be there. I'm the 's only customer.

ME: Hold on.

(minute passes by)

ME: Luva, you there.

Lakaluva: Yeah. Where the you think I'd be?

ME: I'm afraid I have some bad news. J'Shanda passed away from a massive coronary last week.

Lakaluva (angry): Mother er!

ME: I'm sorry.

Lakaluva: , I ain't in grief. nearly croaked on me once. Had to restart her heart by repeatedly hittin' her chest with one of them ceramic toilet tank covers. Wound up breakin' the thing half. But she lived. She lucky I'm a compassionate mother er.

ME: Well, she's gone now.

Lakaluva: Then I'm gone too. Got bidness with these es down here. Gonna put a metric ton on my tonight. Woo-whee.

ME: No words for Spurstalk?

Lakaluva: Yeah. Suck it es.

[NRHector]

[Giuseppe]

[Red Hawk #21]

Even Lakluva has to have found this funny

[LnGrrrR]

The part about the ceramic toilet seat cover was a nice touch.

[Koolaid_Man]

You s luv some luva...lol

...how do you do it playa...you got these Ho's literally eating outta the palm of your ing hands...I've seen some but these s and white boys deep throating even your sac...got dam playa

They dedicating all kinds of to you...that Nurotu and now the Library ...

Luva got them Ho's in area codes: I ain't mad cha playa...

[DPG21920]

[Giuseppe]

[xellos88330]

[lefty]

This thread is ing epic

[LnGrrrR]

I know I am...

Anyone else want to guess how he planned on ending this sentence?

...loving this Naruto marathon!

...beating off to this pic of Kobe on my ceiling!

...gonna call up that 280 lb chick tonight that Kool was bragging about!

[ElNono]

...a bitter asian male

[4>0 Rings' Treadmill]

"If the intended receiver isn't available to catch the ball, you throw that forsaken pass into the direction of Lake Eerie"

[Giuseppe]

"If the intended receiver isn't available to catch the ball, you throw that forsaken pass into the direction of Lake Eerie"

lmcontrollinao!!!

[midnightpulp]

"If the intended receiver isn't available to catch the ball, you throw that forsaken pass into the direction of Lake Eerie"

[4>0 Rings' Treadmill]

Unfortunately Sipe wasn't in control that day

tee, hee

[Giuseppe]

It'll never end.