Wedding Gift Wells

[TDMVPDPOY]

Dont you think this is the biggest scam when it comes to weddings, while the couples passing on the costs of the weddings to the invited guests with stupid gift wells to fund their expensive wedding....i thought weddings is usually the bridal party funds the whole wedding (depending on what ethnic culture traditions you belong to)////// why dont they just give us their bank details to on the invites to save us the hassle of deciding how much to gift...

why is it ur expected to go the minimal to cover per head costs, or gift alot of money...but when its ur turn they are nowhere to be seen or return the favor with ty gift amount...

got a few fkn weddings coming up, and i dont feel like gettin burned with my wallet....

everytime i goto a wedding my mom always ask me how much ur gifting, i always go the minimal, and she calls me a earse....hey not my fault they want a expensive wedding, i feel no obligation to be funding their wedding or best dont invite at all, weddings is supposed to be about celebration between 2 ppl, not to make money from friends....

this is what i feel about baby showers, engagement parties or house warmings....fck that , all of this costs money where you dont benefit besides you outlaying money to some clowns who cant afford shouldnt take on thats a commitment....

[TheSkeptic]

Your avatar is really funny to me for some reason.

As for the topic I agree with you.

My general take on it is that with baby showers, wedding parties, house warmings and the like your guests are there to celebrate with you.

Asking the people who are already travelling and taking time out of their schedules to give you money/buy you gifts in exchange for the privilege really rubs me the wrong way. I think it's kind of distasteful actually since they're supposed to be the hosts.

What it comes down to I think is that people are too attached to the idea of the ceremony. Even in the best of cases I tend to feel like the couple is better off putting that money towards the mortgage or something (I'm kind of practical like that ). When folks are so broke that they can't afford to cover the costs for their guests I think they need to either save up or go for a civil ceremony and host an affordable reception or something.

I'm a little more lenient in the case of a baby shower but even then I think it's stupid to have a kid without any means of supporting it financially.

[mrsmaalox]

I've been fortunate that I've never been invited to a wedding, shower, etc. where I've been expected/required to contribute or fund anything. But I've heard it does happen. It's traditional to give a gift, if you have the means and wish to do so, go ahead. The "Wishing Well" is supposed to be there for the convenience of the guest who'd rather give cash----I don't think that just because a well is present, that you should assume you are required to add something to it. Again, things may have changed since my wedding. Our well was stolen by a waiter anyway....

Weddings are waaaay overrated and such a waste of money IMO. I was against having a lavish one, but my parents were of a different opinion, so ultimately it was their wedding, for their peers, not mine. I made my feelings clear from the beginning and luckily my only responsibilities for the entire thing were to go out and spend $5000 of my dad's money for a poofy dress and then show up at the proper place/time Suited me just fine!

EDIT
p.s. to the OP: Just respectfully decline the invitations and you won't be out a dime

[JudynTX]

What's next, a tip jar?

[Wild Cobra]

Another tradition lost with younger generations.

Oh well...

[redzero]

Dont you think this is the biggest scam when it comes to weddings

No, the wedding itself is the biggest scam.

[ploto]

My latest pet peeve is an invitation to a shower that is thousands of miles away. I do not think it is appropriate to send me an invite to a baby shower when you know full well I can not be there. And then do not get mad when I do not send a gift. If I am not attending your shower, I am not sending a gift. You might as well send me a letter saying-- I am having a baby and I want you to send me a gift because that is all it really is. It is not a sincere invitation to a celebratory party.

Also, I have gotten wedding shower invitations from across the country when I am not even traveling to the wedding, yet alone to a shower. I will send you one gift when you get married, but if I get a shower invitation, as well, I may not send you anything simply because of your greed.

I feel the same way about Graduation invitations from people who live states away. I know that you are not actually inviting me to the graduation, but rather soliciting a gift. You better be a really close relative to do that.

Final rant-- do not get mad if you plan a destination wedding and I do not go. I can not afford to spend thousands of dollars just to get to your wedding, no matter how many times you tell me you got a good deal.

[Drachen]

Dont you think this is the biggest scam when it comes to weddings, while the couples passing on the costs of the weddings to the invited guests with stupid gift wells to fund their expensive wedding....i thought weddings is usually the bridal party funds the whole wedding (depending on what ethnic culture traditions you belong to)////// why dont they just give us their bank details to on the invites to save us the hassle of deciding how much to gift...

why is it ur expected to go the minimal to cover per head costs, or gift alot of money...but when its ur turn they are nowhere to be seen or return the favor with ty gift amount...

got a few fkn weddings coming up, and i dont feel like gettin burned with my wallet....

everytime i goto a wedding my mom always ask me how much ur gifting, i always go the minimal, and she calls me a earse....hey not my fault they want a expensive wedding, i feel no obligation to be funding their wedding or best dont invite at all, weddings is supposed to be about celebration between 2 ppl, not to make money from friends....

this is what i feel about baby showers, engagement parties or house warmings....fck that , all of this costs money where you dont benefit besides you outlaying money to some clowns who cant afford shouldnt take on thats a commitment....

