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I won't say anything about whether your daughter should go or not - I don't know her, you do. So I'm going to trust your judgement and just say that from the sound of it you did good.
But your mother in law did overstep her authority.
yes I do! Bring it on. I'll finally get to sleep an entire night without having to wake up for our baby's feedings.You have a comfy couch?
I won't say anything about whether your daughter should go or not - I don't know her, you do. So I'm going to trust your judgement and just say that from the sound of it you did good.
But your mother in law did overstep her authority.
yeah...I can see that point about "forcing" them to step out. And in this case, she would be in a protective environment. I guess personally, it would depend on my daughter. If I thought she needed the push, then maybe I would spend some extra effort convincing her to go and assuring her that it would be OK.
I guess the downside would be that the grandparents fall asleep on the beach and the daughter gets kidnapped.
That'll show heryes I do! Bring it on. I'll finally get to sleep an entire night without having to wake up for our baby's feedings.
Yep, that would suck.
I think you seem like a good dad. It seems like you care a lot. I am sure you will get the opposite advice which is fine. I am not going to fight for one side very hard, but even when you give a dog a little leash, they sometimes stay under your legs and you have to give a little kick to their behind to get them to walk ahead of you and use that leash.
I am absolutely going to regret my attempts to make my son and daughter more independent. No doubt. I think every parent looks back and wishes that they hugged and held and kept their kids longer (at least that is the way I feel at this stage, mayber when they are 18 I will be ready to kick them out - LOL). But I would regret it more if I didn't.
I still kiss my daughter's owies, I still hug and hold her every day. I still check her closet for the closet zombie and read her a story and tuck her in every night that I am home at bed time. I still feel bad about having to go to work and school so I don't get to see her much on certain days. It still KILLS me when she says "but I don't want you to go to school today." (thank god that is almost over) - So I am not some heartless bas working methodically toward making my kids a perfect adult. I just think that the lessons we teach them, and the traits we try to instill in them, even at an early age, are the foundations upon which they will be built later on in life.
At 12, I would have probably asked her why she was nervous, if she said she was nervous about being away from us, I probably would have discussed with her all of the traits that she had that would make her successful in this endeavour, how it would be fun, etc., slowly trying to build her confidence in her ability to do this, then remind her that even if she ran into an issue, her loving g-parents would be there to help her through. I would have told her that I would buy her a phone card, (then later told her that she should use it wisely because she would have to budget (x) amount of minutes across the vacation if she REALLY needed to talk to me.)......
Once again, this is just me, and I am basing this on an amalgram of myself, my sister (at 13 my sister spent an entire summer at the coast with my great grand parents), and what I think my daughter would be at 12. Your daughter could be entirely different. So if someone comes in after me and says something in response to this post like " that guy, raise your kids how you want" then they are probably as right as I am and I won't necessarily argue since telling people how to raise their kids is a touchy subject, even when advice is asked.
All that being said, I will say that I think that the in-laws overstepped their bounds and that if they wanted to discuss it further, that they should have gone through you to do so.
tl;dr: You are a horrible father and may god have mercy on your soul.
Maybe they could consider taking her on a shorter trip to some place closer in which she will feel comfortable. How about a quick trip to a Texas beach or something else after they get back from Cancun?
Thats a great idea.
We were already planning a weekender, maybe Galveston, although the beaches there suck, in a couple of weeks.
I think this is a really good post right here.I think you seem like a good dad. It seems like you care a lot. I am sure you will get the opposite advice which is fine. I am not going to fight for one side very hard, but even when you give a dog a little leash, they sometimes stay under your legs and you have to give a little kick to their behind to get them to walk ahead of you and use that leash.
I am absolutely going to regret my attempts to make my son and daughter more independent. No doubt. I think every parent looks back and wishes that they hugged and held and kept their kids longer (at least that is the way I feel at this stage, mayber when they are 18 I will be ready to kick them out - LOL). But I would regret it more if I didn't.
I still kiss my daughter's owies, I still hug and hold her every day. I still check her closet for the closet zombie and read her a story and tuck her in every night that I am home at bed time. I still feel bad about having to go to work and school so I don't get to see her much on certain days. It still KILLS me when she says "but I don't want you to go to school today." (thank god that is almost over) - So I am not some heartless bas working methodically toward making my kids a perfect adult. I just think that the lessons we teach them, and the traits we try to instill in them, even at an early age, are the foundations upon which they will be built later on in life.
At 12, I would have probably asked her why she was nervous, if she said she was nervous about being away from us, I probably would have discussed with her all of the traits that she had that would make her successful in this endeavour, how it would be fun, etc., slowly trying to build her confidence in her ability to do this, then remind her that even if she ran into an issue, her loving g-parents would be there to help her through. I would have told her that I would buy her a phone card, (then later told her that she should use it wisely because she would have to budget (x) amount of minutes across the vacation if she REALLY needed to talk to me.)......
