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using celebrities as evidence
http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/21/opinio...tml?hpt=hp_bn7
(CNN) -- Kristen Stewart, Ryan Phillippe, LeAnn Rimes, Jude Law, Mark Sanford and Bill Clinton. What do they have in common?
Many are quick to label a person who strays from his or her marriage or relationship as a "cheater," but it's really not that simple. It's time for our culture to wake up and smell the sex pheromones: monogamy is not natural for many, or probably even most, humans.
With people living longer than ever before, a greater tolerance toward the human impulse to experience sexual variety is needed. Whether a person succeeds at being sexually monogamous depends as much on biology as environment.
History and biology suggest that strict monogamy, which has social advantages, is not a "one size" fits all proposition.
The rise of the love marriage
Marrying for love is a relatively new concept. Beginning with Enlightenment -- the cultural movement of the 18th and 19th centuries -- when the pursuit of happiness became a legitimate human pursuit, marrying for love slowly but surely became an aspiration in the Western world.
But for most of human history, marriage was primarily a socioeconomic transaction. Spending the rest of your life with someone was more about the protection of property and the sharing of labor than it was about romance.
The side effect of the rise of marriage as a romantic proposition was that sexual jealousy became a more prevalent ingredient in marriage than it had been previously. Over time, sexual fidelity has come to be regarded as the barometer of a successful marriage -- regardless of what science tells us about natural human inclinations.
Lovebirds cheat
Biologically, we humans are animals. So it makes sense to look to the animal kingdom for clues as to what we are built for. Let's start with birds. For some time, bird species such as lovebirds and penguins were celebrated among humans for their seemingly monogamous ways. About 90% of birds were thought to be strictly monogamous.
But DNA fingerprinting knocked birds off the monogamy perch. Analysis of avian DNA indicates that many nestlings' fathers are not their biological fathers.
This led experts to distinguish between unions that are sexually exclusive and those that are socially monogamous -- meaning a pair that raises a family together but indulges in what are called "extra pair copulations."
"Faithless pairing" is the norm
The evidence shows that monogamy is a rarity among mammals. Only 3% to 5% of all the mammal species on Earth "practice any form of monogamy." In fact, no mammal species has been proven to be truly monogamous.
One species, the prairie vole was subjected to scrutiny by biologists because it appeared to be truly monogamous. But it turns out that as a species, it just has a very high rate of sexual monogamy. Not every prairie vole resists straying.
Studies of prairie voles helped scientists understand that from a chemical and biological standpoint, sexual monogamy depends not just on particular hormones that are released in the brain, but on receptors for these hormones.
Among humans, here's the rub: we have the chemicals and the receptors, but it varies from person to person how much we have. Based on brain wiring alone, inclination toward fidelity can vary dramatically from one individual to another.
In other words, "once a cheater, always a cheater," might have as much to do with brain wiring as with a person's moral compass, upbringing or culture.
The bottom line is that flings are far from folly, at least in the animal kingdom. Even swans -- symbols of fidelity -- are not immune.
One partner for 50 years?
It's also important to look at human longevity with respect to cultural expectations of monogamy.
As recent as over 100 years ago, it was far more likely that an individual would lose his or her spouse at a young age. Remarriage by widows and widowers -- also known as serial monogamy -- was one way for humans to fulfill the need for sexual variety.
Today, the median age for first marriages is 28 for men and 26 for women. Disease is far less likely to kill someone in their prime and life expectancy hovers in the late 70s.
Because fidelity is considered the barometer of a successful marriage, this means that a person is theoretically expected to have one sexual partner for about 50 years.
This seems like a lot to expect of any human being -- even the most honorable, ethical and moral.
Those who are able to stay with one partner for a long haul are sometimes looked upon with awe. Certainly, a lasting and happy marriage tends to be far better for the children.
It has long been assumed that men struggle more with monogamy than women. Some experts have started to question this theory. With the development of a drug that promises to boost female libido, one can argue that sexual boredom and the temptation to stray is as big of an issue for women as it is for men, if not more so.
Human monogamy is influenced by many factors. Instead of pointing fingers or acting morally superior toward those who stray from marriages, we should recognize that strict sexual fidelity is a lofty but perhaps fundamentally doomed aspiration.
No two individuals, and no two couples are alike, and we should respect that.