Wife and I spent far more on our wedding than we got back in gifts. Granted, I am not sure what a wedding gift well is.

Next time it's the JOP for me!

Oh and having had a wedding, MY pet peeve is people who buy that I didn't register for. I can understand if you can't afford on the list (we didn't go really high, there were a total of two gifts over 50 on our registry). I am never able to afford on the list, but we were registered at Amazon and Target for crying out loud. Get me an 8 dollar gift card, I don't want a FOURTH glass bowl set!

[CubanMustGo]

This is an Aussie thing ... never heard of this in the States.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wishing_well_%28wedding%29

[mrsmaalox]

This is an Aussie thing ... never heard of this in the States.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wishing_well_%28wedding%29

Really? I'm not Aussie, and I had one at my wedding, exactly like the one in the picture. It was the centerpiece on the gift table and it was just a place for people to place cards, if they brought them, instead of just laying them on the table; I know the weddings I've gone to have had a decorated basket or something there for envelopes, mine just happened to be in the shape of a well.......Definitely wasn't there to strong arm donations from the guests

[TheSkeptic]

Really? I'm not Aussie, and I had one at my wedding, exactly like the one in the picture. It was the centerpiece on the gift table and it was just a place for people to place cards, if they brought them, instead of just laying them on the table; I know the weddings I've gone to have had a decorated basket or something there for envelopes, mine just happened to be in the shape of a well.......Definitely wasn't there to strong arm donations from the guests

Interesting. I still think it's a distasteful practice though.

[mrsmaalox]

Hmm, this surprises me. Is it offensive at formal weddings that there is a table set up and decorated for guests to place gifts, if they choose to bring them? I've seen a such a table at every wedding I've been to and I never once thought it was a solicitation or asking/requiring that a gift be contributed. Same for a well, box, basket, etc on that table----it's just a place to put a card (granted some contain cash, checks, gift cards).

Apparently I'm in the minority here; I don't see every invitation (even from far away) as strictly a solicitation for a gift. I think most of them are just proud announcements of a once in a lifetime event, and if I share in their joy I'll send a gift, if i don't care about it, I don't. I just don't trip about the ulterior motives of the sender.

[TheSkeptic]

Hmm, this surprises me. Is it offensive at formal weddings that there is a table set up and decorated for guests to place gifts, if they choose to bring them? I've seen a such a table at every wedding I've been to and I never once thought it was a solicitation or asking/requiring that a gift be contributed. Same for a well, box, basket, etc on that table----it's just a place to put a card (granted some contain cash, checks, gift cards).

Apparently I'm in the minority here; I don't see every invitation (even from far away) as strictly a solicitation for a gift. I think most of them are just proud announcements of a once in a lifetime event, and if I share in their joy I'll send a gift, if i don't care about it, I don't. I just don't trip about the ulterior motives of the sender.

It's not the sentiment of giving a gift so much as it is the presumptuous that tends to grind my gears. If I get an invitation to something like that I'll usually call ahead and ask if there's anything I can bring. I don't even mind spending money on something thoughtful either. It's polite to have a gift when you're invited to these things.

However, when you get an invitation and there's items listed on it for people to buy or other signs that there's a gift expected I find that really really rude. They're the hosts and they shouldn't be passing the costs on to the people they're inviting. That goes doubly so for those soliciting gifts from those who clearly aren't able to make it in person. Maybe I'm just a more formal young adult but I find that tactless on so many levels.

some people are just cheap assholes i guess

I don't know about these other guys but I've got no problems spending money on a good present.

[TDMVPDPOY]

This is an Aussie thing ... never heard of this in the States.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wishing_well_%28wedding%29

im ethnic asian down under, i dunno how the anglo saxon aussies do weddings cause i never attended one or know one....but asians and gift wells...fck that ...whatever happen to couples saving money and hosting it or bridal family paying for the wedding...at least pay for most of it

ive seen clowns invited friends they see once a year or friends they hate, just to make up the numbers cause they think they can profit from them, fck that ....interstate friends...lol take day off work, find acommondation hotel, flight tickets already costs and arm n a leg just to get there, n u want gifts? gtfo...

lol going upto the door signing whatever horse wishing them well, then you see the gift well on the table with the bridal girls looking at you seeing if you going to put any envelope with monies in it, if you dont they smirk you off as some cheap kent then dobs you in for being a cheap kent to the newlyweds....fck that . whats the divorce rate these days for newlywed couples...

