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lol little kid
Do you guys feel like marriage is a sham? Would any of you ever agree to get married or want to, any of you actually planning to? Will you get a prenup? Consider this the motha in thread for discussion of marriage in the 21st century. Personally, I think it's an outdated thing with how selfish, greedy, en led, and morally ty in general people are today. People have proven time and time again that most marriages can't work because someone is usually either A) incapable of not spreading their legs or keeping it in their pants or B) give up at the first sign of adversity. Personally I'd never get married because I'll have no time with the career that I chose, and I'll have everything to lose and nothing to gain as far as assets and time go. What do you all think, will marriage die out with our grandparents and parents generations?
lol little kid
If I recall correctly, you live with your girlfriend without having married her, so quit trollin and explain yourself and add to the thread. Obviously you must feel the same way I do, or else you would have married her by now.
This article makes some great points
http://channels.isp.netscape.com/men...ied&floc=wn-nx
Top 10 Reasons Men Won't Get MarriedYoung men want to get married. They really do. They want a wife, children and the house with the picket fence. They just don't want it right now. Instead, men ages 25 to 33 prefer to have fun, unen bered by commitment and responsibility.
That's the word from a new study called "The State of Our Unions" that concludes that young, educated, professional men don't want to commit to marriage, reports Ladies Home Journal. They place great value in the ins ution of marriage, but the single life beckons. Since today's men--unlike their fathers and grandfathers--don't have pressure from church, employers or society to get married, they aren't.
The researchers interviewed 60 heterosexual men in Chicago, parts of New Jersey, Washington, D.C. and Houston. For the most part they were employed full-time and earned between $21,000 to $35,000 annually. Most had either attended some college or graduated. None of them were married, although three of the men were fathers.
The top 10 reasons young men don't want to get married now:
1. They can have casual sex without marriage, something that is far more common today and accepted than in generations past.
2. By living with a girlfriend, they can enjoy all the benefits of a wife without having to say, "I do." This is a no-risk way to test the idea of marriage.
3. Men want to avoid the financial risks of divorce. What better way to do that than to not get married in the first place?
4. Since they don't have to worry about their biological clocks, men say they want to wait until they are older to have children. They really do not want to be pressured into marriage by a woman whose primary goal is to have kids.
5. Their greatest fear is that marriage will require too many changes, compromises and responsibilities. After all, it's a lot more fun to play poker with the boys all night long.
6. Men are romantics at heart. They believe in a soul mate, and they're willing to wait for her. What is a soul mate? Men define her as someone who accepts them just the way they are and does not want to change them. These men don't want to settle for second-best.
7. There are very few social pressures to marry. While their dads were pressured by religion, employers or society to settle down and say "I do," men today are free from that.
8. Men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children, primarily to avoid compe ion and conflict with the children's biological father.
9. They want to become a homeowner before they become a husband. Being established financially is an important goal many men want to achieve before they marry.
10. Men want to enjoy the single life as long as possible, especially as they become accustomed to having their own space and routines and not being responsible to anyone else.
this site makes some even better points:
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/
I don't think marriage will ever die out, but I think it has changed and will continue to do so. Divorce rates, if nothing else, pretty clearly show that we (as a society) no longer consider marriage a forever thing as strongly as we once did.
I have personally never, even as a little girl, seen the traditional marriage/kids/family life in my future, but I'm not anti-marriage. If it happens, it happens. I'm pretty definite in the fact that I don't want kids -- I recognized at an early age that I'm just too self-centered to be a parent -- but I don't spend much time stressing about the rest of it. I've always gravitated toward super close relationships, and therefore imagine that I will end up with a lifelong partner, but only time will tell if that partner ends up being a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or even a platonic best friend. I don't really need for the person I'm ing to be a long term partner and/or the person I'm closest to, as long as there's mutual trust and respect.
