Somthin' - a poem - by SpursforSix

[pgardn]

S46
Moving.

AVante

I use his poems as a laxative.

Avante, do your bowels ache when you drool?

[monosylab1k]

I normally don't share my softer side with the board but I wrote this poem today and thought it was uplifitng

Somethin'

Somethin' somethin'
In my pocket
Somethin' somethin'
Not a rocket
Somethin' somethin'
Just say "fok it"
I got me a sack of Takis

[Avante]

I would never act re ed just to troll (thinking I'm trolling when actually being trolled)

SFS can't do poetry, it's stupid . We all see it so why act dumb?

[DMC]

No I don't guy, been having my poems praised since I was a little kid.

Wrote a poem about falling for a creative writing class, teacher read it to the class, only poem she read. Then I had a english class that called for a poem, so I submitted that same poem, yep.....read to the class.

Not going to work little man, I know I'm good.

Give SFS a fictious situation and watch the mess, come on do it.

COMMON BEGINNERS' MISTAKES

1. Not pruning a poem.Extraneous comments at the beginning (before the poem really starts) at the end or in the middle.
2. Vague subjects. Poems about 'beauty', 'despair' etc rarely come off.
3. Stumbling rhythms and poor sound . Read your poems aloud, and listen to them.
4.Words or phrases from the wrong register - slang in a straightpoem,complicated words in a simple poem, afterthoughts and additionsnot in the same language flow.
5. Hackneyed subjects; slight subjects.
6.Stating the obvious, especially in the interpretation of yourobservations.Let your descriptions speak for themselves. Many goodsimiles and metaphors speak for themselves, too.
7. Prosiness, including lack of musicality or feeling.
8. Form * sonnet, villanelle, triolet, sestina etc * should seem to fit the poem like a dress must suit the wearer.
9.Predictable rhyme. Rhyme has many good uses. Don't misuse it. A usefultrick is to put the more common word of a rhyming pair first. Also totreat rhyme as wit, and make sure it is witty.

[Avante]

COMMON BEGINNERS' MISTAKES

1. Not pruning a poem.Extraneous comments at the beginning (before the poem really starts) at the end or in the middle.
2. Vague subjects. Poems about 'beauty', 'despair' etc rarely come off.
3. Stumbling rhythms and poor sound . Read your poems aloud, and listen to them.
4.Words or phrases from the wrong register - slang in a straightpoem,complicated words in a simple poem, afterthoughts and additionsnot in the same language flow.
5. Hackneyed subjects; slight subjects.
6.Stating the obvious, especially in the interpretation of yourobservations.Let your descriptions speak for themselves. Many goodsimiles and metaphors speak for themselves, too.
7. Prosiness, including lack of musicality or feeling.
8. Form * sonnet, villanelle, triolet, sestina etc * should seem to fit the poem like a dress must suit the wearer.
9.Predictable rhyme. Rhyme has many good uses. Don't misuse it. A usefultrick is to put the more common word of a rhyming pair first. Also totreat rhyme as wit, and make sure it is witty.

Little man, did ya miss.....since I was a little kid? I've wrote 10,000 poems at least, a beginner....hahahahaha~~~~~~~~~


You write a poem guy, show us how it's done, ok?

[DMC]

He's not only the UNDISPUTED ST Expert on Track and Blues, but he's also the poet laureate of this place.

Is there nothing SFS doesn't do expertly?

This is why he's no good at anything, really. When you think you're great, you have no reason to get better. You just walk into a bar in Olongapo and take the first child you see.

[DMC]

That Day in Olongapo (as told by victim)

Of all the hardships
that Ive endured
I'n this 40 years of mine
One awful moment
trumps them all
frozen there in time

The day that sailor
walked into that bar
and asked me for a light
Little did I know he'd try
to follow me home that night

A burly man that smelled of sweat
a stench I can't forget
And as he lurched and fell on me
and crushed my cigarettes

But then he stopped and blurted out
"you should see me draw"
And from his crotch he pulled a pen
And scribbled on the wall

I didn't even glance at it
My eyes were already fixed
On the lump of sagging lard
that dwarfed his tiny

We never even had sex that night
He couldn't come to bat
He couldn't even reach the thing
Beneath that ing fat

So as he snored a short time later
I rolled from beneath hsi arm
And left for him a letter
That spoke of all his charm

He still thinks, even now
That he gave it to me good
And that I was twelve years old girl
and that he laid the wood

But I'm actually a grown man now
My life has been much funner
The only thing that's left from then
Is this list of ty runners


I did this in the spur of the moment. It's better than anything Avante ever did, even the ones he has stuck to his refrigerator.