[CheapBastard]

some people are just cheap assholes i guess

[Drachen]

Really? I'm not Aussie, and I had one at my wedding, exactly like the one in the picture. It was the centerpiece on the gift table and it was just a place for people to place cards, if they brought them, instead of just laying them on the table; I know the weddings I've gone to have had a decorated basket or something there for envelopes, mine just happened to be in the shape of a well.......Definitely wasn't there to strong arm donations from the guests

Oh, we had this thing that was shaped like a frilly mailbox with a slot on top for cards. It was for people who wanted to gift money or gift cards instead of buying a gift. No one was standing in front of it or watching it (to my knowledge). It was just over on the table where people were putting gifts.

[Drachen]

im ethnic asian down under, i dunno how the anglo saxon aussies do weddings cause i never attended one or know one....but asians and gift wells...fck that ...whatever happen to couples saving money and hosting it or bridal family paying for the wedding...at least pay for most of it

ive seen clowns invited friends they see once a year or friends they hate, just to make up the numbers cause they think they can profit from them, fck that ....interstate friends...lol take day off work, find acommondation hotel, flight tickets already costs and arm n a leg just to get there, n u want gifts? gtfo...

lol going upto the door signing whatever horse wishing them well, then you see the gift well on the table with the bridal girls looking at you seeing if you going to put any envelope with monies in it, if you dont they smirk you off as some cheap kent then dobs you in for being a cheap kent to the newlyweds....fck that . whats the divorce rate these days for newlywed couples...

So is this expected in addition to the a gift, or are you complaining about being expected to give a gift to someone on their wedding day? I am confused.

[JoeChalupa]

We had sponsors for our wedding for things like the wedding rosary, pillows, flowers, coins, lasso and other small things. We also had a friend DJ for free, a friend cater the food for cost only, a SAPD friend did the security for free, friends pitched in for a keg of beer, got the reception hall for a few hundred bucks. My brother's MIL made the wedding dress. I"d say our wedding was under $1500.

[JudynTX]

We had sponsors for our wedding for things like the wedding rosary, pillows, flowers, coins, lasso and other small things. We also had a friend DJ for free, a friend cater the food for cost only, a SAPD friend did the security for free, friends pitched in for a keg of beer, got the reception hall for a few hundred bucks. My brother's MIL made the wedding dress. I"d say our wedding was under $1500.

Did you have the dollar dance?

[Drachen]

Did you have the dollar dance?

We did, but all the ladies only got $0.35 worth. I am white.

[JoeChalupa]

Did you have the dollar dance?

Sure did.

[mrsmaalox]

However, when you get an invitation and there's items listed on it for people to buy or other signs that there's a gift expected I find that really really rude. They're the hosts and they shouldn't be passing the costs on to the people they're inviting. That goes doubly so for those soliciting gifts from those who clearly aren't able to make it in person. Maybe I'm just a more formal young adult but I find that tactless on so many levels.

Well I don't think something like that can be interpreted as anything but rude! I swear some people....

I'm just surprised that some folks in this thread seem to interpret any invitation as nothing but a way to trick people into giving them gifts. At least now I understand why the Australian OP has heartburn with the Wishing Well, apparently over there it is supposed to elicit donations----where as here in the States, it's no different than providing a coat rack, just a place to hold something.

[mrsmaalox]

Man this thread has kinda rained on my little parade here -----my son's graduation announcements/invitations arrived yesterday. I only ordered 15, I was going to send them out just to people who I know care about my son and I thought would share in the pride of his accomplishments (NHS, Magna Laude); I know most of them will not actually attend the graduation ceremony. But now I'm wondering if any of them will think it's just a ploy to get them to send him money

[TheSkeptic]

Well I don't think something like that can be interpreted as anything but rude! I swear some people....

I'm just surprised that some folks in this thread seem to interpret any invitation as nothing but a way to trick people into giving them gifts. At least now I understand why the Australian OP has heartburn with the Wishing Well, apparently over there it is supposed to elicit donations----where as here in the States, it's no different than providing a coat rack, just a place to hold something.

Finally someone who understands. Whenever I point out how rude that is, everyone always acts like I'm the one being outrageous.

I'm used to it being something you're supposed to donate to as well. Maybe that's where the disconnect is. If it's optional I don't see a problem with it although I'm personally uncomfortable with it.

Man this thread has kinda rained on my little parade here -----my son's graduation announcements/invitations arrived yesterday. I only ordered 15, I was going to send them out just to people who I know care about my son and I thought would share in the pride of his accomplishments (NHS, Magna Laude); I know most of them will not actually attend the graduation ceremony. But now I'm wondering if any of them will think it's just a ploy to get them to send him money

Congratulations on your son graduating.

As long as you're just letting people know what's happening and letting them know that you'd like them to come and celebrate it shouldn't be a problem invitation-wise.

[baseline bum]

Man this thread has kinda rained on my little parade here -----my son's graduation announcements/invitations arrived yesterday. I only ordered 15, I was going to send them out just to people who I know care about my son and I thought would share in the pride of his accomplishments (NHS, Magna Laude); I know most of them will not actually attend the graduation ceremony. But now I'm wondering if any of them will think it's just a ploy to get them to send him money

Just tell him you want half for your trouble.