As for the OP's concerns about marriage, those have less to do with inherent flaws in the ins ution of marriage than with the fact we generally suck as communicators. And that includes being honest with ourselves. All the bull drama my friends have dealt with in their relationships seem to be directly related to the ridiculous lengths they'll go to just to avoid having certain conversations. I've had relationships turn ty, a couple of them were very serious, but the fact I'm unflinchingly open and honest and have no tolerance for people who aren't the same has thankfully limited the amount of drama I've had to put up with. A dedication to not only honesty but openness -- including taking the time in the early stages to define as a couple what you mean by commitment, monogamy, and so forth -- would go a long way toward eliminating a lot of the dumb that ends marriages.
did you know that divorce rates have actually been going down lately? Specifically amongst the younger age groups. Oh and I am 31 and have been married for 2 years.
down to what, like 43%? that's still pretty ty odds
oh, I don't dispute that, but a trend is a trend.
by the way, I am not trying to convince you to get married. If you think you aren't ready, then you likely are not. In that case, save yourself the stress and make a decision like CF.
Oh, I'm ready, hypothetically speaking. It's just that I don't think most women especially not my age really are and it's not a risk I'm willing to take.
People have always said I was like a little adult even as a kid, outside of this particular internet board I've always been extremely mature for my age. I'm just thinking about this rationally. The divorce laws are terribly slanted against guys and your average person these days barely lives above the poverty level according to a new census I saw in the news, so you'd better bet that these women will take you for all they can get.
If you're still of the opinion that all women are manipulative/immature/dishonest/whatever, or that all women are the same, and are therefore predisposed to thinking them untrustworthy, then... no. You're not ready.
Although, I've always thought it somewhat impossible to declare oneself ready to marry before finding the person with whom you're ready to spend the rest of your life. Which I think is likely at the heart of whatever issues I may have with the idea of marriage. The whole thing of wanting/needing to get married and setting out on a search for potential husbands is completely absurd to me. Feels backwards.
well, if you ever get married and see yourself on the path toward divorce, make sure you live somewhere like Texas before you file. Divorce laws are far more lax.
It is backwards, I'm saying that deep down I know that I am mature and responsible enough to handle the situation should it ever arise. And no I don't think that ALL women are like that, just the vast majority. And yes to be fair it's the same with guys too. And you won't find the few good ones at bars and clubs and stuff like that, and I don't really have much time to be out looking with school and stuff anyway. That's why it's just easier for me to do away with it all and just get what I can get without putting in any effort.
that's the thing though, between 70 and 90% of divorce filings are by women, most of the time the men are busy at work and never see it coming. I just think the whole thing is really really dumb and pointless, it seems like every guy i know is going through some sort of bull here lately. my buddy just got finished helping put his fiance of 10 years through school, and not even a year after graduation catches her cheating. it's just like how do you live with yourself, that had to have been calculated and planned.
I married when I was 22. She got bored and walked out after 3 years. Never again.
Marriage is outdated in this society. It's a tradition that has to die
I've been married for over 5 years and believe the ins ution is here for the long haul. I definitely think our society views it as less permanent than previous generations, but it still remains something to be desired. To make it work though you have to have the three C's; compatibility, communication and commitment.
Oh it should go without saying, but you should also love this person and love to make love to this person.
Thank god I'm not married. As it is, I feel old as right now.
Even people who's parents never divorced are seeing marriage as re ed these days.
lol signing half your away
if you want kids, marriage is great. for any other reason, its worthless.
I used to tell people you have to have love, trust and respect. Without any one of those three, the marriage will not work. So it's like a tripod in a sense, but you cannot put a camera on it.
I had a close call this past year, but broke it off for selfish, stupid reasons. I can eventually see myself getting married at some point, but the thought of it happening right now terrifies me. As far as kids are concerned, I don't see it happening--at least not for the next 10-15 years. The 20's are mine, and hopefully the majority of my 30's as well.
Just one man's opinion, but I think having kids at a young age (and to certain extent, marriage as well) is such a waste of the prime years of your life--at least in our generation, I realize things were different back then. Why would you deprive yourself of everything that makes being young great? Freedom, wanderlust, promiscuity, and even sin (for you religious folk).
To sum it up and answer TC's OP, marriage (and having kids) is still viable, but it should be done later in life when temptations have ebbed somewhat and all parties are more financially stable/set in their careers. Only then will marriage have a realistic shot, imo.
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