Girl Trouble....

[Mixability]

Triumph is right, whats gonna happen next week when your tired of ole girl? The baby's daddy will have been cut off and you'll be gone too. Then the cycle of boyfriends will begin. Most women who are used to abuse will seek out those relationships and the child will be the innocent victim.

If your serious about this girl and her child then ask her to marry you and adopt that child. If you do that you will make a world of a diffrence in the childs life for the best. If not let her make her own decisions.

I'm very serious about this girl and I'm old enough to settle down. I would love to start a family already, having a kid already gives us a headstart! If we do get married, does that affect the custody issue? Does a judge take into consideration that we'd have a more stable household?

Thanks for everyones help.

[Mixability]

3. If she hasnt gone to court to establish custody rights, he can legally take the baby and not have to return him to your gf. If there isnt a court order custody, custody goes to the person who has physical possession of the child. So he can take the child, refuse to return the baby and even the cops cant force him to give the baby back.

This is what worries me the most. He's tried taking off with the baby before....on Christmas Eve most recently. So my gf has decided that he will not see the baby unless its at our place with supervision. He doesn't really have a choice any more, since he doesn't even have transportation any more. We've told him that he could've taken the baby more often if he'd just get his own baby stuff(car seat/bottles/formula), but he's just blown that off. Now he has to wait until he hears from our lawyer.

[Hot Daisy]

You should do what you think is best for your girlfriend and child...I'm sure she wants the best for her child as well...this is a very sticky situation and I believe in due time things will settle down. Good luck with all. Prayers will be with you and your family (even if your not married yet).

[SpursWoman]

It doesn't matter if the guy is a pothead and slightly negligent.

Huh? You'd have no problem sending off your little baby with a pothead who is "slightly" negligent?

She has every right to withhold any kind of visitation if she has legitimate cause for concern that she is sending her baby into a potentially dangerous situation.

Let him get an attorney to fight it.

[spurjur]

I've been in this situation before. Its very hard. I'll never put myself in a position like this ever again. My ex and I were together for one year without the baby's daddy ever being around because he never knew about me or never visited the baby.

Well, let me just tell you that I seriously doubt the father will give up his rights. If you can deal with having him around then go for it, if not, break the relationship off because all kinds of arguments occur.

[Mixability]

Huh? You'd have no problem sending off your little baby with a pothead who is "slightly" negligent?

She has every right to withhold any kind of visitation if she has legitimate cause for concern that she is sending her baby into a potentially dangerous situation.

Let him get an attorney to fight it.

Exactly, I would never let my child go with anyone whom I didn't trust. We had let the baby go with him this one time, because he said he was going to take him to see his grandmother. But on our (my gf and I) night out, we saw his vehicle at his friends house, which is no biggie, other than that it's practically a crackhouse. I'm not just saying that just assuming because he's a pothead. My gf used to go with him to that house and she says its basically an "afterschool special waiting to be filmed".

[Mixability]

Well, let me just tell you that I seriously doubt the father will give up his rights. If you can deal with having him around then go for it, if not, break the relationship off because all kinds of arguments occur.

Break it off? Not gonna happen. I'd deal with his , before I give up on someone I love. You obviously didn't care about your girl that much then. The baby is an "added incentive" not "baggage".

[Tres_Till_it_MHz]

Sounds like you pretty much know what you want to do, all we can do now is wish the best for you.

Much props on being a man and taking care of anothers biological child. Kids are tough but are very rewarding as well, once again good luck brah.

[Mixability]

Sounds like you pretty much know what you want to do, all we can do now is wish the best for you.

Much props on being a man and taking care of anothers biological child. Kids are tough but are very rewarding as well, once again good luck brah.

I know what I want her to do, but I'll leave the decision to her, since I feel it should be up to her. We had quite a few drunken offers of "taking care of the problem" over the Christmas holiday. Alcohol makes my relatives think they're all hitmen!

[MannyIsGod]

I would take the proper legal action, but you have to tread very carefully. Kids aren't always logical when it comes to parents. It is very easy for a horrible parent to be the good guy in the childs eyes, but in the end you both should do what is best for the child.

I would go to court and do what I could to limit the contact the father has.

[Summers]

Huh? You'd have no problem sending off your little baby with a pothead who is "slightly" negligent?

She has every right to withhold any kind of visitation if she has legitimate cause for concern that she is sending her baby into a potentially dangerous situation.

Let him get an attorney to fight it.

What I meant was the kid still has a right to know his father. I'm not saying I'd send my kid off unsupervised with him, especially if there's a history of violence, but I'm really disturbed by how often women try to completely cut off a father from their child. There are worse things than getting high and not changing a diaper. , my husband's an excellent father, but he'll let my son wallow around in a poopy diaper until I get back from the store just because he doesn't like changing them. (Sadly, that's true).

I absolutely agree she has a right to withhold visits... UNTIL she gets the situation sorted out. But if she just cuts him off, she's the one who has to answer to the kid when he's a teenager and starts asking questions about who his father is and how come he's never met him. If it were you, and your mom told you she stopped letting your father see you when you were an infant because you came back from his place smelling like weed and your diaper was wet, how would you feel? This guy may be a royal asshole, but she bred with him and she has a duty to her child to stay connected to him.

