Thats why I am going to the doctor to see if I am bi-polar. I havent confirmed it with him yet. I just did some reasearch and saw the signs and symptons of being bi-polar relate to me so much so I felt like it was right on the money. I was taking zoloft to handle my bad anxiety that I suffer from since January 2005. You are totally right about learning to love yourself. Its my biggest hurdle is doing that.
As for this girl, I am more than convinced that I need to break things off but I am a person who prefers to do this face to face. Text messages/phone call/ or email isnt the route I want to go.
God has already figured it out for you. It's just a matter of reading the bible and leaving your trouble in his hands. You will not do better than that.
I would suggest reading Matthew 6:25-33
26" Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Nevertheless, get diagnosed by a medical professional. As Kori said, Lithium is usually prescribed to bi-polar people..
I agree with this statement. IMO the worst thing you can do is continue to talk to her on a "friendship" level. That never works especially if you still have feelings for shorty. Just find something else to occupy your time away. Go out with your boys, give us Spurs fans up on here, a number of things to keep your mid off of her. It will be kinda difficult at first, but after a few weeks to a month you will be over her, and talking about another girl you met.
If he still likes her it's gonna be hard for him to ignore her at first, even if he does have other females he talks to. At least at first anyway. I've been down that road before. I'd be like, yeah I'll just ignore her calls when she calls me.... Puuuulease that didn't work for crap let me tell you that!
Yup. Gotta break it off clean, both with the person and IN YOUR OWN MIND. Every time you catch yourself dreaming about her, and "maybe", you've got to kill that thought and keep doing it until you don't have those thoughts any more.
Well, good luck with the doctor. The percentage of people that are really bi-polar is relatively low. You could just be going through a rough time and just need time to work through things, God's help to get you there, or maybe counseling and medication.
Like other posters have suggested, praying is a good thing.
I have dealt with two people ever who are actually bi-polar. It's pretty rough - days of depression where the person physically can't get out of bed, followed by days and days of mania where they can't bring themselves down from the high - and sometimes a lot of rage somewhere between.
But if you can find the right balance of medication, you can easily lead a regular and very happy life.
Just be careful in your diagnosis. Lithium is a strong drug.
I'm glad you felt like you could post your problems here.
I suggest you deal with the girl and end it as soon as you can. It's not healthy for either of you to be in an half-ass relationship when you are dealing with bigger issues.
Man that is pretty rough. I guess I will know answers once I get tested for it and all. I am glad I could actually post my problems on here and people could give me some advice and all. I just really needed to get this off my chest and I saw how the club is for "discussing anything on your mind/ letting it all hang out" so I did just that.
If ending this as soon as possible is the way to go, then I guess doing it in person is no longer an option. I just remembered that she plans on coming up here this Saturday/Sunday and I am leaving out of town either Friday or Saturday morning. I really appreciate the help from you and everybody else in thread. This has really helped me a lot.
Obviously only my opinion, but I wouldn't let her come all the way up there with the primary intention of spending time with you and then telling her you don't want to be friends anymore. It doesn't have to be face to face by any common thinking since you two were never more than friends. But if she drives any significant time to have you say hey I can't be friends with you anymore, that's not really fair if you put yourself in her shoes.
I think when you work your way into seeing someone one last time that's really your subconscious hoping that everything falls into place, not a finalization of the breakup. I don't think in the court of sense you're obligated to say this in person.
I obviously don't know all the answers, nor am I trying to diagnose in any way, shape or form. The OP asked for assistance and I responded with what know to be helpful. It definitely won't be helpful to all and it may or may not work in the case of the OP's situation. But it DID work for me.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression 9 years ago in 1997 in Mcallen, diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in 2000 in San Antonio, diagnosed again with both in 2004 in Chicago. During those years I was on Zoloft, trileptal, paroxetine, budeprion xl, and depakote (not all at once, ofcourse). I did regularly take these medications according to the directions from the MD, and for the amount of time that they requested. They never helped. I am NOT a doctor and I'm not saying that these medications won't work in any case, just that they did nothing in mine.
The biggest thing that I didn't like was that I felt completely helpless when it came to the problems in my life. I thought that there was nothing I could do in life that could make me feel better because the chemicals in my brain wouldn't let that happen. It was people, like the people in this thread, that helped me with their advice and I took it upon myself to actually change my entire way of thinking.
However, it absolutely was NOT something that happened overnight (obviously). It was years and years of advice (sometimes downright mean advice) from friends, strangers and the like, that I ignored and ignored because I thought my body wouldn't allow me to be happy.
Dirk, would this girl be your first GF or relationship if she happened to feel the same way about you? This sounds like a heavy heavy crush on someone that would typically come from an inexperienced guy. (That's not a jab, just a question, we've all been there)
I ask because sometimes a girl can be put on a pedestal if that is the case, which is what really can make it hard to break off contact and throw away your feelings towards her, especially if you are getting a little bit older (20, 21, 22ish) and are perhaps starting to wonder if you will ever find that special person... I say this because if that is the situation, everything gets magnified. You fall for her that much more, you get that much more sad when she doesn't feel the same way, and it would eventually lead to wondering if you will ever have someone etc etc... Which to me isn't real depression exactly... it's more heavy worrying and feeling of rejection towards a mind that hasn't had to deal with it before..