[Avante]

That Day in Olongapo (as told by victim)

Of all the hardships
that Ive endured
I'n this 40 years of mine
One awful moment
trumps them all
frozen there in time

The day that sailor
walked into that bar
and asked me for a light
Little did I know he'd try
to follow me home that night

A burly man that smelled of sweat
a stench I can't forget
And as he lurched and fell on me
and crushed my cigarettes

But then he stopped and blurted out
"you should see me draw"
And from his crotch he pulled a pen
And scribbled on the wall

I didn't even glance at it
My eyes were already fixed
On the lump of sagging lard
that dwarfed his tiny

We never even had sex that night
He couldn't come to bat
He couldn't even reach the thing
Beneath that ing fat

So as he snored a short time later
I rolled from beneath hsi arm
And left for him a letter
That spoke of all his charm

He still thinks, even now
That he gave it to me good
And that I was twelve years old girl
and that he laid the wood

But I'm actually a grown man now
My life has been much funner
The only thing that's left from then
Is this list of ty runners


I did this in the spur of the moment. It's better than anything Avante ever did, even the ones he has stuck to his refrigerator.

Little man, work with me, ok?

Those bars made their $$$$$$$ selling liguor, ok, ya with me? The drinking age.....18.....got it slugger....18...ok? Now think just a little bit you can do this. Why would bars have kids in there who couldn't hustle drinks? Well? If you think 12/13 kids sat around in bars doing nothing, you really are stupid.

And, forget poetry guy, that was bad, ok?

Little man, at no time did I ever see anyone I thought was too young to be in a bar, ok? So stop acting like a ing re , ok? If I'd seen some kid I'm asking the manager why kids are in his bar.....got it? Ya don't go to bars to be pestered with dumbass little kids, ok?

[DMC]

[Avante]

Little people.....


I was in Olongapo in 69,70 and 71, back then the thing was selling kids on the streets, not in the bars, ok? Little dude...."I got young girl, come cheap, you ok" ....which got a..."beat it midget". Anyone thinking little kids were sitting on bar stools......hahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Had to be 18 to drink, little kids in there not drinking would just be in the way, so all this stupid about young girls in bars I never saw. Sure, some of those....I 18...were 16 and lying, but when you're only 19-20 yourself.....no worries. Those bars were full of full grown women, who had a ton of experience, so stop acting totally ignorant. ok midgets?

[Avante]

Dude, are you really as stupid as ya act?

[Avante]

"Olongapo'

I was sitting on a bar stool
in Olongapo City
thinking about
my home back in Philly

when she came over
and set right down
told me her name was Joannie
and how long would the ship
be in town

I told I was Avante
and really didn't know
how long we'd be
in Olongapo

I bought her a drink
make it a few
it's what she was there for
what these girls do

we danced
all night long
until the bar closed
and everyone was gone


we ended up
out on the beach
talking about her family
and my home
so far out of reach

[SpursforSix]

I'm A by cantthinkofanything (circa 2012)

I'm the gerbil in your ass with the Freddy Kruger claws
I'm a trigger happy ni##er that never takes a pause
I'm a hot load that you just can't take
I'm a bloody loose stool on your birthday cake
I'm a twoouncekidneystone that you'll never pass
I'm the corn in your poop from the cob in your ass
I'm Gary ing Neal on the vomit train
I'm MattBonner talent with Lloyd Daniels brains
I'm a Jewish Nazi that's beyond belief
I'm a wine connoisseur with rodent teeth
I'm a circus ballerina. I'm a foppish dancer
I'm a double amputee with testicular cancer
I'm a dirty diaper and panty hose
I'm a foot model with hammer toes
I'm a green submarine with opposable thumbs
I'm Alex Van Halen on electric drums
I'm the black lover in a mixed up tryst
I'm Kid Dynamite with lubricated fists

[Avante]

I'm A by cantthinkofanything (circa 2012)

I'm the gerbil in your ass with the Freddy Kruger claws
I'm a trigger happy ni##er that never takes a pause
I'm a hot load that you just can't take
I'm a bloody loose stool on your birthday cake
I'm a twoouncekidneystone that you'll never pass
I'm the corn in your poop from the cob in your ass
I'm Gary ing Neal on the vomit train
I'm MattBonner talent with Lloyd Daniels brains
I'm a Jewish Nazi that's beyond belief
I'm a wine connoisseur with rodent teeth
I'm a circus ballerina. I'm a foppish dancer
I'm a double amputee with testicular cancer
I'm a dirty diaper and panty hose
I'm a foot model with hammer toes
I'm a green submarine with opposable thumbs
I'm Alex Van Halen on electric drums
I'm the black lover in a mixed up tryst
I'm Kid Dynamite with lubricated fists

Stick to the silly and the stupid, it's you.

Classic Hart Crane

THE HIVE

Up the chasm walls of my bleeding heart
Humanity pecks, claws, sobs and climbs
Up the inside, and over every part
Of the hive of the world that is my heart

Half of it anyway.