Once again, this is just me, and I am basing this on an amalgram of myself, my sister (at 13 my sister spent an entire summer at the coast with my great grand parents), and what I think my daughter would be at 12. Your daughter could be entirely different. So if someone comes in after me and says something in response to this post like " that guy, raise your kids how you want" then they are probably as right as I am and I won't necessarily argue since telling people how to raise their kids is a touchy subject, even when advice is asked.
All that being said, I will say that I think that the in-laws overstepped their bounds and that if they wanted to discuss it further, that they should have gone through you to do so.
tl;dr: You are a horrible father and may god have mercy on your soul.
SpurinDallas. No doubt they overstepped their bounds. They should have at least approached you and your wife first before discussing things with your daughter.
But I do agree that 12 years old is a great time to push a little independence for her. Especially when it comes to decision making. More importantly she's a female and its a big deal IMO that young woman be capable of making decisions for themselves about what makes them happy. Not that I'm trying to jump to massive conclusion based on one little trip but a lot of women develop or don't develop strong independence and I think most of us can agree that a lot of abused woman lack the ability to make strong personal decision. Not to generalize because that's not my intent.
I definitely would have pushed the positive aspects of doing things on her own and outside the her normal level of comfort. Life is full of these instances.
But hey maybe next time a more productive approach with a full family team working together rather than behind each others backs.
But her strong personal decision was NOT to go. Would not letting her make this choice and not forcing her to do something against her wishes be in line with her developing the independence to do as she wishes. Dad was happy to have her go and respected her choice not to do so.
I may be wrong here, but I think Ploto was suggesting a trip with the grandparents, not you. Peel yourself away from the kid, S-i-D!Thats a great idea.
We were already planning a weekender, maybe Galveston, although the beaches there suck, in a couple of weeks.
I understand this. My point being that I would have at least promoted the idea of her going and doing something on her own outside of her typical security blanket of familiarity. But most certainly would have been fine with her decision to not go. I just would have suggested a little more introspection before coming to that decision.
I'm not judging the OP but it seemed like he just jumped the gun because of his own insecurities "oh you don't want to go...cool don't go"...just like that without much consideration. Maybe he was a little scared. Again I wasn't there and I don't mean to pick him apart. Just kinda going off what I read.
I got the impression that she was looking for validation for being scared and as a parent I don't typically validate those emotions for something like this. Not all the time of course but in this instance I would have attempted to liberate her a bit.
Yeah, I know...I may be wrong here, but I think Ploto was suggesting a trip with the grandparents, not you. Peel yourself away from the kid, S-i-D!
FWIW I would have been scared too. Not at the situation, but I am really wary of Mexico right now. Before you say "but cancun is far away from the trouble areas" just last year (or maybe a year and a half ago) the Mayor of cancun was arrested for conspiring with the cartels
Yeah, at first, I thought, awesome. She has really been a big help these past couple of weeks with the baby coming home so I was even asking my mother in law just the day before about how much spending money she would need. But once she said she wasn't comfortable going, I didn't push the issue. Maybe I should have. Who knows.
I had the same response to it being in Mexico. I would not go there and I am quite a bit older than 12. I know people who had major problems in the airport in Mexico.
Certainly a valid point. I'm definitely guilty of preaching to the essence of the topic without considering the specifics.
Mexico is certainly a more than legit concern.
Yeah. That's what I thought. So what. The girl doesn't want to go. Shouldn't it be what's comfortable with her? At 22 I can understand "intervening" but at 12?? And, no I don't have a kid. Just seems the kid's wishes aren't being taken into consideration.
Well does she legitimately not want to go or was just looking for an excuse or validation because she was scared to do something she's never done before.
I think there's a difference don't you.
She was just nervous going without us. We've been to Cancun about 8 times already, so she knows what its like out there and absolutely loves it too.
What ever is comfortable to the kid. She's going with her grandparents. What is she "scared" of? What could she be scared of? Now I don't know if she has other "scared" issues like sleeping with a night light, having trouble making friends at school and such, but to me what Did has laid out this little kid does not want to go. Should it be "gotten to the bottom of"? Maybe not. She's 12
I don't want to reach here but maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings by going and by saying she "doesn't" want to go she was actually looking for approval. Its a lot easier to do something with Mom and Dads blessing when you feel as though what you decide without their approval may hurt their feelings. You know "mom and dad want me to go and have a good time so I don't feel so bad leaving them behind".
Just saying.
She had my blessing. I told her days before if she wanted to go she could and I would give her money to spend out there. But when they needed her final answer last night, thats when she said she would be nervous to go without us because its far and she had never been away from us for that long. Maybe I should have eased her worries, but the thought of her being homesick without us 100's of miles away for a week killed me, so I told her she didn't have to go, and she was ok with it, actually seemed relieved.
Fair enough. Neither of us were there. I'm advocating a different perspective.
I know my son told me the other day he didn't want to go fishing with his uncle and wanted to stay home. I knew it was because I had to work and couldn't go to. He eventually went and had a good time. He just needed some prodding.
I know that's not the most comparable story but the point is that kids typically don't want to do that might hurt mom and dads feelings. That is until their about 16. Then its deliberate.
No one knows your kids better than you do.
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