[2Blonde]

What I meant was the kid still has a right to know his father. I'm not saying I'd send my kid off unsupervised with him, especially if there's a history of violence, but I'm really disturbed by how often women try to completely cut off a father from their child. There are worse things than getting high and not changing a diaper. , my husband's an excellent father, but he'll let my son wallow around in a poopy diaper until I get back from the store just because he doesn't like changing them. (Sadly, that's true).

I absolutely agree she has a right to withhold visits... UNTIL she gets the situation sorted out. But if she just cuts him off, she's the one who has to answer to the kid when he's a teenager and starts asking questions about who his father is and how come he's never met him. If it were you, and your mom told you she stopped letting your father see you when you were an infant because you came back from his place smelling like weed and your diaper was wet, how would you feel? This guy may be a royal asshole, but she bred with him and she has a duty to her child to stay connected to him.

How her teenager feels in fifteen years is irrelevant. Teenagers are mad at at their parents for beings alive. Her job is to be a parent not a friend to her child. All she has to do is what she feels is in his best interests. The child won't understand anymore than he would understand if she told him she let him spend time with a drugged out father because she didn't want to sever a relationship that was unhealthy for her son. The only duty she has is to her son. She owes her ex nothing. The child is the focus here. Breeding with someone, as you so eloquently put it, doesn't put their rights ahead of the child. Let the courts deal with him. If they think he's a fit parent then so be it but don't let your girlfriend stress herself out over it. When the child is grown, he will understand the sacrifices you two have made. Just take the high road and always try not to bad mouth his bio father in front of him. I know it's hard but it will pay off in the end. THey see the truth for themselves eventually. It took my daughter 13 years before she wised up.

[SpursWoman]

They see the truth for themselves eventually.

I have 2 different friends that experienced the same thing...it's very unfortunate for everyone, but they actually grew up to resent their dad for being an irresponsible POS and causing their mother (who took care of them all alone) all of the hardship. The kids aren't blind or stupid...and are going to go with the one who was there for them. If the dad can't grow up and get his head on straight and misses out on his child's life, tough . I just don't have a lot of sympathy for people like that. Fortunately, my daughter is finally starting to come around...eventually my son will, too.

[Mixability]

How her teenager feels in fifteen years is irrelevant. Teenagers are mad at at their parents for beings alive. Her job is to be a parent not a friend to her child. All she has to do is what she feels is in his best interests. The child won't understand anymore than he would understand if she told him she let him spend time with a drugged out father because she didn't want to sever a relationship that was unhealthy for her son. The only duty she has is to her son. She owes her ex nothing. The child is the focus here. Breeding with someone, as you so eloquently put it, doesn't put their rights ahead of the child. Let the courts deal with him. If they think he's a fit parent then so be it but don't let your girlfriend stress herself out over it. When the child is grown, he will understand the sacrifices you two have made. Just take the high road and always try not to bad mouth his bio father in front of him. I know it's hard but it will pay off in the end. THey see the truth for themselves eventually. It took my daughter 13 years before she wised up.

best advice ever!

I just want the best for the boy. If his father was a little better with basic duties then I'd be all for letting him have the baby for a weekend or so. But when the baby comes back with 1 less bottle than he left with after 24 hours, a dirty diaper and wearing the same clothes he left with, I came to my own conclusions. I let my gf make the decision to limit the contact after that, because I didn't want to get in her business. We're currently waiting on a call from our lawyer to see what our next steps are. I'm prepared to legally become the father if necessary. Wow, I might be a Dad soon!

[Mixability]

The day Danyo becomes a father is the day Sequ will grow hair on his head.

Thanks for your great contribution to the thread....

Jealous because I don't have a reproduction limiting STD?

[Summers]

How her teenager feels in fifteen years is irrelevant.

It's absolutely not irrelevant. Way too many young men grow up not knowing their fathers and they turn into pissed off angry young men. It is in this child's best interest to let him know who his father is, for better or for worse. That doesn't mean the father has to be allowed week-long visitations. But this trend of erasing a child's father from his life as if he never existed really disturbs me.

She owes her ex nothing. The child is the focus here. Breeding with someone, as you so eloquently put it, doesn't put their rights ahead of the child.

That is my point exactly. I am talking about the child's rights.

Let the courts deal with him. If they think he's a fit parent then so be it but don't let your girlfriend stress herself out over it. When the child is grown, he will understand the sacrifices you two have made. Just take the high road and always try not to bad mouth his bio father in front of him. I know it's hard but it will pay off in the end. THey see the truth for themselves eventually. It took my daughter 13 years before she wised up.

My father was a heroin addict when we returned home from Vietnam and knocked up my mother. Our relationship is beginning to repair itself, but in the meantime, I've had the immense pleasure of knowing his parents and and other family members, all wonderful people. My mother had the court arrange supervised visits, and he chose not to take them, but in the meantime, I grew up knowing his family and who he is. I'd be pissed if my mother removed that opportunity from me.

[Mixability]

My father was a heroin addict when we returned home from Vietnam and knocked up my mother. Our relationship is beginning to repair itself, but in the meantime, I've had the immense pleasure of knowing his parents and and other family members, all wonderful people. My mother had the court arrange supervised visits, and he chose not to take them, but in the meantime, I grew up knowing his family and who he is. I'd be pissed if my mother removed that opportunity from me.

Your mother could've easily let you know his family without dealing with him. It's been done, my older brothers and sisters went through it. I'd be pissed if Mom would've let me have access to such a horrible example of a man. Good thing my father knows what it takes to be a real father.