All you can do is focus on what you can control. This is not a magic solution, for there is none. Just buckle down, make sure that you take care of what you need to do with respect to your studies and career. Seeking medical help is not a bad idea, but just know that someday you will have made it through this and it will seem trivial. It sucks now, but you'll get through it.
Fair enough, sounds like you've been through a lot. I thought you may have been one of those "you're too weak - get over it" types who look from the outside and think that it's the person's fault that they are ed up, but obviously not. I apologise if I was harsh.
The line between feeling "down" for an extended period and clinical depression/bipolar disorder is a really difficult one, and there is a lot of over-diagnosing going on. Also, falling into a victim mentality is never going to help anyone recover from their problems. Nor is pretending those problems aren't sometimes physiologically based. Very difficult area.
There is one glaring piece of advice coming out of this thread though, and that is don't muck around with this girl, Dirk. From personal experience, I vouch for that one. Cut it quick and clean and never speak to her again as long as you feel anything for her, because that road is a world of pain and will only be exacerbated by your other issues.
to every word you typed
I kinda feel bad having that quote in my sig now.
You're pretty gutsy for posting this. Hope you feel better....................................
I kinda feel bad having that quote in my sig now.
Keep it in their. Basketball is just a game. I know that.
Agreed.
And respect from a troll! Even better!
Hang in there, sort out the stuff you have control over, and remember that your whole life can change in an instant - the key is putting yourself out in the world.
You can't underestimate the power of positive thought. Our brains have the capability to do some really wonderful and powerful things if we learn how to use it. In my life I've found positive thinking is habitual, and once you get it going things are much easier in life to digest. If you have a strong and reliable family, let them help you too. Drugs alone can't change a person's mentality, you have to really want to change it and be willing to do what it takes as well.
That's true, but the point I was trying to make is that sometimes things go beyond the realm that positive thought alone can affect. ie brain physiology.
I watched my girlfriend go from a stable, happy person to clinical depression over a 3 month period, during which none of the rest of us (her family and friends and myself) could do anything to help. She also blamed herself for feeling that way.
I finally convinced her to see a psychiatrist, she was prescribed some drugs for a while, and she got a lot of rest (she had been working 80 hour weeks for 4 years then a bunch of things went wrong in her life all at once). She was able to stop the drugs and get back to normal after about 4 months and has been mostly free of depression in the two years since.
All I'm saying is that sometimes positive thinking isn't quite enough, and also that depressed people can blame themselves for their inability to feel better through positive thinking alone. At least that's what happened with my ex.
I have to admit - I hadn't read anything you posted in this thread before replying to the OP. Proper diagnosis and drugs if needed are essential, but so is having the will to better yourself and your condition. Negative thinking kills that and facilitates depression no matter how many drugs you ingest. You have to have the foundation of a positive outlook before anything will change for the better.
For the first 17 years I either wasnt interested or didnt have a pair of nuts to ask a girl out on a date. My senior year of high school I have the it at ude. Talk to this girl in one of my classes alot and it looked like things were going great. Our first/last date she constantly talks about memories with her ex boyfriend. "Let me pay for your ticket...it was what I did on me and my ex b/f's first date" "Lets sit in the middle...it is where me and my b/f sat" I was pissed and I ditched her at the theater and said trying to date the rest of my senior year.
I start college and more bad luck arrives. The first girl was so insecure with herself that we stopped talking. The 2nd girl was a friend who didnt have the same feelings as me. The 3rd was this recent one. I have had nothing but bad luck when it comes to dating. I have had a number of chances to do friends with benefits but the people I had a chance to do that with I liked a lot more than just wanting to them. That easily would of ed me up emotionally. I have guy friends who have girl friends and they tend to be in the right situation but it isnt like that for me at all.
I agree with this post. About five years ago, I had anxiety attacks bad. I never got treated medically for them. All I did was pray. Everyday I prayed. It was all in my mind. God pulled me out of that and I can't say I haven't gotten an attack since, but when an attack tries to creep in, I pray right away and decide that its all in my mind. Our mind is a battlefield. Where always going back and forth on things.
I think you should cut your ties with this girl right away. Don't be a jerk about it, but do it fast. You should surround yourself with people who are going to build you up, not bring you down. I feel you man and I wish you the best. I will pray for you as I pray for myself.
Just remember that you're one of God's children and He would do anything for his child.
Speaking of my situation, I tried to call her but it went straight to her voicemail so I sent her an email telling her that being friends isnt going to work. I explained why it wont work and I told her to be happy. At the moment I can honestly say I feel better. Also thank you to the poster/posters who told me that relying on people to have happiness is the wrong way to go. That helped really cleared some issues up. I need to be selfish/self-centered about this part of my life and not rely on people to make me happy.
Way to go man. You're on your way. Saying goodbye to a girl is very hard, but the faster you do it, the better. You are the only one who can decide on whether you're joyful or the opposite. People who you develop relationships can alter that inner joy you have. You have to be smart enough to cut those people who take that joy away.
I'm not a doctor, I just pretend to be one on the internet. My advice is this: GET A HOBBY! Doesn't matter what it is, but hopefully something you enjoy spending a lot of time doing. Personally I wouldn't trust a psych doctor any further than I could throw him. If you want to be bipolar I can almost guarantee that is how they will diagnose you. They will prescribe you drugs just to see if it makes you feel better without knowing for certain if they are appropriate. You need to occupy your mind with something positive. Don't starting smoking weed or other drugs. That will only make things worse eventually. If you fixate on a failed relationship with some chick it will only cause you pain.
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