[Avante]

"Ghost"

it was pushin' midnight
out here on the west coast
when I saw something
looked like a ghost

I wasn't afraid
just curious that's all
when this thing
begin to crawl up the wall

I was cool with that
I had my Louisville Slugger
baseball bat

I watched this thing
slither all around
first on the ceiling
then down on the ground

not sure what it was
or who might fit
all I know
is it look like

it finally
crawled out the door
and down the street
that's when I called it a night
and went back to sleep

[Avante]

Speaking of Davey Crockett.


I saw Fess Parker as Davey in that Disney version back in the 50's, I was just a kid and didn't know this was a true story. I thought it was just a show, fiction.

There was Davey vs Redstick the indian. The following week Davey vs Mike....ah...forget and I'm thinking his days in poltics. The last week..The Alamo.

So I keep thinking somehow Davey gets out of this, yep.....a happy ending. So when the Mexican army storms the walls and it's just Davey.......what???? If ya remember all we see is the shadow of Davey swinging Ole Betsy as the Mexican Army overwelms him, yep.........I cried. So that Halloween I paid homage to Davey by dressing up in buckskin with my bb gun as Ole Betsy and a coonskin cap.

Ended up in the Times Delta newspaper, a picture of me/Davey.....trick or treat.

[DD]

SFS poem this...

It's pushin' midnight, a lone sailor is on lookout, he sees the lights of Hong Kong harbor, take it.

Lights in the distance
Of an Asian shore
I set sail in an instant
For some underage s

[DMC]

"Olongapo'

I was sitting on a bar stool
in Olongapo City
thinking about
my home back in Philly

when she came over
and set right down
told me her name was Joannie
and how long would the ship
be in town

I told I was Avante
and really didn't know
how long we'd be
in Olongapo

I bought her a drink
make it a few
it's what she was there for
what these girls do

we danced
all night long
until the bar closed
and everyone was gone


we ended up
out on the beach
talking about her family
and my home
so far out of reach

She was only twelve
I was twenty two
When you're desperate
Anything will do

She said "please stop"
I just kept going
How long would I last
She had no way of knowing

Twenty seconds later
I'm ing on her face
Instead of into her bald cooch
but it's legal in this place

Now I am an old man
living in my garage
fantasizing about my life
my past is a mirage

Shout outs to Skanky britches Jackson and Mike "Full Nelson" Davidson

[SpursforSix]

That Day in Olongapo (as told by victim)

Of all the hardships
that Ive endured
I'n this 40 years of mine
One awful moment
trumps them all
frozen there in time

The day that sailor
walked into that bar
and asked me for a light
Little did I know he'd try
to follow me home that night

A burly man that smelled of sweat
a stench I can't forget
And as he lurched and fell on me
and crushed my cigarettes

But then he stopped and blurted out
"you should see me draw"
And from his crotch he pulled a pen
And scribbled on the wall

I didn't even glance at it
My eyes were already fixed
On the lump of sagging lard
that dwarfed his tiny

We never even had sex that night
He couldn't come to bat
He couldn't even reach the thing
Beneath that ing fat

So as he snored a short time later
I rolled from beneath hsi arm
And left for him a letter
That spoke of all his charm

He still thinks, even now
That he gave it to me good
And that I was twelve years old girl
and that he laid the wood

But I'm actually a grown man now
My life has been much funner
The only thing that's left from then
Is this list of ty runners


I did this in the spur of the moment. It's better than anything Avante ever did, even the ones he has stuck to his refrigerator.

I think I'll have to defer to DMC as the poetry expert.

[SpursforSix]

Lights in the distance
Of an Asian shore
I set sail in an instant
For some underage s

Although DD definitely shows potential with this offering.

[rjv]

[Avante]

Just like with them blues and track, nobody here knows anything.

I can only do so much.

[Avante]

Lights in the distance
Of an Asian shore
I set sail in an instant
For some underage s

The mistake everyone keeps making is this...

They get married at 14 over there, cool this stupid...underage...bull .

[Avante]

Work with me here midgets.

You are all alone in a foxhole somewhere in Germany during the war, peeking out ya see you are surrounded and the bad guys are moving in, poem it.


Get off the cartoon bull , can any of you? Cool....I'm an idiot..ok?

Prediction...somebody will now take my....I'm an idiot...and play it as if I said that about myself, so predictable and....simple.

[Avante]

When I got into H.P.Lovecraft I had to get into Edgar Allan Poe also. I had no idea Poe was the poet he was. His The Raven a masterpierce.

I like Harold Monro, love this....

Solitude

When you have tidied all things for the night
And while your thoughts are fading to their sleep
You'll pause a moment in the late firelight
Too sorrowful to weep

Then it goes on.

Highly recommend.....The Great Poems....a Concise book by Louis Untermeyer (complled the poems) 1942