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If you aren't going to be part of the solution then you're part of the problem.
My love for her was crazy mad
till that ran off with mouses step dad
lingering feelings for a hoe ass woman
is what a man most certainly fears
so now I sit all alone in a hall closet
rubbing one out with my tears..............
If you aren't going to be part of the solution then you're part of the problem.
your poems suck (no racist) I don't get how they are supposed to be read. Can you maybe record them and post some YouTube vids? Maybe I'm missing something...My love for her was crazy mad
till that ran off with mouses step dad
lingering feelings for a hoe ass woman
is what a man most certainly fears
so now I sit all alone in a hall closet
rubbing one out with my tears..............
WTF do you mean? That is beautiful!!!!
see...maybe it is...but I don't know how it's supposed to be read. My poem earlier was clearly written in one of the highest forms of poetry, the limerick.
Easy to see how to read it and how the rhymes go.
Yours...I just don't get. Is it some type of free form?
There once was a guy named Avante
Who liked to receive much bukake
but to his chagrin
all of the men
ed him in his ake
see...like that
Rhythm is off there.
no...
where?
3rd and 4th?
there once was a guy named a van tay
who liked to recieve much bu ka kay
but to his chagrin
all of the men
ed him in his shi ta kay
i don't see the error
Fifth line feels a little short on syllables if you read it aloud.
mmm...maybe just the way "him in his" all have the short i. I can see it sounds maybe run together.
ahh...I digress...maybe this works better
There once was a guy named Avante
Who liked to receive much bukake
but to his chagrin
all of the men
inserted s in his ake
Now it's redundant. You're not going to insert your outside of something.
Consider: "Placed their s inside his shiitake."
Still isn't terribly funny, but it works rhythmically.
no, that's one too many in the last line
"placed their s in his ake"
and I thought it was funny enough.
Anyway, I was just trying to make the point that the limerick is much easier to understand than whatever lebomb was doing.
and by the way, I disagree on the redundancy. Use "insert" in a sentence with both subject and whatever the subject goes into to where by your rules, is not redundant. ie: not using the words "in or into".
I have never ever read such bootiful poetry. Good work.
I know............ I can barely type right now.
I have never ever read such bootiful poetry. Good work.
Im heartbrokens.........
My hoe is gone
I looked out the window
I paced the floor
I waited for the telephone to ring
she doesn't live here anymore
I spend my days
drinking beers
lost in memories
trenced in tears
I loved her
with all my heart
then she packed her bags
said she needed a new start
I cry
weep and moan
this is now just a house
no longer a home
I hear her voice
I can smell her hair
then I awake
just another nightmare
........ *reaches for a butterknife to end it all*
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