Moreover, one's perspective on monogamy is not necessarily an indicator of one's personal practices. Many people have incorrectly assumed that because I've read, thought, and written about the problems with human monogamy that I am myself promiscuous.
For the record, nothing could be further from the truth. Nor am I, as many commenters on this Yahoo post suggested, a Satanist or a .
I am just a woman with a healthy respect for science.
My sources tell me that Tlong is right. Quite frankly it would be unnatural if even one woman wanted to be with him.
The problem is so many marry before they are ready for that commitment. Too young to be ready to settle down.
Nothing compares to ..making love...which is far different than just ing, dogs can just . All that strange pussy is fun but totally pales in comparision to what love and sex can bring. If I were to have an affair right now it would be a huge disappointment on all levels. First of all I wouldn't love her which is huge.
I ran the streets for a solid 10 years, had pussy in all shapes and..most....sizes ( no porkers). Yes it was fun, until I got bored with it and needed some actual.....emotions.
Young people should never consider marriage, it won't work. Too immature (just like I was) to have it work. And it won't work until you get tired of the party/strange pussy. Until you start getting bored with...."hi, what's your name, can I buy you a drink"...forget about it. It's when you no longer feel like playing that is it time to find Miss Lifetime and settle down and start living a real life.
Without love attached to it it really it just ing, fun but like Chinese food, your hungry again in a couple hours.
lol no, just the typical self-proclaimed "empowered" spinster cuhnt. We should be held to the same standards as lesser animals, regardless of people's emotions? I understand the excuse for cheating but it's lame as to just say "it's just natural"Many people have incorrectly assumed that because I've read, thought, and written about the problems with human monogamy that I am myself promiscuous.
I would the raw out of Mrs Judy....tbh I'm talking leaving ice packs on her swollen pussy when I'm done
agree. my goddess once said "I don't think humans are monogamous by nature, you need to put a lot of efforts in a relationship" and I totally agree on that, in fact I agree with her on everything she's ever said except for things in politics. My goddess doesn't know much about politics and that's why she's an Obama supporter
Agree. I never thought I would ever approve of anything you said but I have to agree on this one. Sex without emotion is kind of like masturbation, and both things are lame and pathetic.
"Young people should never consider marriage" is a golden point, I'm underlining this one and taking note of it in my textbook. Leykis also urges us to never ever consider getting married before the age of 30, which I believe is a rule of thumb that every youngster should follow, no matter female or male, black or white.
You can't eat real chinese food in a chinese restaurant imho, and chinese would've all starved to death if they eat every meal in the restaurant. Just eat a big bowl of chinese noodles in the morning and you won't feel hungry the whole day
I just showed her this, she told me.....aren't you a bit old to be taking to these little kids?I would the raw out of Mrs Judy....tbh I'm talking leaving ice packs on her swollen pussy when I'm done
Totally agree! Well said...
Nothing compares to making true love ....Nothing!
Impressive!
Not many people on here are willing to give glimpses into the beginning of their marital problems....
I disagree, young people can get married. It depends on the person and his or her values. A good majority of my friends all younger than 25 are married and some already have kids and they are doing just fine. It all depends on your outlook in life and your values. Not everyone is a hungry sex crazed addict. Also polygamous relationships can work in certain situations, in my opinion.
Monogamy is fine, tbh..
The problem is people that get married or partake in a long-term relationship before they have experienced a fulfilling single life and experienced all the "fun", carelessness, and sexual freedom that you should cherish before your late 20s, tbh..
That's the only way a person can truly be aware of what they are looking for in a marriage partner, tbh..they should have already pursued different paths with different people, while experiencing and fulfilling any curiosities during their younger years IMO..
I agree with the poster above that not everybody is obsessed with sex, but I believe everybody should have a few years alone to understand themselves, regardless of whether casual sex is part of the deal or not, tbh..
taking a big fat dump in the middle of the public is natural as well. it doesn't mean everyone should be doing it.
media just trying to destroy morals, cultures, society, etc per par
Wearing clothes is pretty unnatural too.
Don't get married or have children if that's how you feel. Pretty simple.
believing in polygamy is fine but it shouldn't be an excuse for straying. my goddess says humans are not monogamous by nature but it doesn't mean she allows herself to be promiscuous in her life, in fact, monogamy is the exact way she practices in her life, she has experienced 4-5 relationships with different men but she never has more than one guys at one time, and she gets tested for HIV twice a year which limpidly shows her strong sense of responsibility towards any sexual partner
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